View Full Version : Mom is trying my patience!

October 5th, 2004, 10:09 PM
July 1st we booked a cruise for Jan 2nd. We invited my mom since it is for her birthday and she has never been on any trip not involving a car ride. She is such an outdoors person usually her vacations involve mountain climbing or hiking. I know she would love cruising because the ports are full of outdoor activities she will love! I know she drives to Key West to go snorkling and has gotten her SCUBA certification but has only used it a few times in Key West. Anyway, we booked a room for her and my son to share and I asked her to please get her passport. She has had since July to do this and I asked her today for the number so I would have it when we make the final payment on Saturday. In fact she got rather mad and started yelling at me about what a pain it is to get. She does't work regular hours and she usually has a day off during the week, so I don't see what an inconvience it is for her to do it. I know it isn't the price for it and I told her I would certainly pay for it way back in July. I sent her the stuff for her Birth Certificate, I sent her the forms for the Passport, I sent her the addresses of two offices near her that does it, I told her where to go to get the picture for it. What else do I have to do get her there this week? Take a vacation day so I can drive the 250 miles to her house and make her go, or just cancel her trip and say too bad. I do not want hassles at the port about her ID's and I believe passports are a failsafe against any ID issures. Believe me if she goes there will be a problem so she can say it is my fault. I was just trying to be nice and give her a great birthday present.

October 5th, 2004, 11:30 PM
What are the ports of call on this cruise?

Just taking a wild guess, but do you think your mom might have a fear of being on a cruise ship? I understand she does scuba dive but I know some people have fears being trapped with strangers on a cruise ship. Or worse, the ship sinking. I hope you can get your Mom to come out of her funk and have a great time with you!:)

October 6th, 2004, 06:38 AM
For me since I know my parents well, after all these years, I would prefer to ask them where they want to go. I know surprises are nice and are meant well, but when our parents get older, I don't know what it is, but I'd just rather ask them.

October 6th, 2004, 10:50 AM
A passport is nice and all but your mom only really needs a birth certificate. Which you can get for her by using the vital statistic of your state she was born. A lot easier to get. And I am sure she has a state issued drivers license with a photo on it. thats all you really need.

October 6th, 2004, 09:25 PM
OK my mom knows she is going on the cruise, and she is really excited about it, especially since one of the stops is Key West and she has a friend who owns a dive boat and he is taking her out the day we are there and she has already talked to Costa regarding the diving excursions in Grand Cayman. My mom is hardly old enouh to classify as older too, she will be just turning 52. She just has this thing about doing stuff that is needed to be done. She has her birth certificate and she is married but changed her last name to something totally different than her maiden name or either married names. That is the whole reason for the passport, I do not think that her DL and BC and Marriage License will be sufficent, since only one will have her correct name. I am sure she isn't going to bring a whole folder of papers to go on a trip, and if she did she certainly would forget something and they won't let her board. That is MY luck, to pay for an extra room and she won't get to go. She is just one of those people that only likes to do things on her time and her way.

October 6th, 2004, 10:05 PM
Mom needs to bite the bullet and get the passport. It is good for 10 years and it is the only form of I.D. she will need as it has her photo in it. The least she can do is respect the fact that you paid for the cruise and could be in financial jeopardy if she is denied boarding at the port. She is running out of time with the all the name mismatches. If worse comes to worse and she is denied boarding at the pier tell here you will have a drink in her honor as you put your passports in the safe in your cabin while she makes the long drive home wondering what happened.
Just my opinion.

October 6th, 2004, 10:07 PM
yikes. that IS a mess. what name is her cruise documents in? how about her license.

October 6th, 2004, 10:21 PM
I'm no psycologist, but sounds to me like your mom doesn't really want to go -- or maybe she doesn't want to pay the money it costs for a passport. What's her financial condition? It seems like very little to ask of someone to do. She must have some other underlying problem that's stopping her. If she thinks getting a passport is a pain in the neck, what does she think about the time and effort you put in to booking the cruise!

