How to "get rid" of someone????

Ok, so I returned from my 2nd solo cruise a few days ago. Just as the 1st I had a wonderful time. It was a bit of a different crowd than I experienced back in march. Don't get me wrong, everyone was very friendly, but there was not nearly as many singles and most of the couples seemed to want to do their own thing (which is totally understandable). I like to meet people but I am also totally OK with my alone time so this did not really bother me.

I did run across an "issue" that I had not ever thought about before. The first sea day after a few drinks at the pool, a "group" formed. It included 2 younger couples, myself, and another mid twenties cruiser that was traveling with their parents. We had a great time for a few hours but it was evident (and totally understandable) for most of the cruise, that the couples wanted "couple time".

So this is where the "issue" came in. The other cruiser that was traveling with their parents, decided that we should hang out, which I was fine with but after a bit I realized that we just didn't "click". For the rest of the cruise it seemed as if no matter what I did or where I went they found me and wanted to "hang out". The buffet, the pool, the promenade, pretty much everywhere I went it seemed. I tried to be nice but the entire time I was thinking about how I would LOVE some "me time". I did find a few hiding places and was able to get away here and there.

I didn't let this ruin my trip by no means but it did get me to thinking about how I should deal with this if it potentially happens again in the future. Like I said I enjoy meeting people and socializing, as it is a big part of the cruise experience to me, but I just did not "click" with this person and they totally could not take a hint lol. I am very easy going and can get along with almost anyone but this person almost drove me crazy.

How many of you have had a similar issues and how did you deal with it?? I was thinking about switching my next cruise to the Epic because the studio cabins and lounge sounds like a great idea. But after this "issue" I'm not so sure..... The last thing I want is someone from the studio lounge that I totally do not "click" with following me around all week.

Any thoughts???

I would suggest saying something like you went on a cruise to get over breaking up from your boyfriend/ husband or even better "girlfriend" and that since then you have had email contact and are going back to him, ie make it like ur really taken.

Or simply say that look I appreciate that your keeping me company but I came on this cruise to have some alone time to think so would it be too much to ask if I can have some space

This is a sticky situation. Some people would be very direct and blunt and say what the poster above said. I cruise solo and so your post has made me think hard about how I would handle this type of situation.

I guess I would opt for trying a neutral reaction - if I was sitting out by the pool, for example, relaxing, etc. and this person came up, plopped down beside me and started yakking at me, I think I'd take the initiative and get up and say, well, it's been nice seeing you again/chatting with you, but I've got some plans coming up and I need to head back to my cabin for a shower/nap, whatever. Fill in the blanks.

If you do this a few times, the other person might get the idea in a much more gentle way. I try to put myself in the other person's shoes, and treat them in the "golden rule" manner. I mean, you're on a ship with this other person and bound to run into them at your group functions. Why have uneasiness between you?

Just my thoughts.

So this is where the "issue" came in. The other cruiser that was traveling with their parents, decided that we should hang out, which I was fine with but after a bit I realized that we just didn't "click". For the rest of the cruise it seemed as if no matter what I did or where I went they found me and wanted to "hang out". The buffet, the pool, the promenade, pretty much everywhere I went it seemed. I tried to be nice but the entire time I was thinking about how I would LOVE some "me time". I did find a few hiding places and was able to get away here and there.

Wow, this is a great question. And it's one thing to make an excuse and escape, but what if you were doing something you really enjoyed (great seat by the pool, slot machine that was paying off, nice live music event) and you didn't want to leave, you just wanted the annoying person to go away? I'll be watching this thread, I've got my first solo coming up and tend to find a lot of people annoying :o:D. I consider every moment of my short five-day solo to be precious "me" time, that I want to spend how I want to spend it, which may be with others some but I'll definitely be wanting to have some solitude without having to hide in my room. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if it could be avoided.

So what is a nice way to say 'you go away now'??

This is a sticky situation. Some people would be very direct and blunt and say what the poster above said. I cruise solo and so your post has made me think hard about how I would handle this type of situation.

 

I guess I would opt for trying a neutral reaction - if I was sitting out by the pool, for example, relaxing, etc. and this person came up, plopped down beside me and started yakking at me, I think I'd take the initiative and get up and say, well, it's been nice seeing you again/chatting with you, but I've got some plans coming up and I need to head back to my cabin for a shower/nap, whatever. Fill in the blanks.

