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Crazy cruise critic parents?


Cruisegirl1919
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I am a seventeen year old girl who has been blessed enough to have gone on several cruises with my family, including three in the circle c or young teen group and two in the club o2 or older teen group. Recently, in anticipation of my next cruise coming up this summer, I have been reading a lot of forums on here, especially those that pertain to teenagers, and I am dumbfounded by some of the posts, especially since they seem to be such a stark contrast to what I've seen on my trips. First off, I believe my parents have set pretty fair rules for me, even though I've had my fair share of complaints. My boundaries haven't really changed from age 12 to now: no hanging out in other people's rooms or bringing friends to hang in ours (although my parents are fine with me running in with a friend to get something or if one of us girls need to change clothes, etc.), be courteous, attend all shore activities with my parents, go to dinner with them, and come back to the room when the teen activities end at 1 a.m. (Which has been the only rule I've ever had an issue with, as I've rarely ever come across any other kid with a curfew at all on my cruises. My last one was the first time, and the girl was in a separate room from her parents, so she would come back before her parents checked on her and then just leave again. Most of the kids stayed out until anywhere from 3 until 6 depending on the night, which I do believe is a bit insane.) Other than that, I was free to do what I wanted, and I believe my parents created a fair balance.

However, reading these forums, I've come across a lot of parents who seem to be way overprotective of their teens, forcing them to come back at ten o'clock, not allowing them to walk anywhere by themselves, checking on everywhere they go, and "grounding" them if they're not exactly where they said they would be. I could maybe see some of these being acceptable for a twelve or thirteen year old, but not the older teens. I've even read of parents giving eighteen and nineteen year olds curfews! They're adults, for crying out loud. Many parents also make the excuse that their teens have to be in early so that they aren't grouchy on a shore excursion. Most teens get themselves up for school in the morning, running on little sleep due to crazy schedules, homework, and general teenager-ness. They still manage to make it through the day, and the energy of a cruise and all the cool things they'll be doing in port should be enough to keep them from turning into a grump. And if they are exhausted and don't enjoy themselves, they'll learn their lesson and choose to come in earlier on their own.

I understand that there are dangers lurking everywhere, and parents need to look out for their children's safety, but sheltering them and hovering over them, especially on vacation, is not going to do them any good, especially when they soon have to venture out into the real world and don't have mommy or daddy to watch over them everywhere they go, and those teens who are so overprotected (the ones who don't rebel anyways) are more likely to be naive and find themselves in danger because they don't have the necessary street smarts. A cruise is a good place to start developing these skills, because although there are creeps and threats on a ship sometimes as well, it is a much smaller atmosphere for them to start making decisions on their own than a big city or a major college campus, where they'll be in a few years.

So all you tiger moms and dads out there, loosen the reins a bit. Let your kids live a little. They're on vacation. Trust that you've raised them well and that they will make good decisions.

Edited by Cruisegirl1919
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thanks for providing a different view of things, I feel if you work with your child as they grow you need fewer rules when they become teens and independent my daughter has always been responsible and when we were in Paris a few years ago we had a friend of hers join us from Ireland and the 2 of them spent 2 day exploring Paris with no issues, I would certainly feel she would be safer on a cruise ship than the streets of Paris!

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Cruise ships generally don't take the view that an 18 or 19 year old is an "adult". Many ships require a passenger of that age to have an older person be responsible for the teens. If the teen gets in trouble, the parents of an 18 or 19 year old will be thrown off the ship, along with the teen. So, since the parents will be held responsible for whatever the young adult does, the parents get to have some say in what the young adult does.

 

For younger teens, many ships impose their own curfew. Usually around 1 or 2 a.m. If there's a shore excursion the next day, and the teen is a "grump", it doesn't just affect their enjoyment of the day, it also affects their parents. I would not be happy to have spent thousands of dollars on a cruise, to have to spend time with a grumpy cabin-mate.

 

Curfews are also for the safety of younger people as well. I'll never forget the report of two older teens who were held hostage in a stateroom at night. The young lady was raped. I have both a teen daughter and a teen son. I will worry about my daughter for a much longer time than my son, for just this type of scenario.

