nervous, need a little hand holding...

We are taking a once in a lifetime trip to Europe in June with our four kids. We actually planned to go last June, but due to work issues with my husband, we had to postpone it to this year. The planning has been a lot of fun and we are all very excited. I am also incredibly nervous.

I know its not entirely rational, but I really don't like to fly. For a trip to Europe, however, there is no getting around it so I really need some things to focus on to let me know that barring some unlikely one in a zillion disaster, everything will be alright. For instance, a flight attendant friend of mine told me that turbulence does not (usually, because I'm sure it has happened) crash planes. Good to know, and it has helped me cope with one of the most fear inducing parts of any flight for me, the turbulence.

My adrenaline is off the charts the entire flight, whether five minutes or five hours, and I am completely unable to relax, let alone sleep. I am a wreck (inwardly as much as that is possible, so as not to scare my children) during take off. Still, I know millions of people do this every year and are ok with it, so I would love to hear from anyone who has any words of wisdom, words of comfort, advice or practical knowledge to put my mind at ease and let me enjoy what should be a great experience. Just typing this, my palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry!

I've tried meds, but would like to avoid that because it made me loopy for days. I also want to be fully alert and functional given that I am flying with my entire family in the event of an emergency.

I think its lack of control that does this to me, though obviously I can't do anything about that. Maybe if I had more information, I wouldn't need to fear the unknown so much. Its a crazy question and one that I know is hard to answer, but how nervous do I need to be?

We have not booked the air yet, but are about to. I am seriously considering Alitalia (Toronto - Venice). If there are better or worse airlines for those freaked out by flying, please share.

Handholders, help me.

Depending on my mood and fatigue factor, I can be a nervous flyer. I read - anything at hand: book, newspaper, magazine, whatever. Also listen to MP3 player once airborne, or even better watch videos. Interestingly enough, this has absolutely no effect on me at the planning stage - it's strictly in-plane.

From: http://www.anxieties.com/flying-howsafe.php

"Dr. Arnold Barnett, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, has done extensive research in the field of commercial flight safety. He found that over the fifteen years between 1975 and 1994, the death risk per flight was one in seven million. This statistic is the probability that someone who randomly selected one of the airline's flights over the 19-year study period would be killed in route. That means that any time you board a flight on a major carrier in this country, your chance of being in a fatal accident is one in seven million. It doesn't matter whether you fly once every three years or every day of the year.

In fact, based on this incredible safety record, if you did fly every day of your life, probability indicates that it would take you nineteen thousand years before you would succumb to a fatal accident. Nineteen thousand years!

Perhaps you have occasionally taken the train for your travels, believing that it would be safer. Think again. Based on train accidents over the past twenty years, your chances of dying on a transcontinental train journey are one in a million. Those are great odds, mind you. But flying coast-to-coast is ten times safer than making the trip by train.

How about driving, our typical form of transportation? There are approximately one hundred and thirty people killed daily in auto accidents. That's every day -- yesterday, today and tomorrow. And that's forty-seven thousand killed per year.

In 1990, five hundred million airline passengers were transported an average distance of eight hundred miles, through more than seven million takeoffs and landings, in all kinds of weather conditions, with a loss of only thirty-nine lives. During that same year the National Transportation Safety Board's report shows that over forty-six thousand people were killed in auto accidents. A sold-out 727 jet would have to crash every day of the week, with no survivors, to equal the highway deaths per year in this country.

Dr. Barnett of MIT compared the chance of dying from an airline accident versus a driving accident, after accounting for the greater number of people who drive each day. Can you guess what he found? You are nineteen times safer in a plane than in a car. Every single time you step on a plane, no matter how many times you fly, you are nineteen times less likely to die than in your car."

In The Netherlands people can attend special classes about fear of flying and how to feel better on board a plane. I donot know if such a thing is available where you live.

Otherwise have a look at this site:

http://www.fearofflyinghelp.com/

One comment....the MIT study covered the period from 1975-1994. Flying was very safe then, and is even safer now. Did you know that US airlines transported over 1.5 BILLION passengers in 2010, 2011, and so far this year with ZERO fatalities? European and first-tier Asian airlines are the same. But, I'm sure you're aware of all the statistics and realize that doesn't help most people in your situation.