 

If you do this a few times, the other person might get the idea in a much more gentle way. I try to put myself in the other person's shoes, and treat them in the "golden rule" manner. I mean, you're on a ship with this other person and bound to run into them at your group functions. Why have uneasiness between you?

 

Just my thoughts.

You think much like I do. I knew more than likely I would run into this person again, even though it's a big ship, it's still a ship lol. The last thing I wanted on my vacation was to make someone mad or hurt their feelings and have to worry about running into them again. I did try to give a few hints on more than one occasion but this person just didn't seem to get it.

Wow, this is a great question. And it's one thing to make an excuse and escape, but what if you were doing something you really enjoyed (great seat by the pool, slot machine that was paying off, nice live music event) and you didn't want to leave, you just wanted the annoying person to go away? I'll be watching this thread, I've got my first solo coming up and tend to find a lot of people annoying :o:D. I consider every moment of my short five-day solo to be precious "me" time, that I want to spend how I want to spend it, which may be with others some but I'll definitely be wanting to have some solitude without having to hide in my room. But I don't want to hurt someone's feelings if it could be avoided.

 

So what is a nice way to say 'you go away now'??

This is pretty much what kept happening. I love my pool time on a cruise and I always make sure I get a good seat close to the action, band, etc. Every day this person would show up and I really wasn't about to give up my "perfect" spot just to get rid of them. I swear one night at about midnight I made a trip down the Helicopter pad (all by myself :)) to do some star gazing. There was absolutely no one out there but myself, so I kicked back on one of the benches and just lay there gazing up at all the stars. It was so peaceful that I actually dozed off to sleep and then suddenly out of nowhere I hear "hey whats up man". And that was the end of my peaceful star gazing lol

Ok, so I returned from my 2nd solo cruise a few days ago. Just as the 1st I had a wonderful time. It was a bit of a different crowd than I experienced back in march. Don't get me wrong, everyone was very friendly, but there was not nearly as many singles and most of the couples seemed to want to do their own thing (which is totally understandable). I like to meet people but I am also totally OK with my alone time so this did not really bother me.

 

I did run across an "issue" that I had not ever thought about before. The first sea day after a few drinks at the pool, a "group" formed. It included 2 younger couples, myself, and another mid twenties cruiser that was traveling with their parents. We had a great time for a few hours but it was evident (and totally understandable) for most of the cruise, that the couples wanted "couple time".

 

So this is where the "issue" came in. The other cruiser that was traveling with their parents, decided that we should hang out, which I was fine with but after a bit I realized that we just didn't "click". For the rest of the cruise it seemed as if no matter what I did or where I went they found me and wanted to "hang out". The buffet, the pool, the promenade, pretty much everywhere I went it seemed. I tried to be nice but the entire time I was thinking about how I would LOVE some "me time". I did find a few hiding places and was able to get away here and there.

 

I didn't let this ruin my trip by no means but it did get me to thinking about how I should deal with this if it potentially happens again in the future. Like I said I enjoy meeting people and socializing, as it is a big part of the cruise experience to me, but I just did not "click" with this person and they totally could not take a hint lol. I am very easy going and can get along with almost anyone but this person almost drove me crazy.

 

How many of you have had a similar issues and how did you deal with it?? I was thinking about switching my next cruise to the Epic because the studio cabins and lounge sounds like a great idea. But after this "issue" I'm not so sure..... The last thing I want is someone from the studio lounge that I totally do not "click" with following me around all week.

 

Any thoughts???

Oh...this is very easy. No different when you are in a conversation with a new person and you know after a while you sort of run out of things to talk about or are bored with the person. You graciously and politely tell them..."it been very nice spending some time with you; however, I think I'm going to mix and mingle as there are a few people I'd like to speak with." "Or I'm going off to finish reading this interesting book I started reading or I'm heading off for some down time by myself at the spa, etc." It's all about the "I." Never say anything about the other person like you are tired talking to them or you are boring me...well you get the picture. Maybe tell them you didn't sleep well and are going back to your cabin for a nap and let's me up for cocktails tomorrow evening. You should never feel obligated to hang around someone you don't want to 24/7. It's all about having a good reason to depart and a meet up sometime later. There isn't anything selfish or rude about that even if it might be a little white lie. You can't ignore someone completely if he or she is generously nice, but you don't have to be with them all the time. If the person is someone you really don't want to be around at all then you are just going to have to acknowledge them politely, but have an excuse to move on and exit stage right ASAP....sorry but I have to use the restroom, etc. It's a big ship and hopefully you don't run into them, but if you do don't ignore them just don't entertain them. If they want to where you have been...tell them you been so very busy on shore tours, etc. It's takes practice, but it works. But the reality is you won't find as I call them "a tag along" on every cruise. Some people are simply afraid about being lonely and desperately try to suck you into their trap for their own personal issues. You need to identify those people upfront and don't entertainment them or don't get too chummy with them unless you really do like being around them. IMO I'd stay away from those people like the plague.

