Father won't let kids go...last minute. IDEAS?

Update, we've got an attorney working on it, but the problem.....they are saying...is getting it scheduled with a judge. We've got a competant attorney on it today, so all fingers are crossed.

Thanks so much for keeping us updated. We're all rooting for a positive outcome.

Thanks so much for keeping us updated. We're all rooting for a positive outcome.

Yup. What she said. Tell the judge there are thousands of people on the Cruise Critic website that will expect an explanation about the decision (if not in your favor of course) and that some of us might' date=' just might, have some pull with the judicial system. LOL That will scare him/her alright :rolleyes:. You might let the judge know that if he goes on a cruise we'll [b']all[/b] be looking for him and to watch his back.

Please keep us informed.

I can't stand STUPID adults. Dad really?!?! SMH.

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1. If dad doesn't realize it yet, this is how you ruin a relationship for life.

2. I'm happily married but my husband doesn't want to join us on this cruise - so he got the notarized letter allowing my son to travel with me...

1. If dad doesn't realize it yet, this is how you ruin a relationship for life.

2. I'm happily married but my husband doesn't want to join us on this cruise - so he got the notarized letter allowing my son to travel with me...

Exactly what should have been done! :)

Exactly what should have been done! :)

But of course we are only hearing one side of the story, there may be a reason he wouldn't sign.

But of course we are only hearing one side of the story, there may be a reason he wouldn't sign.

Seriously, no other side other than he wants to cause strife and anger my sister and my family. It's just the way he is. He's heading out to Ireland for 10 days now so hopefully by the time he gets back from his vacation, this will all be settled. Still waiting on the judge to see if they can get a date.

Seriously, no other side other than he wants to cause strife and anger my sister and my family.

And presumably never wants to see his children ever again. At least, not once they've reached an age when they can flat out refuse, which they may have already.

And presumably never wants to see his children ever again. At least, not once they've reached an age when they can flat out refuse, which they may have already.

If not already then his kids will certainly never look at him in the same light as they do now. Trust me, my DH's ex was not a nice person. She would send me a list of what to get the boys for Christmas. I bought everything on the list and sent it to them. We lived in LA she lived in Houston. Next time I saw the boys I asked how they liked what we sent them for Christmas. They said it was kind of lame since mom had given us the same things on Christmas Eve. After it happened for a few years they got it. My step son always refers to calling his mom Janet when talking about her. What does that tell you, when a mother raises you and you call her Janet when you are talking about her instead of "mom".

He asked me how come we never wrote back to his letters. I said I never got his letters. Not one, not ever. Impossible he says. I watched my mom put them in the mailbox. He thought about it for a minute and went .....oh.....

This sucks. Hope things get worked out. I know here (in Ontario Canada) we can often get emergency motions heard within a week.

A judge will most likely grant the trip and scold the dad if he downs t even have a good reason. Will likely order him to pay the court costs too.

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I hope everything works out. Good Luck! My brother had a similar situation, our spring breaks lined up and I planned a cruise and invited my parents and him with his kids to join our family , well my brothers ex refused to let them go from the beginning- she said they are too young to cruise , kids are 12 & 15. Mine were 6 &9 so that was just an excuse. In fact we knew she was jealous that she could not afford to take them on vacation so decided if she can't do it they can't either. My brother just ended up not going since she stated all this from the get go. Kids were pretty mad at her. Kinda sux for all of us since our spring breaks hardly ever match. So hopefully everything works out in your favor .

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I'm fortunate that my ex wouldn't dare try to deny my boys the opportunity to cruise with me. They were 14.5 and 10 when we divorced. He moved out the beginning of October of that year, and had them for Christmas that same year, Spring Break the following. He took them to Disney and Universal on the break, spending almost $600/pp for airfare. That was the last real trip he took them on, claiming that he has no money to spend on them.

I work a good job and have a second job to pay for extras like vacation. We've done several cruises and if he were to ever try and deny them travelling, it would be the last time he'd speak to either one. Especially since I only plan trips during my allowed vacations with them.

Youngest is now turning 15. He was supposed to be with his father for spring break 2017. End of November, 2016, dad loses his job. I already have a trip planned with my mom for while he was away (thought dad was going to take him on a trip up to Boston to see a few baseball games, that sort of thing). I cannot in good conscience go away and leave the kid home, especially since (1) dad may not have a job in April, so no money to do anything, (2) dad may get a job and be denied vacation or (3) dad gets a job RIGHT BEFORE break so kid has to stay home alone.

Had the boy discuss with him and he's completely blasé about the whole thing. I email him, state the reasons this is not really going to work as above, and suggest that perhaps he wants to give up the boy for the break. He agrees immediately. Ended up getting a job starting January 1, but whether he would have gotten vacation or not we'll never know. He didn't make another peep about break.