 

A ship is like any downtown area. Things are generally safer during daylight. Passengers on cruiseships have easy access to alcohol, which sometimes makes people do stupid things. A curfew keeps teens away from getting involved in a bad situation.

 

Parents don't stop worrying about their children just because their children reach a certain age. I remember my father visiting his mother when he was 60. His mother told him to dress warmly.

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Cruise ships generally don't take the view that an 18 or 19 year old is an "adult". Many ships require a passenger of that age to have an older person be responsible for the teens. If the teen gets in trouble, the parents of an 18 or 19 year old will be thrown off the ship, along with the teen. So, since the parents will be held responsible for whatever the young adult does, the parents get to have some say in what the young adult does.

 

For younger teens, many ships impose their own curfew. Usually around 1 or 2 a.m. If there's a shore excursion the next day, and the teen is a "grump", it doesn't just affect their enjoyment of the day, it also affects their parents. I would not be happy to have spent thousands of dollars on a cruise, to have to spend time with a grumpy cabin-mate.

 

Curfews are also for the safety of younger people as well. I'll never forget the report of two older teens who were held hostage in a stateroom at night. The young lady was raped. I have both a teen daughter and a teen son. I will worry about my daughter for a much longer time than my son, for just this type of scenario.

 

A ship is like any downtown area. Things are generally safer during daylight. Passengers on cruiseships have easy access to alcohol, which sometimes makes people do stupid things. A curfew keeps teens away from getting involved in a bad situation.

 

Parents don't stop worrying about their children just because their children reach a certain age. I remember my father visiting his mother when he was 60. His mother told him to dress warmly.

I can see where you're coming from on some things. However, I believe some of your ideas stray too far to the extremes. For example, one usually has to commit a pretty serious offense in order to get themselves and their family thrown off the ship. If you're weary of your eighteen or nineteen year old doing such a thing, why would you bring them along in the first place?

 

Also, personally, I am a lot more likely to be a grumpy cabin-mate if I know I missed out time with my new cruise friends or if I'm embarrassed by the fact that I am the only one that has to leave because my parents say its time for me to go to bed than I would be if I lost a couple of hours of sleep. Many of my teenage friends are the same. If your child is really that ornery when they are tired, then I could understand an earlier curfew. But for the most part, us kids are going to be happy we're going to the beach/zip lining/parasailing/whatever the excursion is, and are happy about the new friends and memories we're making, than we are grumpy about losing an hour of sleep. Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got a full night's sleep.

 

Overall, I'm not saying that teens should be allowed to run like banshees all night and then disrespect their parents all days. I'm saying that if you bestow us with a little extra trust, it'll make our vacation even better, and we're less likely to abuse it.

 

Also, I find it discomforting that you "will worry about your daughter for a much longer time than your son" because of one tragic story. Unfortunately, there have also been cases of boys being sexually assaulted on ships, so if you are going to worry, distribute it evenly, instead of perpetuating the sexist ideas that girls have to be more protected, while boys get more freedom.

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Nice to read a reply to parents, but honey, you have no idea. You are your parents life, their hopes and dreams in human form. You are their heart walking around in the world. Of course they want to protect you. Be nice to your parents and get over the 1am curfew. My mom has always said that nothing good happens after midnight and guess what- she's right.

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Nice to read a reply to parents, but honey, you have no idea. You are your parents life, their hopes and dreams in human form. You are their heart walking around in the world. Of course they want to protect you. Be nice to your parents and get over the 1am curfew. My mom has always said that nothing good happens after midnight and guess what- she's right.

Thank you for replying in a kindhearted manner. I definitely don't have a major problem with my curfew (it's more of an 'oh, everyone else is still out. That stinks' sort of feeling) and as I stated, I am willing to accept it as a trade-off, and I believe my parents are very fair to me. They also have considered discussing the matter closer to our departure and possibly pushing it back now that I am older. I'm still not going to be one of those kids who is gallivanting around at 4 in the morning- and I wouldn't want to be. I just created this post to express my opinions after I read through other posts on this site, and wanted to hear what others thought as well, although some adults are not as willing to have any sort of discussion in a civil manner with a teen who thinks differently than they do.

