Distributing Ashes at Sea; Our Experience

Many of you followed my thread from a year ago when my brother-in-law got sick while on the Coral Princess and subsequently passed away. He wanted to be cremated and sent out to sea, so we planned a family cruise on the January 5-15, 2011 Sapphire Princess, and I arranged with Princess to distribute his ashes.

The purpose of this thread is to provide information for those who might be considering this. It's illegal to do this on your own without permission or within 12 miles of the U.S. so please keep this in mind if you respond.

On April 16, 2010, I faxed my request to the Princess Marine Department, 661-753-0214, and included my full name, booking #, cruise # and date, cabin #, phone # and email address. I received an email response on April 19th from Janine Curry, Secretary to Alan Wilson, Vice President, Marine Operations, with the approval and a letter which I've copied below:

"Thank you for your request to spread ashes while at sea during your cruise onboard the Sapphire Princess, cruise #H102N, commencing January 5, 2011.

"We would like to inform you of the following:

* Ashes must be contained in a biodegradable urn

* Ashes/Flowers may only be spread in International waters

* In accordance with environmental laws, only ashes, biodegradeable urns and biodegradeable flowers are permitted to be spread overboard. Cards, paper, metals, plastics and other non-biodegradeable items are not permitted.

* Our ships do not employ a Chaplain

"The ship will be notified of your request and you shall be contacted while onboard. You will be informed of an appropriate time to carry out the spreading of the ashes. A member of the ship's company will escort you to a suitable private location and stay with you during this time."

Once onboard, I went down to the Passenger Services Desk with a copy of the above letter. Naturally, no one at Princess had notified the ship, but not to worry. I received a call from Trent, from Customer Service, the next morning and he told me he would check with the navigator to find out what days and times would be possible. He called me back the next morning to say that any time our third sea day on our way to Acapulco would be fine. After conferring with my sister, we set a time of 11am.

We all arrived at the Passenger Services Desk at about 10:45am and were met by Manuel, who was going to help us. He had arranged for a gorgeous flower arrangement (at no cost) for us to toss with the ashes and led us up to deck 7 aft. He had two crew members stationed on both sides of the ship who closed off the back of Promenade deck after we passed by. We went to the very back of the ship and had a few quiet moments while my nephew opened the box and then sent Jim's ashes out to sea. I followed with the wreath. We stayed there for about 10 minutes, each wrapped in our own thoughts and memories. It was very short and simple.

Princess couldn't have been more supportive or sympathetic. They were respectful, and it was just the way my brother-in-law would have wanted it, and my sister was comfortable with.

The above is not for everyone, obviously, but in case this is yours or your loved one's wishes, I wanted to share.

Here is a photo of the gorgeous wreath. My sister wanted to keep it and take it back to her cabin. :) It was too beautiful to toss.

Thanks for your excellent post, Pam. I'm sure many people will find it helpful and informative, and I'm so glad that your experience in scattering your brother-in-law's ashes was as positive as possible.

Many of you followed my thread from a year ago when my brother-in-law got sick while on the Coral Princess and subsequently passed away. He wanted to be cremated and sent out to sea, so we planned a family cruise on the January 1-15, 2011 Sapphire Princess, and I arranged with Princess to distribute his ashes.

 

The purpose of this thread is to provide information for those who might be considering this. It's illegal to do this on your own without permission or within 12 miles of the U.S. so please keep this in mind if you respond.

 

On April 16, 2010, I faxed my request to the Princess Marine Department, 661-753-0214, and included my full name, booking #, cruise # and date, cabin #, phone # and email address. I received an email response on April 19th from Janine Curry, Secretary to Alan Wilson, Vice President, Marine Operations, with the approval and a letter which I've copied below:

 

"Thank you for your request to spread ashes while at sea during your cruise onboard the Sapphire Princess, cruise #H102N, commencing January 5, 2011.

 

"We would like to inform you of the following:

 

* Ashes must be contained in a biodegradable urn

* Ashes/Flowers may only be spread in International waters

* In accordance with environmental laws, only ashes, biodegradeable urns and biodegradeable flowers are permitted to be spread overboard. Cards, paper, metals, plastics and other non-biodegradeable items are not permitted.

* Our ships do not employ a Chaplain

 

"The ship will be notified of your request and you shall be contacted while onboard. You will be informed of an appropriate time to carry out the spreading of the ashes. A member of the ship's company will escort you to a suitable private location and stay with you during this time."

 

Once onboard, I went down to the Passenger Services Desk with a copy of the above letter. Naturally, no one at Princess had notified the ship, but not to worry. I received a call from Trent, from Customer Service, the next morning and he told me he would check with the navigator to find out what days and times would be possible. He called me back the next morning to say that any time our third sea day on our way to Acapulco would be fine. After conferring with my sister, we set a time of 11am.

