Constantly re-starting. How do you change what you love/hate and gain motivation?

I feel like I'm sort of re-starting in February. I felt like every time I got motivated in January, it would only last a week and then I'd start over. I should have lost a minimum of 3 lbs last month and I only got half that. I'm still figuring all this out in my head. Is re-starting a bad thing or should I not look at it that way. I almost feel like I'm re-starting again in February. I lose motivation if I feel like I'm beginning all over again every week or two, so maybe it is a bad thing. I have a love affair with food and I hate exercise. That's pretty much a lethal combination for me right now and I don't quite know how to change it. Any advice?

I wish I could afford diet counseling. There's a Diet Center nearby, but it's SO expensive and I'm skeptical it would work anyway. Seems like they want to sell you their supplements.

Hi cruzzze...

I've been on these boards a while now and I've seen several posts like yours...it's always a questionable idea to actually respond...because so many people post and never come back...or worse...the response takes a very negative direction and the thread isn't helpful at all.

The way you word the question...honestly...it doesn't feel like you are ready to do what you need to do.

And to EVERYONE reading...this is MY opinion...

But few people LOVE exercise...there ARE the very few that love to test their bodies and through exercise, find what their limits are...see how strong they are...how far their endurance takes them...etc...and they will actually refer to the movement of their body as exercise...and SAY...I LOVE exercise.

Most people have found some way to move their body that they enjoy...and they enjoy it so much...they don't really call it exercise...even though...that is what it is...mentally, they know this...but they don't want to reduce what they love to exercise...and so they don't call it exercise and they will, instead, say...

I LOVE Zumba! (That's me.)

I love tennis!

I love yoga!

I love Pilates!

I love to hike!

I love to kayak!

I love to walk my neighborhood...the trail...the local park...my dog...

I think you get the idea...

The idea is that you need to experiment with a way to get moving. Whatever that is. And think of it this way...expect results from your movement...the body follows the mind. So you need to update your thinking...and raise it beyond a lowly level of dreaded exercise and find something that you enjoy doing...and do it.

Cleaning your house obsessively can be great exercise. Have you ever raised your heart rate and started sweating as you SCRUB the tile floor (and the hated grout), the shower, the bath tub, etc.?

Or yard work? Or, more friendly-like...GARDENING? Which can be serious work...

Engage in games with your children. I've read of someone that lost weight by simply trying to imitate everything that their child did while playing...all that movement...remember...HOW you think about this is important. You have to assign the proper expectation to your activity so that your body will follow and understand that you expect it to change as a result of what you are doing.

If you can begin to get yourself out of a sedentary lifestyle and into a more active one...you can begin the lifestyle that will help you achieve weight loss as a sort of bi-product.

And there's nothing incompatible with losing weight and loving food. In fact...they are VERY compatible. Especially if you really love FOOD and not food like products. REAL food. There is a difference. Loving food means that you are willing to wait for the time necessary to create a wonderful meal...watch out that you love food...and not EATING. To love eating is different...and that's a different problem, in general. You need a new perspective...love sitting down with your family to a meal...love the break from the day...love the table setting...love the feeling of having a treat for yourself...but get over the EATING...love yourself...love yourself enough to realize that eating ENOUGH is plenty...you don't have to overeat...and you can CHOOSE food that will nourish your body.

I think thinking that you always have a CHOICE is also a big part of the deal. Something happens to us when we say to ourselves I can't have this or that...

So what I was getting at before...with the words that you choose...it's indicative of a mindset...

It's okay to HATE exercise...most do...instead...find something to do that you love...and LOVE that...even if you recognize that you started doing it so that you could get some exercise. KWIM?

It's okay to LOVE food...but love FOOD. If you say that, then mean it...and have fun in the kitchen...and give yourself the space and time to enjoy meal preparation...including setting a lovely table...as much as the space and time to enjoy the meal...and recognize when you are satisfied...not stuffed...just satisfied...which is easier to do when you think to yourself...I love FOOD, not just eating.

And find a motivation that goes beyond weight loss...

For instance...think about your life. Think about when your children are older and how you want to be. How healthy? How mobile? How active? How independent? Do you want to be active with your grandkids? In your retirement? Get a goal that goes beyond WEIGHT. This is the true motivation...the goal for HEALTH and FITNESS...because it includes so much more...

I would start with...

Sleep. Are you well rested? It's hard to be motivated to move when you aren't. And sleep is an absolute necessity for fat loss, in addition to so much else...

Hydration. Do you drink water? Forget trying to STOP something. ADD instead. Drink water. Just water. OR water with lemon, lime, ginger slices, cucumber slices, etc. Mostly water though...

Adding to your diet the foods that you THINK you should be eating. Whatever is missing from your current eating pattern. Again...don't try to stop something...try to add...generally, when you ADD in the things that are better choices...and these become a regular part of your routine...it becomes easier to CHOOSE not to do the things that you recognize are in opposition to your long term goals.

And think long term. Not so long term that you keep thinking of starting and stopping. Allow yourself to do this over time. Small changes over time add up to huge changes. What do they say about a cruise ship sailing one degree off course? The longer it sails the further off course it gets, right? So focus on little things, added up over time...and don't think too much about ALL the things you want to change...generally, that's too overwhelming.

And that's my advice.

I love your advice, Anita! I call the unstoppable motivation "the zone" and if anyone could explain why we are in the zone and how we stay in the zone the the problems of obesity could be solved. Certainly, you have to want better health more than whatever you want to eat. I had a WW leader some years ago who put my head in the right place with this: you are not "off or on"....because when you have a bad day it feels like failure and starts the slippery slope all over again. Remove the line, "I already blew it, so I might as well eat whatever I want" from your mind. I often tell myself that "I choose not to eat that right now, but never "I can't have that". I don't like deprivation. Take control over your journey one day at a time. No one is at the wheel but you. You can make small changes and see the glass half full. Like Anita said, exercise is found in house cleaning, dog walking, walking to the playground with the kids, parking a little further away in the parking lot. Small changes add up! You go, girl!