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Thank you Cruisegirl - it is very interesting as a parent of teen girls to hear your perspective on parents putting boundaries in place for their kids. Last year we took our girls, then agen 17 and 14 on our first cruise. We cruised from Barcelona around Italy, Monacco and Croatia. My 14 year old decided she wasn't going to observe a 1am curfew on a night before a port stop, and as a result she ruined the day I was most looking forward to in Venice.

 

I have loads of lovely photos of her scowling, she refused to walk with us, and insisted she had to only eat at Mcdonalds! There were several nights on the cruise where I was walking the decks at 2am looking for her as she had not come back to her cabin (the girls were next door to us). Whilst I take some of your points about giving kids some freedom, and allowing them some independance, I still think that whilst your parents are a) responsible for you until you are 21 on most cruises, and b) paying for you to be on the cruise, it is their right to make rules with which they feel comfortable, and your responsibility to abide by them. Kids will push at any boundary put before them, and have to learn that not all behaviour is acceptable. I don't care if their friends are running around the ship at 2 or 3am, my kids will be in their beds! I and my husband work very hard to save the thousands of £ to take our family on holiday, and kids should appreciate that and make an effort to make sure that everyone enjoys it, not just them!

 

Rant over - sorry, didn't intend for this post to be a rant, and I really do appreciate your views, but really, there is only one rule.... until you are paying for your holidays, you are not in a position to make the rules!!!

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Thank you Cruisegirl - it is very interesting as a parent of teen girls to hear your perspective on parents putting boundaries in place for their kids. Last year we took our girls, then agen 17 and 14 on our first cruise. We cruised from Barcelona around Italy, Monacco and Croatia. My 14 year old decided she wasn't going to observe a 1am curfew on a night before a port stop, and as a result she ruined the day I was most looking forward to in Venice.

 

I have loads of lovely photos of her scowling, she refused to walk with us, and insisted she had to only eat at Mcdonalds! There were several nights on the cruise where I was walking the decks at 2am looking for her as she had not come back to her cabin (the girls were next door to us). Whilst I take some of your points about giving kids some freedom, and allowing them some independance, I still think that whilst your parents are a) responsible for you until you are 21 on most cruises, and b) paying for you to be on the cruise, it is their right to make rules with which they feel comfortable, and your responsibility to abide by them. Kids will push at any boundary put before them, and have to learn that not all behaviour is acceptable. I don't care if their friends are running around the ship at 2 or 3am, my kids will be in their beds! I and my husband work very hard to save the thousands of £ to take our family on holiday, and kids should appreciate that and make an effort to make sure that everyone enjoys it, not just them!

 

Rant over - sorry, didn't intend for this post to be a rant, and I really do appreciate your views, but really, there is only one rule.... until you are paying for your holidays, you are not in a position to make the rules!!!

I appreciate your response as well. This comment isn't directly aimed at you, but at everyone reading this post. I guess I haven't clarified well enough that the point of this was not at all to complain about my own parents' rules, and I did not mean to come off as being entirely upset about my own curfew. While I may not necessarily agree with everything my parents set in terms of rules, I accept them because I think we have established a fair compromise. I included my own boundaries in order to juxtapose them with those I discovered in other posts, which is what I meant to address throughout my post. I think every family should strive to find a balance between giving their kids freedoms and keeping them safe and creating an enjoyable vacation for everyone. Obviously I know that my parents have the ultimate say over everything, but I appreciate the fact that they trust me and are willing to listen to my views and attempt to compromise.

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I really enjoyed the OP responses and they match the same rules we had for our teen on our last cruise. She could come and go from teen events and observed the ship curfew and meeting for dinner. I think a cruise is a great place to give teens more independence. The is a certain level of safety in having every persons passport and picture registered with the cruise line and having no easy way to escape the ship. I do not see many threads on this forum about crime on cruise ships.

 

I vote for independence with common sense rules. Let them wander and explore the ship. There are some cruises that are safer than others, our cruise had 30% kids and teens on board and seemed to contain or manage late night adult events very well.

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I'm not there yet... by there, I mean having a 17+ year old teen under my wings.

 

My eldest will start high school next year as a freshman, so I'm getting there. I try to encourage him to be responsible, and I think he is. He's legally blind, too... so I totally get where you're coming from with parents being "helicopters" (constantly hovering over their children).

 

I remember being a teen on vacations when I was a kid... I still feel like my college antics were 10 years ago.. back in the early '90s.