October 6th, 2004, 10:26 PM
Her Cruise Docs match her DL, but with all of this debate about what documents to bring and what countries want a passport this week, a passport seemed to be the most logical solution. She changed her name back to her father's original family name, the one they had before they came to the US. Immigration changed their last name way back in the 20's at Ellis Island. Why she did this I haven't a clue. I think I am calling Calgon and a large Cosmo tonight. Oh and money certainly is not an issue and she certainly would not have even put any effort about finding out about excursions if she didn't want to go, she would have simply said no, she is open about things like that. I would think that anyone that would take 10 day bus tour of the northeast alone wouldn't have any worries about being on a ship.

October 6th, 2004, 10:29 PM
Cosmos for everyone!!

October 7th, 2004, 08:12 AM
Hmmm, sounds like she enjoys making you nuts! I always tell my husband, "The next time I want to do something nice for someone, kick me!" No good deed goes unpunished.

October 7th, 2004, 09:51 AM
what countries want a passport this week, a passport seemed to be the most logical solution. .

Most places that a cruise ship will take you to do not require a passport. The birth certificate is all the is needed. And it is ok to have her maiden name on the bith certificate. As long as her name matches the state issued ID and documents. Birth certificate is to show Citzenship.

October 8th, 2004, 01:54 PM
If she does end up going Key West may be the only place she will be able to get off the boat! If that happens tell her bye as you depart for the excursions everywhere else and that you'll take lots of pictures for her!

October 8th, 2004, 05:04 PM
I understand what you're going through. My Mom is driving me nuts too.My SO and I booked our cruise last month. I told my Mom and she was so happy for us that my SO said "why don't you come too". We talked about and she said "all right! I'm going too" I goet all the prices and info because she is in a wheelchair and told her to let know and I would book the cruise for her to make it easier. She came out to the house today and said she decided she didn't want to go because all her friends at the Senior Center said she would not have a good time and a cruise was not for her. AGHHH! They told her there would be nothing to do,it would be too hard for her to get around and she would have to stand in long lines to get any food. Now,I know none of that is true but she believes her friends,so I'm not gonna try and change her mind. Like you said,no good deed goes unpunished.

October 8th, 2004, 11:10 PM
Laura: Sounds like your mom is allowing herself to miss out on a lot -- what a shame. I was shocked that my mom agreed to go on a cruise at all because she's so afraid of becoming sea sick, and she just may talk herself into it too! I booked a two-night cruise to nowhere for fear that if she does get sick at least it will only be for two nights and maybe I'll only hear about it for the next couple of years. :)

October 9th, 2004, 12:27 AM
I am a psychologist and Mom sounds a bit overwhelmed. It doesn't seem that she is trying to drive you crazy or is ungrateful at all. It sounds as if she really wants to go on the cruise. She has a lot of documents and even you are confused about it. Is it possible she is a bit depressed?

How about if she goes to a local travel agent (local to her) and asks for help in this situation. She could offer to pay the person for their assistance in helping her to get whatever documentation she will need for this cruise together.

It doesn't seem that Mom will be able to do this herself. I know she is young. Age is not always a factor. If she is even mildly depressed this could be too much for her. The cruise will do wonders for her as well. It will be great for her to spend the time with you and your family.

She seems to need some professional help in sorting this out.


October 9th, 2004, 01:09 AM
Jenn, Serene's right - as long as her cruise docs and her dr.license have the same name, that's what matters. Last name on b/cert. doesn't factor in at all. I know you'd prefer that she get a passport, but it just doesn't look like that's gonna happen.

Solution: Tell her she can either get her act together (nicely, of course), OR she can stand on the dock and wave bye-bye to y'all! Oh, and be sure and take a picture of her waving, since it's the only souvenier she'll have from the cruise.:rolleyes:

October 9th, 2004, 03:08 PM

What a great thing to do for your Mom. I wish I could get mine to agree to go on a trip like that! With her name change, etc. if and when she does apply for the passport, you may want to pay extra at this point for expedited service.