You will find the time when everything comes together and you get on a roll. I had several back surgeries and cannot do exercise. It took longer, but after many years of starting and stopping it finally stuck with me and I have been on the WW diet for almost a year (march). I think what helped me is getting it into your head that you love yourself and you are going to do this for yourself. At the beginning I took bubble baths, had pedis with my mom and daughters and just treated myself good, without treating with food. My daughter started weight watchers with me and she can exercise. She loves going to the Y. They have a daycare for her kids and a huge variety of activities for getting fit. Zumba, weights, swimming, yoga, spinning,,etc,,,etc. She likes the variety. We lost pretty close to the same pace even though the only thing I can do is very gentle Palettes with a special table designed for bad backs. Don't ever feel like a failure...weight loss is hard. You will find your groove.

Thanks you guys. I needed to hear those things. I have been carb-loading lately. That, and I've been really reluctant to go to the trouble of working out. I think I've been pushing myself to where my calories lost during exercise makes me happy, but I don't feel good like I thought I would after exercising. Maybe I need to reduce what I'm doing a bit? I almost feel like that's cheating, though. It's also very hard to talk myself into getting changed and re-dressed for exercise and then get all sweaty when I barely have time for a bath or shower once I get the kids in bed because I'm so tired. (Excuses, I know.)

I think I went through a bit of carb withdrawal, because lately, as I said I've been B A D. Those refined sugars and fats give me such a "high" when I eat them, and I don't care about the crash. Yep, I think I'm addicted to carbs. Is there such a thing? I'm saying there is because of the way I'm acting lately. It doesn't help that I really don't like Winter and we've been having a frigid winter down here in the South. It's 40 degrees and raining right now. I think I've got a case of S.A.D. too. :(

You seem very confused about nutrition.

I would encourage you to find any activity that you enjoy and begin doing it. Similarly, if you are following some diet that has a list of foods that you are not allowed to eat, that usually results in binges.

If you really want to make a change and stick to it, you need to stop talking about "weight" and concentrate on fat. You can gain muscle and that may make you look better, but if you are focused on the scale, you may get discouraged.

Are you following any type of exercise program? If you hate cardio, then concentrate on resistance exercises (weight training).

Several things to advise along with Anita's solid advice. First of all, stop setting unrealistic goals and expectations. It only sets you up for failure. Take the weight you want to lose and cut it in half. Now take the amount of time you wanted to lose the original amount of weight in and double it. You now have a realistic goal that you might be able to exceed.

Next, if you have a food addiction or compulsion, there are FREE support groups. Please join one. Look at community centers and hospitals for places that host the meetings.

Last, allow yourself a small indulgence daily. A cup of air popped pop corn with a spritz of olive oil and salt, a single square of Chocolate, whatever it is. Personally I prefer something like th popcorn that you have to physically prepare, makes going back for more a bit of a challenge and gives you time to think about it.

I absolutely agree with finding and exercise that works for you that you love. Power walk, practice yoga, Zuumba, swim laps, take ballroom dancing classes, anything! Just MOVE! :)

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Weight watchers is pretty inexpensive and it's a nice group to help you be accountable. I joined right after Labor Day and have lost 30 lbs.

Weight loss is 100% mental. You have to get it In your head that you will change. Even after 5 months I still struggle. I know if I binge I'm gone. I'm old enough I've been on this Merry go round many times.

Exercise? I hate it. I have two things I don't mind; swimming and walking. I have a gym membership so go on weekends. Walking I mapped out a 1.6 mile walk (measured in my car) and try to walk it every day at a fairly good pace. I have a treadmill and eleptical. Hate them. So boring.

Also, DH is dieting with me. He's lost 30 lbs also. It helps to have a partner, but you need someone you can depend on not to give up.

It's certainly not easy. I've averaged almost 2 lbs a week. I've usually gave up by now, but I really am tired of the excessive weight.

If only there was a miracle cure. But there isn't.

Thanks you guys. I needed to hear those things. I have been carb-loading lately. That, and I've been really reluctant to go to the trouble of working out. I think I've been pushing myself to where my calories lost during exercise makes me happy, but I don't feel good like I thought I would after exercising. Maybe I need to reduce what I'm doing a bit? I almost feel like that's cheating, though. It's also very hard to talk myself into getting changed and re-dressed for exercise and then get all sweaty when I barely have time for a bath or shower once I get the kids in bed because I'm so tired. (Excuses, I know.)

 

I think I went through a bit of carb withdrawal, because lately, as I said I've been B A D. Those refined sugars and fats give me such a "high" when I eat them, and I don't care about the crash. Yep, I think I'm addicted to carbs. Is there such a thing? I'm saying there is because of the way I'm acting lately. It doesn't help that I really don't like Winter and we've been having a frigid winter down here in the South. It's 40 degrees and raining right now. I think I've got a case of S.A.D. too. :(

Are you drinking approximately half your body weight in ounces of water daily? Water. Not juice. Not soda. Not coffee. Water. Dehydration is a leading contributor to fatigue.

You also seem to be trying to compartmentalize your life. While it is very beneficial to have a period of heart pounding exercise that does make you sweaty...it is even more beneficial to increase your daily physical activity. Find a way to get active WITH your kids. It's important for your kids too. Do you work outside the home? (I'm a fulltime homemaker, so don't read anything negative into my writing.) Too many Moms fall into a way of thinking where they do not prioritize their own health and well being.

I relate to the cold weather affecting motivation. And the changing hours of sunlight in the day. I really do. And when you are not well rested, hydrated, and generally in a state of mind where you are putting the care of yourself as a priority, excuses will continue.

The way I read your posts, it sounds like you haven't yet established a good base from which to launch your health and fitness efforts. Weight loss, especially fat loss, never occurs in a vacuum. You can't just focus on weight loss...having your weight be in proper balance of lean muscle mass and fat is a reflection of overall health and wellness. There are many factors that influence your body's willingness to change from its current state.

