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How do you deal with rude people?


muskrat897
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My most frustrating experience while cruising is dealing with rude people who feel my wheelchair or scooter is always in their way. Also, I am frustrated waiting for an elevator as able-bodied people scurry around me to fill a waiting car. How do YOU deal with these people???

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DH, who is in a powerchair, is much more graceful than I.

 

I get very frustrated by the elevator situation, although we've never had a problem on HAL. But on RCCL, it was awful! And if the elevator is overcrowded, a beeping sound starts! SO you know everyone expects the wheelchair/scooter user to get off.

When there is a big crowd gathered around the elevators and we are waiting, I'll announce in a loud voice, "Hoeny, I'll walk up the stairs and meet you."

Hoping, of course, to inspire other AB folks to use the stairs too.

 

Fortunately we have not run into too many other rude people on our cruises.

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Sorry but I have seen it the other way, I noticed many times and even on my last cruise this lady that was flying a U.S./Canadian Flag on the back of her scooter was very rude as she thought she had the right away and if you or people in front of her didnt move out of her way fast enough she let you have it.. another example about this lady, In the Theater, there was an Open drink table at the end of the Seats but no Seats next to it, there were no signs indicating this was for Wheel chair only, she gave those people the dirtiest look because they didnt move even after getting to the show late. She constantly ran people over with her scooter. I saw her jump out of her Scooter and run to a Slot machine, I couldnt beleive it, she could walk! maybe that spring water in Mexico Cured her !!

 

Im sure Many Passengers feel and know what Im talking about.

Talk about people being rude, I think if they approached people first with a smile and let them know they are behind them with a Beep Beep or something they would surely give you the right away. Other examples on the Paradise we had a Team of Scooters that would race up and down the Main dining room bumping the waiters with their heavy trays of food on them, it was actually funny but I felt sorry for the Waiters.

 

I understand about the Elevator problem, I would always let the wheelchair person go in first even assist them if needed, and or I would take the stairs, But as for this Scooter lady from hell, she could kiss my *** and she could wait for the next elevator.

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We have experienced many rude people aboard ships, expecially with regard to elevators. We do not expect to be given precedence, but we do expect to be given our turn which rarely happens especially when the elevators are busy. People push in front of my us and will not move to the side of the elevator to let my husband in, even when there would have been enough space. The worst experience we had was a 45 minute wait to get an elevator after the boat drill on the Serenade of the Seas.

 

Like Oceanwrench I will often announce that my husband should go ahead and I will walk up. I also always thank anyone who assists us in any way.

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Totally agree with AB peoples behavior at elevators. My mom will be the first in line. People were actually pushing my mother out of the way to get in the elevator before her!!!!!!!! I could not believe peoples rude behavior. I never said a word. These selfish people knew what they were doing. They would have to notice as they climbed over her.

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I have mixed feelings on this subject because I have run into good, bad and ugly in dealing with the elevators during a cruise.

Most of the time at the boat drills they position the wheelchair and scooter people so they can be first to the elevators after the drill. If you don't make it to them first you can run into crowded and filled elevators depending on where you are on the ship. It is at this time I work on my own manners and patatience and try to be understanding. (every now and then it works)

After meals and shows are more tough times for elevators and we have to understand that others too have things to do and places to go.

I have a fairly large scooter since my fat butt is 240 lbs. I have several kids bike horns mounted on it which can be used to break the ice and aleart people. One is a squeeky cute thing which also entertains little children and waiters. The other two are my city and country horns which I use to help remove peoples heads from the oriface they sit upon.

There are times when I am embarassed by the kindness shown me and other times I would like to run over people. Traveling in airports and the lines to get on the ship they always usher me to the front of the line and I am greatful for that. I hate to see fellow riders being rude and expecting special treatment but that is just the nature of people in general. I would guess if they were ABed they would be rude also.

I try to joke about the whole thing openly with others and I find that relaxes them so they don't feel threatened by my mechinal monster.

Well that is my opinion. You just have to accept that there are things you just have to deal with that others don't.

 

 

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It makes me sad rather than mad. My Mom has limited mobility and vision. When cruising we use a companion chair without the feet so we don't take up that more room in an elevator. I sometimes have to ask folks in the elevator to tell Mom when she gets to her floor and push her out. I will take the stairs and meet her.

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Jukeboxy:

 

We have also run into "the good, the bad and the ugly." I focused on the bad above so I would like to relate one "good" experience that we had.