My mother had a problem getting her passport back in 1992 simply because her Birth Certificate said Elizabeth and her Driver's License and I think Marriage license said Betty! We were scheduled to fly to Europe on Christmas Day, and although my Father's passport came the first week of December, hers was delayed and arrived with only 2 days to spare. It made for a nailbiting time as the Passport was required for her to go!

Hope you get your Mom to come around soon!

October 10th, 2004, 08:52 AM
She will need the paper that allowed her to change her name to what it is now. Plus BC and DL. Ask her if she would perfer one form of ID to three or four. It worked for me.

October 10th, 2004, 10:04 AM
I agree with Cotton. Mom needs to get her act together. Lay it on the line. Either she gets the passport or forget the cruise. Lots of things are a pain in the butt to do, so she can decide if she really wants to go. Explain she cannot wait until the last minute.

The name change thing makes it messy. No way would I want to show up at the dock with this name changing mess.

Good Luck !

October 10th, 2004, 10:08 AM
Call me crazy, but doesn't almost every married woman in the United States have a different name on her license than on her birth certificate??? The cruise lines are aware of this lol. Now from a different point of view, I love using a pass port because it's the only ID you need and those birth certificates can get dog eared and torn easily. But it's not needed, never was, not even for women.

October 10th, 2004, 12:22 PM
Call me crazy, but doesn't almost every married woman in the United States have a different name on her license than on her birth certificate??? The cruise lines are aware of this lol. Now from a different point of view, I love using a pass port because it's the only ID you need and those birth certificates can get dog eared and torn easily. But it's not needed, never was, not even for women.
You're correct in your first sentence, of course. But that isn't the question. All the cruiselines look at to be the same is the name on the DL and cruise documents. These two have to be the same name.

I have a passport, and think that's the best way to go. However, I really don't understand your last sentence.....:confused:

October 10th, 2004, 04:19 PM
OK, I thought it made perfect sense. Read the sentence. A pass port is not needed not even for women who have a different last name on their BC than their DL. The last name on the BC isn't going to be the same for a woman who is married and changed her name. What is so hard to understand about that???? Anyway, point I was trying to make was you do not need a pass port, period. It's more convenient, and I use one now, but I cruised 8 times without one.

October 10th, 2004, 06:55 PM
I said (agreed) thatyour first sentence makes sense. Of course you are correct - everybody knows most women have a different last name from what's on their birth certificate.

Now, on to the other:

I totally agree that a passport is the easiest way to go.

However, IF a person (male or female) chooses not to get a passport, then the cruiseline says the passenger's name MUST be the same on these two items: Driver's License and Cruise Documents. The D/L has a name and picture, and the name must be the same as on the cruise documents.


October 10th, 2004, 08:58 PM
I think women should keep their names! Why do we change our names anyway? It's incovenient and confusing. Ladies revolt!

LOL -- just thought I'd stir things up a little.

October 15th, 2004, 10:20 PM
When we went to the caribbean last Aug. we only needed our birth certs. and driver lic. I did not need to bring our marriage cert. because we were traveling together ( we said phooey and got our passports) but this Dec. I am going on a ladies cruise and the other 4 ladies who dont have their passport have to bring all three docs. We were told that names on birth cert. and driver lic. must match, or we need the third doc to explain why, passports give us women more freedom too! :)

October 16th, 2004, 06:39 AM
LauraB - Re: your mom and the friends at the senior center -- Same thing happened here, but after taking several brochures to the center, my mother ended up going with 7 of her friends. (They had T-shirts that said "Golden Girls"). They had a ball --always first row at the shows, sat together at bingo, did the "chicken dance", and I won't even tell you the fun they had at dinner with the young waiters! We hardly saw her because she was so busy with the 7 other first-time cruisers. My mother got so hooked on cruising that this spring I got a picture of her on a camel that she met while on a Greece and Egypt cruise tour (mom turns 80 next May.)
Maybe your mom can find a friend or two to go along. Hope you can change her mind. Good Luck.