I'm going to continue my focus on hydration because the majority of American's are chronically dehydrated. If you are dehydrated, your body is already stressed out and not functioning properly. Your kidneys can't function as they should and they dump what they can't deal with into your liver. Your liver is where fat is metabolized...and if your liver is too busy to be able to metabolize fat...then you will not lose any fat. This is the mechanism behind the idea that water helps you lose fat. It does...but there's more to it than just drinking water. Drinking enough water just sets the stage for your body to be able to lose fat.

And there's so much more to say on that subject but I don't think you need a dissertation on the topic. My point is that you need to do things to prepare your body for the change that you desire...and this goes beyond just trying to exercise. IMHO, this is why so many people fail in their efforts to get into better physical shape. They haven't done what needs to be done to prepare for the process. Everyone gets the process...move more and make better food choices...but before you can even begin the process, you need to prepare...and this is also IMO, WHY everyone points to a lifestyle change being the precursor to long term successful weight loss.

If I remember other posts that I've seen of yours correctly...then you are using a June cruise as a motivator. There is plenty of time between now and then...you have plenty of time to get rested...get hydrated...identify the stressors in your life...think about how to deal with them...etc etc. Do all the things that will help you be prepared to incorporate exercise and new food habits in your life.

Well said Anita. I want to add to your water message... If you are exercising, you need to add additional water intake. I weigh around 124 pounds, and drink approximately 90 ounces of water a day, PLUS an additional 10-30 ounces an hour while exercising--the amount varies by the type of exercise I am doing and how much I am sweating.

One thing that helps me keep my water intake in track is by filling a large water bottle every morning. That needs to be gone after lunch. I refill it and what's in it needs to be gone after dinner. I have trained myself to take a drink of water after each phone call each email sent, etc. Just natural stopping points in my day. It is gone surprisingly fast that way.

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Let's talk a bit about my favorite topic, food habits. Bottom line, chemicals trick your brain in many ways. They can make you crave certain foods, they can make your body hold fat, they can cause irreparable health problems such as cancer.

The best way to avoid chemicals is to avoid processed foods. If you can't pronounce an ingredient, it's probably bad for you.

Just because it's in the "healthy" menu in a restaurant, it doesn't mean it is healthy. Just because it uses the word "natural" it doesn't mean it is healthy--it's simply a marketing term. Same thing with "whole wheat." Did you know it inly needs a teaspoon if "whole wheat" to use that in the label?

Instead look for the words "whole grain." Bonus points for non-GMO verified and/or organic.

Make your foods starting with a single ingredient. The first two weeks are the most difficult, but then those chemicals are out of your brain, and instead if crap, your body will begin to crave what it really wants and needs. Whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables, lean meats and fish and other lean proteins, and "good" fats like nuts, avocado, and olive oil.

Kick out sugar. Instead get your sweet tooth satisfied with whole fruit, and if you must, a drop of honey in your coffee or tea. Notice I said a drop. Honey is super sweet and a drop is equivalent to a spoon of sugar.

If you "eat clean" you will actually be able to eat a lot more food volume for the same amount of calories than processed foods. Additionally you can control the sugar and salt in your foods. I eat 1200 calories a day plus whatever exercise calories I've expended (usually an average of another 600 a day) and never go hungry. Ever. I also "graze" and usually have five "meals" a day. I start with fresh banana and pineapple before morning exercise, then have oatmeal with protein powder and berries or an egg white omelette with spinach and feta post exercise followed by a salad with chicken breast or chicken breast and steamed veggies for lunch. Mid afternoon I have either fresh fruit or Greek yogurt with berries and protein powder, and dinner is lean meat with veggies and sometimes quinoa or brown rice, or a wrap with chicken tomato and avocado or something along those lines. If I want to much after dinner I'll make one TbSP of popcorn in the hot air popper, spritzed with olive oil and a bit of salt.

On the days that I com I e power waking with power yoga I often can't eat all my calories back. I just can't eat that much. I guess I could if I were eating a pile o' junk on my plate, but then I'd wake up the next day with aching joints, a bloated belly, gas, and a headache. There is no food worth feeling crappy over.

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Lets start with the water discussion... It's true, I don't drink enough water. I try to, but it's so hard. I took your advice and got out a 2 quart containter and filled it halfway up and tried to drink it yesterday. I didn't finish it, but I'll try again today. I've been drinking a lot of chai tea lately (bc of the cold weather), so does that count? I do put 1 tbsp. of creamer in it, but that's all.

I am also a SAHM and that's why exercise outside of the home is so difficult. I can't afford a gym, but we just bought a home gym and I've been doing the 10 pound slimdown by Chris Freytag. It's VERY hard for me because I've been sedentary for a while. I did finish the 5 day walk program by Leslie Sansone with no problems, but this is a lot harder. I haven't done the home gym at all yet because the DVDs I'm doing include hand weights and I'm pretty sore just from the hand weights and multiple lunges and leg work on the DVD. Not sure if I need to add gym weights if I'm already sore.

When the weather gets better, yes, I do have a place to walk or bike, but these cold weather months are so hard. I know I sound like I'm whining and giving excuses and maybe I am, but I'm just not taking the little one outside now. Oh, one more thing, I'm not completely fixated on weight loss, because I know as I gain muscle I may not lose, but at some point, I need the scale to go down as I lose the excess fat (that's the goal anyway). I like feeling strong.

And finally, eating... Ahhh, my worst problem area. I can't "go" to any meetings. No, DH won't watch the girls while I'm gone and I know not to ask. He does enough for me already, so it's not that he's mean, I just already have enough honey-do's and I'm just not able to go to Zumba (I imagine that's fun) or to a WW meeting (didn't work for me before and is expensive). So, I've obviously given you guys the impression that I am ignorant about nutrition, but I don't think that's true. What I do think is that I can't control my cravings. I do eat well most of the time. I use My Fitness Pal to count calories most days (unless I'm feeling depressed). And I subscribe and mostly follow an Emeals low-calorie plan, adjusting it to my family's likes.