In theory, I completely agree with COMBOY. But the way I read the OP, they made a mistake and allowed a creepy manipulator to attach themselves. Assuming that a firm and unambiguous "No I don't wish to" hasn't worked, time to remember "Freedom is not free". You've made a mistake, you're going to have to pay the price to correct it. Remember when the manipulator whines "you hurt my feelings" you can retort "you hurt mine, not respecting my boundaries".

In theory, I completely agree with COMBOY. But the way I read the OP, they made a mistake and allowed a creepy manipulator to attach themselves. Assuming that a firm and unambiguous "No I don't wish to" hasn't worked, time to remember "Freedom is not free". You've made a mistake, you're going to have to pay the price to correct it. Remember when the manipulator whines "you hurt my feelings" you can retort "you hurt mine, not respecting my boundaries".

Agree with this. Why should you have to give up your spot every time somebody who can't take a hint wants to come by and bother you? You can be "polite but firm" and let them know you are on your "me" time.

Stop pussyfooting about and just tell the other person that you'd rather be alone.

Just say " sorry but you're becoming a stalker, bugger off"

Works for me...!

Stop pussyfooting about and just tell the other person that you'd rather be alone.

 

Just say " sorry but you're becoming a stalker, bugger off"

 

Works for me...!

Oh you are wicked!

That said, I've found I can't better the words of dear Peggy Mitchell in EastEnders when asking an unwelcome guest to vacate her establishment.....

"Sling yer hook!"

O.K., it wasn't until the OP was at the helipad, alone and at night, and the other cruiser found her that I got creeped out. How in the heck did he/she find you there??:eek: The helipad incident certainly sounds more like stalking than just running into you. Ewww.

I, too, am fairly social when cruising and have met people who I didn't really click with and then they kept "running into me" during the cruise. These aren't bad or mean people but what they are is (a) either avoiding the people they came with or (b) first/second time solo cruisers who haven't gotten the hang of it yet. If changing up my schedule by a half-hour or so doesn't lose them, then I have a gentle chat saying I cruise solo b/c I like and need my alone time. If they are new solo cruisers I may offer to meet at a specific time/place for a drink/show to sort of ease them through but if it is someone who is avoiding who they came with, I don't bother.

In theory, I completely agree with COMBOY. But the way I read the OP, they made a mistake and allowed a creepy manipulator to attach themselves. Assuming that a firm and unambiguous "No I don't wish to" hasn't worked, time to remember "Freedom is not free". You've made a mistake, you're going to have to pay the price to correct it. Remember when the manipulator whines "you hurt my feelings" you can retort "you hurt mine, not respecting my boundaries".

You are probably correct. I did allow them to "attach themselves". I guess maybe I misread the situation and didn't realize that this person would follow me around the rest of the week. I've been on 11 cruises and never ran into this problem before so it never really crossed my mind. I typically try to be nice to everyone even if they are not my type of person but I think this time it came back to bite me lol. I'm the type that tries to avoid conflict, especially on vacation, and I guess this is why it was so hard for me to bluntly tell this person to get lost. But I definitely learned a lesson for the future and if I run into this situation again I will be a little more blunt and definitely find a way to get the point across.

O.K., it wasn't until the OP was at the helipad, alone and at night, and the other cruiser found her that I got creeped out. How in the heck did he/she find you there??:eek: The helipad incident certainly sounds more like stalking than just running into you. Ewww.

