Am I being selfish?

[Sea Island Lady]

Seems we have another couple cruising with my parents, DH and myself.

My mother was at a luncheon the other day when she mentioned our upcoming cruise next week. The lady sitting next to her mentioned that she and her DH had always wanted to try a cruise and asked if it would be OK to come along with us. :eek: What could mother say? When mother told me...what could I say? When I told DH, he said it was rude of both mother and the other couple, however he was OK with it and wiling to make the best of the vacation.

I guess it could be worse and may very well be a lovely cruise with our new additions, however I do so enjoy cruising and spending quality time with my parents.

This couple is in their mid to late 50's. My parents are in their late 70's and DH and I are 47 and 52. My parents don't know this couple all that well, and DH and I hardly know them at all! I think I may have babysat for the wife's son by her first marriage, years ago. That young man has since died, but we cannot remember how. My DH and the husband will have something in common as they are both in finance (although the husband has retired.) My father was also on the bank board with the husband, so the three will get along. I just don't know how the women are going to get along. We may have a wonderful time...who knows! :)

The wife has severe arthritis and says that they may not be able to do much and it is agreed that we do our own thing during the day and meet up for cocktails and dinner at night. I was able to hook them up with my TA and they got the last SS available which happens to be right next to my parents.
I hope they don't smoke because my mother has bad asthma. They were also able to get on our flight and will spend the night at the same hotels with us. They are staying a couple of extra days - post cruise - in San Diego, so will not be flying back.

I talked with the wife and she does seem nice and sounds like they will be fun, but for some reason I am not as excited about the cruise now. I guess when we cruise with my parents, I don't have to worry about making any impressions. If my hair doesn't look right, my dress is a little too clingy or too summery for the destination, I forget and talk with my mouth open while eating or I just don't feel like talking, it doesn't matter because I am in good company. That's the reason why we prefer a table for ourselves. We are on the cruise to spend time with each other and relax. Am I being selfish for not wanting to share my parents and myself?:(

Thanks for letting me vent! I feel better already. ;)

[jhannah]

I don't think you're selfish at all. You planned this trip for a particular reason, and I hope you stick to it. I suggest you let this interloping couple know in a kind but matter-of-fact way that you and your parents will be spending a good bit of private time together. They hopefully won't expect to accompany you all around the ship. If you have reserved a table for four, stick with it. You can arrange to meet them from time to time and even sit together at the shows. You just need to work it all out clearly in advance so there are no hard feelings onboard when you want to be alone with your parents and do your own thing. It can be nice traveling with an acquaintance. Gives you a friendly face to converse with right off the bat. Good luck.

[Orcrone]

We're going on a cruise with eight family members from 15 to 78 years old next month. We'll be sitting at the same table in the DR (hopefully). None of us are the type to push our itineraries on the rest of a group. So I expect that aside from dinner everyone will do their own thing. If there are overlapping plans, great.

Go with a good attitude and you'll be fine.


If they insist on joining you and your parents for all activities you can always push them overboard.:D

Lawyer's disclaimer: That was a joke. In no way does the author or anyone associated with Cruise Critic endorse the tossing of any passenger, no matter how annoying, overboard.:rolleyes:

[the2ofus]

If you have decided on a table for six, this suggestion is too late. If you had reserved a table for four, just tell the other couple that you always enjoy your time together with your parents and you are sure they will find congenial dinner companions at their assigned table. Then, be SURE that your TA has not linked your dining reservation with theirs, thinking that is what you want.

This couple may just be hoping for a friendly face and occasional contact. Some people like to cruise alone, but I know of a least two couples who have never cruised because they did not like the idea of not knowing anyone and maybe having a hard time meeting people.

[Sea Island Lady]

That's exactly what has happened!

The couple has wanted to cruise, but didn't want to go at it alone. They like my parents and decided this would be a good time. I'll admit that I am warming up to the idea.
They asked if they could sit with us at dinner, so the TA has linked us. It would have been rude of us not to ask them.;)

As I said before...they understand that we will do our own thing during the day. It may be that we want them to join us. :) I don't know about shows though. We will probably do those together as we either go into them before or after dinner.

[mountainmare]

I don't believe that you are selfish, just honest. We have done our last two cruises with friends that have never traveled before. Truth be told sometimes I wished it was just DH and myself--but now that they understand "cruise mode" we are not joined at the hip. As far as breakfast time(6am no thank you!!) shows, sunning on the deck etc--we let them know what we are planning and ask what if they want to join us or do their own thing.
It is wonderful that this is giving the new couple the push they needed to try an exotic (most people think cruising is) vacation.

[Vicar]

I think it will be nice. Like you said they seem like nice people and they do have the understanding of you go your way, we'll go ours. It should work out well.


Have a great time :)

[kryos]

As I said before...they understand that we will do our own thing during the day. It may be that we want them to join us. :) I don't know about shows though. We will probably do those together as we either go into them before or after dinner.
I doubt you'll have too many problems.

