Beware of Teenage Girls and Crew Members

My 16 year old daughter and I just returned from a cruise on Oasis of the Seas. My daughter is a very naive 16 years old (mentally much younger). She does have some comprehension issues and attends a school for children with learning disabilities. Even though I've repeatedly told her to beware of strangers, it's very difficult on a cruise ship because everyone is being so friendly. On a previous cruise, she was contacted afterwards on FB by our server. I messaged him then blocked him telling him it was inappropriate. It happened again this time only it went further. My daughter received a phone call from the Pool Towel Attendant. After intense grilling, I found out she had been talking to him all week on the ship. He wrote notes to her professing enternal love. I was livid. I just want to warn all parents to watch your teenagers. My daughter will never leave my side again on a ship. I reported the person involved. He texted my daughter and I responded telling him to never contact her again. I will be changing her telephone number this weekend. The only day she was alone by the pool was the last day. We knew many people on this cruise so I foolishly thought she'd be safe in a crowd. I did not allow her out on her own in the evenings. No matter how careful you are, there are predators everywhere. Do not be lulled into complacency thinking it couldn't happen to your child.

That's terrible!! I hope you reported them to the cruise company??

I'm sure they would be horrified to find out about such inappropriate behaviour!!!!

Rosie148

Yes, I did but they won't tell me what action they are taking if any.

Follow - up. Royal Caribbean Security just contacted me. The crewmember that was involved is being removed from the ship. He's being "deported" in a sense. I was told it's a very controlled environment where he is escorted off the ship through immigration and returned to his country. He no longer has a job with Royal Caribbean.

Follow - up. Royal Caribbean Security just contacted me. The crewmember that was involved is being removed from the ship. He's being "deported" in a sense. I was told it's a very controlled environment where he is escorted off the ship through immigration and returned to his country. He no longer has a job with Royal Caribbean.

Good to know!

The only line serveing the real needs of teenager (regrettably) is Carnival (which I dont really care for). All the other lines treat 15, 16 and 17 year old like 9 year olds and frankly its a HUGE gap. Teens want to dance and party on vacation, not play video games...

Carnival is the only one in the business with SERIOUS hidden cameras EVERYWHERE. They have facial recognition software and know who your kid is talking to and where they are 27/7

Actually Royal Caribbean has the facial recognition software too. They reviewed all the tapes to ensure there was no physical contact.

Follow - up. Royal Caribbean Security just contacted me. The crewmember that was involved is being removed from the ship. He's being "deported" in a sense. I was told it's a very controlled environment where he is escorted off the ship through immigration and returned to his country. He no longer has a job with Royal Caribbean.

GOOD! Serves him right.

Good to know!

 

The only line serveing the real needs of teenager (regrettably) is Carnival (which I dont really care for). All the other lines treat 15, 16 and 17 year old like 9 year olds and frankly its a HUGE gap. Teens want to dance and party on vacation, not play video games...

 

Carnival is the only one in the business with SERIOUS hidden cameras EVERYWHERE. They have facial recognition software and know who your kid is talking to and where they are 27/7

I really disagree with this. I've taken my teens on Royal Caribbean, Carnival, Disney and HAL. The ONLY cruise line they did not like was Carnival. Their favourite is HAL. Second is Royal Caribbean.

OP, I'm sorry to hear of your dd's experience. I have a teenage dd. It's a good reminder for them to be cautious about who they talk to at all times.

I really disagree with this. I've taken my teens on Royal Caribbean, Carnival, Disney and HAL. The ONLY cruise line they did not like was Carnival. Their favourite is HAL. Second is Royal Caribbean.

 

OP, I'm sorry to hear of your dd's experience. I have a teenage dd. It's a good reminder for them to be cautious about who they talk to at all times.

Having raised two girls through their teen years, and watching my six grand-daughters enter that scary phase, I feel it is not quite enough to remind girls to be cautious: part of their make up is the certainty that they know more than their parents ever could. In addition to warning, some policing - including possibly intrusive monitoring - is advisable.

I'm not saying that everything was better in "the good old days", but demonstrations like those Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga gave at the recent awards show represent some of today's environment.

Good to know!

 

The only line serveing the real needs of teenager (regrettably) is Carnival (which I dont really care for). All the other lines treat 15, 16 and 17 year old like 9 year olds and frankly its a HUGE gap. Teens want to dance and party on vacation, not play video games...