I'm an engineer, private pilot, and love to fly....I'm not a psychologist / counselor. But it's good that you seem to know the cause of your anxiety (feeling you aren't in control). I'm sure you're fine riding as passenger in a car, bus, or cruise ship. Maybe the root cause is lack of familiarity or understanding of planes and flying, and the lack of control is just a symptom?

Is it all portions of a flight that bother you, or just the takeoff, or turbulence, etc?

Some airlines have courses for anxious fliers...and I know there are a few private firms in the LA area with "fear of flying" clinics. Another suggestion- if you know a private pilot, spend an hour or two with them. Most will be happy to take you to a plane and show you what all the controls and parts do, and how a flight operates. The way a Cessna works is basically the same as a 747, and maybe seeing how the flaps work will de-mystify things when you see the flaps working on your airline flight.

Hope these suggestions help....

I completely understand your fear. I see it a lot, given my profession. I'm just going to explain turbulence to you to, hopefully ease your fears:

[Note: Sometimes when I write It can come across as callous or superficial, so just know, I'm really not trying to sound like that.]

I'm going to tell a story. On a flight about a month ago from Las Vegas (KLAS) to Baltimore (KBWI), I sat next to a woman who was extremely scared to fly. I could feel the tension emanating from her and I felt really bad for her. I was with my wife and we were coming back from a friend's wedding, so I wasn't up at the pointy end of the plane. My wife was at the window, I was in the middle and the woman was on the isle.

Even though I was just a passenger, I had looked at the weather, knew to expect a few light bumps and that we'd be in the clouds for much of the flight. I held off on telling her what to expect, thinking I'd only make her more nervous. We departed from KLAS and were in the clouds in just a few seconds. As expected, the bumps started a couple minutes in. VERY light but immediately the woman next to me threw the relaxing music on her iPod, started her deep breathing exercises, death gripped the armrest and looked like she'd rather be anywhere on Earth than there. I held off on telling her however (as a veteran pilot, I seem to have developed a 6th sense and can tell if they would want to know or if it's probably best I not tell them). Anyway, here's a few interesting and hopefully helpful tidbits on turbulence.

1. We are really trying to avoid the bumps. We want you to not be scared so you'll fly again - our livelihoods depend on you flying again! We are constantly getting "ride reports" from air traffic control (ATC) which are reports from other planes in the area or on the same route. If a different altitude looks better, we will more than likely try it if ATC will clear us to do so and it doesn't adversely affect the flight in other ways. On a bumpy day, almost all you hear on the radio is pilots and ATC working together to find smoother altitudes.

2. There are four different classifications of turbulence:

Light - my drink has a few ripples

Moderate - my drink may spill a little on the tray table (most people's "worst flight" story)

Severe - I'm wearing my drink

Extreme - my drink has become a deadly projectile, the flight attendant who served it to me is now embedded in the ceiling, and your carry-ons have come down to join you in your lap (extremely rare)

3. While turbulence related crashes have occurred, they are so rare and unlikely that you have a greater chance of dying because you got run over by a Coyote wearing Acme Rocket Shoes chasing a Road Runner than you do of dying because of turbulence. In other words, don't worry about it (again, I don't want to sound callous). Almost all of those accidents occurred because a chain of other events occurred in addition to the turbulence. Also, don't worry when you see the wings bend. They're supposed to do that.

4. Clouds are a generally a good indicator of turbulence. Cumulous = slightly bumpy until you get above them. Stratus/fog = smooth. Terrain is an indicator too - flying above mountains tends to be bumpier because of the air movements off of their surface. Yes, if it's really windy it'll probably be bumpy closer to the ground but it can easily smooth out as you climb up as the air sometimes tends to move more erratically closer to the ground. Thunderstorms do cause severe or worse turbulence but, trust me, your pilots and ATC work together using sophisticated weather radar to avoid them at all costs. Unexpected encounters with severe clear air turbulence (CAT) are very very rare and most flights that have dealt with some pretty extreme encounters with CAT end up with nothing more than an unhappy ground cleaning crew.

