Struggling leaving 18 month old with grandparents

We have 3 sons 21, 17 and 13 months ( yes I know its a big age difference) Our oldest son will be graduating college in 2013 and our 17 year old will be graduating high school in 2013 as well. We have planned a cruise in March to celebrate them graduating. Our youngest son will be 18 months old when we leave in March and he is spending 3 days with my mother in law and 3 days with my parents I know he will love being with them and get spoiled rotten I am sure.. I am just struggling with leaving him and being that far away from him! We talked about bringing him with us however, he is not old enough to go to Camp Carnival yet and he is not a good long distance car rider and the drive to the port is almost 11 hours. Am I crazy to leave him? :mad::confused:

Leave him at home, he will get spoiled by the grandparents, you will get spoiled on the cruise. You will miss him, but your cruise will be over before you know (or want it to be probably), and see him again, relaxed and refreshed.

It's time, if you haven't left him for a few days yet.

Please enjoy yourself, as a happy momma makes a happy child

Your other sons deserve your undivided attention for a few days, as I'm sure they have missed time with you since the third sons birth.

This youngest child also needs time away from you to learn that is how life works and how he learns independence and self confidence and awareness.

Enjoy your celebration cruise with your older sons, it will be a great time filled with lifelong memories!

I say go and enjoy yourself! I'm one of the grandparents that shared my grandson while my DD and DSIL went on their cruise. We had so much fun with the little guy. They had fun and we had fun. So go and celebrate with your older kids and leave the little one to his own fun vacation.

That would be tough! We've only left our daughter overnight with someone else 3 times in 11.5 years - one of the times was this past weekend. But we don't have grandparents nearby like we do. Enjoy the fact that they'll be in good hands and you will be able to have a lot of time together.

No you're not crazy. Sounds like a great trip with your older children and a great bonding time with your little one with his Grandparents.

He hasn't stayed the night away yet as he was not sleeping through the night(he is now) and I was still nursing him, however, I am no longer nursing him so we are getting ready to let him stay with grandma overnight!! She was going to keep him this past weekend but she got a bad cold so we postponed it! Thanks for the posts!

I say go!! On my first cruise my yougest was 4 months old!! We needed the time away with 3 small kids and my mom voluteered. She probably regrets that now as she has had the kids 1 week out of the year ever since then so we could cruise. :p:D The kids love being with their grandma and grandpa and they love having the kids.;)

We have 3 sons 21, 17 and 13 months ( yes I know its a big age difference) Our oldest son will be graduating college in 2013 and our 17 year old will be graduating high school in 2013 as well. We have planned a cruise in March to celebrate them graduating. Our youngest son will be 18 months old when we leave in March and he is spending 3 days with my mother in law and 3 days with my parents I know he will love being with them and get spoiled rotten I am sure.. I am just struggling with leaving him and being that far away from him! We talked about bringing him with us however, he is not old enough to go to Camp Carnival yet and he is not a good long distance car rider and the drive to the port is almost 11 hours. Am I crazy to leave him? :mad::confused:

JMO

Leaving your child sucks.

It ALWAYS will suck...whether he is 18 months old or 18 years old.

The anticipation of leaving him is FAR worse than the actual event.

Grandparents are the best thing on earth and allowing your son to have alone time with them is absolutely precious and a gift. Not everyone is blessed with grandparents. I had mine until I was in my 40's and I cherish every minute I had with them, ESPECIALLY when my parents were not there.

Don't cheat your son or his grandparents out of this because you have seperation anxiety...because I assure you that anxiety never gets better and you have to rise above it.

My kids are adults now and when they left me, I was fine, but I always hated leaving them...no matter how old they were. You have to push through that because the minute that umbilical cord is cut, it is your job to teach your child to be seperate from you....leaving them with grandparents is GOOD for them.....you'll see. :) You will fret over this until you drop them @ your Mom's house...then once you are on your way to the ship, you will actually feel a little better and once you are on your vacation, you will really enjoy yourself. I can almost guarantee it.

Go and enjoy. The boys will be gone very soon and your little guy will have your undivided attention for a really long time. It will be nice to give the older kids some time alone with you. I am sure you have been very busy for the last 18 months and could also use a break as well.