 

The rudest behavior we have encountered was a few years ago when we were on 10 day Circle the Caribbean cruise in early December. The ship had been filled with senior citizen fom Florida. We were not young (50s), but we felt young since the average age of the passengers was at least 70 - 75. Throughout the cruise the elevators were an issue for my husband who uses a power chair. Not only did other passengers push in him even when we were there first, they often also refused to move over to make room for him to get in even when there was space.

 

One day while returning from shore, we waited quite a while for an elevator because everytime one arrived, other passengers pushed in front of us. Finally, a young woman (20 something) stepped in front of an open elevator, blocked the door with her arms and said "no one gets in until he does." She got some nasty looks, but we truly appreciated it!

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I am sorry you have had so many bad experiences and I can't understand why I have been so lucky.

I guess one reason is I will not allow people to be as rude as you discribe as I am very vocal and try to jokingly embarass them if the act poorly. If they try to keep me off of one that has plenty of room I simply say, "ok folks make room for a lady with a baby." The obovious misstatement wakes them up and they will move. Or if someone is too slow in moving I say, "Watch out for your toes I am taking aim." These are things that shock people to the reality of what is going on. I feel most are not really rude but lost in their own world and not overtly thinking of others.

I also seek out elevators that don't have the highest traffic. Some because of location encourage a higher volume of traffic so I scoot to the lower volume ones. That is easier for me since I have a scooter with its own power. It would be different if someone had to push me.

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Never thought about it ... until now. I know I would make room for older folks or those with limited mobility.

 

The family and I are going on a cruise at the end of May. I'll brief the kids before we leave. Although, I hope they already know not to be rude.

 

I'll make sure I run "blocker" for those in wheel chairs, too, if I see rude people skipping ahead of them. I love confronting rude people. :)

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I do not use a chair, BUT have limited mobility since some strokes. I work very hard to keep off having to use a chair. Not every one who needs the elevators are in a chair. I am sad that I can not use the right words - but I know you understand.

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Oh just Grrrr.. sigh.. I had to use a scooter in stores when I was pregnant because I was high risk and I made a deal with the devil (My OB/GYN) that I would use one no matter how many people I got giving me dirty looks cause I looked able bodied (I also got loos using my Handicap Tag).. So I feel for you, boy do I feel for you. Some people just ignored me altogether and some made the most ignorant comments.. When one kid asked his mother why I was on a scooter her reply was "because she is lazy".. I should have run over her toes.

 

I just said "Excuse me" in a really loud voice.. it was not always the most polite thing but I was desperate.

 

In defense of the ignorant and stupid I will say most people in this country are taught from a young age to not notice the differently abled. They tell their kids not to look cause it is rude. Recently we attended my father's 80th birthday dinner (he still runs a mile a day) and his best friend had a severe stroke and is power chair bound and cannot speak. I asked his wife how she thought my kids should be handled. She is so gracious and wonderful.. her response was to let the kids ask questions. She preffered that to pretending he was not there. My boys held his hand and hugged him (I have terrific little monsters) and asked all sorts of questions but nothing rude or insensative. She answered them honestly and her husband was delighted that they took and interest in him (he adores children, not everyone does). They no longer ask me any questions about people in chairs now. They think they know it all and they notice people in chairs and scooters in a nice way and always say "hello".

 

Thanks for letting me ramble.

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Sometimes I think people can be rude because of sterotyping. For example people could think that someone with a disability takes advantage of the system by claiming they are disabled. They hear of one such case so they automatically assume it is true in all cases. It's not the first time that has happened to various segments of our society.

 

There are all types, degrees and levels of disabilities. I for one have always looked very fit and seem very abled bodied. My mobility for short distances is pretty good. However, I have always had problems with muscle strength decreasing at a very rapid rate. I have to keep a cane with me since I do not know when my legs could start to give out. Muscle fatigue.

 

I believe people just think that chair bound people are lazy and do not deserve respect. Unless you are actually missing a limb, they maybe thinking you are just abusing the system. I also have an HC license plate but I've try not to use it as much as possible. I try to walk as much as I can and use the stairs when conditions are safe.

 

So far, I have been very fortunate to stay out of a wheel chair. But, I have an understanding for what someone in a wheelchair must go through, so I hold the door open for them. I will also let them in the elevator first and so forth.

 

Take heart in knowing there is at least one non-rude person in the world looking out for you! :o

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Sometimes I think people can be rude because of sterotyping. For example people could think that someone with a disability takes advantage of the system by claiming they are disabled. They hear of one such case so they automatically assume it is true in all cases. It's not the first time that has happened to various segments of our society.