You have posted this on more than one thread now and its not even remotely correct. Not ALL teens like to do anything. Just like adults, different teens like different things. Royal covers teens quite well. They offer rock walls, sports courts, teen clubs, Flowriders (on some ships, not all) etc. These can appeal to a lot of teens, of both genders. Teens want to dance? Some do, sure, but I would hazard a lot do not.

Follow - up. Royal Caribbean Security just contacted me. The crewmember that was involved is being removed from the ship. He's being "deported" in a sense. I was told it's a very controlled environment where he is escorted off the ship through immigration and returned to his country. He no longer has a job with Royal Caribbean.

Good news. As a parent, you know you cannot control everything, especially with a 16 year old. However, when this does happen, the right thing to do is pursue it. You did, and that man lost his job. Let that be a lesson to any fellow crew who may have the same thoughts.

Sorry this happened, but good job on the follow up! :)

Follow - up. Royal Caribbean Security just contacted me. The crewmember that was involved is being removed from the ship. He's being "deported" in a sense. I was told it's a very controlled environment where he is escorted off the ship through immigration and returned to his country. He no longer has a job with Royal Caribbean.

This is what I would have expected. There are things that you don't get a second chance on and this is one of them.

You may have done this already, but if not I would post this on the Family Cruising Board.

The lesson here is that these types of things can happen with crew but also with fellow passengers too.

I would also post this on the RCI Board.

I am glad you learned of this when you did, that nothing more happened, and that you not only reported the problem but also that corrective action was taken.

Keith

Someone contact my baby girl inappropriately they better hope the worse thing that happens to them is the loss of their job.

I am a nice and easy going guy...but mess with my kids, especially my daughter, and I will hunt you down like a dog.

BTW, my "baby girl" is almost 25...and the above still applies.

While I agree these crew members should not have contacted your underage daughter - who takes responsibility for giving these crew members her face book name and private phone number? I mean, they didn't pull them out of a hat. She had to tell them. I think instead of blaming them 100% you need to have a sit down with your daughter and do some more parenting on what she should and shouldn't say. Again, I DO NOT think they should have contacted her BUT she should not be giving out her personal information either. Without that information none of this would have happened.

Before you flame me - my teenage daughter cruised (32 now) and yes she had contact with crew members. SHE gave them her personal information. We remained friends with some for years - even to them coming to our house. The key thing though - they didn't go into our records. They were given the information - just like the two crew members by the OP had to have been.

My 5 YO DGD is autistic and we spend countless hours teaching her what is ok to say and do with strangers and others outside our immediate family. It sounds like your naive (mentally younger) daughter - the OP's words - needs some more time spent on this issue. Again, NOT excusing the crews action but some responsibility has to fall on the person that gave them her personal information.

Someone contact my baby girl inappropriately they better hope the worse thing that happens to them is the loss of their job.

 

I am a nice and easy going guy...but mess with my kids, especially my daughter, and I will hunt you down like a dog.

 

BTW, my "baby girl" is almost 25...and the above still applies.

Love it!! I'm 26 and my dad is the same way!

While I agree these crew members should not have contacted your underage daughter - who takes responsibility for giving these crew members her face book name and private phone number? I mean, they didn't pull them out of a hat. She had to tell them. I think instead of blaming them 100% you need to have a sit down with your daughter and do some more parenting on what she should and shouldn't say. Again, I DO NOT think they should have contacted her BUT she should not be giving out her personal information either. Without that information none of this would have happened.

 

Before you flame me - my teenage daughter cruised (32 now) and yes she had contact with crew members. SHE gave them her personal information. We remained friends with some for years - even to them coming to our house. The key thing though - they didn't go into our records. They were given the information - just like the two crew members by the OP had to have been.

 

My 5 YO DGD is autistic and we spend countless hours teaching her what is ok to say and do with strangers and others outside our immediate family. It sounds like your naive (mentally younger) daughter - the OP's words - needs some more time spent on this issue. Again, NOT excusing the crews action but some responsibility has to fall on the person that gave them her personal information.

Like it or not, there was one adult (chronologically) and a kid in this interaction. If the adult conducts themselves as an adult when interacting with kids those kind of thing can NEVER happen. He got her contact info one of two ways; Asked for it (fire him on the spot) or it was offered and he took it (fire him on the spot).

All the adult had to do was say "Whoa...I can't touch that". He made a choice...suffer the ramifications. Fact is he is probably finished on the industry.