Not much you can do with a child that age, I would go and enjoy some great times with your older sons.

I have been in the position as the mom leaving the 18 month old, AND the grand mom taking care of the 18 month old (many years later..... there is a 13 year difference between our #1 son our #5 son). My advice.....go and enjoy your cruise! He will be well taken care of; and how nice for him to have both sets of grandparents care for him!

JMO

Leaving your child sucks.

It ALWAYS will suck...whether he is 18 months old or 18 years old.

The anticipation of leaving him is FAR worse than the actual event.

 

Grandparents are the best thing on earth and allowing your son to have alone time with them is absolutely precious and a gift. Not everyone is blessed with grandparents. I had mine until I was in my 40's and I cherish every minute I had with them, ESPECIALLY when my parents were not there.

 

Don't cheat your son or his grandparents out of this because you have seperation anxiety...because I assure you that anxiety never gets better and you have to rise above it.

 

My kids are adults now and when they left me, I was fine, but I always hated leaving them...no matter how old they were. You have to push through that because the minute that umbilical cord is cut, it is your job to teach your child to be seperate from you....leaving them with grandparents is GOOD for them.....you'll see. :) You will fret over this until you drop them @ your Mom's house...then once you are on your way to the ship, you will actually feel a little better and once you are on your vacation, you will really enjoy yourself. I can almost guarantee it.

This is a really sweet and well written post. Leaving your babies (no matter their age) really does suck, but sometimes it's really a good thing. The separation anxiety will be much worse for you than you little one.

We all wear many hats.. but sometimes we forget that "partner" and wife are one of them.. We have always left our kids for one week of the year.. Happy parents make for Happy kids. (and bless all grandparents that really understand that!!)

I have to agree with the many posters above. We are taking our son and his wife on a cruise and she desperately wants to bring along our darling almost 3 yr old granddaughter. While we are anxious to bring her on cruises, I feel she is still too young and I want my son/DIL to enjoy their time together as a couple. My advice to you (and them) is call home (skype) when you are in a port with wifi and be reassured that all is well.

Our son was 3 when my parents decided to take their family on a cruise. But my Dad said we had to leave our son home :( as we would not be able to enjoy ourselves if we had a 3-year old in tow. It sounded a little cruel but he was so right! This was back in 1990 before the ships had so much for kids.

His godparents were only too happy to keep him for the week and he was fine with it, too. He had spent time overnight at their home since he was a baby so he felt very comfortable.

I promised him something special when we got back...if he was a good boy and he was! The day after we returned home I had planned the day off with him and drove him through pea-soup fog to get the toy rifle he had wanted so much (he was going through a Jeremiah Johnson phase!) and he was sure to remind me of my promise!

Bottom line is it couldn't have worked out better for all of us - we all had a great vacation. It was a long time to be out of touch with him - pre-cell phone days and all!

We didn't sail again til 2004 but he was on our next 2 cruises with us as a teenager. We've sailed again with him and want to in the future but work schedules will make that a little more difficult to plan.

Just go and have fun - your little guy will be fine!

To each his own... however I leave on Saturday for a WEEK away from my 16 month old and 5 year old. I am ecstatic! I have no feelings of guilt for leaving her and am very much looking forward to a break from my kids!

Do it and enjoy! :) your DH and you will have a fabulous time. I have a 2 year old granddaughter that I love to spoil rotten. Grandma and the baby will have a fabulous time!

Nope...you're a GOOD parent! Have no fear...the grandparents will take better care of him than you EVER could....(I know you thing that's not possible, but it's TRUE!!!).

Stop the worrying. He'll be fine. You'll be fine. Kids do NOT need to be smothered with parental love 24/7.....it's good to be apart sometimes. Trust me. My kids were left for some vacations...they are grown, and healthy and happy.

Have a great trip. Your child will have a wonderful, bonding time with his grandparents.