 

I, too, am fairly social when cruising and have met people who I didn't really click with and then they kept "running into me" during the cruise. These aren't bad or mean people but what they are is (a) either avoiding the people they came with or (b) first/second time solo cruisers who haven't gotten the hang of it yet. If changing up my schedule by a half-hour or so doesn't lose them, then I have a gentle chat saying I cruise solo b/c I like and need my alone time. If they are new solo cruisers I may offer to meet at a specific time/place for a drink/show to sort of ease them through but if it is someone who is avoiding who they came with, I don't bother.

I think you just made a very good point. I do not think this cruiser was a bad person just someone I didn't click with and someone who couldn't take a hint. This cruiser was with their parents and was probably trying to avoid them to a point. I guess they thought since I was of similar age and "by myself" that I would be a good person to follow around all week. Some people just have to have someone "there" all the time it seems.

I think you just made a very good point. I do not think this cruiser was a bad person just someone I didn't click with and someone who couldn't take a hint. This cruiser was with their parents and was probably trying to avoid them to a point. I guess they thought since I was of similar age and "by myself" that I would be a good person to follow around all week. Some people just have to have someone "there" all the time it seems.

LOL, on Mariner of the Seas I was seated at a large table with a group traveling together and another couple. In the group there were two sisters, a couple and a single man--bf of the husband. The husband kept trying to fix me up with the single guy (neither of us were interested in the other) saying we could each have someone! So maybe it was the parents saying why don't you hang out with so-and-so, she is near your age, you'll have fun.

I think you got some great ideas. I've never cruised but have been bugged by "stalkers". I think if I were in your shoes I probably would have said "you know a lot of people are amazed that I like to cruise solo but I really enjoy being alone and having, by myself, alone time. So because I've paid for this I better take advantage and start my alone time because cruises are way too short so take care and have a great cruise!"

I really really do like being alone. I am never bored and could go a week and never see or talk to anyone but the phone keeps ringing...lol..I don't dare get text or data plan on my phone...noooooo

I can understand the stalker thing but it's also funny how on such big ships you can run into or see the same people more than once. For example, on my last cruise there was this nice couple that I kept running into at dinner, comedy club, dance club, bar. There was a drunk dude that I kept running into and he was drunk all the time. Maybe because I was always out and about but it was just funny how often I saw the same people over and over.

I had someone on my solo cruise who kept 'bumping into me'

I always had my iPod with me (nice holiday tunes) and every time they stopped me to talk, I said hello and was polite, then just said "it's been nice chatting, but I am really engrossed in my audio book, so if you don't mind" then put my earphones in and turned the nice music back on ;)

I will use that excuse if it happens on my next cruise, although this time, I do actually have some audio books to listen too while watching the sea go by :)

Audiobooks are the saviour! You don't even have to buy an audiobook - just have a set of headphones and some kind of music player (I use my phone, and genuinely do have audiobooks on there that I listen to).

If someone starts chatting, remove one ear piece and say "Hmm?", then answer their question, put earpiece back in. If they follow up with something else, repeat. On the third occasion, apologise for the earpiece, but you're listening to an audiobook, and it's just got to the good bit.

Another method is to say "hey, I'm not in a company mood right now, but I'm thinking of going to the salsa/quiz/foot shuffling competition later - maybe I'll see you there?" - only use that if they're not tooooo awful, and you feel you could put up with them for 30 mins or more later on. The other downside to that is that if you run into someone you do want to talk to, there's a paranoia about whether person A will spot you :o

I had someone on my solo cruise who kept 'bumping into me'

I always had my iPod with me (nice holiday tunes) and every time they stopped me to talk, I said hello and was polite, then just said "it's been nice chatting, but I am really engrossed in my audio book, so if you don't mind" then put my earphones in and turned the nice music back on ;)

I will use that excuse if it happens on my next cruise, although this time, I do actually have some audio books to listen too while watching the sea go by :)

Snap! :D

Ok, so I returned from my 2nd solo cruise a few days ago. Just as the 1st I had a wonderful time. It was a bit of a different crowd than I experienced back in march. Don't get me wrong, everyone was very friendly, but there was not nearly as many singles and most of the couples seemed to want to do their own thing (which is totally understandable). I like to meet people but I am also totally OK with my alone time so this did not really bother me.

 

I did run across an "issue" that I had not ever thought about before. The first sea day after a few drinks at the pool, a "group" formed. It included 2 younger couples, myself, and another mid twenties cruiser that was traveling with their parents. We had a great time for a few hours but it was evident (and totally understandable) for most of the cruise, that the couples wanted "couple time".

