What I Learned About Hurricanes in Florida in 2004

[Ziggy7]

ok dont get upset at me, just thought a little humor was necessary after what Florida has been thru these past day!
I mean no offense to anyone :)

What I Learned About Hurricanes in Florida in 2004
Credit Rex Rexroat
Post Hurricane Floridian Humor

Some things I learned in Florida this past month:

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ
grill.

2. No matter how many times you flick the switch,
lights don't work without electricity.

3. Kids can survive 4 plus days without a video game
controller in their hands.

4. Cats are really irritating without power.

5. He who has the biggest generator wins.

6. Women can actually survive without doing their
hair--you just wish they weren't around you.

7. A new method of non-lethal torture - showers
without hot water. This is for the lucky ones on city
water. If you have a well and no generator, it's time
to bathe in the pool!

8. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are
painful.

9. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to
a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep
a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours.

10. There are a lot of trees around here.

11. Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents
were seriously wrong.

12. Contrary to most Florida natives' beliefs, the
speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not
increase.

13. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is
definitely not required to keep your house standing,
and during wind surges becomes flying weapons.

14. Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can
stay out as late as you want. At least that's what the
cops told me during a curfew stop.

15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the
sound of 14 generators.

16. People will get into a line that has already
formed without having any idea what the line is for.

17. When required, most any vehicle will
float--doesn't steer well, but floats just the same.

18. Hurricanes do keep the mailman from his appointed
rounds.

19. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather
is doing.

20. Cell phones sometimes work when land lines are
down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

21. Twenty-seven of your neighbors are fed from a
different transformer than you, and they are quick to
point that out!

22. Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a
volume.

23. If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws,
gas, and generators...I'd be rich.

24. The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a
hurricane.

25. Your water front property can quickly become
someone else's fishing hole.

26. Tree service companies are under appreciated.

27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without
power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????

28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry"
part and it's worthless.

29. Florida will not see a baby boom in 9 months.
Things are already too hot and sticky. Why add to the
mess!

[gotmilk]

ziggy7... Wow, I needed that humor just about now. We had Charley to the left, Frances to the right and Jeanne dead on. We have been working outside since the winds died down to 35mph. I am so lucky that I have storm shutters as I would have lost 2 large picture windows. In fact one got hit so hard it actually busted it and it was suppose to withstand 200mph winds. We lost both of our docks and boat houses. I think we have at least 8 houses worth of broken up docks on our beach. My older son sustained the most damage with water coming in.. and his house it is only 2 years old. Lots and lots more stuff , but it's just that....stuff! House next door is now unliveable as is the one 2 and 4 doors down. Our Dairy is still standing and that's our miracle!!! Lost some cows from Frances and 6000 gallons of milk but we timed our milking schedule to be out of the barn before Jeanne got to bad and the employees could get home. Had a twister go through the employee's houses and took out about 20 large pine trees but didn't hit one house, just one truck. Still don't have power at the dairy but do have a big generator to run the place. We got lucky and got our power back today. My younger son will be awhile, his area of the lake has power poles down and a tree in his yard took out the service line to his and his neighbors house.
All in all, it was one h-ll of a scary night with all kinds of things going bump in the night. I for one really appreciate the humor and will keep coming back to it for the next week or so of our clean up.

[taszmom]

Oh Ziggy..that was the 2nd time today I laughed so hard I cried...someone sent me another set today...here it is :

P.S. isn't sad that we have to preface everything we post with..."don't be upset with me but this is funny"??? laughter truly is healing!


You might be a Floridian if ...

You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen
drawer.

The freezer in your garage is full of homemade ice.

You flinch when you are introduced to a person named
Charley, Frances or Ivan.

You find yourself dropping words like "millibar" and "convection" into
everyday conversation.

Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti Os.

Making coffee on your propane grill does not seem like
an odd thing to do.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the
plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you
say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

You are delighted to pay $2 for a gallon of unleaded.

The road leading to your house has been declared a
No-Wake Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the
bottom of the pool.

You have the number for FEMA on your speed dialer.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and
not feel the least bit guilty about it.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today
you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 5-pound catfish. In your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your
homeowner's insurance policy.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest
chain saw.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at
the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Relocating to North Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

[sopa]

What a hoot!

We, too, were slammed by Charley, Frances and Jeanne, gotmilk. I thought that we had problems, but gee, after reading about your losses and damages, ours now seem a lot smaller and more manageable.