5. It tends to be smoother in the morning so if you absolutely hate turbulence, you'll generally reduce your chances of encountering it if you fly earlier in the day (although nothing will eliminate your chances of encountering it). Throughout the day, the sun heats up the earth and causes air to rise which causes bumps. You can see this point proven when you see "waves" coming off a hot surface on a hot day.

6. Visit the cockpit. I've had many people come into the cockpit while boarding and mention how surprised they were that these visits aren't prohibited. While trips to the cockpit inflight are prohibited, most of us still have the time for a five minute tour while at the gate if you're interested. If nothing else, it might be nice to know who you're trusting with your life. And you might even learn something. I know if I see someone afraid to fly, I ask them if they would like a quick tour. Now I'm not completely sure all pilots will do this (especially Alitalia), but I know friends who are pilots and FO's on US Legacy carriers (United, Delta, American, etc.) who all do this and are more than happy to ease your fear. You can also ask them if they are expecting turbulence during the flight, if you want.

7. Remember, the airplane you are flying on cost tens if not hundreds of millions of dollars and lawsuits are expensive. The airlines would like to see that expensive asset make it safely from point A to point B just as much as you do. If it's unsafe, we don't go or we divert. Period. Also, don't get mad the next time your flight is delayed or cancelled because of "weather". Trust me, if we don't want to fly, you don't want to fly either.

So, now that you're a turbulence expert, get out there and fly and relax!! And, if this doesn't help you calm down, a couple of your favorite cocktails probably will. Hope this helps and if you have any other questions, ask away.

I know its not entirely rational, but I really don't like to fly. For a trip to Europe, however, there is no getting around it so I really need some things to focus on to let me know that barring some unlikely one in a zillion disaster, everything will be alright.

 

My adrenaline is off the charts the entire flight, whether five minutes or five hours, and I am completely unable to relax, let alone sleep. I am a wreck (inwardly as much as that is possible, so as not to scare my children) during take off. Still, I know millions of people do this every year and are ok with it, so I would love to hear from anyone who has any words of wisdom, words of comfort, advice or practical knowledge to put my mind at ease and let me enjoy what should be a great experience. Just typing this, my palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry!

 

I've tried meds, but would like to avoid that because it made me loopy for days. I also want to be fully alert and functional given that I am flying with my entire family in the event of an emergency.

 

A few thoughts:

1. As a general rule, planes do not just fall out of the sky. Thousands and thousands of people fly every day without incident. The incidents that do occur are generally ones of inconvenience (flight is delayed because the crew is late, or the gate was occupied), rather than serious safety issues.

2. You have a far greater risk of being in an auto accident than in a plane crash. This more than anything else will hopefully give you some reassurance about air travel.

3. Your children are going to be looking to you to know how to act. If you are visibly nervous, they will be nervous. If you are scared, they will be scared, and so on. This applies not just to the time during the actual flight, but the time leading up to it as well. If they hear you talking to a friend about how nervous you are about the upcoming trip, they will think there is something to be scared of. But if you are relaxed and excited about the big adventure (or appear to be, on the surface), guess what? THEY will be relaxed and excited about the big adventure. :)

4. I am not suggesting you take meds to help you relax, but I AM suggesting that you discuss the option with your doctor. See #2: If you are a nervous wreck, that's not going to be very reassuring to your children! Maybe what you've tried in the past has been the wrong med, or too strong of a dose. Talk to your doctor; together you may still decide against it, but given your intense fears, and the fact that you are flying with your children and need to be calm and confident for their sake, I think it at least warrants discussion with your doctor.

5. Take plenty to keep you occupied during the flight. Reading material, word puzzles, iPod with your favorite music, whatever. Allow plenty of time to get to the airport, and plenty of time for connections. You don't want to add to your anxiety.