 

We hear ya, I'm sure.

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As a mom of an almost teen (and a former overprotected child myself), I agree with you that it's important to give children and teens increasing responsibility, so they can learn to function in the world without mom and dad. It's very hard not to be overprotective because we love our children so much, and we know that bad things can happen to them, but it's our job to help our children grow into responsible, independent adults. They need to practice making good decisions on their own. My son acts so much more mature when I show that I trust him and expect him to be independent and responsible. I saw a positive change in his maturity and confidence after we let him hang out in public areas on the cruise with new friends without us, and we will give him more independence as he grows older. He is also able to stay home alone and fix basic meals for himself.

 

Even now that I am well into adulthood, my poor mom is less than enthusiastic about me taking a girls cruise without my husband and, when I told her one friend loves scuba diving, she said, "You're not diving are you?" For a minute, I felt like a teenager again and wanted to dive just because she said I shouldn't. :)

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Thank you for replying in a kindhearted manner. I definitely don't have a major problem with my curfew (it's more of an 'oh, everyone else is still out. That stinks' sort of feeling) and as I stated, I am willing to accept it as a trade-off, and I believe my parents are very fair to me. They also have considered discussing the matter closer to our departure and possibly pushing it back now that I am older. I'm still not going to be one of those kids who is gallivanting around at 4 in the morning- and I wouldn't want to be. I just created this post to express my opinions after I read through other posts on this site, and wanted to hear what others thought as well, although some adults are not as willing to have any sort of discussion in a civil manner with a teen who thinks differently than they do.

My rules are pretty similar to your parents. You are not the only one....I will have 2 16 year old girls with me on our next cruise. We have connecting rooms. When the teen club lets out they will be expected to return to the room. I see no reason for them to be hanging out after dark when adults are out getting drunk. It's not the girls I don't trust. I will also have a 19 year old son with me. He will not have a curfew. He is an adult. Having said that, I doubt he would be up later than 1 am anyways (unless he is hanging out with his Dad at a late night club...I'm a morning person and can't stay awake that late.)

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OP, I get where you are coming from. I'm a parent, but my boys are 8&5 yrs, so I still watch them like a hawk ;) However, I also remember vividly what it was like being 17-19 yrs old, living with my parents but also having society treat me as an adult. I grew up in a large urban city and had good street smarts about me. We took regular vacations and I was trusted to know when it was time to come home, which for me was usually between 12-1am. My parents waited up for me and I respected their need to go to bed...my younger sister, not so much :rolleyes:

Now to my boys. We live in a very small town. They know more about how to ward off bears than how to fend off a person trying to abduct them, because bears are the more likely threat. I am going to be very leery of them being alone on a cruise ship, because they don't have a lot of experience in the world. That being said, they won't have 9pm curfews at 17yrs, but they will be expected common courtesies, like regular check in times with us.

My point is not everyone on a ship comes from the same background, with the same life experiences. It is up to us parents to make sure our children (and yes, my boys will be my children until I die!) are safe in whatever environment they are in. We take them on cruises to give them a sense of the world and what lies beyond the borders of our small town, but we also have to be careful. ITA that negotiation, civil discussion and more negotiation is the key to an enjoyable experience for all.

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OP are you really the age you contend or are you really a parent who has rules for their children which are more lax than other parents and are trying to prove a point?

 

Ships are a microcosm of society. I would not be happy with my young teen being out alone in the area we live in after a set time, so why would that differ on a ship?

 

I agree with the poster who said that when you pay the piper you call the tune.

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I appreciate your response as well. This comment isn't directly aimed at you, but at everyone reading this post. I guess I haven't clarified well enough that the point of this was not at all to complain about my own parents' rules, and I did not mean to come off as being entirely upset about my own curfew. While I may not necessarily agree with everything my parents set in terms of rules, I accept them because I think we have established a fair compromise. I included my own boundaries in order to juxtapose them with those I discovered in other posts, which is what I meant to address throughout my post. I think every family should strive to find a balance between giving their kids freedoms and keeping them safe and creating an enjoyable vacation for everyone. Obviously I know that my parents have the ultimate say over everything, but I appreciate the fact that they trust me and are willing to listen to my views and attempt to compromise.