I am not on a deprivation diet, but I know myself. If I allow myself to have a cupcake, I can't stop there. It snowballs into an all-out carb load, with me eating everything I can get my hands on. Fruit is good, and sometimes satisfying, but there are times I just can't help myself with the sugar-laden type things I love like cupcakes, hot fudge sundaes, McDonalds, etc. I do not keep them in the house, but I will seek them at any cost if I'm having a craving. I don't think this makes me ignorant. If so, please fill me on on what I'm missing!!! How can I allow myself to have little treats without going overboard? I'm guessing you guys can't answer that question - and it's one I struggle with on a daily basis. I actually considered getting a 6 pack of cupcakes and keeping it in my fridge to consciously allow myself one a day as a reward for being "good" the rest of the time. But, I'm not sure if this would be a set-up for failure. Maybe I am ignorant about nutrition after all. :confused:

p.s. THANK YOU for having this conversation with me. I have a lot of inner turmoil about this right now. I want this to be the year I change for the better, to be a healthier person, not just skinnier. And I do have a vacation in June, although it's to the beach, not a cruise unfortunately.

You need to find something healthy that will take care of the binge and cravings. Try some vanilla flavored Greek yogurt with fresh berries mixed in. Decadently creamy and rich, and naturally sweet from the berries.

How about a chocolate covered strawberry? A large one is still under 100 calories and oh so good.

Before you give in to any temptation, stop and make a cup of tea. Finish it. If you are still craving, then think about if it's the sugar or salt you want. Either is easily fixed with a healthier choice--try Apple wedges with a little salt in them!

I want to address what you said about your husband. Personally it sounds like he has issues. He won't help with child are so you can become healthier? That's wrong. It's controlling and bullying. Your words "I know not to ask" are very telling, and not in a good way. Perhaps your depression partially stems from feeling trapped by him? Do you have a friend who you could swap child are with? You watch her kids for a few hours a week so she can do what she wants or needs to, and she'll take yours in return?

Back to the food, you re giving into your cravings because of the chemicals into your brain. The first two weeks is the hardest, then it becomes second nature to just say no and choose something healthy. Set a NON FOOD reward for yourself for each week you can go without binging. Get a pedicure, buy a cute hair band you didn't want to spend the coin on, maybe a new pair of cute panties that come on a hanger if you usually buy them in the three pack. How about a couple of new songs for your iPod from iTunes. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, just something you wouldn't normally spend the money on for yourself.

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Oh, as to exercise... All you need are five and 10 pound dumbbells, a couple bands with different tensions, an exercise ball, and a mat. Actually you don't even need that. Get a mat and spend a couple bucks on pretty much any of Bryan Kest's yoga videos. Yes, you will die when you first start. But then over time it will get easier. You will sweat and feel lie you are about to die, but the first time you actually finish one it will be amazingly empowering. Bryan teaches yoga in a very different way from any other teacher I've ever practiced with (many!) and makes it easy to follow along without watching him. I do his classes mostly with closed eyes. He teaches a very physical power vinyasa flow style, and you will shred 300 or more calories per hour with his classes. By far the hardest exercise I do, but it works. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :)

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I was hoping that didn't come across bad about my husband, but I see it did. He does SO much for me that I don't WANT to ask him. I do daycare twice a week to have time to do things without the kids. I spend most of that time grocery shopping & running errands, but it's also when I get all my haircuts and spend time with my sister. All the Zumba classes are at night, which means I can't/won't go. He's constantly watching the kids for me for other reasons and he has a stressful job, so I don't want to ask him. Plus, it's my responsibility to get the kids homework done and then bathe them and put them to bed. No time for other stuff. I choose this. I could get a job if I wanted, but I don't want to. I like being home for the kids. It does make it harder to give myself rewards that cost money, like manis and pedis, but I'm sure I could fit it in the budget somewhere.

You are so right about the brain chemicals. I hate yogurt & cottage cheese, 2 of the diet favorites. I can do frozen yogurt, but I think that is pretty much like eating ice cream. I do love chocolate covered strawberries and bananas (the frozen ones from Dole) and those do satisfy some cravings. The trick is that I'm not usually satisfied with one package. I know that I need to train my brain that feeling "full" isn't necessary, but that hasn't been achieved yet. I like how you say that the first two weeks are the hardest. One thing I'm noticing is that I'm not supposed to deprive myself of the sweets, but yet, I'm supposed to avoid them and substitute them with something else. Seems contradictory to me in a way. Maybe I really will stop craving them after a while. Doesn't seem possible right now. OK, so my question is... am I supposed to deprive myself of them - in order to get to the point I don't crave them??? Yes, I guess I'm more ignorant of diet nutrition and that kind of thing than I thought.

Oh yeah, I will check out that yoga DVD. I did my cardio kickboxing DVD today and burned 400 calories.

What works for one person may not work for another. I tried a few different wt loss plans until I joined a Weight-Watcher group. I cannot say enough positive things about the plan and being part of a weekly group that can share successes, tips and recipes. Some love WW and some do not but it can never hurt to give it a try and see if it's a good fit for you.

Here are a few things that I do to keep me motivated. Perhaps you can relate to a few and they will give you ideas of your own.

1) Clean out your kitchen of any junk foods or overly processed, fat and calorie laden items. Throw them away, leave them in the break-room at work, or donate them if not opened. Don't think of how much money you are wasting, but more along the terms of how many pounds it will save you.

2) Stock-up and have ready to eat, healthy snacks and quick go-to items such as yogurt and fresh fruit, cut up veggies with a fat-free dip or salad dressing, mini-bags of 94% fat-free popcorn, baked tortilla chips and salsa, 90 calorie cereal bars etc...... These are just an example of some of the things that I keep around for snacking. I also keep a few of those 90 cal cereal bars both in my purse and the glove box of my car in case I feel a binge coming on. Better to catch that binge and feed it with healthy options instead of filling up on empty caloire snacks and then feeling guilty about it later. Been there - Done that and that guilty feeling is the worst ever.

3) Don't ever let yourself get too hungry. I'm not a breakfast eater but have found that by eating a bowl of whole grain cereal with 1/2 skim milk OR a slice of light whole grain toast topped with 2 tsp low-fat peanut butter and a 1/2 of a sliced banana will keep me full all the way until lunch time.