Like it or not, there was one adult (chronologically) and a kid in this interaction. If the adult conducts themselves as an adult when interacting with kids those kind of thing can NEVER happen. He got her contact info one of two ways; Asked for it (fire him on the spot) or it was offered and he took it (fire him on the spot).

 

All the adult had to do was say "Whoa...I can't touch that". He made a choice...suffer the ramifications. Fact is he is probably finished on the industry.

I'll repeat again - I think the adult was wrong and feel the adult should be fired in this case. I also think the daughter needs to be given more direction on what is acceptable information to give to people. Unlike you - I don't trust that all adults will do the right thing and believe in teaching my children how to handle situations to protect themselves. It's call parenting.

My 16 year old daughter and I just returned from a cruise on Oasis of the Seas. My daughter is a very naive 16 years old (mentally much younger). She does have some comprehension issues and attends a school for children with learning disabilities. Even though I've repeatedly told her to beware of strangers, it's very difficult on a cruise ship because everyone is being so friendly. On a previous cruise, she was contacted afterwards on FB by our server. I messaged him then blocked him telling him it was inappropriate. It happened again this time only it went further. My daughter received a phone call from the Pool Towel Attendant. After intense grilling, I found out she had been talking to him all week on the ship. He wrote notes to her professing enternal love. I was livid. I just want to warn all parents to watch your teenagers. My daughter will never leave my side again on a ship. I reported the person involved. He texted my daughter and I responded telling him to never contact her again. I will be changing her telephone number this weekend. The only day she was alone by the pool was the last day. We knew many people on this cruise so I foolishly thought she'd be safe in a crowd. I did not allow her out on her own in the evenings. No matter how careful you are, there are predators everywhere. Do not be lulled into complacency thinking it couldn't happen to your child.

This guy happened to be an employee so you could get him fired and feel better but what if he was just an 17 3/4 age TA guest? You learned a good lesson without serious consequences ( at least none that you shared here). Perhaps bringing another TA that could hang out with your DD and emulate appropriate social behavior would be better than making her stick to you like glue.:)

I hope you didn't just let your daughter off the hook. It's possible she told this guy that she was 18. Since this is the second time, I think it's a problem with her. I'm glad the guy was fired since he wasn't doing his job but I also hope your daughter isn't leading men to believe she's older than she is.

I would have been grounded and held responsible had I done this at 16. There will always be strangers your daughter needs to watch out for so its important that you make sure she knows better than to give out such sensitive information.

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While I agree these crew members should not have contacted your underage daughter - who takes responsibility for giving these crew members her face book name and private phone number? I mean, they didn't pull them out of a hat. She had to tell them. I think instead of blaming them 100% you need to have a sit down with your daughter and do some more parenting on what she should and shouldn't say. Again, I DO NOT think they should have contacted her BUT she should not be giving out her personal information either. Without that information none of this would have happened.

 

Before you flame me - my teenage daughter cruised (32 now) and yes she had contact with crew members. SHE gave them her personal information. We remained friends with some for years - even to them coming to our house. The key thing though - they didn't go into our records. They were given the information - just like the two crew members by the OP had to have been.

 

My 5 YO DGD is autistic and we spend countless hours teaching her what is ok to say and do with strangers and others outside our immediate family. It sounds like your naive (mentally younger) daughter - the OP's words - needs some more time spent on this issue. Again, NOT excusing the crews action but some responsibility has to fall on the person that gave them her personal information.

I think you are a bit too opinionated. I know friends whose daughter is autistic now in her early 30's. They have had to watch her like a hawk all her life, first because of pedophiles and now it is jerks because she is beautiful. She desires friends but has trouble making friends. Yes, she knows better, she has been told, but what do you expect, she still has hormones. She is just not capable of making good judgments on people. I hate to say this, and I mean this nicely but I am afraid you are in for a wake-up call with your granddaughter in another 10 years or so. There is a big difference in ages 6 and 16.

While I agree these crew members should not have contacted your underage daughter - who takes responsibility for giving these crew members her face book name and private phone number? I mean, they didn't pull them out of a hat. She had to tell them. I think instead of blaming them 100% you need to have a sit down with your daughter and do some more parenting on what she should and shouldn't say. Again, I DO NOT think they should have contacted her BUT she should not be giving out her personal information either. Without that information none of this would have happened.