And while I'm here, thanks Pennsylvania for restoring our power yesterday. That convoy of big trucks looked very good to a lot of people here.:)

sopa

[Ziggy7]

ziggy7... Wow, I needed that humor just about now. We had Charley to the left, Frances to the right and Jeanne dead on. We have been working outside since the winds died down to 35mph. I am so lucky that I have storm shutters as I would have lost 2 large picture windows. In fact one got hit so hard it actually busted it and it was suppose to withstand 200mph winds. We lost both of our docks and boat houses. I think we have at least 8 houses worth of broken up docks on our beach. My older son sustained the most damage with water coming in.. and his house it is only 2 years old. Lots and lots more stuff , but it's just that....stuff! House next door is now unliveable as is the one 2 and 4 doors down. Our Dairy is still standing and that's our miracle!!! Lost some cows from Frances and 6000 gallons of milk but we timed our milking schedule to be out of the barn before Jeanne got to bad and the employees could get home. Had a twister go through the employee's houses and took out about 20 large pine trees but didn't hit one house, just one truck. Still don't have power at the dairy but do have a big generator to run the place. We got lucky and got our power back today. My younger son will be awhile, his area of the lake has power poles down and a tree in his yard took out the service line to his and his neighbors house.
All in all, it was one h-ll of a scary night with all kinds of things going bump in the night. I for one really appreciate the humor and will keep coming back to it for the next week or so of our clean up.
Oh dear, sounds like you have been thru He**, glad you still could laugh a little :) We're keeping you all in our prayers!

[Ziggy7]

Oh Ziggy..that was the 2nd time today I laughed so hard I cried...someone sent me another set today...here it is :

P.S. isn't sad that we have to preface everything we post with..."don't be upset with me but this is funny"??? laughter truly is healing!


You might be a Floridian if ...

You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen
drawer.

The freezer in your garage is full of homemade ice.

You flinch when you are introduced to a person named
Charley, Frances or Ivan.

You find yourself dropping words like "millibar" and "convection" into
everyday conversation.

Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti Os.

Making coffee on your propane grill does not seem like
an odd thing to do.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the
plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you
say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.

You are delighted to pay $2 for a gallon of unleaded.

The road leading to your house has been declared a
No-Wake Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the
bottom of the pool.

You have the number for FEMA on your speed dialer.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and
not feel the least bit guilty about it.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today
you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 5-pound catfish. In your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your
homeowner's insurance policy.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest
chain saw.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at
the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Relocating to North Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
hehehehe I hadnt seen this one :) Glad you are laughing :)

[ekerr19]

ziggy-

Thanks for posting this - I will admit to having a chuckle and feeling guilty about it - we are in Colorado and suffer no hurricane fallout (thought DH once lost all his wordly belongings in a Japanese typhoon, therefore VERY sympathetic to those suffering from the hurricanes).

We have sent much money to the disaster relief efforts (through Red Cross) hoping it reaches our friends suffering from the aftermath of the hurricanes.

We can only hope we can help in some way - your post made me laugh, I thank you -

I still worry about so many others within and outside the US... hopefully we will be able to help. The pictures from Haiti are heartbreaking.

[fl98lady]

After, Charley, Francis, and Jeanne our house is a bit sad looking and our yard with 87 oak trees is really a mess, but we are in good spirits. We have laughed until we cried with the posts here--- too funny! You have to keep your sense of humor.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A new topic--- What do we do with all the plywood we just took off our windows?

Plywood grilled steak?

[taszmom]

Aghhh! that great plywood smoked flavor! LOL!

You took off your plywood? Some of our neighbors still have em' up...what pessimists! You gotta think positive.

What do they make mesquite out of anyway?

How about all the free mulch they're going to be giving away here shortly from all the tree clippings!

[HeatherInFlorida]

Ziggy, keep the :) coming! You should see the jokes being emailed all over Florida...they're a riot. We all need a good laugh and it's always a good feeling when the sunshine comes thru.

Never apologize for bringing laughter into anyone's life. It's what gets us through the night. You're the best!;)

P.S. I also found out I can go out in public without any make-up and no one looks at me funny! I may never wear it again:eek:

[taszmom]

P.S. I also found out I can go out in public without any make-up and no one looks at me funny! I may never wear it again:eek:


ROFLMAO! Me Too! and I didn't feel embarassed about not having any on, more embarassed if I DID have it on considering the circumstances! All vanity went out the window when the "ladies" came to visit!

[HeatherInFlorida]

ROFLMAO! Me Too! and I didn't feel embarassed about not having any on, more embarassed if I DID have it on considering the circumstances! All vanity went out the window when the "ladies" came to visit!
Ha Ha Ha!!! Besides we would have looked just lovely with the make-up running down our faces and the mascara melting on our lower eyelids in 90 degree heat!!! What a lovely sight:eek: :D !!!

