how would you handle this ??

[Cori]

Hi all , just a question , how would you handle this situation. We have a friend that we would like to invite along on an upcoming cruise we are planning. We have cruised with her before and she is a lovely person, but .. yes you knew that there would be a but ... anyway. When we go to dinner , she loves to pick the wine , which is fine, but then at dinner she takes forever to finish her meal and wine , etc etc. and we end up being late for the show, and not find a seat because of our late arrival. We do not want to offend her or to hurt her feelings. But for this reason , we are thinking of not telling her we are going, therefor not inviting her. Is this awful of us. Is there a way to nicely tell her that we need to finish our meal by a certain time , or how would you handle this. We like her and she is a lovely person , but she can talk your leg off. But I feel bad about not inviting her. Any suggestions from my CC friends would be appreciated. Thanks .
Cori

[mamasue]

How about going on a cruise without 'fixed-time dining'.... like RCCL or NCL... then you can go to dinner a half-hour earlier than you would normally go..... no stress!!!

[B+S]

Originally Posted by Cori

Hi all , just a question , how would you handle this situation. We have a friend that we would like to invite along on an upcoming cruise we are planning. We have cruised with her before and she is a lovely person, but .. yes you knew that there would be a but ... anyway. When we go to dinner , she loves to pick the wine , which is fine, but then at dinner she takes forever to finish her meal and wine , etc etc. and we end up being late for the show, and not find a seat because of our late arrival. We do not want to offend her or to hurt her feelings. But for this reason , we are thinking of not telling her we are going, therefor not inviting her. Is this awful of us. Is there a way to nicely tell her that we need to finish our meal by a certain time , or how would you handle this. We like her and she is a lovely person , but she can talk your leg off. But I feel bad about not inviting her. Any suggestions from my CC friends would be appreciated. Thanks .
Cori

My opinion... this is not easy because it involves changing what behaviors you accepted last time. Could not telling her also possibly end your friendship? Be honest with her. Share your specific concerns. Present some gentle examples, give her clear choices (define your expectations and make clear that they are either adhered to or that you would understand if she choose not to go) and then let her choose. Be prepared to live with her choice.

[B+S]

Originally Posted by mamasue

How about going on a cruise without 'fixed-time dining'.... like RCCL or NCL... then you can go to dinner a half-hour earlier than you would normally go..... no stress!!!

Oh that's a good answer!

MamaSue - are you back from your Monarch Trip already?

[parody]

Originally Posted by mamasue

How about going on a cruise without 'fixed-time dining'

Or, alternatively, sign up for the second seating. The featured show is typically given before this dining option, so you won't have the timing issue that is described by the OP.

[misty57]

Gosh, do you have to invite her? Does she expect to come along on any trip you take?
If you want to have her along because she is pleasant company for everything but dinner, there are some things you could do.
1. As someone already mentioned, choose MTD
2. Purchase your wine package and let her know ahead of time what you have chosen, or suggest taking turns choosing the wine.
3. Let her know what time you want to be finished with dinner so you can do whatever it is you want to do, then when it is getting close, let her know and if she wants to linger after that tell her you will meet up with her later. We had dining companions that dragged out dinner so late that we often missed the beginning of the evening entertainment. We began to skip desert and politely excuse ourselves, and had desert later in the Windjammer.

[Water•Baby]

Perhaps I'm crass ... but why couldn't you tell your friend that you want to be sure to make it to the show? I see no reason why you couldn't tell her that you're excited to go to the shows, so you have to make sure to get through dinner a bit more quickly.

I was also a bit confused about your comment about the wine. Does she buy the wine for your whole table? Are you concerned that she may not share her wine with you if you leave the table early or push her to finish dinner more quickly?

We have sailed with friends before and have absolutely said to them - "hey, we want to hit the show tonight so we're going to skip dessert. We'll meet you later." I would hope that if you're good enough friends to sail with this person, you could also be honest with her!