4) If you know in advance that you will be going out to eat, familiarize yourself with that restaurant's menu and have your healty choice already set in your mind when you walk in the restaurant. Don't be taken in to giving in by not being prepared. Also, drink lots of water before and with your meal instead of soda pop or alcohol. If you do have a drink, sip it slowly and limit it to one.

5) Start an excercise routine slowly. Set a timer for 10 minutes and start with that. Then every few days or so, increase the time by 5 or ten minutes. When you start to see the scale move in a desirable direction and start seeing the results of your hard work, you wont even need that timer. You will want to do a workout because you know what you will acheive by doing so.

6) Get a favorite outfit out that you have not been able to fit into and visualize how great it will feel to wear it again. It may seem silly, but just having that outfit hanging in the closet and seeing it each time you open the door, can do wonders. It makes those Oreo's not so appealing any more.

*** Lastly, and most important of all, just realize that you are human and will have backslides and such. The key to success is being able to recoginze it and start over with a new day. Don't let one binge or one bad day keep you from going on. Get back on the wagon and Don't make any excuses for yourself. If you screw up, take responsiblilty and make it work.

BTW: I am 5' 7 1/2" and my all time high weight was 205. I'm now at 143 and have less than 10 lbs to go to be at my personal goal. It wasn't easy as I'm the Queen of sofa-snacking, but I realized that if I didn't get up off my a** and do it, nobody else was going to do it for me. If losing weight was easy, we would all be thin. I have a size 6/8 pair of jeans in my closet that I look at each day. One day very soon, I will be able to wear them. :)

Good luck to you and wishing you the very, very best in weight loss success.

Cari H.

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*** Lastly, and most important of all, just realize that you are human and will have backslides and such. The key to success is being able to recoginze it and start over with a new day. Don't let one binge or one bad day keep you from going on. Get back on the wagon and Don't make any excuses for yourself. If you screw up, take responsiblilty and make it work.

Thanks! And congratulations on the weight loss! It's nice to hear from someone who was a fellow sofa-snacker! That's some good no-nonsense advice. I know that I wallow in self-pity and excuses. I needed to hear that.

cruzzza...I relate to you a lot. A LOT. I feel the need to be careful in responding because I don't want to project incorrectly onto you the different struggles that I have had. But when I read what you write...I wonder if my situation/experience offers any insight into what you are going through.

I feel like you are in a mind space where you segregate your time between time for kids and time for me. If you aren't showering because the kids are awake... (I get the relaxing bath after the kids go to bed...but you also said shower) If you are choosing to have to do things like grocery shopping without your kids...and haircuts without your kids...then your priorities are such that time will always be a conflict...because there are only so many hours in the day. I do want to be clear...there SHOULD be time for you...but that time isn't grocery store time...that's still work time...not "free time."

If I am hitting the mark at all...it is a fundamental shift in thinking that may help you. It's analyzing your time, how you spend your time, what your priorities are, what YOUR career goals are (even if you don't work outside the home...just like a typical employee has an annual review...and talks about their goals at work...you should have goals related to your work too), what your goal is in motherhood? (the kids are your big project...what kind of adult do you want to raise?...what do you want to teach them? how are you going to equip them for their adulthood? etc etc...)...it's a recognition that you are the first role model for your children...are you living your life in a way that they would also want to live theirs? Could your children aspire to be you? Spending some mental time can help get you into a space where you can align your priorities and your time and your efforts toward achieving your goals. It can be very helpful to even write it all down so that you have boundaries and guidelines to help you make decisions that keep you on track.

And please, pardon me if I have projected onto you my own struggle.

Lets start with the water discussion... It's true, I don't drink enough water. I try to, but it's so hard. I took your advice and got out a 2 quart containter and filled it halfway up and tried to drink it yesterday. I didn't finish it, but I'll try again today. I've been drinking a lot of chai tea lately (bc of the cold weather), so does that count? I do put 1 tbsp. of creamer in it, but that's all.[/Quote]

 

Chai tea doesn't count. For some people, they would say you need to compensate with more water equal to the amount of chai tea that you are drinking because of the caffeine in chai tea. Which would mean that you need to add all those cups of chai tea to the ounces that equals about half your body weight in order to get as much water as your body requires. While the caffeine in chai tea is less then coffee, and while it isn't absorbed as quickly because of the tannins in chai tea...it is still a caffeinated drink...and caffeine is in opposition to hydration.

 

If you are cold, then drink hot water. Make your own "tea." I like to drink "lemon tea"...which is the juice of half a lemon added to hot water. You can do this concept with anything that appeals to your taste...lemon, lime, slices of ginger, etc. Or drink herbal tea. There are many different "teas" out there (technically tea IS a specific variety of plants, but we tend to call any non-coffee hot water drink "tea."). You can find teas that contain herbs, etc., that are targeted toward different aspects of health...like dandelion root tea is supposed to help support liver function.

 

Whatever you do. You need to get hydrated. Your body NEEDS to be hydrated.

 

Not sure if I need to add gym weights if I'm already sore.

 

You don't need to add weights if you are sore without them. If you are challenging your body without the weights...which the soreness is an indication that you are...then you do not need to add weights UNTIL you aren't challenging your body. Remember...if you are overweight...then technically...you are already using extra weight...it is likely that as you get stronger and start to lose weight, THEN you will need to begin to add weight to keep the exercise effective and challenging. Lose 5 pounds...add a 5 pound weight.

 

What I do think is that I can't control my cravings. I do eat well most of the time. I use My Fitness Pal to count calories most days (unless I'm feeling depressed). And I subscribe and mostly follow an Emeals low-calorie plan, adjusting it to my family's likes.

 

I am not on a deprivation diet, but I know myself. If I allow myself to have a cupcake, I can't stop there. It snowballs into an all-out carb load, with me eating everything I can get my hands on. Fruit is good, and sometimes satisfying, but there are times I just can't help myself with the sugar-laden type things I love like cupcakes, hot fudge sundaes, McDonalds, etc. I do not keep them in the house, but I will seek them at any cost if I'm having a craving. I don't think this makes me ignorant. If so, please fill me on on what I'm missing!!!

