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  #1  
Old May 16th, 2013, 04:10 PM
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Default Cruising with Others

I need some advice or helpful tips on how to cruise with others.

We recently returned from our first cruise going with people we know (it had only been DH and I in the past). We went with the in-laws, and I thought it would be a wonderful vacation for all, however it did not go like I had imagined.

On-Board
I thought we would all do something different throughout the day, whatever we enjoyed and just meet up for meals and maybe a few shows. However, the in-laws barely left our side, always asking what was next. They played countless games of trivia, corn hole, and putt-putt with us and would complain of not having time for a nap. DH and I are active people and hardly ever take naps (that is not my idea of a vacation). The only thing they did without us was the cooking demonstration, everything else was done together.

Ports
I am a planner and had all my excursions booked way in advance and sent the in-laws what we were planning to do and asked them if they would like to join us. They chose 1 of the 4 excursions we had planned. However, once on-board, they decided they would rather follow us around, so here we were scrambling to get them added to our excursions at the last minute. One was full, and it devastated my MIL. Even while shopping in port, they never ventured very far from us.

So I guess with all that, how do you manage cruising with others? We have another cruise booked with them and I do not want it to go the same.
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  #2  
Old May 16th, 2013, 04:15 PM
mikenhe mikenhe is offline
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change the in laws....
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  #3  
Old May 16th, 2013, 04:17 PM
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serene56 serene56 is offline
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I tell people ahead of time-- this is what i am doing. You do not have to do what I am doing-- you can enjoy your vacation the way you see fit.
I will see you at dinner...or if you want to eat at the buffet just let me know.

Communication is VERY important
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Old May 16th, 2013, 04:19 PM
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We cruised on the Breeze in April with our best friends, and their DD who is the same age as ours, 14. The girls were fine, as they just went with the flow or did their own thing. Overall it was FINE, but it always seemed at dinnertime, there was conflict. I kept saying to DH, if they don't want to pay the $35 for the steakhouse, which they didn't want to, they could go to the MDR, or buffet, or Guys, etc. DH thought that was "rude".
Just because you are cruising with another couple, or others, doesn't mean you have to be attached at the hip for the whole week.
We would definitely go with them again, but the meals kind of annoyed me
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Old May 16th, 2013, 04:21 PM
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At least since they've now cruised with you once, they should know what to expect. Remind them of how active you intend to be. Remind them that they need to plan ahead for excursions as they might sell out.

Was this the inlaws' first cruise?


Also, I'm afraid I'll be cruising with a LOT of "others" in July...like around 4,000 "others" on Dream.
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Old May 16th, 2013, 04:22 PM
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Rule No. 1

Just because we're cruising together, or even as a Group..
we're not joined at the hip, okay??


We'll compare notes at dinner - and that will be in the Main Dining Room!
If you want to have your evening meal in the Lido, we definitely are not joined at the hip!


.
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Old May 16th, 2013, 04:27 PM
jcearth jcearth is offline
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I've cruise with my family and my wife's family in groups large and small. The best possible piece of advice I can give you is to be assertive and communicate. I always go in with a plan and I tell everyone with us "Here is my plan for today. You are more than welcome to join us, but we will in no way be offended if you choose to do something else." Also, if there is a something that my wife and I would like to do on our own (doesn't happen often), we say something along the lines of "Hey we were thinking about having some alone time, but will catch up with you at dinner".
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  #8  
Old May 16th, 2013, 04:29 PM
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Wow, I've cruised with my own family and in-laws, and that would have bugged me! Find a polite way to steer them towards doing their own thing. Do you think they were overwhelmed?

I knew my family and in-laws would not be like that or I wouldn't have cruised with them. Good luck on the next one.
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Old May 16th, 2013, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruise, J.D. View Post
Wow, I've cruised with my own family and in-laws, and that would have bugged me! Find a polite way to steer them towards doing their own thing. Do you think they were overwhelmed?

I knew my family and in-laws would not be like that or I wouldn't have cruised with them. Good luck on the next one.
It was their first cruise, and that thought had never occurred to me. Maybe now that they know what to expect, they might feel better about going their own way.
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Old May 16th, 2013, 04:38 PM
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Thank you everyone for the advice so far. Looks like I need to be more open and blunt next time. Thought I was doing good with informing them of the excursions ahead of time, but guess that wasn't enough.

I like the idea of saying we will catch up with you at dinner...much better than retreating to the room, just to be alone.
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  #11  
Old May 16th, 2013, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikenhe View Post
change the in laws....
I wish
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Old May 16th, 2013, 05:43 PM
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I would truley be embarrassed to post something like this.

Oh course this last post by the OP pretty much sums it up.

My mom is right on my heels whatever I do. She loves to cruise, she just has no adventerous spirit or imagination (which I hate) so she wants to do what I do. I know this and accept it.

