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How do you deal with rude people?


muskrat897
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Guys, I understand that you have issues with one particular poster, but please try and think how other people might react to reading this thread.

 

I have had a chronic pain problem for 3 years and do not user a wheelchair much (when not cruising). After reading your comments about a person not really being able to comment on disability if they 'only' spent 6 months using a chair, it makes me wonder whether I will be considered 'disabled enough' to participate in this part of the site :confused:

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Guys, I understand that you have issues with one particular poster, but please try and think how other people might react to reading this thread.

 

I have had a chronic pain problem for 3 years and do not user a wheelchair much (when not cruising). After reading your comments about a person not really being able to comment on disability if they 'only' spent 6 months using a chair, it makes me wonder whether I will be considered 'disabled enough' to participate in this part of the site :confused:

 

Thank you! I didn't realize there was a competition to see who was the most disabled, I must have missed the memo.

 

My brother has chronic pain due to having rods in his back and steel plates in his feet and ankles due to a terrible accident. He uses a wheelchair for long distances like in a cruise ship. It's a good day when he's feeling we'll enough to leave his cane at home when going out for coffee. I guess to some he is not disabled.

 

I'm fortunate that the pain in my back is pretty well gone, although I still get flare ups when the weather changes in the fall--I needed more than an OTC pain reliever yesterday, but consider myself blessed that it's not everyday. I do not consider myself disabled, although according to my doctor I would qualify for a handicap placard.

 

I wish you well and hope you are able to find relief.

 

PS--have you tried acupuncture? A friend of mine who has suffered from chronic pan for years tried it a couple of months ago and claims to have 70% less pain since he started weekly treatments. It might be worth giving a shot.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

Edited by ducklite
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I think we all have to be careful at judging why people are in a scooter/wheelchair. I am usually able to walk around the ship because there are lots of places to sit down. However, I am no longer able to walk long distances (sometimes just getting to the end of the pier is too much). So if someone sees me in port on my scooter and not using it on board, they may think I am just being lazy. Not all inflictions are visible and therefore people should not be judged by what you think is their reason for using a scooter. Also, I should not have to explain to someone else the reason I am in a scooter.

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I do not understand either the resentment underlying this post, or the "problem".You would also have healthy folks not board if next person in line is handicapped and no room on bus? It would make people unhappy so your supposed sense of fairness accommodated. It is not priority boarding as in getting treated better, it is designed for the least complicated, most safe loading. Loading simultaneously is unsafe.

We do not push in front at elevators but most of us know a certain few feel justified jumping the line if the person in front is in a scooter or chair. No reason to help that behavior.

 

 

IMHO there should be lines with stantions and rope that can accommodate scooters, and scooter/wheelchair users should wait their turn like everyone else for elevators, buses, etc. If there is no room for the scooter and it is next in line, no one gets on at that stop. They should not automatically get priority boarding. The only exception is children on Wish trips.
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I completely agree. People have little knowledge, which we can help with. Some have little to no compassion or understanding. Yelling "look, a miracle" when I park the scooter at the restaurant door and make my painful walk to the table sure teaches me a lesson, eh? There is a website that makes me laugh called dogshaming..owners post a photo,of their dog, dog destruction or bad behavior with a little sign saying what did do. (I always laugh) sometimes I want a People Shaming photo of those with the nerve to make remarks about weight, health, or level of handicap.

 

I think we all have to be careful at judging why people are in a scooter/wheelchair. I am usually able to walk around the ship because there are lots of places to sit down. However, I am no longer able to walk long distances (sometimes just getting to the end of the pier is too much). So if someone sees me in port on my scooter and not using it on board, they may think I am just being lazy. Not all inflictions are visible and therefore people should not be judged by what you think is their reason for using a scooter. Also, I should not have to explain to someone else the reason I am in a scooter.
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Yelling "look, a miracle" when I park the scooter at the restaurant door and make my painful walk to the table sure teaches me a lesson, eh?

 

Good grief, that's AWFUL! Some people are just complete idiots. And others are sooooo judgemental (although it can be entertaining listening/reading as they try to defend themselves and claim they aren't).