We have 3 sons 21, 17 and 13 months ( yes I know its a big age difference) Our oldest son will be graduating college in 2013 and our 17 year old will be graduating high school in 2013 as well. We have planned a cruise in March to celebrate them graduating. Our youngest son will be 18 months old when we leave in March and he is spending 3 days with my mother in law and 3 days with my parents I know he will love being with them and get spoiled rotten I am sure.. I am just struggling with leaving him and being that far away from him! We talked about bringing him with us however, he is not old enough to go to Camp Carnival yet and he is not a good long distance car rider and the drive to the port is almost 11 hours. Am I crazy to leave him? :mad::confused:

No you are not crazy. Enjoy your cruise! We leave on Saturday for a 6 day cruise, it will be myself, DH and DS who is 6 years old. We are leaving our 18 month old with my parents while we are gone since he cannot participate in Camp Carnival and I do not think he would enjoy it. Don't feel guilty he will enjoy spending the time with his grandparents.

Usually these threads are a bit more balanced. I guess most of "us" are off cruising with our kids this week. :) I totally believe that this is a choice you need to make for yourself based on your values. However, I am also an older parent and want to give you that perspective. (My wife and I are currently traveling with toddlers in our early 40s. I'm assuming that you are in a similar age bracket because of the age of the older kids.)

We've both traveled, seen many places and done many things. Zip-lining, deck-puking, sun-burning, midnight buffet, late shows, etc, etc, etc. We've had our 20s (and most of our 30s) to do whatever we wanted. Then we chose to have children. Now, a cruise that would be relaxing... but boring because we've done it all 10 times... is a totally different experience.

I would never give up the memory of my son getting a dolphin snout in his mouth because he hadn't learned to pucker yet. When they said "kiss the dolphin" he gave an open mouth kiss. I would never give up the memory of the look of wonderment and joy on my daughters, face when she got to pet a turtle larger than she was. With 4 cruises under our belts, I have dozens of those memories. As the commercial says: "priceless"

I won't lie and tell you that it's easy. It isn't. I won't tell you that you can do anything you want to. You can't... well, you might have better luck since you have 4 adults and one child. Generally though, there are trade offs to be made and that is for you to weigh.

As far as the suggestion(s) that a toddler wouldn't enjoy a cruise... let's see: almost unlimited time with parents, one or both of whom work the rest of the year... a literal buffet of food choices everyday... crew members and passengers fawning over them... finally a decent opportunity to wear a tuxedo... endless entertainment in the form of people-watching, bells and whistles everywhere, etc. What's not to love?

Toddlers don't "get" the cruise/travel experience, but they most certainly have a ball on a cruise ship. Mommy and daddy, perhaps not so much. :p But that is what we signed up for, and IMHO the permanent memories far outweigh the temporary difficulties.

Usually these threads are a bit more balanced. I guess most of "us" are off cruising with our kids this week. :) I totally believe that this is a choice you need to make for yourself based on your values. However, I am also an older parent and want to give you that perspective. (My wife and I are currently traveling with toddlers in our early 40s. I'm assuming that you are in a similar age bracket because of the age of the older kids.)

 

We've both traveled, seen many places and done many things. Zip-lining, deck-puking, sun-burning, midnight buffet, late shows, etc, etc, etc. We've had our 20s (and most of our 30s) to do whatever we wanted. Then we chose to have children. Now, a cruise that would be relaxing... but boring because we've done it all 10 times... is a totally different experience.

 

I would never give up the memory of my son getting a dolphin snout in his mouth because he hadn't learned to pucker yet. When they said "kiss the dolphin" he gave an open mouth kiss. I would never give up the memory of the look of wonderment and joy on my daughters, face when she got to pet a turtle larger than she was. With 4 cruises under our belts, I have dozens of those memories. As the commercial says: "priceless"

 

I won't lie and tell you that it's easy. It isn't. I won't tell you that you can do anything you want to. You can't... well, you might have better luck since you have 4 adults and one child. Generally though, there are trade offs to be made and that is for you to weigh.

 

 

As far as the suggestion(s) that a toddler wouldn't enjoy a cruise... let's see: almost unlimited time with parents, one or both of whom work the rest of the year... a literal buffet of food choices everyday... crew members and passengers fawning over them... finally a decent opportunity to wear a tuxedo... endless entertainment in the form of people-watching, bells and whistles everywhere, etc. What's not to love?

 

Toddlers don't "get" the cruise/travel experience, but they most certainly have a ball on a cruise ship. Mommy and daddy, perhaps not so much. :p But that is what we signed up for, and IMHO the permanent memories far outweigh the temporary difficulties.