 

So this is where the "issue" came in. The other cruiser that was traveling with their parents, decided that we should hang out, which I was fine with but after a bit I realized that we just didn't "click". For the rest of the cruise it seemed as if no matter what I did or where I went they found me and wanted to "hang out". The buffet, the pool, the promenade, pretty much everywhere I went it seemed. I tried to be nice but the entire time I was thinking about how I would LOVE some "me time". I did find a few hiding places and was able to get away here and there.

 

I didn't let this ruin my trip by no means but it did get me to thinking about how I should deal with this if it potentially happens again in the future. Like I said I enjoy meeting people and socializing, as it is a big part of the cruise experience to me, but I just did not "click" with this person and they totally could not take a hint lol. I am very easy going and can get along with almost anyone but this person almost drove me crazy.

 

How many of you have had a similar issues and how did you deal with it?? I was thinking about switching my next cruise to the Epic because the studio cabins and lounge sounds like a great idea. But after this "issue" I'm not so sure..... The last thing I want is someone from the studio lounge that I totally do not "click" with following me around all week.

 

Any thoughts???

Maybe you could start explaining how excited you are that you are about to enter your " special meditation time " for the next few days and how wonderful it was that you got to spend time with them before that, knowing that they would understand and even help you be by yourself. If they see you later on with other people.... Tell them you are group meditating...

OP, You mention that you have considered sailing on NCL Epic. Whilst in one way, this ship is great for solos as it makes it much easier for shyer or less confident travelers to meet people to hang out with, for that same reason I have found it by far the worst ship for having people 'find' or 'follow' you. I suppose because if you are with a group of people you have met and there is someone who doesn't really click with the rest, there is almost an unspoken invitation that as another solo, they can just join you without asking seeing as you are all in the same position. And because you are in a group, you can't ask them to leave without making them feel bad. Whereas if you are by yourself or with your family or partner, you can explain you are having alone/family/private time.

I like to meet up with people for dinner, drinks and socialising in the evening, but in general I prefer to have my days to myself. I am not at my most sociable first thing in the morning when I am tired and hungover, so would hate to have people joining me at breakfast or when I'm trying to sunbathe and read! I have found that some solos are not so comfortable with being alone and want to plan a time to meet for every meal, every port, every excursion etc. However, the main positive for me when cruising alone is that I get to do what I want, when I want, without having to make any compromises like you would when traveling with someone else. It might sound harsh but I'm not going to change this for someone I don't even know.

So what I always do is make this clear, in a jokey sort of way when I first meet people it seems likely I will be friends with, ie. 'Just so you know, I'm a monster in the morning so you might want to avoid me, but I would love to meet you later for a drink!' or 'I'm not sure of my plans for the day yet, but I'm sure I will bump into you tonight.' I am still polite and friendly if I run into people, but I will just wave or say hello then carry along my way, rather than getting involved in a conversation or sitting down, which invites them joining you.

There are some links to blogs of my solo trips on the Epic in my signature if you are interested. Despite what I have said above, she is a great ship for solos and I really enjoyed both my cruises on her.

I did my first Solo cruise with friends of ours and am very social, and met many really nice people. I didn't go out of my way to sit with any one person yet was asked if they could share the table with me at breakfast or I asked if I could sit with them. We all need what I call Down time for ourselves, so if I choose to leave or they do, we simple excuse ourselves and wish each other a nice day.

I'm about to take my first ever solo cruise early next month so I naturally clicked on this topic/thread along with the others. I personally don't fear a situation like this for even a second or ever worry about creating one by sending mixed signals (enabling a creepy stalker - male or female) as communication, confidence, self-awareness and being appropriate/polite enough are all pretty much all in check here.

It did get me to wonder though; have any of you ever thought that no matter how well you may limit the time and/or discrete you were that YOU in fact have been (or could be) the creeper in someone else's eyes??? hahahaha I suppose its a tolerance thing and well? Some are freaks themselves and may have super low tolerance + likely horrible judgment/instinct to boot.....lol@myself

Gosh, I'd hate to think that I could overstep totally unknowingly. Especially while in fun, fun, fun vacation mode. Sailing at non-peak times (less family with children) might gear one towards assuming you're all like-minded or something silly like that. Damn, now you all have me thinking.....