 

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

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I do not understand either the resentment underlying this post, or the "problem".You would also have healthy folks not board if next person in line is handicapped and no room on bus? It would make people unhappy so your supposed sense of fairness accommodated. It is not priority boarding as in getting treated better, it is designed for the least complicated, most safe loading. Loading simultaneously is unsafe.

We do not push in front at elevators but most of us know a certain few feel justified jumping the line if the person in front is in a scooter or chair. No reason to help that behavior.

 

Yes, I would let the bus go on and everyone waits for the next one.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

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You don't know who is waiting in that line with a hidden medical problem. Those who have been waiting should always get priority over someone who rolls up as the bus pulls to the curb. If there will obviously be room for all, sure, board the chair first. But if the bus is already full, there is no reason that the wheelchair should get priority when others waiting longer will be left behind as a result.

 

My neighbor has a heart problem. She isn't Ina wheelchair but has been hospitalized six times in the past two years because of it. Are you saying that you in your chair should get priority over her when she has been waiting longer? I highly disagree. She has just as much need if not more.

I agree with you if all is equal, but, the problem as I see it is that the AB have many seats to choose from or they can stand while the disabled only have, at best, a couple of spaces. In very busy situations, such as, Disney World, the disabled might have a much longer wait for those 2 spots if they were not given priority. The same applies in busy bathrooms, AB waiting can go into many different stalls while the disabled, maybe one. That could take a very long time with the disabled person having to keep saying, you go ahead of me I must wait for the accessible stall.

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I agree with you if all is equal, but, the problem as I see it is that the AB have many seats to choose from or they can stand while the disabled only have, at best, a couple of spaces. In very busy situations, such as, Disney World, the disabled might have a much longer wait for those 2 spots if they were not given priority. The same applies in busy bathrooms, AB waiting can go into many different stalls while the disabled, maybe one. That could take a very long time with the disabled person having to keep saying, you go ahead of me I must wait for the accessible stall.

 

I agree, we have only a very small section we can use. I run into this problem with bathrooms all the time. An AB person is in the only handicap stall and the other 5 are open. I have to stand there and wait for the handicap stall to become available since I can't just use one of the others (like they could have).

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I agree with you if all is equal, but, the problem as I see it is that the AB have many seats to choose from or they can stand while the disabled only have, at best, a couple of spaces. In very busy situations, such as, Disney World, the disabled might have a much longer wait for those 2 spots if they were not given priority. The same applies in busy bathrooms, AB waiting can go into many different stalls while the disabled, maybe one. That could take a very long time with the disabled person having to keep saying, you go ahead of me I must wait for the accessible stall.

 

You assume that anyone who is ambulatory is "able bodied.". That is not the case, and sometimes people who aren't in wheelchairs or scooters are just as much in need of a seat or larger toilet stall.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

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I agree, we have only a very small section we can use. I run into this problem with bathrooms all the time. An AB person is in the only handicap stall and the other 5 are open. I have to stand there and wait for the handicap stall to become available since I can't just use one of the others (like they could have).

 

What if that person is using that stall because they need to change or empty their osteomy bag and need access to the sink in the stall? You make assumptions that might be completely invalid, as that person might need that stall just as much as you do.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

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What if that person is using that stall because they need to change or empty their osteomy bag and need access to the sink in the stall? You make assumptions that might be completely invalid, as that person might need that stall just as much as you do.

 

Actually, you're the one that is making an assumption. You did not ask how I know or do not know if they are an AB person. I do know that the ones I specifically am thinking of do not need these stalls as I know them personally... and they do use other stalls if they see me in there first. I've had many of them appologize to me for having used it and making me wait. They outright admit that they use these because it's the first stall when they enter the bathroom and it's convenient.

 

I don't assume anyone I don't know to be or not be AB... however when they walk out and appologize to me looking guilty it certainly does make it look like they could have used another stall.

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I am guilty of assuming AB people are using the accessible (family) restrooms. DH is wheelchair bound. I must accompany him into the facility.

So when I see someone walk out after we have been waiting a long time and he can't hold it. I get angry.

I will try to assume that the person may have had a good reason for using this room.

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People act like I'm mentally challenged because I'm pushing a wheelchair.