 

There are all types, degrees and levels of disabilities. I for one have always looked very fit and seem very abled bodied. My mobility for short distances is pretty good. However, I have always had problems with muscle strength decreasing at a very rapid rate. I have to keep a cane with me since I do not know when my legs could start to give out. Muscle fatigue. :o

I just got off ot the Inifity last Sunday after a 14 day canal passage and had so few experiences with rude people I can't really remember one. There were about 8 scooters and more than a dozen wheel chair people with family pushers. I know that if there were two of us vieing for the elevator space I always allowed the other to go first. After all I was sitting down and had water to keep me going. My expression that I voiced a lot much to the displeasure of my wife was, "whats the hurry we are all going to get to San Diego at the same time."

That is a good reminder to people to mellow out and there is no need to be rude.

I too have the problem of looking good and having a Conjestive Heart Failure problem which had no outward display. One lady commented that seeing me get out of my scooter and walk to the table to eat she exclaimed to her friends, "Its a mirricle he can walk."

I have found that Americans are the least rude to people with problems and the Orientals and Europeans are the worst. My bottom line is you don't need to feel that you are second class because of a problem and just be forceful but not rude.

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- -. My bottom line is you don't need to feel that you are second class because of a problem and just be forceful but not rude.

I have a very hard time talking. I can walk unless somebody pushes me and then I fall. If I fall, I will need help to try to stand again. I can't be forceful - I can't talk well enough to do that. I am so afraid that people will think I am rude. My DH is a sweetie - and he wants me to cruise again - so we are.

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Gosh.....the things I want to put on here but won't. The things I want to say to the rude epople, but refrain from it!

 

My wife is an extremely young looking 45-year old Italian who is GORGEOUS. She also has progressive MS and can walk only very short distances with a cane and experiences seizures on a more re-occurring basis. If she is in the warm waters swimming, however, you would never know anything is wrong. Bouyancy is a wonderful thing.

 

Last year on the Dawn Princess, she resisted using her wheelchair until about 1/2 way through the cruise when she became so fatigued that it was the only option for any comfort. It is AMAZING how many people might comment "Oh, you are too pretty to be in a wheelchair", or people would pat her on the head, or "pet" her head! Give me a break!

 

Our solutions are many. For people who are rude and crowd or get on elevators, etc first....I have a look (stare) that could cause them to both apologize and at the same moment drop dead in their tracks. For people who ask what her disability is, I just reply that she is not disabled. Unhappy people in this world are disabled, "WE" are just mobilty challenged at times. For people (women especially) who just stare at her in her chair or with her cane, and I mean STARE, I just say "Keep staring. In a moment she will do a trick". Man, does that one do it.

 

Ok, venting here. My wife was a business professional for 24 years. She shopped at Nordstrom, had stylish clothes, etc. The sales gals knew her by name. Once we had to start with the wheelcahir, it was like she did not even exist in the stroe anymore. No one came forward to help her, let alone even greet her. Guess where we no longer shop. The first time she had to use her cane in that store, shopping with one of our daughters for her impending wedding, women stared at her, then turned to watch her pass and continued to stare. My wife burst into tears and left the store.

 

The world is a cruel place for people who are not "fit & trim". Well, those people can just get whatever they get in the end. Meantime, I will just keep cracking jokes in my wife's ears so her mind doesn't keep straying to the stares of people around us, or I will ring the purcple bell on her purple wheelchair to get lolly-gaggers out of our way.......or I will continue in the extreme cases of leaning to the person and very, very quietly whispering advise to them in their ear that cause them to stop for a moment at least and thank their stars that the roles are not reversed.

 

I feel better! Happy Thursday!

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When we were on the carnival Legend recently there were very few time we had a problem. (My sweetie needs a w/c for distances.) No one shoved in front at the elevators, quite a few held the door while I got the chair in!. If the doors opened, even if it looked like we could squeeze in and people were holding the door, we just said to go ahead, we'd get the next one. If halls were crowded, like during the dinner/show crunch, it took longer to get through, but it would even if you were walking. In some places where it was loud, like outside a lounge, it would be hard to be heard, but you can tell when it's that.