To top it all off, he was supposed to take the boy to a soccer tournament in Boston last weekend. Ended up refusing, saying he didn't have the money. I had discussed this with him back in August 2016, he knew what his commitments would be, agreed to do them. Then backed out.

Such is life. Sometimes people don't see how their actions are hurting their kids. Eventually the kids figure it out.

is there anyone sane in the fathers orbit who has some influence on him? It might be worth having the kid tell the story to an aunt who has a chance of talking some sense into him. The dad might win the battle of keeping the kids off the trip, but everyone else will see that this will destroy his relationship with the kids and hope fully someone will talk some sense into him.

I think this is a good suggestion BUT I would be very careful about putting the kids in the middle of it. Their dad is being a total a$$, but he's their dad and should not be put in a position of trying to use others to influence him. He knows they want to go and the kids know the dad's being a jerk.

 

Just my two cents.

Sorry - you were right - I should have written is there anyone on the father's side you can talk to, not the kids. It is too bad he is estranged from his family, but not terribly surprising.

When is this cruise?

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When is this cruise?

 

 

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The OP said June so assuming this month...hopefully the outcome will be posted.

Post #16 says leaving June 16. EM

Thanks everyone who has written with ideas and support. We are just a week away from departure (well, we leave Friday next week) and as of today, Dad is not talking to the kids when they ask if they can go. Just remains silent. - Which is better than a resounding NO I guess.

Two attorneys on the case. Neither of them would take it to a judge because of an agreement in the divorce that the parent wanting to take the kids out of the country would need to notify (not get approval, just notify) the other parent 30 days prior to travel. Of course, he'd been saying yes all this time, so no need for notification, but by the time this was brought to light, it was less than 30 days prior to travel.

As of right now, we are still hoping Dad will agree for them to go. We think that will happen.

Ok it says you need to notify and you don't have the 30 days to do so. But you say he's been saying yes all along. So that means he knew. Notify just means he is informed of the travel plans. When did they tell him?

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Notify in the legal sense may mean that it had to be in writing (email at least) so you can prove it to the court. Otherwise the mom can claim it was 30 days, and the dad can say it was 29 days and the court has to waste time trying to figure out who is lying. There is a program that allows families in contentious divorces to communicate solely in writing so when problems arise, the courts can track exactly what has been said by both parties.

My understanding with this situation is that the dad hadn't been this unreasonable in the past, and therefore the mother didn't realize she needed to protect herself and put everything in writing. In the future, I'm sure she will do so.

But the children are old enough to understand what is happening, and the dad will hopefully realize that the only thing that will happen if he says no is that he will damage his relationship with them.

Notify in the legal sense may mean that it had to be in writing (email at least) so you can prove it to the court. Otherwise the mom can claim it was 30 days, and the dad can say it was 29 days and the court has to waste time trying to figure out who is lying. There is a program that allows families in contentious divorces to communicate solely in writing so when problems arise, the courts can track exactly what has been said by both parties.

 

My understanding with this situation is that the dad hadn't been this unreasonable in the past, and therefore the mother didn't realize she needed to protect herself and put everything in writing. In the future, I'm sure she will do so.

 

But the children are old enough to understand what is happening, and the dad will hopefully realize that the only thing that will happen if he says no is that he will damage his relationship with them.

You are exactly correct on all accounts.

At this point in time..You have notified him more than likely in plenty of time. I think all of you should just go..deal with what ever the Dad comes at you with upon return...but more than likely it will be nothing more than talk..it will be an expense on him to take it to the court...and to what end result.

Enjoy your cruise !!

At this point in time..You have notified him more than likely in plenty of time. I think all of you should just go..deal with what ever the Dad comes at you with upon return...but more than likely it will be nothing more than talk..it will be an expense on him to take it to the court...and to what end result.

 

Enjoy your cruise !!

Yep! That's the advice of both attorneys and that's the plan!

Yep! That's the advice of both attorneys and that's the plan!

And I won't be charging you a fee for that bit of advice...Best of luck and enjoy :D

Well, we leave in 2 days. I wanted to thank everyone who has given advice and supported this issue. At this point, we have not yet gotten a firm. "Yes they can go" nor did he sign a notorized letter (which Carnival says is not required, only requested). He has told the kids that it was all going to depend on how they "treated him" this past weekend. Haven't heard anything since, but the kids said he told them he's going to the US Open golf tournament this weekend......so apparently he's not planning on spending it with them.

So.....off we go. All 15 of us. We will deal with him if necessary when we get back! Passports are in hand and we are ready to go.

He has told the kids that it was all going to depend on how they "treated him" this past weekend.

This might help you if there are any problems after the trip - the dad would have a hard time arguing he denied the vacation for legitimate reasons if he is telling his children this.

I hope you all have a wonderful trip and that everything blows over.