[lwnbwlr]

Hilarious; absolutely hilarious to a guy who has been through five hurricanes (Bonnie, Charley, Ivan, Frances & Jeanne) in the last six weeks.
Jim in soggy Florida

[taszmom]

Jim,

My in-laws live in Sun City too! We're there at least 3-4 times a year.

[taszmom]

Ha Ha Ha!!! Besides we would have looked just lovely with the make-up running down our faces and the mascara melting on our lower eyelids in 90 degree heat!!! What a lovely sight:eek: :D !!!

How about shaving your legs by candlelight!

[serendipity1499]

Thanks all for making me laugh..I was feeling very down because my 75 year old husband has been working so hard in the yard doing cleanup, & I'm worried about him..Also feeling very guilty after seeing so much damage around us..All we lost were trees, part of our dock & electric..Our Patio furniture is still in the guest (my packing room) room & will have to take it our soon to pack for our Trans-Atlantic Westerdam trip..Our Kitchen & Pantry freezer is still filled with Ice & water..Lot's of spagetti & dinty moore beef stew on the shelves & keeping that perculator coffee pot for the grill...Must have coffee in the morning..Make-up & leg Hair What's that...LOL..& too top it off my first DH was names "Charley"..Love you all!

[HeatherInFlorida]

Serendipity! Wow! Reading your post I thought you were living in my house!!! That's how well you described it. The Dinty Moore, the coffee pot, water, bags of ice (and nothing else anymore) in the freezer;) ...

Plus I have enough peanut butter for the rest of my life!

[Ziggy7]

hahahaha oh my now I'm laughing till I have tears in my eyes hehehehe, shaving your legs by candlelight! go out in public without any make-up! enough peanut butter for the rest of my life! You all are too funny and the best!

[gotmilk]

Came back for my evening laugh. Needing it DESPERATELY. We are on our 4th 20 yard dumpster load of docks. Have not even got 1/2 of my out yet. To make matters worse, I have my parents staying with us at night because they still do not have power ( they live 8 houses away) and I was getting a quilt out for them and GD(Granddaughter, But that could stand for something else too) toy fell out and hit me in the face and now I have a black eye. Also, working in the sun over water, I now also have a fever blister on my lip. This is really par for all that is going on here but when I start to throw in the towel I look at my neighbors houses and figure they are in worse shape than me. My next door neighbors are from NY and haven't even been down to see their house yet. It's still got broken windows and nature made sky lights.
We don't cruise until 12/2 on the 3 night Westerdam and we only booked that after frances. You notice how dates are remembered by hurricane names. I am so glad I didn't have anything scheduled before that date as I will probably still be trying to get things fixed. We lost 1/2 of the dairy roof from charley(I don't think I am going to capitalize hurricane names anymore,they don't deserve it) and we are so far down on the list for repairing that because there are dairies down in Okeechobee that lost their entire barns. We will probably be 2005 before we get the roof up again. But the cruise is the light at the top of this hole we are in and struggling to climb out of, even if it only for 3 nights.
Anyway, no matter how many times I read these hurricane jokes I can laugh because they are all true. I imagine the creator of these jokes had to have been through a few hurricanes.

[HeatherInFlorida]

Hey, Gotmilk, I think you deserve at least a 10 night cruise! Just want to say you have my thoughts and prayers. As I have watched all the news coverage of the devastation all around us, I have only been more aware of our good fortune. Be safe, be well, keep your good humor and have a wonderful time on your cruise!

[Slinkiecat]

What a great bunch all of you are! Keep on smiling and find strength in humor. Florida is a wonderful state, and I'm heading back there tomorrow. I hope the repairs and rebuilding go smoothly without any more storms to delay them.

http://members.aol.com:/flgirl/palm.gif

Slinkie
:)

[Brneyznfl]

Thanks for the chuckles..too funny and SO true! :D I can vouch for coffee being made on the grill. Gotta have my coffee, when there's a will, there's way! I'm in Pensacola and we are slowly but surely making it back from Ivan. For the first time, my co-workers saw what I look like when my hair isn't dried with a blowdryer. LOL. I also want to know what I should with all this plywood. :D

Jan

[taszmom]

gotmilk...sorry to hear about all your damage from those dang hurricanes. hang in there!