The worst time was when we went to Barbados. Our tour was 11:45, but the time listed for port was 12:00. We got off the elevators for the gangway at 11:15, and a line was already formed around the corner. people kept getting off the elevators and crowded in front of all of us already there. When the line started moving, people kept cutting in front of the w/c from the sides of us. As we neared the stairs, people kept coming down the stairs. I had to do some quick stops at this point, and a woman behind was saying w/c coming through. Still people poured down the sairs. (It didn't help that the crew had piled golf bags Across from the stairs, narrowing the walk-space). Once, I wasn't able to stop quick enough, and hit someone coming off the stairs. Now mind you I was already worried about the tour leaving without us! This person literally GLARED at me, when he wasn't looking where he was going. I was so mad I said, "Serves him right for not paying attention to someone in a w/c"

Other than that and the occasional oops, that had both parties saying "Sorry", there wasn't much of a problem. When Gary ventured on his own in the scooter, he got stuck over a door ramp, twice! Once some another passenger gave him a boost, and another time crew mmembers did.

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Sorry but I have seen it the other way, I noticed many times and even on my last cruise this lady that was flying a U.S./Canadian Flag on the back of her scooter was very rude as she thought she had the right away and if you or people in front of her didnt move out of her way fast enough she let you have it.. another example about this lady, In the Theater, there was an Open drink table at the end of the Seats but no Seats next to it, there were no signs indicating this was for Wheel chair only, she gave those people the dirtiest look because they didnt move even after getting to the show late. She constantly ran people over with her scooter. I saw her jump out of her Scooter and run to a Slot machine, I couldnt beleive it, she could walk! maybe that spring water in Mexico Cured her !!

 

Don't judge everyone in a wheelchair by one bad experience.

 

Sometimes people in wheelchairs might seem rude, but they could be frustrated. They may have had to deal with so many rude AB people, getting cut off, etc. that they find themselves a little more pushy.

 

As far as the theater, I have sailed on HAL and RCCL and don't recall a special section being labeled for HC pax. I know my husband always had to sit in the back where there were open spaces.

 

And as far as the woman in the scooter walking: Many HC people use scooters/wheelchairs but still can walk short distances. My husband has MS and for a time he could walk with a cane or walker, but not all over a cruise ship.

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Gosh.....the things I want to put on here but won't. The things I want to say to the rude epople, but refrain from it!

 

My wife is an extremely young looking 45-year old Italian who is GORGEOUS. She also has progressive MS and can walk only very short distances with a cane and experiences seizures on a more re-occurring basis. If she is in the warm waters swimming, however, you would never know anything is wrong. Bouyancy is a wonderful thing.

 

Last year on the Dawn Princess, she resisted using her wheelchair until about 1/2 way through the cruise when she became so fatigued that it was the only option for any comfort. It is AMAZING how many people might comment "Oh, you are too pretty to be in a wheelchair", or people would pat her on the head, or "pet" her head! Give me a break!

 

Our solutions are many. For people who are rude and crowd or get on elevators, etc first....I have a look (stare) that could cause them to both apologize and at the same moment drop dead in their tracks. For people who ask what her disability is, I just reply that she is not disabled. Unhappy people in this world are disabled, "WE" are just mobilty challenged at times. For people (women especially) who just stare at her in her chair or with her cane, and I mean STARE, I just say "Keep staring. In a moment she will do a trick". Man, does that one do it.

 

Ok, venting here. My wife was a business professional for 24 years. She shopped at Nordstrom, had stylish clothes, etc. The sales gals knew her by name. Once we had to start with the wheelcahir, it was like she did not even exist in the stroe anymore. No one came forward to help her, let alone even greet her. Guess where we no longer shop. The first time she had to use her cane in that store, shopping with one of our daughters for her impending wedding, women stared at her, then turned to watch her pass and continued to stare. My wife burst into tears and left the store.

 

The world is a cruel place for people who are not "fit & trim". Well, those people can just get whatever they get in the end. Meantime, I will just keep cracking jokes in my wife's ears so her mind doesn't keep straying to the stares of people around us, or I will ring the purcple bell on her purple wheelchair to get lolly-gaggers out of our way.......or I will continue in the extreme cases of leaning to the person and very, very quietly whispering advise to them in their ear that cause them to stop for a moment at least and thank their stars that the roles are not reversed.

 

I feel better! Happy Thursday!

 

I enjoyed your post. My husband also has progressive MS.

He does use the word "disability," but puts the person FIRST ... a person with disabilities. Mobility-challenged has too much of a "politically correct" sound to it ... and MS affects more than just his mobility.

 

We have encountered some well-meaning people who just don't know what to say, but want to acknowledge him rather than look away. Sometimes it's an awkward, "Hey, don't speed in that thing" kind of comment. No one has ever told him he's too pretty for a wheelchair, though!

I try to view these people as kind-hearted -- clueless as to what to say, but still well-meaning.

I prefer them to those who avert their eyes or ignore him.