I did something similar on my cruise last summer. I mentioned to a business associate that I was going and next thing I knew, she and her husband were booked. But, believe me ... it was totally no hassle. They are much older than me ... and are sun worshippers. We worked out a nice plan from the get go. Everyone does their own thing during the day. We met up for late seating in the dining room, and after dinner maybe attended a show together. She and her husband liked to retire to their stateroom after the show and enjoy a drink on their balcony. Though they invited me to join them a few times, I politely declined.

Were were all respectful of each other's "private time," and desires to do what we enjoyed. They did not much enjoy getting off the ship in port, because they had been to all these Caribbean ports many times. I, on the other hand, enjoy doing things on shore.

Just keep it loose and set the parameters at the get go. As long as you don't compromise on the things you enjoy doing, the other couple will quickly fall into their own routines and you'll have lots of interesting conversation each night at dinner as you bring each other up to date on your day's activities.

Blue skies ...

--rita

[Cathy p]

I have never been on a cruise and this is our first one. My hubby works 7 days a week most of the time and we do not get much quality time together. I had a couple I work with want to go and I said great, I am sure you will have some great alone time with your baby. I have no desire to hang around with anyone else but my hubby. Maybe we can meet up for some cocktails or dinner one night. She got the hint and agreed totally with me. Just be honest, you would be surprised how we 50 and 60 something people react. Have a great time as I am sure we will.:)

[Sea Island Lady]

the other couple will quickly fall into their own routines and you'll have lots of interesting conversation each night at dinner as you bring each other up to date on your day's activities.
Great point! I have been mostly worried about where our dinner conversations were going to go. Having two couples from the same town and us living elsewhere could make the conversation lopsided. If we have our days to talk about, that gives us more of a neutral conversation. ;)

Thanks all!

[peaches from georgia]

I think having another couple at your table will add to the conversation and to the enjoyment of your cruise. Obviously everybody agrees that daytime activities will be up to each individual and it sounds like there has been a mutual agreement to dine together.

Truth be known, I can't imagine anybody making mutual plans with an acquaintance/friend to cruise and then not dining together. To say you would be at your own table and they would be on their own re dining arrangements would be terribly rude I think, under the circumstances.

[cru1s1ng]

I hope your friends don't find this board :eek:

[Pudgesmom]

i believe it was Dear Abby who said, "no one can take advantage of you unless you let them." Decide your parameters up front, and communicate clearly with your parents' friends what your expectations are. Then ask them what they expect. Then have a great cruise! :p

Betj

[KBS1607]

QUOTE}
This couple may just be hoping for a friendly face and occasional contact. Some people like to cruise alone, but I know of a least two couples who have never cruised because they did not like the idea of not knowing anyone and maybe having a hard time meeting people.[/QUOTE]

This is very true. We had some employees who were so intimidated by cruising that they NEVER ate in the dining room. It is a compliment that they would want to join you.

[Sea Island Lady]

Ok, OK. I feel so guilty now that I have invited them to join our whale watching tour and eat with us in the Pinnacle (couldn't leave them alone at the table now could I?);)

[tomc]

(couldn't leave them alone at the table now could I?) Yes. Just say you will be trying another dining spot the next evening (my own opinion) and will rejoin them the next night. If you want an intimate dinner for two in the Pinnacle, do it. Don't feel as if you are all attached by leg irons made out of guilt.

[Sea Island Lady]

If you want an intimate dinner for two in the Pinnacle, do it. There would be four of us having that Pinnacle dinner and leaving two at the table, however you have given me an idea. DH and I could leave the parents and guest and have that P dinner alone. :D

[1cruiselvr]

This post has struck home with me - only from the other end. Last year a coworker advised me of a wonderful cruise deal she just booked. After hearing all about it, I was green with envy so I went home and talked my DH into booking it. I never gave a thought to how this would impact the other couple. We dined together and hung out a little both onboard and port time. I thought we all had a great time. After reading this post, I'm beginning to wonder if my coworker's vacation was ruined by inviting ourselves to go. HONESTLY- It never crossed my mind that I might be effecting the quality of their vacation by my decision. I guess hindsight is truly 20/20. Next time I will ask first if the other party cares, but then I wonder if they would feel obligated to be polite and respond positively instead of their true feelings of NO! Happy Sailing!

[Cindy-Sue]

We have three rules when we travel with friends, whether cruising or on land:

1. We are not joined at the hip.
2. Always be kind to the workers/help.
3. Anything that we say, while drinking, doesn't count!

So far, it's worked out wonderfully! :)

Bon Voyage....Cindy Sue :)

[Sea Island Lady]

Last year a coworker advised me of a wonderful cruise deal she just booked.

1cruiselvr - From the sounds of your post, I think your co-worker was telling you about the deal in hopes that you would want to cruise with them.

My mother was mearly mentioning her cruise.

I think I posted before, but we had dinner with old friends one evening that we had not seen in ages. The subject of our cruise came up and our friend (the wife) said "I want to go!" Well, we were thrilled, although it never entered our minds to ask them to come along. They ended up cruising with us and we had a blast!