 

I must admit to being curious as to what eating well means to you because opinions vary a lot. You need to be cautious with a low calorie diet...food is energy. When you eat low calorie...you need to be extra picky about what you are eating so that the fuel you are feeding yourself is highly nutritious, satisfying your body's needs there...and giving you proper energy. If you are craving treats...which are always LOADED with calories...your body is craving energy and it's sending you a signal to get energy in the fastest way it knows how...which is a high sugar, high fat food source. Everything you mentioned is not ONLY sugar-laden...it's also FAT-laden. A McDonalds hot fudge sundae is 32% fat...

 

You may think you are not on a deprivation diet...but something about the way you are eating has your body experiencing LACK. I can't name the lack without knowing what you eat...but it IS lacking something and that is why you are craving what you are...well...it is definitely contributing...there are other factors, but I'm trying to not write a science paper in response.

 

How can I allow myself to have little treats without going overboard? I'm guessing you guys can't answer that question - and it's one I struggle with on a daily basis. I actually considered getting a 6 pack of cupcakes and keeping it in my fridge to consciously allow myself one a day as a reward for being "good" the rest of the time. But, I'm not sure if this would be a set-up for failure. Maybe I am ignorant about nutrition after all. :confused:

 

You CAN NOT have little treats without going overboard. I said it. I'm going out on a limb here...but this is the fact. I believe that you might be able to in the future...maybe...few people have the true will power necessary to eat the thing the really love and enjoy in small quantities if larger quantities are still in reach. For me...it's like the old Lay's potato chip commercials...you can't eat just one. And while you are in the state that you are currently in...it is unreasonable to expect that you can.

 

Food is not a reward. Food is not a treat. The result of the food is NOT a treat. You have to get a bigger picture perspective. I understand the idea that food is an easy treat...an easy reward...but you have to spend time thinking about something that is better than that. Something that is in line with your goals.

 

I'm not saying that treats can't be related to food...for instance...eating out is a treat. But the food isn't the treat. It's not having to cook...not having to clean dirty dishes. That's the real treat. That's the vacation from work...letting someone else cook and clean. It's still a treat to eat out and eat something that is by and large healthy...even if your family splits a dessert...do you understand what I'm trying to say?

 

Can you relate at all to the idea that rewarding yourself for achieving any goal related to health and fitness with something that counteracts everything that you did is not a treat? It's not a reward. A reward is to buy a new song that will be great for exercising to. If you have the capability...downloading a single song is a cheap and easy reward. And every time you hear that song...you can think about how you have achieved a mini goal on the way to the big one. Something like this that helps to fuel the fire for the journey...THAT is a reward...THAT is a treat. You just have to identify what it is that works for you and makes you feel special that isn't food.

 

One thing I'm noticing is that I'm not supposed to deprive myself of the sweets, but yet, I'm supposed to avoid them and substitute them with something else. Seems contradictory to me in a way. Maybe I really will stop craving them after a while. Doesn't seem possible right now. OK, so my question is... am I supposed to deprive myself of them - in order to get to the point I don't crave them??? Yes, I guess I'm more ignorant of diet nutrition and that kind of thing than I thought.

 

Yes. Deprive yourself of sweets. I don't know why you think you shouldn't. Honestly...sweets are not supposed to be a part of daily life. Not the kind of sweets that you have written about. Those are special occasion related things. Like a special occasion dress. Could be formal. Could be cocktail. You could think of it as your PARTY dress. You own it. It hangs in the closet. It may or may not have shoes and jewelry purchased JUST for that outfit. And you own and keep those too. And hopefully...you have occasion to wear them. And you don't picture the rest of your life without them.

 

Same with sweets. You don't have to go through life without them. But they are the occasion thing. It depends on the quality of your sweet...some have more redeeming qualities than others...and sweets don't have to be so rare as an annual birthday...BUT...in general...cupcakes, hot fudge sundaes, are very difficult to incorporate into a daily life, especially if you are someone that has to fight to maintain/not gain weight. Alter your thinking...baked apples with cinnamon? Limit the added fat and sugar to the apples, of course...and if you can stand it and limit it...maybe add a touch of cream...and that's a more nutritious sweet that you could eat more often.

 

My goals in posting and sharing are always to be encouraging...I hope that I haven't been discouraging in writing what I have written. It's been said many times over...losing weight and more especially, being HEALTHY isn't easy...especially in today's world where convenience has removed a tremendous amount of work from daily life...work that used to burn a lot of calories...and now we have to make a great deal of effort to find ways to burn calories significantly. The pursuit of health and fitness is largely mental...the way you think about things will greatly influence your success...and that is hard to talk to someone else about...because so many things influence the way we think...and everyone has their unique circumstance and situation...and so everyone needs to do something slightly different.

I disagree about the deprivation of sweets. You just need to rethink where that sweet fix is coming from. Fresh fruit is a great options for a sweet tooth fix. Pears, pineapple, bananas, berries are all sweet and contain nutrition your body needs. Watermelon is another great and very low cal option.

I eat sweets every day in the form of fresh fruit. My pre-cardio food is sliced banana and pineapple. Instant sucrose from the pineapple, slower digesting fructose for energy mid and late run plus potassium from the banana.

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

I agree with the idea of a nutritious sweet food...I was referring to the sweets that the OP specifically mentioned...cupcakes, hot fudge sundaes...

Gotcha--yes, those are garbage and should be reserved for very special occasions in portion controlled environments.

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

I agree 100% about allowing sweets in order not to feel deprived which often leads to binge eating. With that said, it is absolutely necessary to practice portion control. Become a label reader and if you must, then measure everything out. Just an example but a bowl of cereal that my son pours is triple what the individual portion should be.

If you feel that you can't stick to just one (brownie, cupcake etc) then get it OUT of your house.

The low-cal versions of certain foods are a good option only if you can practice portion control. I, myself, love the Fiber-One brand brownies and bars but I use it as a treat and do not eat them every single day or in multiples.

