Whole family cruise - Help me keep sane!

[K&RCurt]

So DW and I booked a cruise for our entire family this October on the Eurodam. It is basically a repeart of the cruise DW and I took last year for our 20th Anniversary. We had such a great time and we wanted to cruise with the whole family so we booked (and are paying for) the cruise.

Attending will be Myself and DW, DS who is 16, DD#1 along with her fiance both 24 and DD#2 with her fiance both 23.

The deal was DW and I paid for the cruise and for everingthing for DS. DDs and fiances were to make their own arrangements to travel to the port, hotel the night before and any shorex, on board expenses.

Now the issue. When I booked the room the night before the cruise for myself, DW and DS, I let the DDs know where we were staying. DD#2 talked to DD#1 and they agreed to share a room for the 4 of them and split the cost. DD#2 made the reservation with her cc.

So the week before last airfares came out for the flights down to FLL for the cruise. I bought tickets for myself, DW and DS and gave the kids the "heads up" on out flights. DD#2 booked the same flight for her and her fiance. DD#1 basically ignored the whole thing. We were all together over Easter thi spast weekend. DD#2 and her fiance live some distance from us and were trying to decide whether to fly out of PHL or BWI as they are about the same distance from both. At this point DD#2 said "I think we will just fly down on the day of the cruise...It doesn't leave until 5:00 and it's such a pain to rush to the airport after work!"

So, IMO this A) Risks them not making the cruise if there are delays that day and B) Sticks her sister with the hotel room, which she would not have booked if she were not splitting the cost. (We are staying at the Hilton Marina and it's the week of the Boat Show in FLL, so prices are kind of high).

So...For those who have managed extended family cruises..How do you keep sane, avoid killing your adult kids, not stress over the prospect of sailing away while they are stuck in an airport somewhere and keep the kids from killing each other?

Sorry for the long post...But I kind of of needed to vent and could really use some perspective!

[yogi2929]

Vent Away:)

Remind DD#2 and her fiance to have passports JIC they need to fly to the next port.

[Berk987]

Had to read it twice to get it all in, a bit confusing on who was who but IMO....you've taken care of your 16 year old. The other two girls are adults. Let them hash it out. It is their responsibilty. Stay out of it, don't get stressed out over it and whatever happens (good or bad), it was their choice. You've already made the generous offer to pay for their cruise so they should be grateful right there and buying you and your wife drinks on board. My kids are 4 and 5 so we're not at your stage yet but that's what I would do. They will learn either way. Good luck.

[middle-aged mom]

I know this isn't going to help you, but your post demonstrates why I now prefer to cruise solo;) Perhaps you could buy cruise insurance for everyone? And perhaps let the sisters work things out between them? In any case, I wish you well; you're a good sight braver than I am.

ps I'm with Berk987. I have a 20-year-old. I'm getting grayer by the day.

[Berk987]

My 4 and 5 year old have been in Montessori since they were 19 months and 2 so they've learned "consequences" of their actions. We're teaching them young so we can stay young too - HA. Yes, they've missed birthday parties, trips to Home Depot, library etc but that's what happens. You screw around and you're going to miss out. That being said, I really hope K&RCurt have a great time and not worry. What happens, happens and you can only take care of what you can take care of and hope you don't ever regretting inviting your whole family. We intend to keep cruising for decades to come with our kids and their future families. We may or may not pay for them, depending on how they behave - HA.

[K&RCurt]

I know this isn't going to help you, but your post demonstrates why I now prefer to cruise solo;) Perhaps you could buy cruise insurance for everyone? And perhaps let the sisters work things out between them? In any case, I wish you well; you're a good sight braver than I am.

ps I'm with Berk987. I have a 20-year-old. I'm getting grayer by the day.


Yes, I bought the insurance when we booked the cruise. We are already wishing we just kept to the two of us as usual! No good deed goes unpunished! lol!

I (like most here on CC) like to think ahead and plan. Flying by the seat of their pants drives me nuts!

At least DD#2 is actually listening to advice!

[Berk987]

Get your daughters to start reading the postings. HA. Tons of info.

[European_CruiseGirl]

It's good to vent sometimes! :D

Ok - this is what I would do.

First of all I assume that you DD2 and her fiancé have their own cabin so there won't be issues at check-in if they miss the ship. Don't know how the check-in would react if two people from one cabin would arrive and two wouldn't.

1. Talk with DD2 and explain that there are risks flying in the same day. However I would not try to change her mind. Just let her know that the ship isn't waiting for her and her fiancé and that it would be a shame if she would miss the cruise as it would mean she'd have to pay to fly to the next port (the alternative being that she would not be cruising at all).

2. Is your DD1's hotel booking a non-refundable (already paid) booking? If not and the cc is just used for confirmation reasons she will be able to cancel the booking if she wishes to. If the booking is non-refundable then she'll discuss the matter with her sister.