 

 

I actually dont think your post was complaintative at all. While I believe 1am is perfectly reasonable for a curfew for an older teen (I have seen teens out til wee hours and think that is irresponsible parenting), I think the opinions you generally expressed are also reasonable and agree with them 100%. You sound highly intelligent and your parents obviously did a great job raising a well rounded thoughtful teen. I do think once a child reaches later in their teen years parents need to loosen the reins a bit and give their teen the opportunity to make choices and prove their trustworthiness. I remember my early college days seeing those that were sheltered through their teen years suddenly get some freedom and and get a bit "too free". In contrast, I had parents that placed reasonable boundaries but also gave me a lot of freedom and came to respect the privilige and knew not to abuse it. Its about balance.

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As the mother of a 19 yr old daughter and 16 yr old son, I have raised my kids to know what we expect of them. You seem like you have a good relationship with your parents and that is so important. We have a great relationship with our kids . We are parents first and friends when they are older. I thank God every day for them. We have cruised with since they were 9 and 7 and when they were older ( last year ) we just required them to check in eat dinner and go ashore with us. Curfew was 1200 unless it was a something special going on. I have never had a problem traveling with them and your parents rules are almost the same as ours are. It's ok to vent ! I agree with some of the other posts . Kids are our heart and soul and future . Good luck and have a great trip:)

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My kid will not be hanging out with other kids who come in between 3 and 6 am. Call me a helicopter mama, I call it smart.

 

My kid, my rules. I know what my child can handle so while to a perfect stranger it may appear I'm being harsh, you have no idea what the other 51 weeks a year entail. I have no problem with my rules. They don't affect you (the collective "you", not the OP), so I have no issues imposing them.

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My kid will not be hanging out with other kids who come in between 3 and 6 am. Call me a helicopter mama, I call it smart.

 

My kid, my rules. I know what my child can handle so while to a perfect stranger it may appear I'm being harsh, you have no idea what the other 51 weeks a year entail. I have no problem with my rules. They don't affect you (the collective "you", not the OP), so I have no issues imposing them.

 

 

I think OP said she considered her 1 a.m. curfew an okay compromise. She said staying out until 3 or 6 am was "a bit insane." Her original post expressed her disagreement with parents who set a 10 p.m. curfew for teens or didn't let them out of their sight.

 

Our parenting does affect everyone else, whether it's setting no limits at all or being extremely helicoptering. (Not letting your teens stay out to 3 a.m. is NOT extreme helicoptering, but not letting teens out of sight would be, IMO). Our kids eventually grow up into adults that everyone has to interact with. As parents, we can only do the best we can to help our children become considerate, responsible adults. We can advise each other to strike a balance between protecting our kids and giving them independence, but like you said, only we know our own kids and what's best for them.

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My kid will not be hanging out with other kids who come in between 3 and 6 am. Call me a helicopter mama, I call it smart.

 

And how are you going to know what time the other kids are coming in? If your kid meets other kids and hangs out with them during the day, swimming or playing on the sports court, you have no way of knowing if they are "those kids" who stay out late. You can give your kid a curfew and not allow them to be out that late, but you can't control the other kids and you can't go around grilling them about their curfew times before allowing your kid to hang out with them. :rolleyes:

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Most parents remember the incredibly stupid things that they did or their friends did when they were in high school and college and mostly hope that they can keep thier kids from making the same mistakes. I know it doesn't work, but it does not keep parents from trying! :D

 

DD is 17YO, and is probably a lot more practical than I was at her age. Her dad and I have worked hard to prepare her for increasing levels of independence.

 

It is all pretty much common sense -- if I was expected home at 9:00 from a meeting, but decided to stop for a cup of tea with some friends, I would text home to let her and DH know that I'd be later. And she will do the same if she is out and about. It is considered a common courtesy in our household.

 

How sad would it be if no one cared about where you were and whether you were safe? My DH is 63 and his mother is 91 -- she still worries about him.

Edited by Onessa
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Each parent is unique, each child is unique, and every parent-child relationship is unique. I quesion my own parenting skills daily; who am I to question other parents decisions?

 

Over many years, I granted my oldest child freedom. Perhaps more freedom than other children had, and that child has always acted responsibly, leading to even greater freedom... he is now 19 and I'm confident that he will conduct himself as an adult at all times and therefore THAT child has not had any "rules" for years.