 

We all arrived at the Passenger Services Desk at about 10:45am and were met by Manuel, who was going to help us. He had arranged for a gorgeous flower arrangement (at no cost) for us to toss with the ashes and led us up to deck 7 aft. He had two crew members stationed on both sides of the ship who closed off the back of Promenade deck after we passed by. We went to the very back of the ship and had a few quiet moments while my nephew opened the box and then sent Jim's ashes out to sea. I followed with the wreath. We stayed there for about 10 minutes, each wrapped in our own thoughts and memories. It was very short and simple.

 

Princess couldn't have been more supportive or sympathetic. They were respectful, and it was just the way my brother-in-law would have wanted it, and my sister was comfortable with.

 

The above is not for everyone, obviously, but in case this is yours or your loved one's wishes, I wanted to share.

 

Here is a photo of the gorgeous wreath. My sister wanted to keep it and take it back to her cabin. :) It was too beautiful to toss.

 

What a wonderful way to scatter his ashes. Bravo to Princess for their support.

Thank you Pam.

Thank you for this very personal and special post.

Hey Pam....I read and followed your thread from last year...feeling like I knew you and your family after spending that "time with you". I have learned so much from reading ALL of your posts. Thank you. This thread brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad to hear that Princess took such good care of you and your family. That is the way it should be!

It sounds like it was a beautiful experience and I am so happy that you, your sister and the family were able to follow through with your brother in laws wishes. The flowers were perfect...beautiful...a perfect celebration of your brother in laws life.

Thanks again for sharing something so very personal with all of us. Best wishes for smooth sailing!!!

Be well,

Sybil

Thanks for your post. I told DW that this is what I want. Thanks to Princess for honoring their departed passengers wishes.

Pam, as you promised, you would let us know, and thank you for sharing your experiences with us all. I am so glad Princess assisted you with carrying out your Brother-In-Law's wishes. The wreath is gorgeous, and very appropriate.

Pam:

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like everyone involved realized the significance of the process. God bless you and your family.

Thank you so much Pam for sharing your family's experience throughout your tragedy. It really is a beautiful ending.

And, as usual, you've provided a wealth of information. I'm printing out your post and stapling it to my will. I hope my family won't need the instructions for years and years but this is exactly how I want to have my remains returned to the sea.

What a wonderful story and way to perhaps place closure on the passing of a loved one.....very touching and thanks for sharing that private moment with all of us at CC.

God Bless

Thanks for the post Pam... it brought a tear to my eye. I'm sure your brother-in-law will rest in peace upon the waves.

Thank you Pam for posting the last chapter in the unfortunate loss of your brother in law.

Kudos to you, your family, and Princess for following your brother in laws wishes in such a tasteful and meaningful way. May you all enjoy blue skies, sunshine, smooth seas and happiness.

Anita

Thank you for posting this. Very simple and respectful. I think there are many others who will be interested in doing this.

Hello Pam,

Your story makes all of the grievances on this thread seem so mundane. How special for you to be able to give a tribute to your brother in law a burial at sea supported by a cruise line that tends in most of this boards eyes to be uncaring and corporate. May he rest in peace.

On another note:

My dearest friend had the same wishes on Lake Michigan. Dumping his ashes on a calm day....all of sudden a gust of wind brought his ashes back and darkened the deck and the attendees. At that precise moment a gull flew by laughing. Mouths agape they all looked at each other on board and all believed he was at peace and life is everlasting.

May we all cherish each day

Thanks, Pam, for not only sharing this experience but also for sharing your journey with your sister and brother-in-law from last year.

So many good and caring people here.

Maureen

I'm glad to read I'm not the only one typing with watery eyes. Thank you for letting us know about your experience. And thanks to Princess for honoring your BIL's wish.

I guess that some occasions, cruise lines do the right thing.

Condolences.

DON

Thanks for sharing, Pam. That is something I would like for me when the times comes.

Frances

Thank you for sharing this information. I too followed your thread last yr and am glad that Princess came through for you. My husband has always wanted his ashes scattered and I am glad this will be an option when that day comes.

Thanks again for sharing.

Judy

Hats off to Princess in their handling of your wishes and thanks to you for sharing. :)

Beautiful orchids.

Pam, thank you for sharing. What a beautiful closing to such a tragic situation. Still sending prayers to you and your family.

Barb

Hi Pam,

Thank you for sharing this.

Althought I am only 39, it is on my mind that when I go, then this is what I would like.

I am from Wales and Lorraine is from Northern Ireland. We live in Wales, and if my ashes were scattered here she might not feel comfortable about moving away, maybe back to NI. This way I feel she could visit me by being on any cruise knowing I am in the ocean somewhere.

Thanks again.

Matthew

Hello Pam.

I followed your thread about your ordeal at sea. Thank you for sharing this wonderful ending to such a tragic story. It brought tears to my eyes. I think Princess handled your request with kindness and dignity. In sharing your story you have helped many people.

Thank you and God Bless,

Marybeth

We too followed your posts last year and felt so sad when your dear BIL passed away. This was a fitting and respectful honouring of his last wishes. We send our very best wishes to you, your sister and all your family.

Also thanks for your measured and always helpful advice here on the Princess board.

Mike and Ros