My outlook on this is quite different from yours. OP is in a different position than you are, they have 2 older boys who are celebrating major milestones in their life....graduating from high school and college. This trip is in celebration of their achievements and the OP wants to make them the focus of this trip not their 18 month old who has most likely stolen the limelight (understandably) for the past 18 months. I see nothing wrong with leaving their toddler in the loving care of Grandparents to spend some quality time with their older children. There will be plenty of time and opportunity in the future for them to spend with their younger child and generate those special memories you talk about with him. This is an opportunity for them to create some special memories with those older kids.

DH and I are in our mid-forties. We have 2 kids, DS(18) and DD(15). I didn't have the grandparents available to leave my kids with when they were younger, but I do have a wonderful Aunt who has been a caregiver for my children while we work since they were born. I have not hesitated to leave my kids in her care for some adult vacations with DH. We try to take one of these type of trips every one or two years since they were born. That said, we have also had many, many more vacations with our children. At a minimum one a year...more if I can swing it. We have all those special memories you are talking about with our kids, plus some valuable memories for just the two of us. To me the key is balance. It is ok to spend some quality time with others away from your children.

IMHO it is good for them to develop deeper relationships with others close to you, like Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents. I had that type of relationship with my Grandparents, which became very valuable to me when my parents were divorced and step-parents entered the picture. My kids have a very special relationship with my Aunt and her family. A relationship that has taken nothing away from their relationship with us, but has given them more love and support in addition to our own. I also believe limited seperation is healthy for all involved.

OP...the first few times are the hardest, but when you see the loving bond form between your child and his Grandparents, it makes the seperation much more easier to handle. Just realize that the bond they are forming takes nothing away from your relationship...but gives your child so much more love and support in his life in addition to yours. As the Mother of 2 independant, healthy, happy teens...I can say that using balance in vacation time worked wonderfully for us.

My outlook on this is quite different from yours.

 

I see nothing wrong with leaving their toddler in the loving care of Grandparents to spend some quality time with their older children.

 

To me the key is balance.

 

It is ok to spend some quality time with others away from your children.

 

I agree. No problem with that.

I agree. I don't see any indication in my post that I think leaving DS3 at home is "wrong". I explicitly said "I totally believe that this is a choice you need to make for yourself based on your values."

I agree. I'm just trying to add some balance to this thread. :D

I agree.

This trip is in celebration of their achievements and the OP wants to make them the focus of this trip not their 18 month old who has most likely stolen the limelight (understandably) for the past 18 months.

 

This is an opportunity for them to create some special memories with those older kids.

 

The OP didn't say they wanted to make the older kids the focus. The OP said they wanted to celebrate the graduations. Not to minimize the accomplishment, but that takes one dinner at best, not an entire week.

The reason the OP explicitly offered was that the toddler doesn't travel well and can't go to Camp. No other reason was given. For all we know, they don't expect to see the older kids all week except at dinner. We've seen that thread many times also, for much younger kids, right?

It's also an opportunity for the older brothers to create some special memories with the lil' one. One may have been away at college and will be moving out of state for a job, we don't know. The other may be going away to college in the fall, we don't know. This may be there only real chance to take a vacation with lil' bro... you guessed it: we don't know. :p For all we do know, the older sons would prefer to have DS3 onboard to enhance their vacation. It's actually a pretty good setup: you get all the playtime of being a dad-type-person, and none of the ... uh, crap. :o

Again, this is totally up to the OP and family. If I had a vote, it wouldn't count. I was only offering an alternative viewpoint to the rest of the crowd.

OP: you are definitely NOT crazy to leave him.

You would also NOT be crazy to take him along.

Driving 11 hours to port? Jury is out on that one... ;)

I think that the older boys would prefer the baby to stay with the grandparents. It would really not be alot of fun if they have to plan activites around an 18 month.

We left our 5 month old with grandparents for a 5 night cruise and have left him once a year for a cruise. It is so nice to recharge our batteries.

When he was 4 we ended up being gone 8 nights which seemed like a long time away for us. When he got home he said "you are back already? No too soon I want to stay with grandma and grampa."

Clearly the kids handle it much better than the parents :)