Urgent Help Needed

Hi All,

As you can tell this is my first post. Hello everyone!

I am in desparate need of help. I am due to sail out ths Friday 22nd July on Azura cruise number A117. I am wondering if anybody has previously contacted or indeed if you can can contact P & O for a weather forecast and sailing conditions for the first 3 days of the cruise?

Now for the reason!

Both myself and my wife are not new to cruising, quite the opposite. We have been on around about 10/12 cruises with P & O since about 2004 all in the Med. This is due to the fact my wife is terrified of flying even though she has done it in the past. We got into cruising as she worked for a very successful local cruise company (which was taken over by a well known brand) and got a free cruise in 2003. I thought this was the answer to our prayers to find the perfect holiday, how wrong could I be! She had a panic attack and we 'missed the boat'. She somehow managed to get a free cruise the year after and despite weeks of panic attacks and threatening not to get on the ship she finally did (Oceana for those that are still reading!).

Anyway since then we have been on many cruises relatively trouble free although one year she had a panic attack, we missed the ship and flew out to Barcelona to catch it!

She has always been nervous about sailing but eventually gets on and generally enjoys it. We have a 3 year old daughter now and we went on Ventura last year round about 3rd July I think, however coming home we had 2 rough days at sea which made her feel unsafe and very ill. I have to admit at least 1 day was quite rough and generally I don't suffer but I did. This was apparently due to the bad weather we had last year that forced the weather front down to the Med causing a bad swell.

This now sticks in her mind and she is adamant she is not going as she feels she isn't safe and with having a 3 year old she feels she can't protect her. I have tried all the reassuring tactics known to man but to no avail.

The only chance I have now is trying to find out the weather forecast for the first 3 days sailing out and potentially asking P & O if she can speak to a senior officer or Captain when we get on the ship to reassure her.

Silly I know considering the cruises we have been on but believe me having seen the state she gets herself into and the fact the weather is currently shocking at home, up to now she has no intention of going.

I would be grateful for any thoughts.

Thanks

Alan

Welcome to Cruise Critic Alan. I am sorry your wife is having cold feet about the cruise.

I suggest you go to the Met Office web site (via the BBC) and check out their three or five day forecasts for where you are heading. I don't think P&O will give you any weather forecasts as the situation changes so frequently.

I can only suggest you explain Ventura is a very big, modern ship with every available safety device. The Master is Captain Alastair Clark, who has many years experience and would not put over 3000 passengers in any danger. You could I suppose ask at Reception when you board, but often the senior officers are ashore until just before sailing.

Is there any mild medication that your wife could ask her GP for to ease her panic attacks (I know what it is like as my mother was the same) ?

Hi Sharon,

Thank you. However you must have misread my post.

We are travelling on Azura, not Ventura, the Captain is Keith Dowds whom we have had before.

I am not for one minute suggesting we would be in danger as we have both been on Ventura 3 times so she knows how big the ship is.

However fear is irrational and she thinks that the ship could be in danger in bad weather and no matter how much I tell her that we would dock in the nearest port should there be a problem it still isn't working.

With regards to the weather I know that it changes regularly as I have been checking all destinations every hour all weekend!

However I was hoping that P & O may be able to give us an idea how the weather was going to be and in particular the sailing conditions as they must know in advance.

In particular the sailing conditions as they are impossible to interpret to a novice and they must plan in advance.

Sorry if I am sounding harsh but I have has a horrendous weekend.

Thanks

Alan

http://news.bbc.co.uk/weather/coast_and_sea/extended_outlook/

Gives the extended forecast.

Tell your wife that hundreds of cruise ship journeys have traversed this area this year already and not one has encountered weather to force them to divert to a port.

These ships are tested in artificial conditions pitch/roll more than you will ever encounter on normal sea conditions.

Not sure if it would help but there is a video on YouTube somewhere showing sea trials of I think Indy of the Seas simulating worse possible conditions and the ship stays true..

Why not simply do a cruise that starts in the Mediterranean? The use the excellent continental rail system to get there?

I know it is too late for this year, but that would seem to be a sensible answer given the difficulties you face.

The only times I've been through the Bay of Biscay (and down to the Med) it has been like a millpond. Not that that means much however.

WD

Hi Alan

This website gives waveheights for the next 180hours.

http://www.stormsurfing.com/cgi/display.cgi?a=natla_height

Looks not too good at the moment but gets very much calmer in 24hours so you should be OK.

Keep checking it each day.

Brian

Why not simply do a cruise that starts in the Mediterranean? The use the excellent continental rail system to get there?

 

I know it is too late for this year, but that would seem to be a sensible answer given the difficulties you face.

 

The only times I've been through the Bay of Biscay (and down to the Med) it has been like a millpond. Not that that means much however.

 

WD

Thanks WD,

Again if it was only that simple!

My wife doesn't mind trains but hates going in a tunnel so I presume that rules out the Channel Tunnel!

She will fly eventually I am sure.

The Bay of Biscay has always been fine for us, As mentioned earlier we have sailed about 150 nights onboard in total but as they say you always remember the last. It just so happens the last 2 were rough!