I don't think there is much else you can do. The DD's are adults and sometimes they need to learn things the hard way. Of course it would be terrible if DD2 and her fiancé would miss the ship but still it isn't a matter of life and death.

[dobiemom]

... don't get stressed out over it and whatever happens (good or bad), it was their choice. You've already made the generous offer to pay for their cruise so they should be grateful right there and buying you and your wife drinks on board. My kids are 4 and 5 so we're not at your stage yet but that's what I would do. They will learn either way. Good luck.
Vent Away:)

Remind DD#2 and her fiance to have passports JIC they need to fly to the next port.
I agree. Don't stress. Remind DD#1 (does the fiance feel the same way?) that if she misses the ship she will have to get to the next port on her own. (Insurance helps but that is after the fact.) Then that's it, your part is done. Have a great cruise! :)

[FINTUCKYFARMS]

Show them this site so they can read for themself how easy it is to miss the ship if flying in the same day and the other mishaps that can and does happen! :)

[Appygirl]

If DD#2 guaranteed the room with her credit card, then the hotel will charge that card whether or not she shows up. Then she'll probably be after the other 2 to fork over some money. Or DD2 can call and cancel the reservation, which leaves DD1 and fiancee on their own for booking and paying for a room.

Yours is a very good reason why we don't travel with family on vacations like this. Its hard to escape on a cruise ship. I know there's lot of hiding spots but eventually whoever's looking for you is going to find you because there's only so many places you can go onboard!

The Christmas before last our good friend paid for flights and cruises for herself, her son, her daughter, and daughter's child, LA to Mexican Riviera. Our friend's sister also went on the cruise, but I believe she paid her way. Prior to the cruise our friend couldn't reach her son who's in his early 40's. He didn't respond to phone messages and when she went to his house he was never home. I don't think he really wanted to go on the cruise. He didn't show up for the flight, nor the cruise. Another good reason not to pay for other people. If they decide they don't want to go and ultimately don't show up, they're not out of pocket any money.

If your daughter and fiancee fly the day of the cruise and miss the boat, how likely is it they will pay out of pocket to fly to the next port and meet you, or hang out in Florida for a bit and then find their way home?

[cb at sea]

Not your problem....ignore their plans, and you just keep on looking forward to YOUR vacation...if they make it...fine...if not--lesson learned...for everyone!

[babyher]

I always stand in awe of people who plan these big family cruises with 4 generations and everything goes so well and they have lovely memories.

Because I tremble in fear at the thought of trying to take on such an undertaking with mine.

My hat is off to you :)

To the Op ...your DDS logic about flying in the day of sounds like something my DD 18 would say...."Hmmm the cruise is at 5pm and it's a 2 hour flight to the city the ship is leaveing from . So if i take a 2pm flight I will have plenty of time to get thre and maybe even a little time to shop" *LOL* Yes I have gray hairs too :)

In regards to to the two older girls and their fiancees. give them their tickets, they know what time the ship leaves. Good Luck and God Speed. We'll either see you on board of bring you back a tee shirt.

Don't stress.....Enjoy your cruise:)

[fridayeyes]

I agree w/ the posters who have said that these are adults and be it on their heads if they miss the boat. I'd put in a gentle reminder that "Departs at 5 pm" doesn't mean one can board that late. If their flight arrives by noon, they should be ok.

Another thought - suggest they go thru HAL for their airfare. Either A) HAL will then be responsible for getting them to the ship, or B) HAL will be the one to drive the point home about arriving a day early, not you.

Final thought - suggest they take the day before departure off from work. Poof! - no more issues getting to the airport after work. Then start talking up the FABULOUS pre-departure drinks/dinner you'll all be having together in the departure city....

[K&RCurt]

Final thought - suggest they take the day before departure off from work. Poof! - no more issues getting to the airport after work. Then start talking up the FABULOUS pre-departure drinks/dinner you'll all be having together in the departure city....


We already suggested that..But both DD and her fiance are teachers and the week off for the cruise is the MAX they can take off consecutivly!

I appreciate the numerous cautionary tales. I know they won't just "blow us off" as they know if that happens they will be looking around for someone else to pay for that wedding next summer! lol

They just are at that age when they know SO much more than dear old Mom and Dad, lol. I know you only learn the hard way...It's just tough to watch sometimes!

[CowPrincess]

You are giving your family a lovely gift. While the logistics of their travel/hotels/etc are not really your problem, they ARE your problem. They are family -- their potential idiocy can affect everyone, even though you no longer feed and shelter them :D

How PO'd would you be if they missed the ship? Think about that for a minute or two. . . . .

Now start preparing your speech about "We expect you to be in Ft. Lauderdale the night before the cruise. This isn't really negotiable. This is our expectation and we expect you to honor it. Thanks, honey, it will make a much nicer start to our family vacation not worrying about you missing the ship."

