PHOTO REVIEW: H goes Solo Cruising on the Carnival Pride ( TONS of food porn )

Ding: Hello, hello, hello! Three hellos in honor of this being my third trip on a big boat. Also, my mom told me “it’s time you start earning your keep around here,” so I’m in training to become a cruise director/Carnival brand ambassador (I’m coming for you, John Heald!).

If you don’t know me (I’m not as famous as my idols Jamman54, Delta Dear, Wrigley80, Zydecocruiser, Gambee, Mitzugirly, and GAPearl…YET), I’m H, AKA Batman.

I’m 2.5 in calendar years, but 13 in shoe size and sass. Since we last spoke in March I’ve pooped on the potty (see below) and Carnival has changed the VIFP benefits 32,000 times. I also have some big news about my Poppi (for those of you who read my Sensation review), but I’ll get to that later.

(Everybody poops, even Santa)

So, why the Pride?

It’s been an exhausting couple of years for me – 90% of the time my mom and dad are totally clueless. I have to kick and scream to get their attention and yell EXACTLY what I want (-10 degrees is NOT too cold to wear shorts, mama) and they STILL do everything wrong. Then they put me on this “time-out chair,” which I’ve never ONCE requested. Also, my parents were the inspiration for that NBC drama “Stalkers.” They installed a secret listening device in my room and follow my every move -- I can’t even take a bath or sit on the can in private (see above).

I needed some alone time, people. And some cheese and sherbet (my two favorite foods, if you’re just getting to know me). Solution: SOLO CRUISE. Now, which one?

I got a trike for Christmas and I’ve been itching to get her out on the open road for a long drive. Also, I’m a huge fan of the beach (stay tuned for adorable beach shots…darn I’m cute). So I settled on the Pride out of Baltimore with stops at Grand Turk, Half Moon Cay, and Freeport.

So…

I log onto the Carnival website and select a nice balcony room (that mom and grandma can’t hog this time!), pull out my zoo membership card to pay, and….WAIT, WHAT??!?! Why am I being charged double? I log onto Cruise Critic and discover I’m about to become the latest victim of the big, bad, mean, green solo supplement. That thing’s scarier than my mom when she’s trying to quit sugar.

Well…

scary, stalker momparazzi was spying on me (as usual) and heard my distress. Then she was like, “You know, I could come on that cruise with you and it would cost the same.” As much as I hate to admit it, I am my mother’s son. And if there’s one thing you should know about my mother, she’s cheap. So after she SWORE she’d spend every waking hour at the Kid’s Club and leave me to my sherbet and cheese, and after I was like, “put it on YOUR zoo membership card,” I agreed.

Here’s mom.

You’ve probably seen her hiding in your bushes. Don’t feed her and she’ll eventually go away.

A few months went by. Then…

stalker #2, AKA dad, was like, “Are you sure you want to travel with mom alone? She can be a little difficult to manage in the MDR and who will watch her while you hit the comedy club?” Fine. So I let dad come too. Sigh.

Here’s dad.

He’s sort of the Cleveland sports fan equivalent of a Carnival cheerleader – no matter how many times they disappoint, he’ll defend them and remain loyal until the bitter end (when their last, best hope for a championship is back in Florida driving a golf cart around The Villages and when Carnival starts charging a “small fee” for flushing your toilet and ketchup).

If you haven’t read my prior reviews (What’s wrong with you?!?! Click on the links in my signature! Hurry, go!), you know that I organize them as follows: “ship and ship activities,” “ports and port activities,” and “the good, the bad, and the ugly.” But I always begin with the one thing in life I love more than trains and not taking naps:

FOOD!!!

Now, remember to ask questions and chime in. Let’s share our experiences -- good, bad, and ugly (although, please, we avoid the hairy chest contest for a reason!) -- and have some fun!

High five!!!

High five! I'm in! Can't wait to read the rest of your review! :D

Batman...Can't wait for the rest of your review! I just read your Freedom review and it was a blast. Wondering if you ate lots of cheese and orange sherbet on the Pride!

