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Paulpgr

Members
  • Content Count

    65
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About Paulpgr

  • Rank
    Cool Cruiser

About Me

  • Location
    Southport, UK
  • Favorite Cruise Line(s)
    Cunard
  • Favorite Cruise Destination Or Port of Call
    Mediteranian

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  1. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim . I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning
  2. A man is sitting reading the paper when his wife hits him across the head. He says, "what's that for". She says, "I've found a piece of paper in your pocket with the name 'Mary Ellen' on it". Quick as a flash he replies, "that was the name of a horse from the races last week!" - which she accepts. A week later she hits him over the head with a frying pan! He says, "what the hell was that for?" She replies, "Your horse phoned"
  3. Letter to The Disney Channel I AM WRITING to complain in the strongest terms about the wilful lack of concern for child and animal welfare that is displayed in the nursery rhyme 'Sing A Song Of Sixpence'. Its author clearly has a twisted mind. Not only are blackbirds brutally tortured by being cooked alive inside a pie but, upon escaping, one of them returns to inflict a dreadful revenge on a poor maid, who is doing little more than completing her domestic chores by hanging clothes out to dry in the garden. Her nose is literally bitten right off by the bird, leaving the poor victim with a dreadful facial disfigurement that will no doubt require years and years of corrective surgery to put right. It is precisely this sort of gritty and traumatic drama that would not be permitted to grace television screens until after the 9 o'clock watershed; and yet these so-called nursery rhyme writers persistently serve up a diet of savage and graphic content to the under-5s at ANY time of the day, including first thing in the morning - and even while I am eating bread and honey in the parlour. I would certainly like to see these evil pedlers of violence locked up for good and the key thrown away. Yours faithfully, Mary Mary, quite contrary
  4. Never Argue with a Woman One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
  5. Got to love the good old British humour! https://youtu.be/jLI6VA40oUs
  6. BEING ASSERTIVE A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be THE Man of Your House". He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced "From now on I'm running this show, and my word'll be law. You'll prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating it, you'll serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner you're going upstairs with me, and we'll have any kind of sex that I choose ! Afterwards, you're going to run me a relaxing bath. You'll wash my back, towel me dry, and bring me my robe. Then, you'll massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied "The undertaker would be my first guess!"
  7. Just watched a documentary on History channel about belching. Turned out to be a repeat.
  8. So I asked my wife what she would like for her birthday She replied, I would like a tablet - So I thought that's reasonable. So I bought her a full packet.
  9. Three Ladies are playing the fourth hole at a well-known golf course. A naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies notice the size of his manhood. The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.' The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.' The third lady finally says, 'He's not even a member of this club!'
  10. Old Man And The Beaver An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season." One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun." "As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. "Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied , "My point exactly."
  11. Daddy, I am coming home from Australia, to get married soon, so get out your cheque book. LOL I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me, he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding." Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly Dad’s reply .... My Dear Lilly, Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever....., I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.
  12. Daddy, I am coming home from Australia, to get married soon, so get out your cheque book. LOL I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me, he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding." Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly Dad’s reply .... My Dear Lilly, Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever....., I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.
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