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S-and-J

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Everything posted by S-and-J

  1. When there is no workforce to do so? Quite a while.
  2. A replacement 25th wedding anniversary cruise with CMV (since we were locked down when it should have been) was to be our reward for getting through this current unpleasantness. To any staff or crew: we are absolutely gutted for you. The customer service staff have been second to none with any query or problem I have had; you ought to get snapped up soon. (I mean that literally, I have not come across another organisation with such helpful, happy, customer-facing staff.) For the crews, I hope that, when we're allowed to travel again, you are all snapped up too, if that is what you want. Missing you already, CMV. I'm really upset for you. ;-(
  3. It is rare that I genuinely LOL, but that one did it for me, thank you!
  4. That reminds me of a story on the radio some years ago by some celebrity parking his expensive Range Rover in an inner city. A group of youths were hanging about and came up and said "Look after your car, mister. See it comes to no harm. £10". "That's OK" said the celebrity. "My Alsation is in the back; nobody will steal it with him there." "This Alsation" says the youth. "Put fires out, can he?"
  5. That gives me an excuse to promote my favourite comedy folk group:
  6. That was William Tell, surely? The bint in the pointy hat seems a bit keen. Definitely an early Facebook user, or one of those "Send your fail video for $$$" people. To get back on-topic, I've searched for some Willam Tell jokes, but all those I can find end up with the punchline of a blind or dirty old man recognising the tune from a nude chorus line as bum, titty bum, titty bum bum bum. 🙄
  7. The correct pronunciation of the surname 'Cholmondely' is an under-the-breath 'pretentious twat'.
  8. If it followed the convention, it would be pronounced Duster.
  9. Here's another like that, although not as pretty:
  10. My mate Dave is a copper. He is proud of this story. One day in the police car a car pulled up alongside him at the lights where the driver was on their mobile phone. (The way the law works in the UK it is near impossible to charge someone for that.) He beeped the horn, she looked round, saw the police car and threw the phone in the passenger footwell. When the lights changed he pulled her over. Him: "You were on the phone when driving." Her: "No I wasn't!" Him: "You were. You threw it down when I beeped my horn." Her: "Well, I didn't see you there." Him: "You did not see my marked police car? Thank you for the confession to driving without due care and attention. Can I see your licence please..."
  11. Oh, so that is why transporting stuff by lorry is called "shipping". 🙂 Nicely set up photo though. Let's hope it doesn't drop off on a main road! :
  12. That reminds me of this sign I saw in Scarborough: where I thought this sounded like a cheap, nutritious meal: Now you know what happens to the old donkeys.
  13. This was posted in May: What nonsense. No such thing happened in June. In fact: 26th June: Rare 2020 Good News: Yellowstone Supervolcano Looks To Be In ‘Significant Decline’. Oops. 5th July: Over 100 Earthquakes Hit Yellowstone Supervolcano Site. 13th July: Yellowstone volcano latest: Idaho quake tremors spark fear over huge Supervolcano eruption. 17th July: Yellowstone volcano feels more than 70 earthquakes - Will it erupt?. I have always suspected the media have a private mailing list where they agree in advance what made-up stories they are going to put out when it is quiet. . . . . Oh, lordy. I did a search for "future disasters 2020" and this came up: 2020 Preparedness Calendar. I thought this was a spoof but is the 'Official website of the Department of Homeland Security'. It includes expected and terrifying end-of-the-world horrors such as: Back to School (I should have thought most parents are looking forward to that); National Preparedness Month in September (shame that wasn't at the start of the year, really) including Save Early for Disaster Costs but if it's the end of the world, who cares? Fall Safety, yep, watch out for those wet leaves. Is this site really funded by the taxpayer? It also "details the potential effects of hazardous space weather". Yep, it must be taxpayers' money. I assume National Community Planning Month is like family planning, but for small, rural communities. Home-made flammable safety decorations for your Christmas tree. For real. I wasn't expecting quite so much potential for humour on a government web site! I can imagine a stand-up comic having a field day with that lot. Still not as funny as the Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases public information film:
  14. No pre-breakfast? (Overnight hot chocolate and biscuits on CMV.) No cake and cocktail for elevenses? No cheeky pizza? No high tea? No actual dinner? No bar nibbles? No midnight buffet? Amateur! One day on a BBC Radio 2 early breakfast show (the one with Bubbles Latrine before she got sacked), the presenter read out an email with thing something like: "This is how dumb people on cruises are - I heard someone ask what time's the midnight buffet?" The show was inundated for days with emails and letters from people about why the midnight buffet is sometimes scheduled early or late, about 24x7 buffets and all-night pizzerias, evening dining sittings and all the other eating options. When someone asked whether there was anything else to do on cruises besides eat, it just turned into a show about cruising. I wonder if there's a demand for a 24x7 Zoom chat room about cruises?
