Heard aboard our cruise

[derf5585]

We are taking the elevator because we could not find the stairs.

[texancruzer]

Tee Hee......

[tserface]

Are they going to add this to the stupid cruiser humor shows they do on lots of cruisers? It's right up there with "How do we tell which pictures are ours?"

Tom

Originally Posted by derf5585

We are taking the elevator because we could not find the stairs.

[Albert Ross]

Do the crew sleep on board at night?

[EithneMay]

Really??

[diesel1973]

After the picture on the TV in the bar kept cutting in and out during a football game a person commented "They must have cable!" The scary thing is they were serious!!!!!!!!!!!

[drd-aus]

Girl said to her boyfriend while taking his picture "At least look like you are having a good time" as he was acting like a hostage.

[2SeaWithMe]

There were some great ones...I think my favorite is:

"Do you hire college graduates, or only foreigners?"

This was asked at the galley tour, and I wasn't the only one who actually gasped at this. The chef asking questions actually had to ask her to repeat it, and she than stated that her son went to Johnson and Wales, and would they hire a graduate from there, or only 'the foreigners'. (we're of course far from the US at this time).

The chef stated that HE was a graduate of Johnson and Wales and so were several of the chefs on the podium. I hope she at least had the grace to turn red.

[Grumpy9117]

Overheard in the Centurm on a recent JOS cruise, "I don't know why anyone would pay extra for an Oceanview room when you can't even open the window."

[derf5585]

We paid extra for a balcony and all we see is a parking lot (just boarded)

[MaritimeGuy]

"Do these elevators go to the front of the ship?"

or

"Is the next island surrounded by water?"

Cheers,
Luc

[njsonja]

excuse me, Sir, are you a guest on this ship?

[tserface]

At least once per cruise we have to go through stupid questions cruisers ask … Here's a few:

• What time is the Midnight Buffet? (Reply: Um….)
• Are there beaches in the Bahamas? (Reply: OK, there’s no reply for this one.)
• Is the island surrounded by water? (Reply: It’s an island… think about it.)
• Why is the ship rocking? (Reply: No reply, the crewperson just waved the person on.)
• Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship? (Reply: No those are on the next floor down.)
• What side of the ship will the sun rise on? (Reply: Depends, are you from the west or east coast?)
• Is the water in the pool rough because it's seawater? (Reply: Yeah, that’s it.)
• How do I get into my room? (Reply: Knock on the door next to yours, have the person let you onto the balcony, climb over the wall to your balcony, wake your husband by pounding on the window.)
• Does the crew live onboard? (Reply: No we fly them back to Miami every night.)
• How much are the tender tickets? (Reply: $10, you pay me.)
• Will I get wet when I go snorkeling? (Reply: Not if you don’t go into the water.)
• What do you do with the photographs that people didn't buy after the cruise? (Reply: We email them to facebook.)
• Do these steps go up or down? (Reply: Down in the morning, up starting early afternoon.)
• Do we have to go to the compulsory lifeboat drill? (Reply: No just the mandatory one.)
• What do we do in the morning? We didn't go to the talk. (Reply: Sleep in.)
• Did I put my boarding pass in my luggage? (Reply: Yes, and you left the luggage at home.)
• Do they play music in the disco? (Reply: No, just that annoying scratchy record sound.)
• Do you have to get dressed up for formal night? (Reply: Sadly, not so much anymore.)
• Do you grow your own food onboard? (Reply: Yes, that’s why we’re so much bigger than Noah’s Ark.)
• Have you seen my husband? (Reply: Is he about 6ft tall, dark hair, wearing a red shirt? Yes that’s him. Nope, haven’t seen him?)
• What do we do with these luggage tags? (Reply: Well, you can’t tear them off under penalty of law.)
• How many events are in the Triathlon? (Reply: Tri.)
• What do you do with the ice carvings after they've melted? (Reply: Quick answer… bottled water.)
• Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance, One lady asked, "How are we going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for our floor." (Reply: Use the cane to reach.)
• There was some kind of mix up with a woman's room and the room steward was trying to arrange for her to move to a different one. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. Can I have an inside cabin?"
• Two women were sitting by the pool. One of the ladies asked the cruise director what kind of water did they fill the pool with -- fresh water or sea water? The cruise director answered, "Sea water." She then asked, "Ah, that explains why the pool is so rough today!"
• "Do you generate your own electricity?" (Reply: No, there's a long underwater extension cord plugged in at Miami!)
• "Is the water in the toilet salt or fresh?" (Reply: I don’t know… why don’t you taste it?)
• What language do they speak in Alaska? (Reply: Let me see, in what country is Alaska located?)
• "How high above sea level are we?" (Reply: Well, we’re floating on the sea, why don’t you measure it.)
• The walls of the photo display room were covered with hundreds of passenger photos. Without thinking, someone blurted out, "How do we know which pictures are ours?" (Reply: Sigh, you are in them.)