6. Enlist your husband's help. If talking about the flight plans makes your nervous, let him be the one to answer the kids' questions. If you start getting anxious pre-flight, signal him to take the kids for ice cream while you wait.... anything to keep them from picking up on your vibes. ;)

Most of all, remember that as you said, this is a trip of a lifetime. Enjoy! :)

I work in aerospace engineering, and I assure you that there is a very, very dedicated workforce behind the scenes at aircraft manufacturers and airline maintenance departments that work day in and day out to make sure that aviation is the safest form of travel, and it absolutely is. In addition, certification authorities in the US and Europe assure that every plane flying in, out, and through their airspace is rigorously maintained and certified.

Finally, as mentioned previously, aircraft crews know more about the aircraft then you will ever, ever, ever know. If they show up to work, they are completely assured that they will make it to their destination in one piece.

We are taking a once in a lifetime trip to Europe in June with our four kids. We actually planned to go last June, but due to work issues with my husband, we had to postpone it to this year. The planning has been a lot of fun and we are all very excited. I am also incredibly nervous.

 

I know its not entirely rational, but I really don't like to fly. For a trip to Europe, however, there is no getting around it so I really need some things to focus on to let me know that barring some unlikely one in a zillion disaster, everything will be alright. For instance, a flight attendant friend of mine told me that turbulence does not (usually, because I'm sure it has happened) crash planes. Good to know, and it has helped me cope with one of the most fear inducing parts of any flight for me, the turbulence.

 

My adrenaline is off the charts the entire flight, whether five minutes or five hours, and I am completely unable to relax, let alone sleep. I am a wreck (inwardly as much as that is possible, so as not to scare my children) during take off. Still, I know millions of people do this every year and are ok with it, so I would love to hear from anyone who has any words of wisdom, words of comfort, advice or practical knowledge to put my mind at ease and let me enjoy what should be a great experience. Just typing this, my palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry!

 

I've tried meds, but would like to avoid that because it made me loopy for days. I also want to be fully alert and functional given that I am flying with my entire family in the event of an emergency.

 

I think its lack of control that does this to me, though obviously I can't do anything about that. Maybe if I had more information, I wouldn't need to fear the unknown so much. Its a crazy question and one that I know is hard to answer, but how nervous do I need to be?

 

We have not booked the air yet, but are about to. I am seriously considering Alitalia (Toronto - Venice). If there are better or worse airlines for those freaked out by flying, please share.

 

Handholders, help me.

I'm not a handholder, but I do work with people with anxiety. There are several ways to deal with anxiety without medications, I would suggest speaking to your doctor about a referral for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to deal with your fear of flying. The people here have already started the first part of CBT, which is an objective look at the real risks involved. The next part is how you use this information to facilitate your function, i.e. getting on the plane and flying without becoming overly anxious. Medications are an option (benzodiazepines usually), some are shorter acting than others so ask about that too, although I'm not a big fan of meds at 30 000 ft ;) You do need a good way to stay calm around your children, as they will be looking to you for support and encouragement. On the other hand, they don't know what a flight is supposed to be like, so as long as you look like everything is going according to plan, they are none the wiser. My now 4 year old thinks mild-moderate turbulence happens on all flights :rolleyes:

Bottom line, flying is safer than most activities in which we participate on a daily basis without even thinking about it. Your thoughts are getting in the way of you enjoying a nice family vacation, so deal with the thoughts and go from there.

Hey, you got me worried with the once in a liftime trip part...

If you set your expectations too high that this has to be the best trip in all parts because it is a once in a lifetime trip, you may be heading for trouble. With any travel there are bumps and how you handle them is important otherwise your trip can be "ruined" because of a turbulent flight, a bad meal, a rude service person, a site being closed, etc.... you need to relax, enjoy and adapt...

JMHO

I posted earlier, but it seems to have been lost so I'll give it another try.

Thank you so much to all of you for your great insight and advice. It is really helpful just to know that people understand this type of anxiety. Each one of you added something that was sincerely helpful.