[LHT28]

Before you start your dinner just say ..."we would like to leave the dining by such & such a time so we can get a seat at the show" or when you see the time is getting close to the show time just say "will you excuse us we wish to get the show before it gets to crowded" we will catch up with you later /tomorrow.
Hopefully you are at a table with others so she is not left alone but if you do this a couple of times she may take the hint...to eat faster

[Essiesmom]

If it is just the three (?) of you at a table, tell the waiter that she eats slow and go ahead and serve your courses and dessert, and leave for the show. You might explain to others if there are more at your table, and have the waiters do the same. Maybe she would get the hint that she is lagging behind...EM

[G'ma]

Another reason why I love to cruise solo...................

[MrsPete]

So you like cruising with this friend and would like to plan another trip with her -- it's JUST the dinner meal that's a problem?

Does she not like the shows? Everyone doesn't. My husband is one of those people -- he goes a couple times each cruise as a favor to me, but he doens't enjoy them. Perhaps you could all share dinner, then you could go and enjoy the show, while she hits the casino or does something that she enjoys more.

Here's what I'm sure about: Getting to the shows on time isn't as important to her as it is to you. Or perhaps good seats aren't important to her. If these things mattered to her, she'd not do this over and over again. Anyone might slip up and miss the time once (or even twice) during a week, but someone who cares about the shows won't do it over and over.

I can see a couple solutions:

1. Choose my time dining, and make sure that you arrive in time to allow yourself a good 2.5 hours before the show begins. Surely that'll allow you to linger over wine AND STILL make the show.
2. Choose second-seating traditional dining and see the show BEFORE dinner. Then it doesn't matter how long you linger.
3. Tell her that you want this to be an ultra-casual trip, and forego the main dining room for dinner. Have dinner at the buffet each evening, making sure to time your meals so that you'll have time to make it to the show.
4. Decide to make the upcoming cruise a no-alcohol cruise. Skipping the wine and all the ceremony that goes along with it; thus, it'll take less time to eat.

If you go with one of these, I'd suggest that you emphasize how much you're looking forward to the shows. Make a point to mention a couple times each day, "Oh, tonight's _____ show. I want to be sure to get a good seat."

I would not suggest that you go without telling a close friend. She's bound to hear about it from someone else, or she'll see pictures in your house . . . and then she'll be hurt and wonder why you didn't at least tell her you were going.

If you want to go without inviting her, I don't see any problem. You could emphasize how you're looking foward to having time alone with your spouse.

[DukeFamily]

I think you're overthinking it and making the situation more sticky than it needs to be! IF it were me, I'd get to dinner that first night - maybe with ship paper in hand? - and say pretty much right away - "after dinner show starts at (whatever time). If we start cutting it close, then whoever is finished will go ahead and get our seats." (I know, I know - saving seats is a no-no, but I see no problem with with saving TWO seats for your companions; and it's only for a few minutes till they drag in. I would never say it's okay to save a whole ROW of seats!)

So that's what I would do.

[Gathina]

"Charlie and I have decided that this year we want to have a special getaway this year for just us two."

"Charlie and I know that in the past you've joined us before, but this year we decided that we want it to be just us two."

Now really...do you owe her, or anyone and explanation of why you are not inviting her? No.

If you do invite her, then:

"Dinner has been so lovely and we hear the show is great. I know you're not finished yet but we are going to run along and we'll save you a seat."

"We're going to run along now, and we'll save you a seat..we want to get there early to get the best seats for all of us."

I don't see why you would offend anyone. You are kindly standing up for yourself.

It's a very easy situation to take care of. You are not deliberatly setting out to offend her. You are just asserting yourself. Set some boundaries for yourself. You can't be responsible for how she feels.

It's more offensive and rude if you go and don't tell her, because sooner or later she'll find out and you'll look even worse.

