Rules for conversation in the dining room!

[bbwex]

Normally, it is suggested that you not discuss religion or politics because they are topics that can set off arguments. I agree that asking about someone's religion in order to learn about it is one thing. To start to proselytize is totally another thing, and totally inappropriate with strangers (or new friends). Sadly, many cannot discuss politics civilly either. We travel with one couple who has to be kept away from politics and the economy -- he cannot discuss it calmly. On the other hand, I frequently get in very civil discussions with people on the topic, keeping it a discussion rather than a rant.

In many ways, it is unfortunate that we can no longer discuss politics or economics in a civil way and have a full national discussion to arrive at some real, necessary national answers. It just seems that so many of us are so polarized and don't want to discuss any other alternatives. They are, sadly, topics that need careful handling.

Of course another problem would be if the new friend does not have the ability to keep the discussion within calm bounds, you have a problem on your hands.

I would never discuss someone else's weight unless they brought it up, that's for certain.

As for what someone paid for the trip, that too can cause problems only because there are so many different rates for everything. We made our reservations very early, got some early savings, and some others have come along the way. I'm not sure I even know what the current number is for our Med cruise in October. You might be very proud of yourself for having found a way to save x dollars, but the person you are bragging to about it will not love you for it. The same is obviously the case for airline fares these days. I might tell people where I found my fares, but a comparison isn't going to make one party to the conversation very happy.

The OP does state one good method -- asking the other person. If you are not telling them about yourself, but rather asking about them, you will make better friends.

[toxicfairy]

Big Keith you can sit at our table any evening Our last cruise was so much fun and our table mates were great (with the exception of the couple who only showed up twice and barely spoke to any one) ! We all talked about the economy and our jobs and how they were effected by the economy. We hit on religion because of the president. We taked about politics and Obama. We talked about our kids and their schooling and/or jobs and our home lives. When we bumped into them in other places on the ship sometimes the dinner conversation would continue for a few more minutes. No we did not all have the same views but no one let that effect the evening. It was nice to hear others take on things. Yes we also talked about the port we were in that day and what we did or what plans we had for the next day. Some people have an open mind and can listen and not be offended by others not having the same ideas as them and some people close their minds to any thing or person different from them.

[Don P]

Amen sister!

Originally Posted by kitty9

Why would anyone take the chance of starting a fight over what are such personal topics? Abortion? Are you kidding me? People have been killed over this topic and has no business in conversations with strangers. I've been involved in political discussions with travel companions from across the pond, and it always degenerates into name calling and accusations. My religious beliefs are no one's business.

The safest topics involve travel, cruise ships, shore excursions and basic generalities. I certainly would feel the need to change tables if one of my tablemates would have the gall to ask my views on abortion and religion.

[lady_cruiser]

I can't understand why anyone would bring up most of these topics; religion, politics, weight issues, etc.

What is wrong with; where are you from, are you enjoying your cruise so far, is this your first cruise, what are your favorite ports of call for this itinerary, etc.?

[Don P]

To listen to crap that I get exposed to everyday on the television or in the newspaper is not my idea of a relaxing vacation. Perhaps the concierge can arrange for a table for those who care to go in this direction. I'll take the quiet table please!

Originally Posted by BigKeith

I wouldn't say I go out of my way to bang on about my religion but I find it an interesting topic. I don't purposely push any of these types of conversations. I like most people love talking about ships, excursions and ports of call. I have been in many situations though where I've heard people criticise Clinton/Bush/Obama. Whilst I have my views I am civil enough not to push my own ideas and love listening to other peoples perspectives and opinions. My opinions on religion might be worthless to you, but unlike you I enjoy learning about other peoples perspectives and beliefs (as long as they're comfortable to discuss). You may not wish to find out if you're sat with 'idiots for their beliefs', however I am not so judgemental.

I accept that talk about food doesn't interest you, we're all very different. Im thankful for how much I've learnt about wine from table mates and also interesting food knowledge to increase my understanding

[dave_k63]

Originally Posted by BigKeith

I understand that and can see the subjects aren't for everyone and if that was your choice I'd respect that.

But let's say, one night after a few meals we were talking about our countries and I said "I've always thought it strange but, how come it takes so long to elect a President". Would you feel uncomfortable answering that?

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable at all. I wish our presidential "season" was much shorter.

