Kids roaming alone?

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#41
3,722 Posts
Joined Nov 2004
I'm not sure if I would always be all that comfortable "roaming" the ship alone (and I'm 53YO) . DD is nearly 18YO and we've spent her lifetime working with her to make good decisions in respect to her personal safety. For example when she was 8YO we let her friend and her go to the restroom "alone" at a small town fast food resturant - could see them the whole way from our table. You just keep building - little things like that and then bigger and bitter things. If they handle a situation well, try it again until you feel comfortable.

For shipboard freedom, set some limits (use the contracts if that works for you) and spend the time up-front walking through different scenarios -- "what if".

Set check in times and places.

Make certain everyone knows the family secret code. That way if someone says I was talking to your mom and she said you should come with me . . . well if mom said that, then she would have told you the code.

Start out with smaller steps. "You and your brother can go to the buffet for a piece of pizza, but you will stay together at ALL times and you'll get the pizza and come right back to the cabin and eat it here". Remind them that together means never more than two regular sized steps apart. (or whatever)

Insist upon the buddy system -- when DD was 12YO there was a group of six 12YO girls who were inseperable for the 12-day cruise, but they could never ever be in groups of <2 at any time.

This is not a black-and-white issue.
#42
Baltimore
704 Posts
Joined Jul 2013
Originally posted by Blk_Amish
One day he had a 11 pm curfew, next day living in a party dorm on my $$$.
THIS. You made me literally laugh out loud! I'm one year away from that. Did he go to parties at all in high school? My DD has never been or had the desire to go to any of those typical unsupervised HS parties even though she is popular. I've been encouraging her to go to at least one because I'm terrified she'll be a fish out of water in college. She's such a good girl, teacher's pet just like a little Miss Congeniality and I love that about her but wonder how that translates to college in that kind of party atmosphere. I don't want her to be too naive.

She avoided the HS on the ship even though I kept telling her to try and make friends. The MTV party crowd is just not her thing.


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#43
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1,254 Posts
Joined Feb 2013
Originally posted by trixiegal
THIS. You made me literally laugh out loud! I'm one year away from that. Did he go to parties at all in high school? My DD has never been or had the desire to go to any of those typical unsupervised HS parties even though she is popular. I've been encouraging her to go to at least one because I'm terrified she'll be a fish out of water in college. She's such a good girl, teacher's pet just like a little Miss Congeniality and I love that about her but wonder how that translates to college in that kind of party atmosphere. I don't want her to be too naive.

She avoided the HS on the ship even though I kept telling her to try and make friends. The MTV party crowd is just not her thing.


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He is cute, charming, popular and had the entire HS experience. He also had the grades and test scores. My sister is in Child Protective Services and it drives her nuts that I won't let my daughter (15) walk home from school but let her have sleep over or go to a camp. Feeling that it's saver doesn't really mean it is so worry most about the person you hand your child to. It's about all around balance for everyone.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/9668703040/
#44
Issaquah, WA
3,915 Posts
Joined Aug 2000
Originally posted by Blk_Amish
He is cute, charming, popular and had the entire HS experience. He also had the grades and test scores. My sister is in Child Protective Services and it drives her nuts that I won't let my daughter (15) walk home from school but let her have sleep over or go to a camp. Feeling that it's saver doesn't really mean it is so worry most about the person you hand your child to. It's about all around balance for everyone.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/9668703040/
He is cute!

My oldest just started his Junior year of college. In HS, the parties he went to revolved mainly around video games and Mt. Dew. He ended up in a pretty rowdy dorm his freshman year and hated it, and now lives off campus with a friend. I did my best to teach him responsibility and give him appropriate freedoms as he got older. Dropping him off at college across the state (5 hours away) was hard, but he did fine and in the past 2 years has grown to be so much more mature and responsible.

I'm sure your son will do fine with the adjustment to college too!
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#45
Michigan
1,922 Posts
Joined Oct 2007
I think this is a good cautionary story for parents. Just remember, there are good and bad people everywhere. Just because you are on a ship doesn't mean its a total safe enviornment.

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1877003
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#46
California
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Joined Feb 2013
For parents of teenage boys, know that there are girls that will do whatever is necessary to get to your son. Little Susie ain't as sweet as she used to be. I saw the pics posted on Fb after our last cruise ship We need to redefine predators. I am a paranoid mom of a teenage son.