Example: I don't park in handicap spaces because DH doesn't have to walk...I'm pushing. As long as it's not up hill, I don't care if I push 20 feet or 100 feet. People will come up to me and say "you can park over here!" like I'm too slow to figure it out myself. One man actually swore at me for not taking his advice (yes, F bombed me).

I've noticed people are very eager to give me advice, but not one as ever asked if I need help loading the 50 pound wheelchair in the trunk.

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People act like I'm mentally challenged because I'm pushing a wheelchair.

Example: I don't park in handicap spaces because DH doesn't have to walk...I'm pushing. As long as it's not up hill, I don't care if I push 20 feet or 100 feet. People will come up to me and say "you can park over here!" like I'm too slow to figure it out myself. One man actually swore at me for not taking his advice (yes, F bombed me).

I've noticed people are very eager to give me advice, but not one as ever asked if I need help loading the 50 pound wheelchair in the trunk.

 

On the other hand, I have a hoist, to unload and load my scooter, in and out of my van, and people come up and ask if I need help, as if they can't see the hoist, already connected to the scooter, to which I, of course answer, no, I have all the help, I need!! :eek:

 

Cato :)

 

Completed Cruises !

 

Pre-cruise Days - The Big Red Boat, 1993 ??

 

1st cruise - Coral Princess, 19 November 2008, 10 day Panama Canal, FLL to ACA

2nd cruise - Coral Princess, 15 May 2009, 3 day Repositioning, Los Angeles to Vancouver.

3rd cruise - Sapphire Princess, 25 November 2009? 7 day Mexican Riviera.

4th cruise - Golden Princes, 12 June 2010, 7 day Alaska. (Golden Anniversary Cruise)

5th Cruise - Island Princess, 04 October 2010, Vancouver - Los Angeles, Repositioning

6th cruise - Sapphire Princess, 05 January 2011, 10 day Mexican Riviera. LA to LA.

7th cruise - Golden Princess, 11 May 2011, 3 day, LA to Vancouver, Repositioning

8th cruise - Sapphire Princess, 14 May 2011, 1 day, Vancouver to Seattle, Repositioning

9th cruise - Coral Princess 19 May 2011 2 day, San Francisco to Vancouver, Repositioning

10th & 11th cruises - Coral Princess 02 July to 16 July 2011, round trip Vancouver - Whittier Alaska, B2B

12th & 13th cruises - Sapphire Princess, x2, Cabins, 18 Sep. 2011, 1 day, Seattle to Vancouver, Repositioning

14th & 15th cruises - Golden Princess, x2, Cabins, 24 Sep. 2011, 1 day, Seattle to Vancouver, Repositioning.

16th cruise - Oasis of the Seas, 26 Nov. 2011, 7 day, Western Caribbean, Ft. Lauderdale, Ret.

17th & 18th cruises - Crown Princess B2B, 03 - 10 Dec & 10 - 17 Dec 2011, 14 Days, South & western Caribbean

19th cruise - Grand Princess, 31 Mar. - 07 April 2012, 7 Days, Eastern Caribbean, FLL - FLL

20th cruise - Island Princess, 06-16 June 2012, 10 day cruisetour Vancouver - Wittier

21th cruise - Emerald Princess, 16 day, 10 - 26 Sep. 2012, TA, Copenhagen - New York

22nd cruise - Carnival Ecstasy 10 - 14 January, 2013, 4 Day Bahamas, Port Canaveral Ret.

23rd cruise - Sapphire Princess 30 March - 06 April, 2013, 7 Day Coastal LA - LA

24th cruise - Coral Princess, 19 May - 22 May, 2013, 3 Day Repositioning Cruise, LA - Vancouver

25th cruise - Royal Princess 16 June - 05 July, 2013, 19 Day Inaugural cruise, Southampton - Venice.

26th cruise - Emerald Princess, 06 - 16 October, 2013, 10 Day Canada - New England, Quebexc city to New York

 

 

Future & Hopeful Cruises !

( Already booked )

 

.27th cruise - Royal Princess, 24 November - 01 December, 2013, 7 Day,Eastern Caribbean, Fort Lauderdale Ret.

28th cruise - Caribbean Princess, 29 Mar. - 05 Apr. 2014, 7 Day, Western Caribbean, Houston Ret.