 

My youngest child is another matter entirely. She is not quite 8, and I'm afraid at 18, I'll still not want to let her out of my sight. She is the kid that does not pay attention to her surroundings, the one that still doesn't remember to look both ways before crossing the street, so leaving her to roam a cruise ship alone? Yikes! Time will tell of course, perhaps she'll mature, but someday when someone wonders "why does that girl have a 1am curfew?" It will be because she's the kid that needs someone looking out for her at all times because she can't remember to look out for herself.

 

Another point I'd like to make about the curfew is that I am too old to wait up all night for my kids. I need MY sleep before a long busy day exploring ports I may never have the opportunity to return to. I like to sleep midnight-6am. A 1am curfew would be a stretch of a compromise for me, for a kid that I wouldn't trust to stay out later. Again, that is trust that builds over years, over a lifetime, really of "knowing" my child. In a bit of an ironic twist, while I don't wait up for my oldest child, when I am out, he ALWAYS waits up for ME!

 

My point is, as a outsider or as a casual acquaintace, you can't have any idea why a parent sets the rules they do. It isn't always JUST because they are overprotective. I agree, cruise ships are great places for kids to "test" freedoms, but this is a privlidge that a child earns, and not all teens deserve the same level of freedom that another teen deserves.

 

Hopefully this will shed a little light on the innerworkings of a "mom" brain!

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I find it amazing that the kids are up to 6 am. If ds didnt come straight back to the room after the teen lounge closed the security would catch them and send them back. so unless they have a really good hiding place i think the kids are just bragging and making things up. I also find it extremely rare that she would be the only teen on the ship with a 1 am curfew. I love when DS says things like that. Here is our conversation " how come I am the only kid in my class that has a bed time anymore?" How about Zack ? his bed time is 11p? " well except Zach." well how about Tommy, he has a bed time too. " well except Zach and Tommy." this goes on and on til he realizes he isnt the only one :) and actually more have bedtimes than dont . I do agree with the poster that some people seem to have to early bedtimes by our standards, but as others have said you dont know why. Maybe they had a relative that was kidnapped, killed or raped, so they are a little more worried than the average parent.. Or like DS he gets migraines if he doesnt get enough sleep. so if i let him out til after 1 and had to get up for an excursion he would get a killer headache and that would totally ruin his and everyone elses day. A parent cant enjoy the day if thier kid is in pain. So it could have to do with some thing a little more than parents worried they are going to be grumpy.

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I've been trying to work on my tendency to be a helicopter mom. But after a local teen (who my daughter knew) passed away in March due to inhaling from a computer cleaner...and she was not the slammerhead type, it's very hard not to go back to being protective.

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I have 3 boys twins 16 and older one 20. Our last cruise was IN August on 2011 (It was one of my twins Make a Wish Trip) and we went on RCI to the Eastern Med. My boys are generally well mannered and respectful - they all sat for 2+ hours having dinner with the Captain and had people and crew coming up to me telling me how well behaved my boys were. My boys also have a genetic metabolic disease - looking at them you would have no clue and I try to treat them as normal as possible.

 

On the cruise the twins had to come back to the room no later 1 when the teen club closed. My oldest then 18 also had to come back at 1 - on RCI the twins could not walk around on the ship without someone over 18 after 1AM. When the came back to the room if they wanted my oldest would take them to Johnny Rockets to get food and then they would come back. After that all 3 needed to be in the room. They had no problems with this. They had to go on excursions with us (although my friend who came with me wanted to stay on the ship in Crete so the twins decided to stay - I had no tour planed just wanted to shop which I did) and have dinner with us - although one night they did go the buffet with the teen club and their friends with my permission. During the day on sea days they just needed to check in with me every couple of hours at specified times. They had no problems with this.

 

In July we are cruising the Baltics & Scandinavia (including overnight in St. Petersburg). In general the boys will have the same freedom and the same constraints. They may have an earlier curfew on a few nights as we have a very port intensive cruise and leaving a couple of mornings close to 7AM.

 

I give my boys freedom but they need to check in, etc. They know if they don't the privileges they have will be revoked

 

Sharon

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