She also resist taking a nap that she badly needs because she is afraid she will miss something, so I just work a break in so she will get her nap. Doesn't seem to much to do to me. I still do what I want, but she is taken into consideration just the same as if I had small children.

It doesn't seem to be much trouble for me as I know it will not be long before I will not have to worry about her tagging along because she will be dead.
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Old May 16th, 2013, 11:58 PM
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I knew someone who's like the couple the OP described in the first post. When I returned from my cruise last year and and told her what a great time I had, she wanted to take a cruise of her own. But taking a cruise solo is practically a crime for her, so she insisted on tagging along with me this year. "Fine," I said. But when we started planning, she made it very clear that we will hang out together the whole time. She wouldn't hear of taking separate excursions in ports or one person going shore while the other naps, and only begrudgingly agreed to split up on the ship, when one person sunbathes on the deck while the other goes to the MDR for lunch. That's where I knew that it wasn't going to work. Luckily, I haven't made a payment for the cruise then. I ended up going solo, met a group of fun people who totally made my cruise, and had a blast. She was very upset with me for doing that. But it was either that or, you know.
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Old May 17th, 2013, 12:21 AM
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We've vacationed with DH's family a few times. What I have to say is...

"We're having a family day today. We'd love to see you at dinner, but we'd like to go just us for the afternoon."

They usually get the hint.
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Old May 17th, 2013, 08:42 AM
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We've always cruised with family. We tell them upfront, come with us if you want to, go your separate ways if you want to. We all eat together and go over the days activities. We've never had a problem but then, we're a close family. We enjoy spending time together. That alone makes a big difference.
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Old May 17th, 2013, 04:37 PM
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You definitely need to talk to them BEFORE the cruise. Get them a guidebook on your ports, so they'll know something about where they're going and won't feel so "lost" and need to cling so much!
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Old May 17th, 2013, 07:19 PM
notentirelynormal notentirelynormal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loxley View Post
I would truley be embarrassed to post something like this.

Oh course this last post by the OP pretty much sums it up.

My mom is right on my heels whatever I do. She loves to cruise, she just has no adventerous spirit or imagination (which I hate) so she wants to do what I do. I know this and accept it.

She also resist taking a nap that she badly needs because she is afraid she will miss something, so I just work a break in so she will get her nap. Doesn't seem to much to do to me. I still do what I want, but she is taken into consideration just the same as if I had small children.

It doesn't seem to be much trouble for me as I know it will not be long before I will not have to worry about her tagging along because she will be dead.
Wow, you're being a little harsh with the OP. You don't know her situation and really have no right to guilt her this way. Maybe they are only in their 40ies and will live for another 40-50 years. So she shouldn't have her own life? Really! I have cruised with my elderly mother and understand your comment about accommodating BUT she's a big girl and knows that sometimes I want to do something that she is not interested in or physically able to do. My mother has enough respect for me to let me enjoy myself too.

I cruise often with family - kids, grandkids, brothers, wives, nephews, parents with some friends thrown in for good measure. We all know what the other is doing and are welcome to join each other but except for dinner no one is expected to spend the day accommodating someone else.
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Old May 19th, 2013, 08:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb at sea View Post
You definitely need to talk to them BEFORE the cruise. Get them a guidebook on your ports, so they'll know something about where they're going and won't feel so "lost" and need to cling so much!
I like the idea of getting a guidebook...maybe if they have a starting point it will not be so overwhelming to them
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Old May 19th, 2013, 08:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loxley View Post
I would truley be embarrassed to post something like this.

Oh course this last post by the OP pretty much sums it up.

My mom is right on my heels whatever I do. She loves to cruise, she just has no adventerous spirit or imagination (which I hate) so she wants to do what I do. I know this and accept it.

She also resist taking a nap that she badly needs because she is afraid she will miss something, so I just work a break in so she will get her nap. Doesn't seem to much to do to me. I still do what I want, but she is taken into consideration just the same as if I had small children.

It doesn't seem to be much trouble for me as I know it will not be long before I will not have to worry about her tagging along because she will be dead.
We are much younger cruisers obviously. We are in our twenties and My FIL will turn 55 this year and MIL is 52.

It is not that I do not want to spend time with them but I would like some time alone or just with DH. It was just to much time together doing everything with them for a week. I want everyone to go and enjoy themselves.

Also they invited themselves along...we did not invite them. So say what you want.
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  #20  
Old May 22nd, 2013, 11:31 AM
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Best to sort it out before you go. Make it a fun conversation like..."I'm really looking forward to doing (insert activity), what are some things you want to do?"

As others posted because you are going together does not mean you need to be together all the time. Even just traveling with my DW we always had alone time when vacationing.

Good luck!
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