:D

SAIL AWAY

But first, sail away with me under the Key Bridge (I snuck this in here to punish anyone who bailed because they don’t like food porn…I’m sorry, you’re going to have to return that high five and we can't be friends). BTW, I’ll be including detailed information about embarkation and parking at the Port of Baltimore in the “ship” section (including how to save $60 on FTTF and still be on board, stuffing your face, by noon).

Bye Baltimore! I hope we get lost at sea and I never have to see you again. No offense.

BHEGfoDaNmI

Hip Hip Hooray ! Yes ! My favorite reviewer is back again ready to tell me everything I need to know about the Pride.

No WONDER I love you so. Your dad and are kindred spirits; I'm from Cleveland, grew up going to Cleveland Indian's games, am a LOYAL Browns fan and Cavs fan, too.

Show these to your Dad and tell him it was the opening night of the new Browns Stadium. Watch out, though. He may either turn green or start to cry. I hate to have you break this news to him, but I remember the night in 1948 when the Cleveland Indians won the World Series... yes, I am OLD. I don't suppose he is a OSU Buckeye fan, too is he ? That's my Alma Mater, so OHIO is the only place for sports.

OOPS, this is a highjack of your review, but now I KNOW your family HAS to book the Nov. 15 Pride cruise so we can really talk. I'll bring cheese just for you, too. I'm counting on you throwing some tantrums to make it happen.

Keep the review rolling along so I can stay excited about the Pride. Tell your mom and grandmom hello for me. Maybe they can come in November, too you might get tired of your dad and talking about the Browns. Be nice, invite them. They will be ready for a break from cold weather.

You have me hanging on the edge of my seat :) Can't wait for more, Batman!

Oh H, you are priceless! Can't wait to read along!

WCMC: A LOVE STORY

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." — Dr. Seuss

For months mom would dream of WCMC with TWO ice creams every night. Then wake up and enter her darn oatmeal with fruit into myfitnesspal. Until finally…

[sing together] REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Now, before I continue, a bit of background for those of you too lazy to go read my past reviews (“What a shame, what a shame, what a shame.” – also, Dr. Seuss). First, mom loves to eat. You should know that once, on a anniversary trip to Vegas, daddy shelled out a grand (true story) for a 16 course dinner at Joël Robuchon and, after, mommy was like, “is there a Golden Corral around here, I’m still hungry!” That’s to say she prefers piles and piles of mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and yeast rolls to au plat sur un riz nacré juste doré et aux copeaux de truffe noire. I don’t know what the crap that is (ship-on-a-stick for anyone who can translate) but mommy says she needed a microscope to see it and all 16 courses could have shared a bread plate with room to do yoga.

Also, mom does this thing where she orders a bunch of food and blames it on me. “So, you’ll have a salad and the small lad here would like 3 of everything…is that correct?” Then she keeps trading out plates, putting the empty ones in front of me! I think it’s the only reason she has a kid. Well, that and so she can dress me up in humiliating outfits to take my picture (see throughout) and laugh when I mispronounce words so it sounds like I’m swearing (“fork”).

If opposites attract, I guess my dream of only having to spend every other weekend with mommy will remain just that. Mommy and daddy are opposites when it comes to food (also, look at them). Mom’s a quantity over quality, sugar loving vegetarian (mostly vegan at home) and daddy’s mouth wouldn’t recognize anything not Greek yogurt, meat, or a protein shake. He’s also been known to spit food into his napkin (see my Sensation review), which is to say he cares a great deal about quality.

Me? When I get my own apartment at 5:39am on December 29th 2030, I plan to stock my kitchen with nothing but orange sherbet and cheese.

There’s one thing mommy, daddy, and I can agree on though – food is an important part of vacation. And, because food porn keeps us going in between trips (when we have to eat with our eyes for the sake of our thighs), we’re that annoying family blinding you with our flash every night in the MDR.

So, go get your napkins to wipe up the drool and let’s continue in the MDR (I’ll also be reviewing the Lido buffet, Guy’s Burgers, Blue Iguana Cantina, Pizza Pirate, Deli, Room Service, Sea Day Brunch, Dr. Seuss Brunch, the specialty coffee shop, tea time, David’s Steakhouse, and Bonsai Sushi) with…DESSERT (before we get to the other courses because, really, that should be the natural order of things).