Originally Posted by Cori

Hi all , just a question , how would you handle this situation. We have a friend that we would like to invite along on an upcoming cruise we are planning. We have cruised with her before and she is a lovely person, but .. yes you knew that there would be a but ... anyway. When we go to dinner , she loves to pick the wine , which is fine, but then at dinner she takes forever to finish her meal and wine , etc etc. and we end up being late for the show, and not find a seat because of our late arrival. We do not want to offend her or to hurt her feelings. But for this reason , we are thinking of not telling her we are going, therefor not inviting her. Is this awful of us. Is there a way to nicely tell her that we need to finish our meal by a certain time , or how would you handle this. We like her and she is a lovely person , but she can talk your leg off. But I feel bad about not inviting her. Any suggestions from my CC friends would be appreciated. Thanks .
Cori

[flamomo]

If I were in that situation, I would nicely tell her at the beginning of the meal that we have decided to go to the show after dinner, and she is welcome to go with us if she wishes, but we will have to leave the dining room by a specific time, to make it to the show on time. That would give her the option of lingering after the meal and skipping the show or finishing up in a timely manner in order to accompany you.

[cb at sea]

If you do traditional dining, they sort of "herd" you out of the dining room by a certain time....late seating usually has the shows BEFORE dinner...early seating sees the shows AFTER dinner...and since there's another seating after you, how could you linger?

At any rate, I'd just say, "Ooops--it's time for the show! Are you coming? Ok, we'll see you later!" and I'd head to the theater!

[copper6606]

Originally Posted by Water•Baby

Perhaps I'm crass ... but why couldn't you tell your friend that you want to be sure to make it to the show? I see no reason why you couldn't tell her that you're excited to go to the shows, so you have to make sure to get through dinner a bit more quickly.

I was also a bit confused about your comment about the wine. Does she buy the wine for your whole table? Are you concerned that she may not share her wine with you if you leave the table early or push her to finish dinner more quickly?

We have sailed with friends before and have absolutely said to them - "hey, we want to hit the show tonight so we're going to skip dessert. We'll meet you later." I would hope that if you're good enough friends to sail with this person, you could also be honest with her!

This is the way I would handle it exactly!
Up front and upbeat is usually best!

[Gathina]

I'm with you. Why is it that people are so afraid to say what THEY want.

If you let that happen, you really lose your right to complain about the people that walk all over you or take advantage of you. If you don't like or want the wine, "no thank you".

People think they owe an explanation for everything sometimes so they either explain away so much the other person manipulates them into doing something they don't want to do, or they clam up and then complain later about the other person.

Originally Posted by copper6606

This is the way I would handle it exactly!
Up front and upbeat is usually best!

[BroncosFan2010]

I agree with many of the posters above that you need to be honest with your friend. Chances are, she does not even recognize what she is doing! If you don't want to sail with her, either don't tell her you are going on a cruise, or make it clear that it is just a special cruise for you and your sign other.

If you want to sail with her, make your wishes known before you leave for the cruise WAY BEFORE. You don't want it to come out at the first dinner and it be a big deal for the remainder of the cruise.

[grandmato4]

I would not suggest keeping it a secret that you were going on a cruise. If this is something you would normally tell her and talk about attempting to keep it a secret will never work and you will only find yourself in the position of lying to her at some point and that would never be good.

Personally I would never have a problem going on a cruise and not inviting someone else to go with us but if you feel that you must invite her if you tell her that you are going then you are either going to have to expect things to be the same as before or speak up.

Before dinner and than again after arriving at dinner you need to say that you need to be finished by whatever time it is because you wish to go to the show that evening and then stick with what ever you said. A gentle look at your watch about 20 minutes before you need to leave with a comment to each other that you have about 20 minutes to finish is a way to remind her about the time. No reason this can't be done nicely. If its her choice to continue to sit at the table that's fine. That is on her, not on you. Go and enjoy the show and do not feel guilty and if possible catch up with her later. As other's have said, she may not be interested in going to the shows and thats fine, but no reason you should not get to enjoy what you wish.

[momofmeg]

This is exactly why, when we cruise with friends, we make a point in saying we do not need to do everything together.

We have left our friends still enjoying their meal at dinner. We never thought we had to wait for them to finish. We would simply say something like,"we are heading to the show-do you want us to save you a seat?" If they were offended they never let us know. I assume they weren't, because we are planning to cruise together again.