On February 12, 2009 Colgan Air flight 3407 (Continental Connection from Newark to Buffalo) crashed less than 20 miles from my home, killing all on board. Ironically, the plane crashed in the very neighborhood that a few of the people on board lived in, and also was carrying Beverly Eckert whose husband was killed in the WTC on 9/11. She was enroute to my son's high school to award a scholarship in her husband's honor. She and her husband were both killed in separate incidents, by plane crashes despite astronomical odds that such a thing would never happen to even one of them in their lifetime. If I had to pinpoint it, I'd definitely say that this was the catalyst of my anxiety. It was determined, by the way, that the cause of the crash was pilot error related to fatigue, inexperience and failure to maintain a sterile cockpit.

I really believe that my issue is lack of control. I know nothing about the pilot(s) in whose hands I put my life and that of my children. Hopefully they slept well, are well trained and not distracted. That said, I understand the statistics, and cling to them each and every time I step foot on a plane. The rational me knows that odds are that the plane will make it to its destination just fine. The other part of me thinks of Beverly Eckert, and the fact that in her life, lightning struck twice despite the odds. I don't know that I'll ever be 100% comfortable on a plane, but I would like to be able to board without vomiting first. This is a work in progress, beginning with what I can control...what I know.

Knowledge is power, and I feel a lot better just knowing things that some of you shared in response to my question. KirkWN737, I loved the explanation of turbulence, and I will look at the moderate turbulence that most of us experience in a completely different light from now on. Thank you so much for taking the time to post that and for the much needed and appreciated humor. I will definitely be meditating hard three months from now about how much more likely I am to die by being run over by a Coyote wearing acme rocket shoes chasing a road runner than turbulence. LOL!

My kids know that I am uncomfortable just based on the white knuckles and the fact that all the color drains from my face once I buckle up, but I try really hard not to let my hang ups about flying affect them. I try to be brave on the outside, but inside is pure turmoil.

Happy Cruzer, this is definitely a once in a lifetime trip for us, in celebration of many milestones this year, including our oldest son's graduation from High School. Taking four kids through five countries is not something we are likely to do again. That said, I meant that in a happy way. My anxiety has nothing to do with the trip itself, it is purely centered around flying. I'm really a roll with it kind of girl, and don't get too rattled by the things that inevitably go wrong while travelling with kids. Its all part of the adventure.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts. I'm going to work on the anxiety for the next few months, and hopefully get on that plane with a smile on my face!

On February 12, 2009 Colgan Air flight 3407 (Continental Connection from Newark to Buffalo) crashed less than 20 miles from my home, killing all on board. Ironically, the plane crashed in the very neighborhood that a few of the people on board lived in, and also was carrying Beverly Eckert whose husband was killed in the WTC on 9/11. She was enroute to my son's high school to award a scholarship in her husband's honor. She and her husband were both killed in separate incidents, by plane crashes despite astronomical odds that such a thing would never happen to even one of them in their lifetime. If I had to pinpoint it, I'd definitely say that this was the catalyst of my anxiety. It was determined, by the way, that the cause of the crash was pilot error related to fatigue, inexperience and failure to maintain a sterile cockpit.

 

I really believe that my issue is lack of control. I know nothing about the pilot(s) in whose hands I put my life and that of my children. Hopefully they slept well, are well trained and not distracted. That said, I understand the statistics, and cling to them each and every time I step foot on a plane. The rational me knows that odds are that the plane will make it to its destination just fine. The other part of me thinks of Beverly Eckert, and the fact that in her life, lightning struck twice despite the odds. I don't know that I'll ever be 100% comfortable on a plane, but I would like to be able to board without vomiting first. This is a work in progress, beginning with what I can control...what I know.