[stillfrantic]

Here, well away from hurricane worries, we watched the news and kept coming back to the same question. The reports continually showed long lines at Home Depot for plywood. Even when a hurricane was due at the same place, the lines still happened. We wondered, doesn't anyone save their plywood from one hurricane to the next?;) Heck, I save the tiny little thumb tacks to hang Christmas stockings from one year to the next. :o

[HeatherInFlorida]

Here, well away from hurricane worries, we watched the news and kept coming back to the same question. The reports continually showed long lines at Home Depot for plywood. Even when a hurricane was due at the same place, the lines still happened. We wondered, doesn't anyone save their plywood from one hurricane to the next?;) Heck, I save the tiny little thumb tacks to hang Christmas stockings from one year to the next. :oAn interesting question, and one answer is that there wasn't enough plywood to go around the first time so many people didn't board up what they wanted to. Another is that some people didn't bother the first time, but didn't want to take a chance the second time around:) .

But it also brings up a question I asked DH after Jeanne (we had been through both Frances and Jeanne). I wondered why, when the lines had been miles long for gas the day before the hurricane, that they were miles long again immediately following the storm. Since none of us had gone anywhere during that time, I wondered how everyone could need gas again.

Reminds me of when I lived up North and people stocked up on bread, milk and toilet paper just before a blizzard and loaded up again right after. I didn't get that either;) . Can anyone 'splain???:confused:

[taszmom]

the gas thing...why did they need gas anyway...we were supposed to stay off the roads! My DH and I kept asking..."where are these people going"?
It just really annoyed me because all the traffic was delaying the FP&L and tree crews from getting here and getting to work on cleanup.

Also, maybe next year people will start stocking up in June like they tell us to do every year instead of waiting until there's one churnin' in the Atlantic. I know I'm gonna!

[stillfrantic]

Reminds me of when I lived up North and people stocked up on bread, milk and toilet paper just before a blizzard and loaded up again right after. I didn't get that either;) . Can anyone 'splain???:confused: Okay Heather, now you're in my domain! Loading up for a snowstorm is an absolute necessity. If people didn't crowd into the grocery stores and remove every single gallon of milk(even the lactose intolerant will buy milk on the eve of a snow storm) what would the local news film? Same with the toliet paper. Because those with dairy allergies feel compelled to purchase 9 gallons of whole milk in an attempt to be on camera when the local station comes to Kroger, they need the vast supplies of toliet paper.

It is a vicious cycle really. Once the digestive tracts of all those otherwise sane people get straightened out.....all the potato chips are gone, the frozen pizzas consumed, the hot chocolate poured down the sink(because it ALWAYS sounds better than it really is) and the milk supply exhausted, the local news will go into crisis mode again. "A full inch of snow is expected and people better stock up."

I think the local news and the local grocery stores have some sort of agreement.

[TT]

PORT CHARLOTTE people hear and I love the lists. How funny. I do have a good one for you in Florida.....do like my husband did and paint the plywood our house color(not kidding) DH refuses to do 2 things: 1.take down the plywood until after the season is done. 2. After losing Omaha steaks no filling of the freezer until Dec. Yes, I miss the great coffee on the gas burner and mmmm that great Ravioli in cans and the peanut butter for 4 days and yes K-Rations. After the phones came on I phoned my Godson in Germany and THANKED HIM not just for serving in the Army but eating the yucky pouched food. Quess were I stayed a few hours later after eating that terrible food. LOL My poor dog even got sick.

Ziggy7 Thanks from a person who still has no roof and can't even get a roofer to give a quote (they say we need 3) with dust all over my kitchen and family room because I need new ceiling and slowly it's being worked on. My furniture smells. I have cement floors because the carpeting should not be put in until the roof is done and my beautiful pool is green with frogs in it. After all of this a friend asked me why we are doing a b2b in Dec. Is she kidding!!!!!!!!

Thanks again and keep them coming. We all need this in Florida.

Hugs to all,

TT

[HeatherInFlorida]

TT, StillFrantic, LOL:D !!! Thank God for a sense of humor, right???

TT, you really have had it rough over there. Our hearts go out to you. And you can still laugh; I say good for you. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger ... we sure find out what that means down here:D .

And now I've learned that anyone who's lived in Florida for any amount of time knows that you empty your freezer in June and fill it with ice. Then you fill empty litre soda bottles with water and freeze those. Don't buy any more freezer food than you can consume in a week.

Someone should write a "Hurricane Hints" book ... not the stuff that comes in the free weatherguy's guides, the stuff we REALLY need to know ...... Like line up that roofer and screen repair guy in May (you can always cancel if nothing happens;) ). And then (and most important) by January of each year book your "recovery cruise" for late November/early December.