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#47
3,722 Posts
Joined Nov 2004
Originally posted by Blk_Amish
For parents of teenage boys, know that there are girls that will do whatever is necessary to get to your son. Little Susie ain't as sweet as she used to be. I saw the pics posted on Fb after our last cruise ship We need to redefine predators. I am a paranoid mom of a teenage son.

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Yup, generalizing one way or the other is always dangerous.

DD and her friends (male and female) are all good kids. One of the boys (then a Sr) was "stalked" by a girl outside their group-- and against the group's advice, the boy asked the stalker to prom. The group had their own little post-prom party at one of their houses and 15 minutes after they got there, their friend showed up, alone. Stalker girl insisted they go to a party where EVERYONE knew there would be drinking -- so they reached a compromise, he dropped stalker girl home and he came stag to the group's post prom.

Stalker girl went to the drinking party without him. Party was busted and she sat out the remainder of the soccer season (among other things).

There are lots of great kids out there (male and female) who have been taught how to make good decisions. One of the best ways of teaching your kids is to give them opportunities to make decisions (opportunities that are appropropriate to your kid's age and maturity level)

There are lots of kids (and adults) who don't have good decision making skills. One way of raising that kind of a kid is to set them loose without any preparation.

One thing to teach your kid, is to think on his/her own and not just do something because someone else is.

I'm thinking we are all "preaching to the choir" here though -- most of us who care enough about parenting and about kids to post on this board are the kind of people who care enough to work on these skills with our kids.
#48
South Central PA
991 Posts
Joined Jun 2007
[quote=Onessa;39836601

I'm thinking we are all "preaching to the choir" here though -- most of us who care enough about parenting and about kids to post on this board are the kind of people who care enough to work on these skills with our kids.[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing you are right about that!
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#49
California
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Joined Feb 2013
Originally posted by Onessa
Yup, generalizing one way or the other is always dangerous.

DD and her friends (male and female) are all good kids. One of the boys (then a Sr) was "stalked" by a girl outside their group-- and against the group's advice, the boy asked the stalker to prom. The group had their own little post-prom party at one of their houses and 15 minutes after they got there, their friend showed up, alone. Stalker girl insisted they go to a party where EVERYONE knew there would be drinking -- so they reached a compromise, he dropped stalker girl home and he came stag to the group's post prom.

Stalker girl went to the drinking party without him. Party was busted and she sat out the remainder of the soccer season (among other things).

There are lots of great kids out there (male and female) who have been taught how to make good decisions. One of the best ways of teaching your kids is to give them opportunities to make decisions (opportunities that are appropropriate to your kid's age and maturity level)

There are lots of kids (and adults) who don't have good decision making skills. One way of raising that kind of a kid is to set them loose without any preparation.

One thing to teach your kid, is to think on his/her own and not just do something because someone else is.

I'm thinking we are all "preaching to the choir" here though -- most of us who care enough about parenting and about kids to post on this board are the kind of people who care enough to work on these skills with our kids.
The face of the predator has changed but our perception of them remain the same. Maybe that is the biggest change since I was allowed to run up hill both ways by myself. If you are roaming at least you re moving but in some schools, camps, and even church, your kids are sitting ducks. I am a bit more concern about FB pics and having my kids tagged by their friends.

The teacher who had 'relations' with the 16 years old student was given house arrest and was NOT required to registered as a predator. Her defense was he looked like Taylor Laytner, so I guess the judge agreed she couldn't help it. The out rage was not there as one would expect if this was a female student. To some it was a badge of honor. Boys are at risk but no one talks of my baby boy, cougars and cougarlitas stay away!

As for the ship scene, I know there are workers from countries where if a female acts, dresses, or speak a certain way, it means she is after ONE thing. I probably would not cruise a line that 3 workers were accused of having 'relations' with minors but my kids are in a district and even one of the high schools where this happened 3 times in one year.
#50
122 Posts
Joined May 2013
On our Norwegian EPIC cruise in 2010, my dad had to scold somebody else's kids because they were being disrespectful. These kids were 13 or 14, and said, when my father asked, that they had killed their parents. Why was he scolding them? Well, first they snatched this elderly lady's tube to go down the toilet bowl and cut in front of her. My father witnessed. Then he caught them jacking around at the kids pool, almost knocking over some young'ns. He pulled them to the side, and scolded them. He then went, made them follow him I believe, to guest services where they found their mom and dad. He didn't see those kids again.