Flight 3407 was a wake up call for the government. All us pilots knew that what was happening with the regional airlines, but the government didn't. Airlines were outsourcing the flights to other airlines (Like Colgan, Chautauqua, ASA, etc.) in order to save money. Those airlines operate under the name "Delta Express" but the crew is employed by ASA. Leading to poor service, low pay and hazardous conditions. Not airlines do this though, Southwest and JetBlue (that's just what I can think of at the moment) do not, the larger legacy carriers do. After the accident though, the government started looking into the training, amount of hours required to become a pilot, and the whole fatigue problem. The FAA recently released new guidelines for pilots. In terms of amount of sleep, amount of flying time, etc. Also I read recently that they are increasing the amount of hours required to become a regional pilot (like those on 3407). Most pilots are usually regional pilots before they come up to the larger carriers. I was fortunate enough to come out of the Air Force and immediately get hired by, then, small Southwest airlines. All the pilots that are flying the transoceanic flights have a lot of experience. Heck, most domestic pilots do too. I reached my 20,000th hour flying a 737 last week and still get paid more than the top international pilot at American and United, which is sad. And most other pilots have about the same amount of hours for as long as I've been flying. At Southwest, we have a policy that if you're not feeling well or don't feel like you got enough sleep, you are allowed to not fly that day, without penalty. Because the airline realised that there are those nights when people just can't get to sleep. And like I said in my other post, get to know the pilots when you walk on. Most pilots love talking about their job and what that do. That sad thing is that it took 3407 to go down for the government to change the policies. But we had already been honoring those new policies for a few years before 3407 even occurred.

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My husband is a retired airline employee, I fly like others take a bus, get on, get off.

However, what you are "needing" isn't an option. NO one, can tell you, "everything is going to be alright" since the future can not be predicted. You are going to have to look in the mirror and go with what is right for you. Flying isn't for everyone- AND you claim you are going. Then there isn't much else to do, but go, is there?

I just want to clarify something so that this post doesn't get off track. What I feel I am needing in order to tackle my anxiety is information to help me keep the risk in perspective. I have most definitely gotten that from nearly everyone who has responded to this post...a pilot, an aerospace engineer, someone who works with people with anxiety, people who can share statistics, and people who can just sympathise. No, no one can tell me with certainty that everything will be alright, but they can certainly help me get to a place of confidence that in all likelihood it will, by sharing what they know. This will help a lot of people. I am far from the only one who has flight anxiety.

Yes, I am going. Even if I have to endure a 10 hour anxiety attack because this is an experience I really want my children to have. For someone with this type of anxiety, even being willing to tackle their fear is a huge step in the right direction. Again, I am not freaking out or clawing at my eyeballs, I am simply extremely nervous, more on the inside than on the outside, and trying to be proactive.

So, I respectfully disagree with your statement that there "isn't much else to do but go". What there is to do is educate myself about the flight process so that normal things don't make me more anxiety ridden than they have to and I can enjoy (or at least tolerate) that part of the trip. Eliminating anxiety triggers such as fatigue, moderate turbulence - which Kirk explained above - and getting a bit of an insiders perspective on the flight industry as a whole has upped my confidence tremendously already. What I am really trying to ascertain here is how nervous do I actually need to be, and I think people have done a great job of answering that to the degree that is possible. Again, knowledge is power.

Thanks again everyone!

I can totally understand your anxiety. I too am a nervous flyer and still hate flying, especially if it is going to be "bumpy". Of course, I'm married to a man who is asleep as soon as we taxi out, i.e. NO help at all! I was very concerned about my first trip to Europe especially the 8 hour flight. Amazingly, the flight went pretty fast, in fact a lot quicker than some of my domestic flights. Make sure the airline you choose has in-seat entertainment. I got involved in several movies on the flight over and was kind of upset when it was time to land (I was in the middle of a movie)! You'll get to experience airline food (which is in short supply with most domestic flights) which will take up some of the time.

Be excited about going someplace "new"! You'll be glad you did and coming back you'll be a veteran of that long flight and know what to expect (and maybe even look forward to it). I did it a second time several years later, so I can honestly say it wasn't bad at all!

I can totally understand your anxiety. I too am a nervous flyer and still hate flying, especially if it is going to be "bumpy".