I actually was at a social function and ran into a former co-worker. She had never met my husband. She saw he was in a wheelchair, and she avoided me.

Then, when he was off somewhere, she came over to talk to me.

Now that was RUDE!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Because of his stroke, my husband lost his eye sight on the right side of both eyes. If he pays attention, he doesn't have a problem when in a scooter, but if he gets distracted, he might not watch where he's going. So, I usually walk in front of the scooter saying "excuse us please" and people usually move their legs so he won't run over them. His subtleness has also left him since his stroke. Recently when we were in Aruba at the beach, he was walking by a well developed young lady who was sunbathing. He stopped and said quite loudly, "Wow!" The men around broke out laughing but I tried to hurry him on. We all have to laugh at different situations.

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I use a manual sporty wheelchair due to a genetic bone disease. I've used it since I was about 5 years old (different chairs, of course!) and have had experience both good and bad with the chair. Stores are a problem -- people in wheelchairs have a tendency to become invisible once inside a store. I'm not sure how it happens, it just does. I am very "normal" (whatever that is) except for the fact that I cannot walk, however, sales people find it to be necessary to ask other people around me what I need. Those people aren't even necessarily with me. But somehow these people always seem to think that being "mobility challenged" (love that) means that you are unable to speak, unable to think, and just plain not there. And that's sad.

Elevators are a problem on the cruise ships, that I can attest to. I'm a rather assertive wench and I will just push my way in when it's my turn. My theory is I waited, just like these others did, and I will get on. If I run over their feet because they refuse to help make room, then so be it. :) I paid the same money for the stuff that I buy as an AB person does. I don't get a special "disabled discount" on things or cruises so I deserve to have the same courtesy extended to me as others have. My husband (like many others on here) has walked up the stairs to meet me because people won't make room for both of us to be together in the elevator.

 

I encourage children to ask me questions. What I find annoying is children and adults who just stare at me. I keep thinking "did I spill something on me?", "is something wrong with my hair?", "did I put on one blue shoe and one black shoe?" But then I realize that it's just the chair they are staring at. So, I stare back. Generally that makes them uncomfortable enough that they'll stop and walk away. Hehe.

 

Barb

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I've also been "petted" and told I was too "pretty to be in a wheelchair". Usually this is done by little old ladies, who also talk to my husband rather than to me. I try to laugh it off... I figure you either laugh about it or you begin plotting world domination. And I just don't have time to dominate the world. Yet.

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The worst time seems to be the boat drill. I usually go early and hang round at a bar near the area (same levle), After I go back to the bar for 30 minutes or so. I usually end up not waiting for an elevator. People see that I still have my life jacket and let me go first so that I can get rid of it. This has worked every time.

 

 

As for the rest of the time, dinner is the hardest again I go a few minutes early and leave early too (miss dessert which I get from the buffet if I want it). On Hal I had no problems. RCCL on Navigator of the Seas in summer it was very bad because of kids. Mothers/fathers would say that my child I have to get on. I will not separate a family ever.

 

I travel alone, one of the biggest problems are people crowding after I am on, grabing the handle then getting mad when the scooter moves and hits him.

 

I have used a horn and people will ignor it or not hear it. I always say excused me.

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On Celebrity, we've usually been instructed not to go out on the deck and after awhile, they'll tell us to use the elevator now to avoid the rush. This has been very appreciated. We've arrived at the elevator station (4 elevators) first followed by many people a little bit later. Of course, none of us can predict which elevator will arrive and we may not be near the one that arrives. If we aren't standing in front of it, I watch the pax swarm into the elevator while I say, "go ahead, we'll just wait for the next one". Usually, people will allow my husband in with his scooter when the next elevator arrives

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We have experienced may different "concerns" when it comes to elevators. My husband walks very slow due to needing a cane. I use one at times as I have my own health issues.

We just stand and wait for an elevator- on time an elevator door opened and a man & wife in W/C were inside. He looked at us and said sorry your too fat to fit in and closed the door. We are no bigger than anyone else but not petite either. I was so hurt and began to cry.

We went to the stairs and walked down and the elevator door opened and out they came -my husband reamed him a new one for hurting me and he just kept pushing his wife and ignored us. By then others told the guy what a jerk he was and attempted to comfort me.

I know what it is like to be in a w/c and be able to walk myself. I have been there both ways.

I used to teach disabled children and now I work in a nursing home.

Rude people can be found in all walks of life in all "classes" of life.

They have to live with them -I don't.

I love the ones who get on an elevator who think one more body can press in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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