Thanks

Alan

The best way is to get her to write down on a piece of paper exactly what she is afraid of happening.. All the specific scenarios.

Then together (or post them on here) go through the following 1) What would cause this to happen, 2) Has this ever happened before, 3) what are the chances of it happening, 4) Is there anything that the crew/cruise line do to prevent this, 5) is there anything that I can do to prevent it from happening.

And if all else fails.. those great Baz Luhrmann lyrics..

"Worry, but know that worrying is about as useful as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum".

Oh and if she hasn't already tried them, try Kalms before you sail. Herbal remedy that really do work..

The best way is to get her to write down on a piece of paper exactly what she is afraid of happening.. All the specific scenarios.

 

Then together (or post them on here) go through the following 1) What would cause this to happen,The ship were to sink 2) Has this ever happened before,yes Titanic 3) what are the chances of it happening,It will happen on 22nd! 4) Is there anything that the crew/cruise line do to prevent this, Their job!5) is there anything that I can do to prevent it from happening?Don't go!.

 

 

And if all else fails.. those great Baz Luhrmann lyrics..

 

"Worry, but know that worrying is about as useful as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum".

 

Oh and if she hasn't already tried them, try Kalms before you sail. Herbal remedy that really do work..

See above replies.

Sorry But I don't think Rosebaskets post was harsh at all.

 

I live with this first hand and my wife, although being terrified, does not convey this to our daughter at all, she is totally unaware.

 

People do not realise what fear is all about. She knows she can beat this but this has only happened in the last couple of weeks when it was too late, usually she is fine(ish).

 

Thanks

 

Alan

We are all entitled to an opinion.

Hopefully the replies re the weather will be helpful to you.

Good luck.

OK, sorry I got the ship and captain wrong, but my first reply holds true. I don't think P&O will be able to give you a weather report until sailing, when it will be too late.

I agree with other posters that maybe some homeopathic or herbal remedies might help. I am guessing your insurance won't cover if you cancel. Might your wife respond to a little bit of guilt by saying she would be depriving her daughter of her holiday if you don't go ? or is that just going to make it worse ?

Or - just contact P&O anyway and see what they say. They can email the ship and ask your question for you.

Another good 'all conditions' site to take a look at is Weather2...

Click here for the link to the Bay of Biscay. It's as good as you'll get from anywhere else; including P&O IMO...

You can plug in other areas at will...

Good luck...

Thanks WD,

 

Again if it was only that simple!

 

My wife doesn't mind trains but hates going in a tunnel so I presume that rules out the Channel Tunnel!

 

She will fly eventually I am sure.

 

The Bay of Biscay has always been fine for us, As mentioned earlier we have sailed about 150 nights onboard in total but as they say you always remember the last. It just so happens the last 2 were rough!

 

Thanks

 

Alan

I have some understanding in that my wife's first night at sea was in a force ten rising eleven and that this has remained with her. She has also been in a plane hijack as well as in a plane which took off with one engine on fire trailing flames a la Concorde.

I just thought the train idea was ideal - but clearly the tunnel would be difficult. That's a pity in itself as Eurostar is such a lovely train!

Best of luck.

WD

It wil be too late for this holiday but your wife needs to explore CBT.

My daughter is a Clinical Psychologist and deals with these sort of phobias daily - your wife can be helped - all you have to do is ask for a referral from your GP.

Good luck.

I think you and are you wife are in a very difficult situation with her phobias and I agree with cruiseluvva that professional help is the only real answer.

I'm sure most of us live with one phobia or another but when it begins to impact on your life in such a big way its time to deal with it seriously.

I have 4 friends who have varying levels of this type of phobia, 2 of which will travel only after completely their rituals but this is their way of coping.............and the other 2 who do not travel beyond our town. They can't even deal with getting help, this has of course had a massive impact on their families.

I hope that you can help your wife to overcome her distress and you do manage to get away and have a great time........keep reminding her of the all the good times you've had on holiday and maybe she can try to keep that to the front of her mind. Good luck to you.

I'm sorry OP but not for you - for your wife. A phobia is an irrational fear and whether it is right or wrong doesn't matter. It's there and a panic attack may seem silly to the person not having it but to the person who is having it you think you are dying or worse - you wish you were dying. I used to have panic attacks and to this day I resent the people who tried to force me to do something I didn't want to do. You can't reason with someone having a panic attack - it's irrational. And it could make it worse forcing them or lying to them about it. If that was me I'd say if your holiday is so important to you then go by yourself but if I'm more important than stay home with your family and find things to do until she gets medication and treatment to get through it. And you don't need to flame me because it's my opinion and that's just the way it is.

I'm sorry OP but not for you - for your wife. A phobia is an irrational fear and whether it is right or wrong doesn't matter. It's there and a panic attack may seem silly to the person not having it but to the person who is having it you think you are dying or worse - you wish you were dying. I used to have panic attacks and to this day I resent the people who tried to force me to do something I didn't want to do. You can't reason with someone having a panic attack - it's irrational. And it could make it worse forcing them or lying to them about it. If that was me I'd say if your holiday is so important to you then go by yourself but if I'm more important than stay home with your family and find things to do until she gets medication and treatment to get through it. And you don't need to flame me because it's my opinion and that's just the way it is.