Anytime I hear this, I do my best to explain as much about aircraft as possible, because it's a sign that the person simply isn't educated about aircraft. That's not a knock, as MOST people aren't, but it's a clear indicator. It takes, without a doubt, 7-10 YEARS just to design, flight test, and certify an aircraft...maybe a bit less if it's developed from an existing model, but still - quite a long time. Every aspect of an aircraft is designed to precise measurements. There are entire groups of people on a team that spend their 40+ hour weeks making sure a wing won't start vibrating at the right frequency to tear the aircraft apart...seemingly little things to the general public that are crucial to aircraft design, and have millions of dollars of research, development and testing behind them. All that is to say that - a few bumps, or even quite a few bumps, has no real impact on the safety of your flight. Nobody likes turbulence, myself included, but it's not really a safety hazard.

Flying...very, very safe.

I am a nervous flyer, too. I always get a massage the day before boarding a plane, it helps get all the extra tension out and it really has made a difference for me. I know the stats, so I know its safe, but still I get a little panicky during take off. I just pull out a magazine and read it (while holding my husband's hand :o) and just concentrate on what I'm reading and my husband next to me. Once we're in the air, I pull out my other distractions (Iphone, Ipad or PSP) or watch the inflight movie.

Oh, and one - just one - alcoholic beverage ;) and then water to keep from getting dehydrated.

One of my siblings is such a nervous flyer that she gave it up all together long before 9/11. While I have traveled the world, she has stayed home worrying her head off about me!

She won't go anywhere she can't drive. I mean personally drive. She trusts no one. She reared all of her children to be exactly the same way about flying and none of them fly at all. She has managed to terrify her grandchildren as well and one who had a wonderful tuition award for an away college, turned down the offer because she refused to fly!

She lives in a small city. One trip to visit her I arrived on a small regional prop plane. She nearly had a breakdown when she saw it.

She has missed so much pleasure and interesting things in life.

I no longer give her any idea of my travel plans.

She could have gotten help years ago, but now the situation is huge and likely will never be resolved. Very sad!

She won't go anywhere she can't drive. I mean personally drive. She trusts no one. She reared all of her children to be exactly the same way about flying and none of them fly at all. She has managed to terrify her grandchildren as well and one who had a wonderful tuition award for an away college, turned down the offer because she refused to fly!

I understand having fears of what you can't control (though how can one control others on the road?), but to raise your children and grandchildren to avoid something that is so much safer by every statistical analysis possible just blows my mind.

I understand having fears of what you can't control (though how can one control others on the road?), but to raise your children and grandchildren to avoid something that is so much safer by every statistical analysis possible just blows my mind.

But to give up life's opportunities, not only for the grand daughter's college tuition to be paid in full but to get out and see the US and the world is a real loss.

I understand having fears of what you can't control (though how can one control others on the road?), but to raise your children and grandchildren to avoid something that is so much safer by every statistical analysis possible just blows my mind.

A subtle form of child abuse, IMHO. She's using fear and worry as a way to control others. I bet ignoring her "concerns" is interpreted as uncaring.

A subtle form of child abuse, IMHO. She's using fear and worry as a way to control others. I bet ignoring her "concerns" is interpreted as uncaring.

Well, she is so frightened of flying and travel in general that she believes she is saving the entire family from disaster.....well other than me as I quit listening to her in 1966.

I encourage everyone who wishes to travel to make a try even if only for a short flight to and fro a nearby city just to have a taste of how it works.

I should also say (this is directed to the OP and the other people that are afraid of flying), that I, like the many thousands of my fellow professional airline pilots, know that flying a large commercial airliner is a tremendous responsibility. We understand that you put your lives in our hands. We know that we must always be prepared. We must always anticipate. We must always be vigilant. Expecting the unexpected and having an adequate plan for dealing with the unexpected must be, and is in the very of every professional airline pilot.

From Toronto overseas, I would be more concerned with Volcanic Ash Coulds and Bird Strikes. (I'm Kidding)

From Toronto overseas, I would be more concerned with Volcanic Ash Coulds and Bird Strikes. (I'm Kidding)

Why kid? I would imagine the odds of either of those happening are much higher than, say, turbulence just ripping apart an aircraft. None of them have very high odds, but a bird strike is probably the highest of odds. However, 9.8 times out of 10, a bird strikes has little to no impact on the flight and passengers wouldn't even know it happened unless it had the unfortunate odds (again with the odds) of hitting an engine.