29th cruise - Pacific Princess, 17 - 24 June 2014 Vancouver - Skagway Ret

30th cruise - Royal Princess, 10 - 27 Sep. 2014 TA Copenhagen - New York

31th cruise - Royal Princess 19 - 29 Dec, 2014, Christmas, Fort Lauderdale Ret.

32nt cruise - Royal Princess 29 Dec - 08 Jan. 2014/2015, New Years, Fort Lauderdale. Ret.

 

 

 

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On the other hand' date=' I have a hoist, to unload and load my scooter, in and out of my van, and people come up and ask if I need help, as if they can't see the hoist, already connected to the scooter, to which I, of course answer, no, I have all the help, I need!! :eek:

 

Cato :)

 

Completed Cruises !

 

Pre-cruise Days - The Big Red Boat, 1993 ??

 

1st cruise - Coral Princess, 19 November 2008, 10 day Panama Canal, FLL to ACA

2nd cruise - Coral Princess, 15 May 2009, 3 day Repositioning, Los Angeles to Vancouver.

3rd cruise - Sapphire Princess, 25 November 2009? 7 day Mexican Riviera.

4th cruise - Golden Princes, 12 June 2010, 7 day Alaska. (Golden Anniversary Cruise)

5th Cruise - Island Princess, 04 October 2010, Vancouver - Los Angeles, Repositioning

6th cruise - Sapphire Princess, 05 January 2011, 10 day Mexican Riviera. LA to LA.

7th cruise - Golden Princess, 11 May 2011, 3 day, LA to Vancouver, Repositioning

8th cruise - Sapphire Princess, 14 May 2011, 1 day, Vancouver to Seattle, Repositioning

9th cruise - Coral Princess 19 May 2011 2 day, San Francisco to Vancouver, Repositioning

10th & 11th cruises - Coral Princess 02 July to 16 July 2011, round trip Vancouver - Whittier Alaska, B2B

12th & 13th cruises - Sapphire Princess, x2, Cabins, 18 Sep. 2011, 1 day, Seattle to Vancouver, Repositioning

14th & 15th cruises - Golden Princess, x2, Cabins, 24 Sep. 2011, 1 day, Seattle to Vancouver, Repositioning.

16th cruise - Oasis of the Seas, 26 Nov. 2011, 7 day, Western Caribbean, Ft. Lauderdale, Ret.

17th & 18th cruises - Crown Princess B2B, 03 - 10 Dec & 10 - 17 Dec 2011, 14 Days, South & western Caribbean

19th cruise - Grand Princess, 31 Mar. - 07 April 2012, 7 Days, Eastern Caribbean, FLL - FLL

20th cruise - Island Princess, 06-16 June 2012, 10 day cruisetour Vancouver - Wittier

21th cruise - Emerald Princess, 16 day, 10 - 26 Sep. 2012, TA, Copenhagen - New York

22nd cruise - Carnival Ecstasy 10 - 14 January, 2013, 4 Day Bahamas, Port Canaveral Ret.

23rd cruise - Sapphire Princess 30 March - 06 April, 2013, 7 Day Coastal LA - LA

24th cruise - Coral Princess, 19 May - 22 May, 2013, 3 Day Repositioning Cruise, LA - Vancouver

25th cruise - Royal Princess 16 June - 05 July, 2013, 19 Day Inaugural cruise, Southampton - Venice.

26th cruise - Emerald Princess, 06 - 16 October, 2013, 10 Day Canada - New England, Quebexc city to New York

 

 

Future & Hopeful Cruises !

( Already booked )

 

.27th cruise - Royal Princess, 24 November - 01 December, 2013, 7 Day,Eastern Caribbean, Fort Lauderdale Ret.

28th cruise - Caribbean Princess, 29 Mar. - 05 Apr. 2014, 7 Day, Western Caribbean, Houston Ret.

29th cruise - Pacific Princess, 17 - 24 June 2014 Vancouver - Skagway Ret

30th cruise - Royal Princess, 10 - 27 Sep. 2014 TA Copenhagen - New York

31th cruise - Royal Princess 19 - 29 Dec, 2014, Christmas, Fort Lauderdale Ret.

32nt cruise - Royal Princess 29 Dec - 08 Jan. 2014/2015, New Years, Fort Lauderdale. Ret.