[dave_k63]

I think it would be great to have Keith and ToxicFairy at our table. It got me to thinking - I wonder if you could request to be seated in MDR with people from other countries? I love talking with people from all over. Very few subjects would be off limits to me, unless the other person was overly judgmental or self righteous

[dolittle]

Originally Posted by Don P

To listen to crap that I get exposed to everyday on the television or in the newspaper is not my idea of a relaxing vacation. Perhaps the concierge can arrange for a table for those who care to go in this direction. I'll take the quiet table please!

Don may I sit with you. Great thread Keith, on my last cruise I was on the Anytime dinning plan and shared everynight met a lot of great people of all kinds Brits, U.S. and Canada .So the next to the last night a single older man sits down and he don't like Cathloics and Mormons and all Republicans are idiots, I kind of thought it was funny at first and I did not know how to react in this kind of situation I would normally try humor but I dont think this jerk would get it . It made the whole table quiet and un comfortable. So it is easy to say I like to talk about Relgion , poltics, guns whatever but one jerk like this will change your mind. I think we should leave debates to talk radio not the dinner table.

[room010]

Hot Topics like Sex/Politics/Religion are usually subjects we all have strong feelings about and it's very difficult to remain objective when someone's personal feelings begin to intrude, and they always do. We once spent a very uncomfortable evening as the only nonAmericans on a table of vocal Reps and Dems who just couldn't resist taking cheap shots at each other. Our evening with an evangelical Christian didn't end well either when he started the convo with "have you accepted Our Lord Jesus Christ into your life as your Saviour?". Hmmmmmm.

And speaking as a Brit/Aussie any discussion about income, cost of cruise, money in general is strictly out of bounds although Americans seem much less "uptight" about that sort of thing.

[Cruisin' Chick]

Originally Posted by I_heart_vaca

I think the rules are to err on the side of caution when talking with those you don't know. Most of these topics are hote buttons and people have passionate opinions one way or the other. I enjoy intelligent conversations with open minded people - open minded as in willing to talk and discuss diffences of opinion, not open minded as in I can change their mind). Talking to people who think anyone who disagrees with thier opinion is an idiot, not so much fun.

So I would take a day or two and get to know your tablemates before delving into a deep hot topic. Or play it safe and talk about the wonderful places you have seen or will see. No need to offend or ruin your vacation or thiers.

Originally Posted by lady_cruiser

I can't understand why anyone would bring up most of these topics; religion, politics, weight issues, etc.

What is wrong with; where are you from, are you enjoying your cruise so far, is this your first cruise, what are your favorite ports of call for this itinerary, etc.?

I so agree that there are certain subjects that are okay such as your cruising history. But I would be hesitant to bring up religion and politics -- and this is a good policy in any setting (unless of course you are at an occasion such as a political fund raiser, etc. in which you know most of the people there share your views).

One thing I like about traditional dining is that once you get to know your tablemates better you can start touching on general subjects such as your hometown or occupation but be aware that some people don't like to discuss even those subjects (maybe they have an unusual job that they don't like to talk about). Once someone says they prefer to talk about something else, that should be your cue to switch to another topic. Don't use this as a chance to psychoanalyze strangers.

I remember once the subject of cruise specials came up. Not necessarily about how much one paid for the cruise, but where one can find specials. That certainly would be okay for many people.

On another cruise, we were seated with a British couple and an Australian one. After one meal, hubby said we should try to avoid politics as he was guessing the Brits were probably 180 degrees from us. But further in the week, somehow politics did came up and as it turned out, the British man felt the same as us about the then current president.

As for subjects such as religion, if someone is wearing a cross or star of David on a chain, you may have an idea of their religion. But the topic can still be a minefield. If someone was insisting on talking about their religion to me, I might start thinking the next thing would be for them to proselytize, which is something I'm strongly against when unsolicited.

If it's something that could make someone uncomfortable, don't bring it up. If you had incorrectly felt a topic wouldn't make someone uncomfortable, drop it.

[Treven]

This is why I insist on getting a table by myself.

[Jasalth]

I agree with some other posters, those who bring up religion in a conversation, are normally... well not someone I want to talk to!

I will put it this way, one day years ago, my husband was just having a bad day at work. It happens to everyone. His work environment was one where he DID NOT have to interact with other people. Well, one lady he worked with saw he was in a bad mood. She followed him for 4 HOURS telling him to turn to God to solve all his problems. He asked her to leave him be many times w/o out success. In the end he ended up yelling at her, resulting in him loosing his job. All because someone decided THEIR God was the answer.