October 16th, 2004, 01:10 PM
If your mother cannot board, it will be her problem, not yours. Ask to be reimbursed for the cruise she could not take when you return from your cruise.

Take the weight off your shoulders and put in on hers. It's her issue and her choice. She's only 52, not 92.

Been dealing with a similar situation for over 40 years. Sometimes, ya just gotta do the "tough love" thing. Yes, she may be depressed. Mom isn't going to change, believe me. :eek:

Good luck.

October 16th, 2004, 02:12 PM
Mom just may be one of those folks who puts things off till the last moment. For reasons of her own....nothing to do with you. I sometimes do that myself...no, not depressed, just always think I can squeeze in just one more thing and then get overwhelmed and go into whirlwind crisis mode and get it done at the last minute. Am working on this tendancy, but still had to get my passport expedited:o .

Had to pay 60$ extra, and it came in 9 days, and I live in Alaska. Had a minute of panic at the post office when the agent would not take my DL because it had been re-issued on my bithday less than one year ago. Had to go get car registration, and someone to vouch for me. (actually two, my son who was with me, and a friend who happened to be at the Post Office.:) )And I had my state issued drivers license, birth certificate, SS card, credit cards, expired Student card, COSTCO card, checkbooks with name, all the mail I had just taken from PO box, etc. in my posession.
My son had a state id and his birth cert, but because his state id was more than one year old, it worked just fine.

Good luck, It'll work out.

October 16th, 2004, 02:23 PM
She finally went! I called her the other day and she said while she was downtown she went into the office and was sooooo surprised how easy it was. I am like gee I told you it wasn't so hard. I was at AAA on Friday and they were telling us about the rumor that was going around about needing a passport as of January 1st as well. I am so glad that it will be a non-issue to the 4 of us.

October 16th, 2004, 05:13 PM
I am so very happy that this worked out for you. I hope you all enjoy your cruise!!!


October 16th, 2004, 05:22 PM
Wonderful! ;)

October 16th, 2004, 09:52 PM
I think women should keep their names! Why do we change our names anyway? It's incovenient and confusing. Ladies revolt!

LOL -- just thought I'd stir things up a little.

I wish my ex-wife would change her name to any thing but what it is now, same as mine arg.....

October 16th, 2004, 10:13 PM
Bet she wishes she could but she wants to collect your social security.

October 17th, 2004, 12:26 AM
Ta: Glad your mom finally got her passport!!! Hope she has a great time -- hope you all do!

TahoeBob: hmmm.. since she won't change her name, maybe you should change yours! TahoeBob does have a flair to it, and it would definitely be a conversation starter.:)
Peace all, and happy cruising.

October 17th, 2004, 09:28 AM
Hooray for MOM! Glad she finally got it all done, and you have a little peace of mind. Now - GO and enjoy that cruise!:)

October 17th, 2004, 09:44 AM
Thanks for letting us know. Have a great cruise!!!

October 17th, 2004, 07:36 PM
I took my Mom (79) on her first cruise last summer. You should have heard the excuses why she couldn't go...I'll get sick (they have a doctor on board), I won't like the food (ask for some crackers) I'll eat too much (don't) I' don't want to dance (and who said you had to) It will be too cold (stay inside), too hot (same), too rainy (same).
anyway we went...had a wonderful time. I actually remembered why I love my MOM..we had such a great time. hope you do too and MOM is wondering if she could come on our next cruise....tee hee

October 17th, 2004, 08:24 PM
The day before you and your mum leave for the cruise, make sure she has her passport and other documents and tickets with her and doesn't accidently/deliberately forget them.