I'm not after sympathy at all. I know exactly what she is going through and would never force her to do anything she didn't want to and especially lie to her!

I have lived with it since 1997 when we went on our first holiday together and although I never understood it then I have looked into it and helped her in any way she wanted me to.

My wife and daughter are the most important people in my life and I would never do anything to hurt or put them through stress.

As I stated earlier she will not take medication due to her seeing the devastating effects it can have on peoples lives. She knows it is mind over matter and when she is ready for help I will be there for her.

I am just concerned obviously that my daughter doesn't pick up on all of this as I don't want it to ruin her life like it has for my wife.

I am not 'flaming' anybody, everbody has an opinion to which they are entitled to.

I come on here to try to get helpful information for my wife, I never usually post on forums as it is not my thing. I am grateful to everybody for their advice.

I agree that I may have seemed a little short especially to Catherine Janaway (I'm sorry I thought the tone of your E mail was different than you probably meant it) but this is a very stressful time for me too. However I know it is far worse for my wife and she is my main concern at the minute and I am doing everything I can to help her as I know she would enjoy it once she has got the sea days out of the way.

Once again thank you all for your help. Although I seem that I don't appreciate it I certainly do.

Alan

Hello.... I haven't read all of the posts. I hope you manage to go on holiday and your wife overcomes her fears. I'm sure you could contact P&O and ask to go on the bridge and see how everything works. It may help her next time.

Have a great holiday were ever your travels take you. :)

''I'm not after sympathy at all. I know exactly what she is going through and would never force her to do anything she didn't want to and especially lie to her!''

So what will you do if the weather forecast is rough for your sailaway?

I think all this stress is hardly worth doing the cruise for and ofcourse your daughter will pick up on it, how can she not when mum is having a panic attack/crying etc at the checkin hall - on the cruises you missed, especially as she gets older.

Why put yourself and her through it? I would travel in the UK for a few years, and seek help for the phobias in the meantime . Just my opinion, and you asking for opinions.

with respect

:)

I agree with the posters who said its probably better to not go cruiseing in the meantime whilst she gets some professional help - Sorry not being harsh...

Its not going to be a pleasure for any of you and in particular your daughter seeing mummy in a total state of panic a lot of the time...

What I didnt understand though was the bit about medication, where she said it ruins people's lives...She doesnt have to go on it for long periods, a small amount to help take the edge of and enable her to go on a cruise will work wonders..Lots of people do this for their cruise and never touch it again...

You seem to be doing all you can to help but ultimately she has to help herself...

Good luck...xx

I agree with the posters who said its probably better to not go cruiseing in the meantime whilst she gets some professional help - Sorry not being harsh...

 

Its not going to be a pleasure for any of you and in particular your daughter seeing mummy in a total state of panic a lot of the time...

 

What I didnt understand though was the bit about medication, where she said it ruins people's lives...She doesnt have to go on it for long periods, a small amount to help take the edge of and enable her to go on a cruise will work wonders..Lots of people do this for their cruise and never touch it again...

 

You seem to be doing all you can to help but ultimately she has to help herself...

 

Good luck...xx

Thanks for your reply.

To be honest she does hide it pretty well so our daughter will not know. Obviously I do as I know her so well but I am certain Olivia will not pick up on it whatsoever otherwise I wouldn't let her go through with it.

I think some people have the wrong idea of what she is like, she certainly suffers badly but she doesn't show she is suffering. She wouldn't be a crying mess in the Ocean Terminal like Libralass41 said (I am not having a go by the way). I know she is suffering as I can see the signs although she tries to hide them from me so not to worry me. If she gets in the car on Friday morning to travel down she will go, she will not get there and make a big scene and say she can't get on.

After speaking to her tonight she thinks CBT may be the way forward as she knows about this through her job.

In answer to your question though she will not take medication unless absolutely necessary which I can understand as I am the same. I hate taking tablets even if I am suffering but she has seen many people who get hooked far too easily. I am not saying for one minute she would but I think she feels she can eventually beat this without medication.

I for one have faith in her as she can be very determined and maybe we have both ignored it for too long as she has nearly always got on.

Here is another site that may be of help:

http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/weather/marine/shipping_forecast.html#All~All

But I must agree that medical help would be the answer in the long run.

Good luck

Hope all goes well and you get away on your cruise.

The site previously mentioned for weather in the bay does suggest a calm transit south for you. I feel for you but she does need to get some help with this to take the strain off her family.

Hi Alan

I can really feel for you & your wife. I can understand what a severe phobia is like & for a while I would not travel abroad as I'm terrified of flying & storms.

Whilst I still won't fly, or even think of trying I am now able to cruise as a hypnotherapist has "cured" my fear of storms. :eek:

Infact on our first cruise to the Baltics we sailed through a thunderstorm & force 10 gale & I used the techniques that had been given to me & got through it. I've cruised twice more since, thankfully on calm seas.

Maybe, your wife would also find hypnotherapy useful??:confused:

Best of luck & I hope your wife finds something to help her soon. Panic is so hard to explain to people who don't suffer from it.