Hey there H-Batman.

So great to see you again. Your review of the Freedom was the BEST! Now I'm looking forward to following you on the Pride.

It is so sweet of you to allow Mom and Dad to tag along this time. They can be helpful in many ways, after you set up some boundaries. Oh, congratulations on mastering the Potty!

Your fan,

Chelly

Dessert

Those were mom’s 2 newest favorite desserts: the vanilla crème brulee and the warm fig, date, and cinnamon cake with vanilla, NOT rum raisin ice cream (mom believes raisins should ONLY be used for bribing your obstinate two year old to get in the car when it’s time to go home and should NEVER appear in a dessert!!!!! Or anywhere else!!!!!).

Mom’s old favorite dessert (which she still loves): Grand Marnier soufflé

And my new and old and forever favorite desserts: orange sherbet and cheese plate:

To be continued...

Yay another review by H!!

DESSERT CONT.

Dad’s favorite was the bitter and blanc. Mom loves it too, but couldn’t make it to the MDR that night due to the infamous poisoning incident (stay tuned).

Speaking of dad, he now holds the new record for most desserts ordered in a single night in the MDR (apple pie, WCMC with 2 ice creams, Grand Marnier soufflé, and pineapple sherbet). He waited until the last night after mom had already ordered so she couldn’t one-up him and maintain her title. She knows the number to beat on the Conquest in December! Training to commence on Monday!

The desserts that follow were all delicious and fell somewhere between our favorite and least favorite (yes, there does exist a dessert mom didn’t like).

Black forest gateau

Butter pecan ice cream

Chocolate raspberry and vanilla cream cake

Cappuccino pie

To be continued...

Dessert cont.

Cherries jubilee with a side of lime sherbet

Amaretto cake

New York cheesecake

Apple pie with a “nice” crust. Nice? Some dude got paid to come up with the menu descriptions. We were expecting this to be awful. Fire that guy, Carnival, and hire mommy (flaky, golden, buttery goodness) -- it was far better than "nice."

If I had to bet on the Browns winning the Super Bowl (sorry, dad and Delta Dear) or mom disliking a dessert (at least one without raisins), I’d go with the Browns. But, it turns out, mom didn’t like the caramelized apples on puff pastry. At all. It wasn't even "nice." She found it difficult to stuff in thy face (like, literally – how do you cut that darn thing?) and bland. Shockingly enough, there was also another dessert she didn’t like on the “big boat,” but you’ll have to stay tuned for that (hint: it was NOT at the Lido buffet).

Let's end this section on a positive note though:

Next up, MDR soups and apps.

We won't even be on the pride any time soon (ever?!) but will be waiting patiently to hear about it :)

High five! I'm in! Can't wait to read the rest of your review! :D

Thanks for following along! I see you have a trip on the Pride booked for 2016. Need a roommate? High five!! :D

Batman...Can't wait for the rest of your review! I just read your Freedom review and it was a blast. Wondering if you ate lots of cheese and orange sherbet on the Pride!

:D

Um, of course!!! You seriously had to wonder? :D. Thanks for reading!

Hip Hip Hooray ! Yes ! My favorite reviewer is back again ready to tell me everything I need to know about the Pride.

 

No WONDER I love you so. Your dad and are kindred spirits; I'm from Cleveland, grew up going to Cleveland Indian's games, am a LOYAL Browns fan and Cavs fan, too.

 

Show these to your Dad and tell him it was the opening night of the new Browns Stadium. Watch out, though. He may either turn green or start to cry. I hate to have you break this news to him, but I remember the night in 1948 when the Cleveland Indians won the World Series... yes, I am OLD. I don't suppose he is a OSU Buckeye fan, too is he ? That's my Alma Mater, so OHIO is the only place for sports.

 

 

 

OOPS, this is a highjack of your review, but now I KNOW your family HAS to book the Nov. 15 Pride cruise so we can really talk. I'll bring cheese just for you, too. I'm counting on you throwing some tantrums to make it happen.