I find that eating a sweet fruit such as what a previous poster mentioned, really does help to ward-off the sweet tooth. Seedless purple and black grapes are my favorite but try a few options first.

As far as the ME-time, do you have a neighbor or friend with kids that you could possibly trade off babysitting time with? I used to do this when my children were younger and it was a win-win for everyone including the kids, who can detect stress in a NY second.

I also wanted to mention that I just loved what a previous poster said about evaluating your weight loss goals on a yearly basis. It's not about the actual number but more about feeling healthy, fit and strong. Anyone who is a fellow- BIGGEST LOSER fan knows exactly what I am talking about. I just watched the finale the other night and was higly disappointed in the winner. It was all about the number for her and not about getting fit etc... but that is a whole new can of worms.

Good luck to you. I have been there and can relate to your situation but please realize that you DESERVE to take the time for yourself. You can't take care of your family properly if you don't take the time to take care of yourself. :)

.

OP, if you don't have a kitchen scale, that needs to be on your shopping list. I'll bet 90% of the time you are eating a lot more than you think you are.

I don't like "lo-cal" options in processed foods. In order to make them lo-cal they introduce chemicals, salt, fat, and can actually cause you to crave foods loaded with bad fat, bad carbs, etc.

Eat clean and get 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heart beat (not to the point of panting!) daily and you'll be able to eat more than enough food so you will not go hungry.

Think about it this way, one little Oreo has ZERO nutritional value and as many calories as one juicy pear or a cup of sweet grapes or six large strawberries. The volume of food is much higher with healthy choices, and it takes a lot longer to eat.

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

A birthday party Saturday that took up most of the day (more about that later) and some family time kept me away from the computer for the past few days.

The low-cal versions of certain foods are a good option only if you can practice portion control. I, myself, love the Fiber-One brand brownies and bars but I use it as a treat and do not eat them every single day or in multiples.

 

As far as the ME-time, do you have a neighbor or friend with kids that you could possibly trade off babysitting time with? I used to do this when my children were younger and it was a win-win for everyone including the kids, who can detect stress in a NY second.

 

Good luck to you. I have been there and can relate to your situation but please realize that you DESERVE to take the time for yourself. You can't take care of your family properly if you don't take the time to take care of yourself. :).

When I first began, I stocked up on high protein diet bars of different varieties. I quickly learned that even though they are filling, they are very high in calories, too. I'm trying to eat them in halves and that has helped with some cravings, but I have found that most of them don't taste that great.

I do have some people I could probably trade babysitting with, although I don't really want to (for multiple reasons - long story). I think I'll try to re-organize my twice a week daycare time instead of using that option.

OP, if you don't have a kitchen scale, that needs to be on your shopping list. I'll bet 90% of the time you are eating a lot more than you think you are.

 

Eat clean and get 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heart beat (not to the point of panting!) daily and you'll be able to eat more than enough food so you will not go hungry.

 

Think about it this way, one little Oreo has ZERO nutritional value and as many calories as one juicy pear or a cup of sweet grapes or six large strawberries. The volume of food is much higher with healthy choices, and it takes a lot longer to eat.

I totally get what you are saying. It's just really hard when those kinds of treats are calling my name, often with such intensity that I can't resist! I do have a WW kitchen scale that works very well and does grams and ounces. Yes, portions are smaller than expected!

cruzzza...I relate to you a lot. A LOT. I feel the need to be careful in responding because I don't want to project incorrectly onto you the different struggles that I have had. But when I read what you write...I wonder if my situation/experience offers any insight into what you are going through.

 

I feel like you are in a mind space where you segregate your time between time for kids and time for me. If you aren't showering because the kids are awake... (I get the relaxing bath after the kids go to bed...but you also said shower) If you are choosing to have to do things like grocery shopping without your kids...and haircuts without your kids...then your priorities are such that time will always be a conflict...because there are only so many hours in the day. I do want to be clear...there SHOULD be time for you...but that time isn't grocery store time...that's still work time...not "free time."

 

Yes, you are right, even though I kind of feel like it's so much easier and less stressful to go shopping alone - I really consider it me-time. Is it twisted that I consider grocery shopping is me-time?!! :eek:

 

If I am hitting the mark at all...it is a fundamental shift in thinking that may help you. It's analyzing your time, how you spend your time, what your priorities are, what YOUR career goals are (even if you don't work outside the home...just like a typical employee has an annual review...and talks about their goals at work...you should have goals related to your work too), what your goal is in motherhood? (the kids are your big project...what kind of adult do you want to raise?...what do you want to teach them? how are you going to equip them for their adulthood? etc etc...)...it's a recognition that you are the first role model for your children...are you living your life in a way that they would also want to live theirs? Could your children aspire to be you? Spending some mental time can help get you into a space where you can align your priorities and your time and your efforts toward achieving your goals. It can be very helpful to even write it all down so that you have boundaries and guidelines to help you make decisions that keep you on track.

 

Wow, that's a lot to ponder and very thought provoking. I need to re-read this paragraph every day.

 

And please, pardon me if I have projected onto you my own struggle.

 

Don't apologize, you're pretty much right on target.

 

Chai tea doesn't count. For some people, they would say you need to compensate with more water equal to the amount of chai tea that you are drinking because of the caffeine in chai tea. Which would mean that you need to add all those cups of chai tea to the ounces that equals about half your body weight in order to get as much water as your body requires. While the caffeine in chai tea is less then coffee, and while it isn't absorbed as quickly because of the tannins in chai tea...it is still a caffeinated drink...and caffeine is in opposition to hydration.

 

Really???!!! Then I guess you're not a believer in Spark? I was thinking about ordering some to try to help with energy.

 

If you are cold, then drink hot water. Make your own "tea." I like to drink "lemon tea"...which is the juice of half a lemon added to hot water. You can do this concept with anything that appeals to your taste...lemon, lime, slices of ginger, etc. Or drink herbal tea. There are many different "teas" out there (technically tea IS a specific variety of plants, but we tend to call any non-coffee hot water drink "tea."). You can find teas that contain herbs, etc., that are targeted toward different aspects of health...like dandelion root tea is supposed to help support liver function.