 

Before you flame me - my teenage daughter cruised (32 now) and yes she had contact with crew members. SHE gave them her personal information. We remained friends with some for years - even to them coming to our house. The key thing though - they didn't go into our records. They were given the information - just like the two crew members by the OP had to have been.

 

My 5 YO DGD is autistic and we spend countless hours teaching her what is ok to say and do with strangers and others outside our immediate family. It sounds like your naive (mentally younger) daughter - the OP's words - needs some more time spent on this issue. Again, NOT excusing the crews action but some responsibility has to fall on the person that gave them her personal information.

No flaming from me because I tend to agree with you. In todays world it is never the fault of a parent and certainly the child is never wrong. If you don't believe that just ask any teacher! Plus there are several variables that come into play here-all of which only the daughter knows the answers. Here's one.....while the OP says his daughter is "mentally younger" than 16 she may very well be "physically older" than 16. Perhaps she told them she was 18. I'm not saying she did or didn't.....just saying maybe.

Wasn't this on a RCI ship? If so, then it may not matter if she told him she was 18. Isn't crew/passenger interaction (other than specifically related to their job responsibilities) prohibited? She could have been a 40 year old looking for a fling...he would have probably still been fired if the found out (or at least not have his contract renewed).

Therefore, he is responsible for his actions. He knew he was crossing a line. I think it is safe to say he would like to still have his job but he should have thought of that at the time.

You know, for years I've been telling parents on this, and other cruise forums, to not let their kids run willy nilly on cruise ships just for the reason the OP tells us. But many times, parents tell me I'm crazy, overreacting, don't know what I'm talking about, and they let their teen daughters run wild on these ships. Too many parents think that ships are safe environments where nothing can happen. Even though I tell them that ships are the same as any city, and that perverts, sexual predators and God-knows-what else, are on cruise ships, they still refuse to see reality.

Sam, PLEASE, post this on the Family Cruising Board and maybe wake up some of these parents who refuse to believe that their daughters are untouchable.

Like it or not, there was one adult (chronologically) and a kid in this interaction. If the adult conducts themselves as an adult when interacting with kids those kind of thing can NEVER happen. He got her contact info one of two ways; Asked for it (fire him on the spot) or it was offered and he took it (fire him on the spot).

 

All the adult had to do was say "Whoa...I can't touch that". He made a choice...suffer the ramifications. Fact is he is probably finished on the industry.

I may get flamed for this, but here goes . . .

I have no problems with him asking for her phone number or her giving it to him. He may or may not have known she was a minor. I do not think he should be fired for getting her phone number or even contacting her the first time. I think that would be one of the fun things about working on a cruise ship – getting to know passengers and keeping in touch with some of them after they leave.

I do strongly support the decision to have him fired since it is obvious that the OP contacted him and told him to stop all contact and he did not listen and then continued to call. I assume that at this point it was made clear to him that the OPs DD was a minor and he ignored the request to stop. I am very happy that the OP pursued this and had him investigated and fired. I just wish all parents were so diligent and protective. Hopefully the daughter is old enough to understand the risks and the mistake she made.

Wasn't this on a RCI ship? If so, then it may not matter if she told him she was 18. Isn't crew/passenger interaction (other than specifically related to their job responsibilities) prohibited? She could have been a 40 year old looking for a fling...he would have probably still been fired if the found out (or at least not have his contract renewed).

 

Therefore, he is responsible for his actions. He knew he was crossing a line. I think it is safe to say he would like to still have his job but he should have thought of that at the time.

It is easy to look at this situation from an emotional standpoint but that doesn't solve the issue at hand. Over the course of the cruises my wife and I have had the pleasure of enjoying we have made many friends which we still stay in contact with. Of those friends many are fellow passengers. A fair number of them however are ship employees. Should all of these crew members be fired as well? Before you go there age variance is not the issue here.....crew/passenger interaction is. The exchanging of email addresses is common place today in both the younger part of society as well as the older part of society....both on land and at sea.

I'm not saying I think what happened is right or wrong. I'm simply suggesting that we don't have enough information to make a really strong decision one way or the other.

Karysa raised a good point when asking what if it had been another young passenger contacting her rather than a crew member. Can't help but thinking whether it was a crew member or a passenger the daughter is still the one who provided the information. And I certainly don't blame her...all she did is what every other teenager today does almost everyday of their life.

I do want to add that I definitely agree that when the father told him to stop he should have stopped. Because he didn't the punishment is fitting. However I don't feel that the initial contact in and of itself would have deserved the final outcome.