[cccole]

Three years ago I planned a cruise for 11, ranging in age from 1 year to 56 years old. It was fun!!! We were going to Florida from California, Denver, and South Carolina. The planning pre-cruise is essential to making everything work while on vacation. You do as much planning as you can for excursions, etc., and then enjoy. If someone does not want to leave for FLL the night before the ship departs, well...that's up to them, the rest of you will have a great time. They will probably make the ship but if they do not...it is not from your lack of planning. I know with us, a hurricane was predicted a couple of days before we were all scheduled to depart so I called the airlines to reschedule everyone into FLL a day earlier than we had planned. You will have such a GREAT time with your family. Is it possible for your daughter to cancel the room she has reserved with her sister and stay with you? Cherie

p.s. I should say that of the 11 in our group, all of whom we paid for, 8 were in the age group of 16-24. I would do it again in a heartbeat!!!!

[dogo88]

So DW and I booked a cruise for our entire family this October on the Eurodam. It is basically a repeart of the cruise DW and I took last year for our 20th Anniversary. We had such a great time and we wanted to cruise with the whole family so we booked (and are paying for) the cruise.

Attending will be Myself and DW, DS who is 16, DD#1 along with her fiance both 24 and DD#2 with her fiance both 23.

The deal was DW and I paid for the cruise and for everingthing for DS. DDs and fiances were to make their own arrangements to travel to the port, hotel the night before and any shorex, on board expenses.

Now the issue. When I booked the room the night before the cruise for myself, DW and DS, I let the DDs know where we were staying. DD#2 talked to DD#1 and they agreed to share a room for the 4 of them and split the cost. DD#2 made the reservation with her cc.

So the week before last airfares came out for the flights down to FLL for the cruise. I bought tickets for myself, DW and DS and gave the kids the "heads up" on out flights. DD#2 booked the same flight for her and her fiance. DD#1 basically ignored the whole thing. We were all together over Easter thi spast weekend. DD#2 and her fiance live some distance from us and were trying to decide whether to fly out of PHL or BWI as they are about the same distance from both. At this point DD#2 said "I think we will just fly down on the day of the cruise...It doesn't leave until 5:00 and it's such a pain to rush to the airport after work!"

So, IMO this A) Risks them not making the cruise if there are delays that day and B) Sticks her sister with the hotel room, which she would not have booked if she were not splitting the cost. (We are staying at the Hilton Marina and it's the week of the Boat Show in FLL, so prices are kind of high).

So...For those who have managed extended family cruises..How do you keep sane, avoid killing your adult kids, not stress over the prospect of sailing away while they are stuck in an airport somewhere and keep the kids from killing each other?

Sorry for the long post...But I kind of of needed to vent and could really use some perspective!


They are adults and as adults will make their own mistakes. Stop worrying since you can not do a thing about it except get yourself upset. As long as you and your wife can accept the fact that they may miss the trip, you're fine.

Dan

[ColoRockiesFan]

I have 7 family members and 2 neighbors going to Alaska in July. I made the travel arrangements for my immediate family (pre & post cruise hotel), airlines, cruise bookings, etc and then told everyone else what I had booked. It was up to them to make their own arrangements. Trying to organize 10 people is like herding cats. It's next to impossible!

I also made sure everyone knew I was not the cruise social coordinator. We can do excursions together (or not) and eat dinner together (or not). :D

[iceman93]

Just for the sake of argument, I'd like to post an imaginary thread from DD#1, with the same thread title:

"Hey, everyone, I have a situation I'd like to discuss with you in the hopes you can keep me from going crazy on my upcoming vacation!

My wonderful parents are treating my fiancee and I (as wel as my sister & her fiancee, and my brother who still lives at home with them) to a cruise with them this October. They took the same trip last year for their 20th anniversary and loved it so much they wanted to share the experience with the rest of us! Since they are generously paying for the cruise, it's up to us to cover all our other expenses (travel, on-board spending, etc.). We weren't really planning on taking a big vacation this year, but couldn't turn down my folks after they were so generous.

Unfortunately the stress has already started. They are flying down to Florida the day before the cruise and spending a night in a hotel "to make sure they make the ship." The ship doesn't even depart until 5:00 PM the next day! And it's great that they have the time and money for that extra day, but we really don't. My husband and I are both teachers, so as you can imagine we're not exactly made of money. And we're already stretching our bosses' patience to the limit by taking a week off, so there's no way we can take an extra day.

Basically, we're being given a guilt trip because we're unwilling to work a full day, rush to the airport, take a late flight, spend a night in a hotel that we can't afford, and then sit around all day waiting for the ship to leave anyway. Don't they realize there are plenty of flights early the next day that will get us there in plenty of time? Argh!! Old folks can be so hyper-conservative sometimes!

So what should we do? This whole situation is already putting my stomach in knots, and I can't even imagine how many other things are going to come up between now and then, not to mention while on the cruise. We love them dearly, but I think my parents are going to drive me to drink! This is why we only vacation on our own nowadays..."