I cruise with my kids, if we had table mates who wanted to talk about sex during dinner, yeah that wouldn't work well either IMO! My kids are only 10 and 14, but they are well informed 10 and 14 year olds! We have no problems discussing powder keg topics with our kids, others have no business doing it! Sex topics go along with the Abortion topic in my mind. No offense, I want to talk about a medical procedure at all during dinner! Would you want someone telling you all about their surgery while you are eating with all the details?

My thoughts are there is nothing wrong with being civil. While there are some who loves their tablemates and keep in touch with them for years, most you will never see again after the week. To be honest, I just don't care what religion someone is, what they think about politics, or what they think on ANY topic!

[helpthejuggler]

Originally Posted by room010

... Our evening with an evangelical Christian didn't end well either when he started the convo with "have you accepted Our Lord Jesus Christ into your life as your Saviour?". Hmmmmmm.

Made me lol. What a way to clear your table for the rest of the cruise.
Now about that weather....

[euro cruiser]

Originally Posted by bbwex

Normally, it is suggested that you not discuss religion or politics because they are topics that can set off arguments. I agree that asking about someone's religion in order to learn about it is one thing. To start to proselytize is totally another thing, and totally inappropriate with strangers (or new friends). Sadly, many cannot discuss politics civilly either. We travel with one couple who has to be kept away from politics and the economy -- he cannot discuss it calmly. On the other hand, I frequently get in very civil discussions with people on the topic, keeping it a discussion rather than a rant.

In many ways, it is unfortunate that we can no longer discuss politics or economics in a civil way and have a full national discussion to arrive at some real, necessary national answers. It just seems that so many of us are so polarized and don't want to discuss any other alternatives. They are, sadly, topics that need careful handling.

Of course another problem would be if the new friend does not have the ability to keep the discussion within calm bounds, you have a problem on your hands.

Bingo. Talk radio and tabloid journalism are the worst offenders, and unfortunately many of their adherents have accepted their model of "shout it louder" and "reduce the most complex issue to a ten word mantra" and mistake this for discourse. It is neither educated nor educational, which ought to be the point of conversation, to learn something!

I guess I'm a bit of a trouble maker; when confronted with a blowhard who insists on shoving his/her views down my throat (regardless of topic) I'll bait them and argue the opposite point, regardless of what I actually think or feel.

Among calm folks (not like those I mentioned above) if wonder why, if you are only willing to discuss the most innocuous of topics (and even those at only the most superficial level) one would choose to sit with strangers? Why not just stay among yourselves where you can discuss what you want?

[trish1c]

Hot button issues can be the basis for lively interesting conversation but ONLY if everyone involved in the discussion wants to be there & the tone remains civilized. Many people do not enjoy discussing these subjects & don't want to debate during vacation so it's safer to avoid them.

The key to any dinner conversation is being polite. Stay away from subjects that make people uncomfortable.

[euro cruiser]

Originally Posted by trish1c

Hot button issues can be the basis for lively interesting conversation but ONLY if everyone involved in the discussion wants to be there & the tone remains civilized. Many people do not enjoy discussing these subjects & don't want to debate during vacation so it's safer to avoid them.

The key to any dinner conversation is being polite. Stay away from subjects that make people uncomfortable.

Yes, but some people seem to have an extremely narrow set of comfortable topics. Must everyone at the table accept the constraints of the least flexible among them?

In another thread on this topic someone posted that they refuse to discuss where they live, what they do for a living, etc. He/she didn't leave much room at all, which again leads me to wonder why they would want to sit with strangers at all.

[bonsai3s]

First, we would love to sit with eurocruiser! Just want to thank you again for helping us with great port information on our Med cruise! Hope to meet you on one of our cruises...

On one cruise, we shared a table in the MDR with a wonderful mother/daughter who loved politics. The mother spoke for several nights about how she adored (really) Pres. Bill Clinton. One night, I said: "All Bill Clinton will be remembered for is Monica Lewinsky". The next evening, we asked the daughter where her mother was. She said her mother was not feeling well. We never saw the mother again for dinner.

[marco]

Almost any topic is worthy of "talking about". Almost any topic is NOT worthy of "arguing about". There's a difference!

[Tralynn]

In all of my cruises, none of these subjects have ever come up at dinner. It's mostly vacation conversation. I would think that most people having fun on vacation are not interested in bringing up all the mess and stresses going on in the world.......Heck, you go on vacation to get away from all of that.

Just relax, smile, and say, "How are you enjoying your cruise?".......I bet none of that other foolishness is mentioned.

[lahlah57]

Abortion......what ninkumpoop would consider that an appropriate dinner topic. Lets just throw in venereal diseases as well as prostate issues.......sheesh!