 

Whatever you do. You need to get hydrated. Your body NEEDS to be hydrated.

 

Is Crystal Light OK? They do make a natural kind with a few flavors that are OK.

 

You don't need to add weights if you are sore without them. If you are challenging your body without the weights...which the soreness is an indication that you are...then you do not need to add weights UNTIL you aren't challenging your body. Remember...if you are overweight...then technically...you are already using extra weight...it is likely that as you get stronger and start to lose weight, THEN you will need to begin to add weight to keep the exercise effective and challenging. Lose 5 pounds...add a 5 pound weight.

 

Relief! That's what I thought, but wanted to be sure.

 

I must admit to being curious as to what eating well means to you because opinions vary a lot. You need to be cautious with a low calorie diet...food is energy. When you eat low calorie...you need to be extra picky about what you are eating so that the fuel you are feeding yourself is highly nutritious, satisfying your body's needs there...and giving you proper energy. If you are craving treats...which are always LOADED with calories...your body is craving energy and it's sending you a signal to get energy in the fastest way it knows how...which is a high sugar, high fat food source. Everything you mentioned is not ONLY sugar-laden...it's also FAT-laden. A McDonalds hot fudge sundae is 32% fat...

 

Eating well to me is kind of like clean eating with treats. I always have to throw the "treats" in don't I?! :o I don't think a person needs to go as far as Paleo, but I think that a person should ideally get most of their food from fresh fruits and veggies and lean meats, with some milk and cheese in there, too. I do think almost all processed foods should be cut out and refined sugars, with the occasional treat thrown in. I should say that's what I think a healthy person would eat and not how I eat. I do try, but just don't follow through. Sometimes those processed foods are just too convenient and I do eat Lean Cuisines to try to help with portion control, it's just that I could eat two instead of one, so I usually end up staying hungry after those.

 

Before you wrote this, I didn't notice how much my "treats" involved fat. I said I was addicted to the sugars, but now I'm thinking it's the combination of the fat & sugars. It's true, it's the fatty cupcake icing I love, not the sweet cake and the cheesy burger patty & shake from McDonalds. Maybe that's why fruit sugars don't satisfy me all the time. I'm craving the fat, too.

 

You may think you are not on a deprivation diet...but something about the way you are eating has your body experiencing LACK. I can't name the lack without knowing what you eat...but it IS lacking something and that is why you are craving what you are...well...it is definitely contributing...there are other factors, but I'm trying to not write a science paper in response.

 

You CAN NOT have little treats without going overboard. I said it. I'm going out on a limb here...but this is the fact. I believe that you might be able to in the future...maybe...few people have the true will power necessary to eat the thing the really love and enjoy in small quantities if larger quantities are still in reach. For me...it's like the old Lay's potato chip commercials...you can't eat just one. And while you are in the state that you are currently in...it is unreasonable to expect that you can.

 

Food is not a reward. Food is not a treat. The result of the food is NOT a treat. You have to get a bigger picture perspective. I understand the idea that food is an easy treat...an easy reward...but you have to spend time thinking about something that is better than that. Something that is in line with your goals.

 

I'm not saying that treats can't be related to food...for instance...eating out is a treat. But the food isn't the treat. It's not having to cook...not having to clean dirty dishes. That's the real treat. That's the vacation from work...letting someone else cook and clean. It's still a treat to eat out and eat something that is by and large healthy...even if your family splits a dessert...do you understand what I'm trying to say?

 

Yes, and I DO consider food a treat and maybe I need to stop. Those cupcakes I wanted to hoard in the fridge were going to be my "treats" and I do often "treat" myself with food.

 

Can you relate at all to the idea that rewarding yourself for achieving any goal related to health and fitness with something that counteracts everything that you did is not a treat? It's not a reward. A reward is to buy a new song that will be great for exercising to. If you have the capability...downloading a single song is a cheap and easy reward. And every time you hear that song...you can think about how you have achieved a mini goal on the way to the big one. Something like this that helps to fuel the fire for the journey...THAT is a reward...THAT is a treat. You just have to identify what it is that works for you and makes you feel special that isn't food.

 

Yeah, I've gotta figure that out, because right now food is my guiltiest pleasure.

 

Yes. Deprive yourself of sweets. I don't know why you think you shouldn't. Honestly...sweets are not supposed to be a part of daily life. Not the kind of sweets that you have written about. Those are special occasion related things. Like a special occasion dress. Could be formal. Could be cocktail. You could think of it as your PARTY dress. You own it. It hangs in the closet. It may or may not have shoes and jewelry purchased JUST for that outfit. And you own and keep those too. And hopefully...you have occasion to wear them. And you don't picture the rest of your life without them.

 

Same with sweets. You don't have to go through life without them. But they are the occasion thing. It depends on the quality of your sweet...some have more redeeming qualities than others...and sweets don't have to be so rare as an annual birthday...BUT...in general...cupcakes, hot fudge sundaes, are very difficult to incorporate into a daily life, especially if you are someone that has to fight to maintain/not gain weight. Alter your thinking...baked apples with cinnamon? Limit the added fat and sugar to the apples, of course...and if you can stand it and limit it...maybe add a touch of cream...and that's a more nutritious sweet that you could eat more often.

 

OUCH! That hurts!

 

My goals in posting and sharing are always to be encouraging...I hope that I haven't been discouraging in writing what I have written. It's been said many times over...losing weight and more especially, being HEALTHY isn't easy...especially in today's world where convenience has removed a tremendous amount of work from daily life...work that used to burn a lot of calories...and now we have to make a great deal of effort to find ways to burn calories significantly. The pursuit of health and fitness is largely mental...the way you think about things will greatly influence your success...and that is hard to talk to someone else about...because so many things influence the way we think...and everyone has their unique circumstance and situation...and so everyone needs to do something slightly different.

Thanks so much! No, you weren't discouraging or stepping on toes. Ok, well maybe the latter, but I know I need some toes stepped on. Thank you for joining in on this thread!