Any April 1 fake cruise news rumors jokes stories

[derf5585]

Happy April Fools Day

[u2cruiser]

No, nothing here at all. I expected something on the boards.
I'll nip over to the Princess board as they usually have one or 2 'foolish' posts

[ghstudio]

Following in the steps of RyanAir, Celebrity has announced that all toilets on board their ships will be pay toilets including those in your stateroom.

Recognizing the demographics of their customers, Celebrity will be introducing the "Early Bird" seating in the main dining room which will start at 4:30PM

Animals made from towels will continue to be available in your staterooms at the discretion of your cabin attendant, however there will be a $5 a day charge for them

In an effort to provide you with more "candid" pictures, the Celebrity photographers will be quietly entering cabins randomly to take pictures.

Recommended Gratuities (and those required if you elect to use select dining) have been increased to include the Captain and the engine room crew as well as the "customer service" reps in the head office who will handle your complaints.

should I go on.....

[u2cruiser]

Haha! Yes, carry on.

Can you buy a towel animal package?

[dzcruisers]

[PartyAllDaTyme]

Miami, Florida
April 1, 2011--

Celebrity Cruises announced today a new, innovative fuel savings policy. Henceforth, treadmills in the fitness centers will be connected to the ship's electrical generating system. All cruisers will be expected to provide ten miles per day worth of electricity to offset fuel costs otherwise used in operating the ships' generators. Said Celebrity spokesman R. U. Kiddinme, "All those people need to start pulling their weight. What do they think, they're on vacation? I don't care if they're 97, they're occupying the same cabin space as a healthy 24-year-old marathon runner. They don't have to go fast, just so we get ten miles a day out of 'em."

The online forum, Cruise Critic, immediately hailed this as an eco-friendly and cost saving measure, certain to boost sales of cruises in both the short and long term.

[A1A]

Originally Posted by u2cruiser

No, nothing here at all. I expected something on the boards.
I'll nip over to the Princess board as they usually have one or 2 'foolish' posts

Made me remember one I thought would be foolish, check the 11:00 am post entitled "Help" right here on the Celebrity Boards!

Ghstudio and Party - I enjoyed your posts!

Ken

[derf5585]

Since cruise ships are getting larger, ships are installing people movers like in airports. So one can get form the back of the ship to the stern easily.

[C-Dragons]

Miami, Florida
April 1, 2011

An enhancement was announced today by Celebrity Cruises regarding their Beverage Packages. In response to customer feedback, beginning May 1, 2011 all passengers who purchase a Beverage Package will be given a 2 liter commemorative bottle with their package information printed on the outside. The bottle is BPA free and comes with an optional straw for those who prefer one. Guests will no longer need to present their key cards to get their favorite wine, beer, or Martini as Wait staff will be able to just scan the bottles. Celebrity is positive this enhancement will be welcomed by their guests who will now be able to enjoy more of their favorite beverages, while making less frequent trips to the bars for refills. There will be a Two-for-0ne promotion beginning May 1, so call Celebrity or your Travel Agent today to take take advantage of this great deal.

[Denny01]

Celebrity Cruise has just announced a new itinerary for the E Med. It will depart Latakia, Syria after spending two nights there to tour the whole of Syria, especially the Golan Heights where you can look down into the evil empire of Israel, followed by an overnight port call in Beirut Lebanon, allowing special tours of the 'Green Line' which separates the waring Lebanese factions. Skipping Israel and Egypt due to security issues, the next wonder portcall will be Benghazi, Libya (really the Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamajiriya) and then to the highlight port of Tripoli where a local official will greet you in his personal family tent complex...a Mr Muammar Gaddafi and his family...where you will have a frontrow seat of the nightly fireworks and street parades!

By the way, don't miss the 'Help!' thread..a great list of 'to dos' for your next cruise!

Den

[PartyAllDaTyme]

Originally Posted by derf5585

Since cruise ships are getting larger, ships are installing people movers like in airports. So one can get form the back of the ship to the stern easily.

How much easier can they make it?

[Can'tstopcruising]

Originally Posted by C-Dragons

Miami, Florida
April 1, 2011

An enhancement was announced today by Celebrity Cruises regarding their Beverage Packages. In response to customer feedback, beginning May 1, 2011 all passengers who purchase a Beverage Package will be given a 2 liter commemorative bottle with their package information printed on the outside. The bottle is BPA free and comes with an optional straw for those who prefer one. Guests will no longer need to present their key cards to get their favorite wine, beer, or Martini as Wait staff will be able to just scan the bottles. Celebrity is positive this enhancement will be welcomed by their guests who will now be able to enjoy more of their favorite beverages, while making less frequent trips to the bars for refills. There will be a Two-for-0ne promotion beginning May 1, so call Celebrity or your Travel Agent today to take take advantage of this great deal.