  15. Aged about 8 we had to do a picture from a book we had read. Mine was from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I was very proud of my painting but the teacher, my parents and my brothers all reacted very oddly, with a poker face and strange comments like "Don't react" and "Don't say anything, he'll only ask what it means". Under the main character I had written his name, Willy Wanka. For some reason that one did not go on the 'fridge. But it did reappear some years later when I started dating girls and took one home. 😳 😡
  16. I thought that must be fake, but apparently not. It is the vast, semi-submersible, heavy lift ship MV Blue Marlin: Description: https://www.shiplilly.com/blog/blue-marlin-ship-ships-shipping-ships/ Some technical blurb: https://www.msc.navy.mil/publications/pressrel/press00/press22.htm Discussion: https://skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/23913/is-this-a-ship-shipping-ship-shipping-shipping-ships Sorry to be off-topic, but the original post was such a jaw-dropping photo. Imagine seeing something like that as your cruise ship comes into port. Nobody would ever believe you.
  17. Many moons ago, my girlfriend and I stayed in a caravan in Wales for 2 weeks. It rained non-stop, so we just stayed in playing cards and drinking her uncle's home-made wine. We went home to my bedsit, got 'flu and spent another two weeks feeling foul and miserable, not going out, ordering take-aways when we needed to eat. Somewhere around week 4 my girlfriend mumbled something and I thought it was an offer for a cup of tea. I said "Yeah, all right". Apparently - she has always claimed - she actually said "We've been cooped up together for four weeks and not killed one another. We may as well get married." We would have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with a cruise in May, but we've decided we'll do it next year instead. 🙂
  18. Wow. 55 years on this planet, all of them with the same childish sense of humour... ... and I never spotted that for myself! And now I will never unsee it.
  19. It's the last night of the cruise and everyone's getting ready for dinner when there's an announcement over the tannoy system: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. There has been a minor problem in the kitchen. One of the freezers failed and some of the food was spoiled. Consequently, while there are 2,500 people on board, we only have enough meals for 2,000. However, we have no shortage of alcoholic refreshments. If anybody would care to skip dinner, there will be free drinks in the bars for the next two hours." Two hours later there was another announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I must apologise for the ship having run out of alcoholic refreshments. However, if any of you now have the munchies, the good news is there are still 2,000 meals available in the restaurant."
  20. What a damn good idea! I'm going to apply that to our 25th wedding anniversary which would have been in May, but - thanks to your suggestion - will now happen in May next year. I know of three people who missed 18th, 21st and 40th birthdays this year - I'll pass on your tip to them.
  21. It's 2038... Official: "Name?" Man: "Si". Official: "Is that short for Simon?" Man: "No, short for Self Isolating".
  22. I suspect somebody will do this. The people on the cruises I have been on tended to be well-educated, fairly well-informed and cared about damaging the environment, but want to go on cruises. I would guess there is a demand for cruise ships that use cleaner fuel and produce less CO2 per distance travelled. Personally, I would not expect the initial ones to be perfect, but experimental compromises. Just as some of us were content to pay extra for green energy at home, there will be people who are up for this and will ay a premium for it. And I think the novelty factor might attract people. There will be critics and cynics, as there always are. (The best effort at green criticism I've seen so far: pointing out Greta Thunberg's School Strike poster had been written with a plastic-cased marker pen.) One challenge will be getting the balance right between giving a pleasant holiday experience to the passengers and keeping to the ethics of the concept. Incidentally, rather than / in addition to wind turbines that generate electricity to provide propulsion, how about having sails? 🙂
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