 

Keep the review rolling along so I can stay excited about the Pride. Tell your mom and grandmom hello for me. Maybe they can come in November, too you might get tired of your dad and talking about the Browns. Be nice, invite them. They will be ready for a break from cold weather.

Oh Jane, I like you almost as much as sherbet and slightly more than cheese. Those are great photos -- you and daddy could definitely be besties. I'm going to jump on my trike now in order to make it to Baltimore by November. Save me a spot at the Cat in the Hat Brunch! :D

Hey there H-Batman.

 

So great to see you again. Your review of the Freedom was the BEST! Now I'm looking forward to following you on the Pride.

 

It is so sweet of you to allow Mom and Dad to tag along this time. They can be helpful in many ways, after you set up some boundaries. Oh, congratulations on mastering the Potty!

 

Your fan,

Chelly

Yes, I suppose having someone along who is tall enough to reach the soft serve machines is helpful. Mastering the potty may be a bit of an overstatement, but thanks for the boost of confidence and for reading! :D

I have eagerly been waiting for this for quite sometime! I ca't wait to see all of the details and fun things and amazing things (and not-so-amazing things), because Baltimore is the closest port to where I live and would like to see if it reaches your standards.

I was on this sailing as well. It will be interesting to see another perspective of it. My son loved Camp Carnival. I have to admit that I thought the Dr. Seuss stuff may be a bit hokey, but Carnival did a great job with implementing it. This was my third time on the Pride, but first since the upgrades. It was a great cruise. I really don't know if there is such a thing as a bad one. We had some amazing weather.

I was really hoping to talk my extended family into this cruise since the port is 30-40 minutes from our house. But no go. We are flying to Galveston in October for the Freedom. But we are doing the other stops than you did. Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel. We will be doing lots of beach days. We have 4 kids, 9, 7, 5, and 2. Our youngest is a month older than you. So what did you prefer? Freedom trip or Pride? I thought the stops on the pride seemed exciting but my brother and sister in law, not so much.

MDR SOUPS AND APPS

I forgot to mention, if you don’t hear from me for a few days, our ship was probably captured by one of these:

Don’t bother to send help, but do send a supply ship with cheese and sherbet – I’m sure we’ll all get along just fine.

Moving on to soups and apps. I liked to think of my 3 courses in the MDR each evening as an ice cream sandwich, with fruit “ice cream” soup as an appetizer, a healthy entrée to appease mom in the middle (like cheese pizza), and orange sherbet ice cream for dessert. I LOVED all the ice cream soups, as did mommy. One night I deviated from my usual and ordered the tropical fruits as an appetizer and when mom and dad realized the fruit was soaked in tequila, they ordered me three more. I don’t remember anything after that.

Mom’s favorite starter (besides the ice cream soups) was the arugula, mint and vegetable salad (so light and delicious). Her least favorite were the fried vegetable spring rolls – she considers those proof that there’s a microwave in the MDR kitchen. Don’t feel sorry for her though, she’s ordered them on two prior “big boats” and didn’t like them either time. Some people learn through experience (you’ll note I didn’t even try the asparagus “ice cream” soup this time) and some, like mom, walk down the “even” hall to stateroom 4219 every. single. time. and keep ordering the vegetable rolls even though she finds them soggy and gross.

Daddy stuck to the Caesar salad (very good) from the everyday menu most nights, but tried several other things he liked as well (chicken tenders, crab cake, shrimp cocktail).

Yes, there are photos of everything. Calm down – whining gets you nothing (man, if I had a quarter for every time I have to say that to mom in a day).

Tropical fruits (with tequila)

Cream of sun ripened tomatoes

Fried chicken tenders, marinated cucumber and lettuce

Gazpacho andalouse

Fresh fruit cocktail

To be continued...

MDR SOUPS AND APPS CONTINUED

Caesar salad

Fried vegetable spring rolls

Chilled shrimp cocktail

Baked stuffed white mushrooms

Strawberry bisque

Chilled cucumber soup with dill

To be continued...