STRAWS????

Don't you think crooked passengers will share the straws with their spouses? Or, worse still, all their friends)

[ghstudio]

Originally Posted by derf5585

Since cruise ships are getting larger, ships are installing people movers like in airports. So one can get form the back of the ship to the stern easily.

elegantly subtle...

[outerspaceguy]

"Instead of instituting fuel surcharges, the nation's leading cruise lines have now decided to take up a collection plate before the nightly theatrical performance. After the collection plate is passed around, the crew will examine the take and decide which ports, if any, the ship can reach. This will be done before both the early and late showtimes so that all passengers may partake. If a suitable port is within range, fuel will be immediately purchased and the ship will set sail. If not, the ship will remain overnight (RON) in the current port until a sufficient take has been amassed."

"Those on transatlantic voyages are encouraged to give especially generously," says Celebrity Cruises' CEO Daniel J. Hanrahan.

[bellybutton530]

BREAKING NEWS:

Celebrity Cruises today announced a new cruise category that will be made available on all of its' ships. Appropriately labeled "CAW," this category offers cruisers the opportunity to work off their cruise indebtedness instead of paying for it. 'Cruise and Work' will allow us to decrease our contract workforce by approximately 25%, according to Dan Hanrahan during a news conference this morning.

The program will be available in all cabin tiers, from inside cabins to the PH suite. "Of course, the amount of time spent working will be dependent upon the cabin category the passenger is in." Hanrahan went on to indicate that the work assignment could be anywhere on the ship: "We're not just assigning cabin attendant duties here; folks could work in the laundry, the Gift Shops, as part of the entertainment staff, in the spa; we might even use them in the kitchens."

Rollout of the new program is expected to take place in May of 2011, while the ships are sailing in Europe. Hanrahan said that the officers will determine the work assignments; but indicated that each passenger who signs up for the program will have a list of 3-4 jobs to choose from.

Celebrity Cruises, long hailed for its' innovative approach to cruising, is excited to be the FIRST cruise line to offer this program. Speak to your travel agent or a Celebrity cruise consultant if you are interested.

[outerspaceguy]

Celebrity cruises has decided upon a new fuel saving measure: using the lighter-than-air qualities of hydrogen to lift the cruise ship out of the water.

A new superstructure will be constructed on top of the highest deck of all ships except for the Century. This deck will then be sealed and filled with hydrogen gas. The hydrogen gas will push upwards and thus make the ship appear to be lighter against the water.

"Having a lighter cruise ship is paramount for saving on hefty fuel expenses" says Konstantinos Patsoulas, a Celebrity Cruises captain. "We've tried everything from newer, lighter dinner plates to removing ice pitchers from the cabins; but, none of that has had a sufficiently large effect."

"We're hoping that with this new hydrogen deck that we'll be able to finally reach our corporate goal of 60 gallons [of gas] to the [nautical] mile."

[Math Guy]

Originally Posted by Denny01

Celebrity Cruise has just announced a new itinerary for the E Med. It will depart Latakia, Syria after spending two nights there to tour the whole of Syria, especially the Golan Heights where you can look down into the evil empire of Israel, followed by an overnight port call in Beirut Lebanon, allowing special tours of the 'Green Line' which separates the waring Lebanese factions. Skipping Israel and Egypt due to security issues, the next wonder portcall will be Benghazi, Libya (really the Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamajiriya) and then to the highlight port of Tripoli where a local official will greet you in his personal family tent complex...a Mr Muammar Gaddafi and his family...where you will have a frontrow seat of the nightly fireworks and street parades!

By the way, don't miss the 'Help!' thread..a great list of 'to dos' for your next cruise!

Den

Persian Gulf cruises are offering a special 'Pirates Entertainment Night'.

[derf5585]

Celebrity has contracted with NASA to build a Cruise Space Ship. To be named the Celebrity Enterprise.

Special rates for the balconies

Space Hotels: The Cruise Ship Analogy
from
http://www.spacefuture.com/archive/s..._analogy.shtml

Future is a space cruise ship
from
http://www.camlawblog.com/articles/r...e-cruise-ship/

[rockfsh]

Celebrity Cruises announces a special Noro Virus Cruise on the Solistice. Each passenger must present a medical certificate attesting to an active noro infection. Vomit bags will be given free in each cabin in place of a tote bag. Only the buffet will be open during the cruise. Hand washing in the restrooms is discouraged. Smoking (and vomiting) will be allowed on all balconies Ship is scheduled for dry dock after the cruise.

[jcrandle]

Originally Posted by derf5585

Since cruise ships are getting larger, ships are installing people movers like in airports. So one can get form the back of the ship to the stern easily.

Doesn't the elevator already do that?