[Straughn]

My stepdaughter was on the cruise staff of RCCL many years ago. On a port day, she was one of the staff holding a sign indicating where a tour should meet to depart. She was standing on the concrete pavement that started where the concrete dock ended and "the land" portion of the pavement began. The pavement is surround by grass and ground. A gentleman comes up to her and asks the following; "Where's the land?" She politely responded " your standing on it". He says, No this the dock, I want to be on the land." She asked if he meant ground or grass? No he wanted "the land". She tries to explain about the sidewalk/pavement, he gets more and more agitated and annoyed. "Are you an idiot, don't you understand what I am asking you. I want to stand on the land." My stepdaughter finally said: Walk 500 yards straight ahead and turn left". His response was "Thank you, that is what I wanted to know".

And yes, he was an English speaking American, so it wasn't a language barrier.

[Turtles06]

In Oct., I was on the NCL Gem when we were diverted, on our way back from Bermuda to NY, to rescue five people from a sinking sailboat out in the Atlantic. A woman standing near me asked, in all seriousness, "So do we now take them where they were going?"

[kitty9]

I was in line at Guest Relations when a woman came up to complain, and ask for her money back, when she couldn't open her window in a deck three cabin. She was totally irate and said if she had known they "paint the windows shut" she would never have booked that cabin.

[FTLcruisers]

We recently cruised out of Venice. I overheard a middle aged lady pointing out to her mom that one of the other cruise ships was leaving. The mom asked "is our ship going to move too or are we just going to stay in Venice"? I'm so glad our ship did "move"; otherwise we would have had some lengthy excursions to Turkey, Croatia and Greece

Marianne

[Bailey & Sophie]

Originally Posted by tserface

At least once per cruise we have to go through stupid questions cruisers ask … Here's a few:

• What time is the Midnight Buffet? (Reply: Um….)
• Are there beaches in the Bahamas? (Reply: OK, there’s no reply for this one.)
• Is the island surrounded by water? (Reply: It’s an island… think about it.)
• Why is the ship rocking? (Reply: No reply, the crewperson just waved the person on.)
• Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship? (Reply: No those are on the next floor down.)
• What side of the ship will the sun rise on? (Reply: Depends, are you from the west or east coast?)
• Is the water in the pool rough because it's seawater? (Reply: Yeah, that’s it.)
• How do I get into my room? (Reply: Knock on the door next to yours, have the person let you onto the balcony, climb over the wall to your balcony, wake your husband by pounding on the window.)
• Does the crew live onboard? (Reply: No we fly them back to Miami every night.)
• How much are the tender tickets? (Reply: $10, you pay me.)
• Will I get wet when I go snorkeling? (Reply: Not if you don’t go into the water.)
• What do you do with the photographs that people didn't buy after the cruise? (Reply: We email them to facebook.)
• Do these steps go up or down? (Reply: Down in the morning, up starting early afternoon.)
• Do we have to go to the compulsory lifeboat drill? (Reply: No just the mandatory one.)
• What do we do in the morning? We didn't go to the talk. (Reply: Sleep in.)
• Did I put my boarding pass in my luggage? (Reply: Yes, and you left the luggage at home.)
• Do they play music in the disco? (Reply: No, just that annoying scratchy record sound.)
• Do you have to get dressed up for formal night? (Reply: Sadly, not so much anymore.)
• Do you grow your own food onboard? (Reply: Yes, that’s why we’re so much bigger than Noah’s Ark.)
• Have you seen my husband? (Reply: Is he about 6ft tall, dark hair, wearing a red shirt? Yes that’s him. Nope, haven’t seen him?)
• What do we do with these luggage tags? (Reply: Well, you can’t tear them off under penalty of law.)
• How many events are in the Triathlon? (Reply: Tri.)
• What do you do with the ice carvings after they've melted? (Reply: Quick answer… bottled water.)
• Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance, One lady asked, "How are we going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for our floor." (Reply: Use the cane to reach.)
• There was some kind of mix up with a woman's room and the room steward was trying to arrange for her to move to a different one. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. Can I have an inside cabin?"
• Two women were sitting by the pool. One of the ladies asked the cruise director what kind of water did they fill the pool with -- fresh water or sea water? The cruise director answered, "Sea water." She then asked, "Ah, that explains why the pool is so rough today!"
• "Do you generate your own electricity?" (Reply: No, there's a long underwater extension cord plugged in at Miami!)
• "Is the water in the toilet salt or fresh?" (Reply: I don’t know… why don’t you taste it?)
• What language do they speak in Alaska? (Reply: Let me see, in what country is Alaska located?)
• "How high above sea level are we?" (Reply: Well, we’re floating on the sea, why don’t you measure it.)
• The walls of the photo display room were covered with hundreds of passenger photos. Without thinking, someone blurted out, "How do we know which pictures are ours?" (Reply: Sigh, you are in them.)

Are people really this stupid? (Hmmm, I guess so)

[MRSBITS]

Originally Posted by Bailey & Sophie

Are people really this stupid? (Hmmm, I guess so)

I think so..their elevators don't go all the way to the top!!

[Traveling Library]

On another cruise line we were cruising by Kīlauea on the Big Island of Hawaii to see the lava flow into the ocean at night. In front of me a woman commented in a snide way "That's it?" I responded "Well, if you had paid more for the cruise they would have turned up the jets" (and then I slid away into the night).