 

 

 

 

They are just trying to be kind. If they walked by thinking you didn't need help when you actually did,you be complaining about that as well,right?

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

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They are just trying to be kind. If they walked by thinking you didn't need help when you actually did,you be complaining about that as well,right?

 

No, they are trying to look and feel like they are a kind and good person. The only reason they probably ask is because they know the offer would be turned down. If they actually needed help there would be far less offers.

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No, they are trying to look and feel like they are a kind and good person. The only reason they probably ask is because they know the offer would be turned down. If they actually needed help there would be far less offers.

 

That's ridiculous. I often offer to help someone because you never know who might need it but be afraid to ask. I guess I'd rather someone like you get a bee in their bonnet about it than not be there for someone who could use a hand but doesn't want to ask.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

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That's ridiculous. I often offer to help someone because you never know who might need it but be afraid to ask. I guess I'd rather someone like you get a bee in their bonnet about it than not be there for someone who could use a hand but doesn't want to ask.

 

Just because you wouldn't be like that doesn't mean that much of the world isn't. If you've had to go long term being disabled you'll start to see the patterns a lot clearer. I see this all the time unfortunately... they offer to help me AFTER I've already struggled and completed the task and watched me the entire time. Humanity is very lacking in this modern world and people don't just offer help that often. That's not to say that there aren't those that will help and go out of there way though... I have some pretty heart touching stories I could also share, but the majority of people fall more into the trying to do as little as possible or even worse, completely ignoring those that might be in need of assistance and pushing past them.

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Just because you wouldn't be like that doesn't mean that much of the world isn't. If you've had to go long term being disabled you'll start to see the patterns a lot clearer. I see this all the time unfortunately... they offer to help me AFTER I've already struggled and completed the task and watched me the entire time. Humanity is very lacking in this modern world and people don't just offer help that often. That's not to say that there aren't those that will help and go out of there way though... I have some pretty heart touching stories I could also share, but the majority of people fall more into the trying to do as little as possible or even worse, completely ignoring those that might be in need of assistance and pushing past them.

 

You assume that people rapidly process what they see to determine that someone is in need. Some people won't offer to help because they've been chastised in the past for doing so. I can't blame them, there is just so many bitter, nasty responses to an offer to assist that the average person is going to accept before just saying it's not worth even offering any longer. In other words, if someone has given a nasty or rude response to an offer to help because they didn't need it or felt it came too late, they need to remember that the next time they don't get the offer to begin with. It's a two way street.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

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I'd rather tell someone 'I don't need help. Thanks'. I have taken up that offer a few times - pushing DS and struggling with heavy shopping bags.

 

If someone bothers to offer help, I assume they mean it. Regardless of why they may be offering help.

Edited by mdvlprof
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I completely agree. People have little knowledge, which we can help with. Some have little to no compassion or understanding. Yelling "look, a miracle" when I park the scooter at the restaurant door and make my painful walk to the table sure teaches me a lesson, eh?

 

You could always wave and say "Praise the Lord!" :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

I find it very difficult to understand why some handicap are constantly bitching about AB not meeting their particular expectations regardless if it is what the AB does or does not do. We just completed a couple cruises where we needed assistance in Vigo and Oporto. Between the hills (steep inclines) and lack of curb cutouts, we had strangers offering to assist us many times. Their assistance was well received and appreciated. Regardless of the language barriers we understood each other. I was not afraid to hold their hand and thank them in a manner that they knew we sincerely appreciated their assistance and that they did something wonderful.

 

We also received assistance in St. Maarten and San Juan; again, we expressed our appreciation. In Le Havre, La Rochelle and Bilbao, strangers offered assistance assuming we needed help. In those cases, we thanked them and advised that we were OK.

 

Over time I have come across AB using the HC toilet stalls. If the restroom is basically empty without any appearance that the other stalls were all occupied, I will normally just give them a dirty look, but still thank them for holding the door open for me.

 

We have been around the world and found that people are wonderful everywhere. It seems such a pity that some of you seem to meet up with or make contact with those you consider rude. I hope that at some point you will be able to see that people are wonderful and normally willing to assist when assistance is needed. A simple smile takes less muscles than a frown and makes others much more receptive to being around.

 

Betty

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