Now, I personally have been roaming since my cruise in 2009. 12 years of age then. Junior in HS now. Anyway, I am not the type who goes looking for trouble. Most of the time, I am by myself. But on the EPIC cruise, my cousin was with me. My next cruise, my sis and another friend are coming as well. IMO, I would say 14 years would be good. If the kid (and mom or dad) is smart... The kid should be in the appropriate kids club, or whatever the ship calls it.
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#51
Toronto
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Joined Feb 2007
Originally posted by JeweloftheStorm
Well, first they snatched this elderly lady's tube to go down the toilet bowl and cut in front of her. My father witnessed. Then he caught them jacking around at the kids pool, almost knocking over some young'ns.
In English please? Especially the first sentence.
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#52
122 Posts
Joined May 2013
Originally posted by boulders
In English please? Especially the first sentence.
Yikes! My Grammer is way off!

What I mean to say is that one of these boys cut in front of this elderly lady as she was getting ready to go down. Quickly asked my dad about his story and they did not take her tube. My mistake.
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#53
charleston, sc
238 Posts
Joined Jan 2012
My oldest has traveled quite a bit. At 6.5 years old we let him leave dinner and go to the kids club, unescorted. I have considered that I should print shirts that say. "if my behavior is bothering you please leave a note on cabin door "XXX" Then make sure he understands, there better never be note!!!
#54
Dallas, TX
233 Posts
Joined Nov 2000
Originally posted by momto2js
My oldest has traveled quite a bit. At 6.5 years old we let him leave dinner and go to the kids club, unescorted. I have considered that I should print shirts that say. "if my behavior is bothering you please leave a note on cabin door "XXX" Then make sure he understands, there better never be note!!!
Did they let him check himself in and out of the kids club himself at that age? I through on our last carnival cruise you have to be 9 or something like that.
Thanks for the info.
#55
charleston, sc
238 Posts
Joined Jan 2012
Originally posted by 20165
Did they let him check himself in and out of the kids club himself at that age? I through on our last carnival cruise you have to be 9 or something like that.
Thanks for the info.
Just in, not out. We had to go up to sign him out.
#56
3,722 Posts
Joined Nov 2004
Originally posted by momto2js
My oldest has traveled quite a bit. At 6.5 years old we let him leave dinner and go to the kids club, unescorted. I have considered that I should print shirts that say. "if my behavior is bothering you please leave a note on cabin door "XXX" Then make sure he understands, there better never be note!!!
While DD has always been a pretty good kid, she does know that she has inherited her very distinctive hair from me (ultra fine, curly, thick and dark red). She knows darn well that she would be quickly "ratted out" if she were misbehaving!
#57
Missouri
1,560 Posts
Joined Jun 2006
Originally posted by Blk_Amish
For parents of teenage boys, know that there are girls that will do whatever is necessary to get to your son. Little Susie ain't as sweet as she used to be. I saw the pics posted on Fb after our last cruise ship We need to redefine predators. I am a paranoid mom of a teenage son.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Forums mobile app

This is a major thing for us as well, in life and on a ship. We talk to our 18yo son often because there have been people in his life that will try to flatter and manipulate. A good kid could wind up with a ruined life if he doesn't protect himself. We are blessed in that he is open with us and will come and be honest and talk to us about what he encounters.
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Tracy in Missouri
#58
466 Posts
Joined May 2010
Originally posted by nremtb90
Absolutely I found it on one of the threads on here.


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I'm "stealling" it too! For use with my niece. Thanks for posting it.
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#59
Canberra, Australia
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Joined Sep 2011
Well we have 4 kids 2x 13, 1x 14 and a 17 yo. We set a every hr meet up through the day and a to be in room time if a night if there is a activity the kids want to go to at night. They have to stay to heather and after dark they are only alowed to walk through the promenade not out side. They are pretty good sticking with the rules. If they are late they know it's off thier time of a night for them being allowed to be out of the cabin.
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#60
California
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Joined Feb 2013
Originally posted by Athankfulheart
This is a major thing for us as well, in life and on a ship. We talk to our 18yo son often because there have been people in his life that will try to flatter and manipulate. A good kid could wind up with a ruined life if he doesn't protect himself. We are blessed in that he is open with us and will come and be honest and talk to us about what he encounters.
As I said, if you have a teenage son you know there is another kind of risk. I keep pounding it, one accusation and you life as you know it is over. Unlike real statistic on other child predators, which many still seem to ignore, there isn't much to say how often these accusations happens, expect we know they do. At home I don't care for my teen hanging out with other teens I don't know, it scares me more so on vacation. At home I don't use childcare providers I don't personally know, doing so on vacation makes me uneasy.

I am please that we can talk openly but there are days I say, mama really don't need to know that. I wouldn't have it any other way!