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Our First Cruise on HAL (on the Noordam)...and Quite Frankly, Once was Enough

SailorJack

By SailorJack,
in Holland America Line

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SailorJack

SailorJack

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I'm a teacher, and I must admit that I 'borrowed' your parts of your review on the "Nightmare" to teach allusion... especially the part about the glass-bottom boat to view the Argentinian Navy. The bad news: my students are too clueless to understand such sophisticated historical references!

 

Maybe next time, you could incorporate more contemporary rap or hip hop or Disney Channel references into your writing to help me out! I teach middle schoolers.

 

Thanks! Hilarious as always.

 

I'm flattered that one of my posts actually made it into a classroom - something I had trouble with during my younger years.:D As to rap or hip hop..................:)

 

This was the most wonderful belly laugh with tears and snorting that I have had for a very long time....I can't wait till I am on that dam ship in 47 days....thanks Sailor Jack:D:D

 

I envy you your upcoming trip. We won't be saiing again until early next year. Have a good cruise.:)

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SailorJack

SailorJack

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Omg, i certainly will need a depends to reread this marvelous tome of yours. You must turn your very witty review into a book.

Thank you for all the laughs!

Maureen

 

Thanks, but no book.:) However, someone on another board is trying to compile the reviews into a book-like format for a Nook. Probably the closest I will come to having a book.

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Kay240

Kay240

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Excellent!! Thanks for a great start to my day. I especially liked this:

 

We are working on the problem sir, and Engineering has suggested a possible solution until the problem can be fixed. They will send a technician up to your room at 8:00 AM, 1:00 PM and 8:00 PM. If you can time your use of the toilette for those times you won’t have to make anymore of these calls. This has happened before and they call this their “No rush to flush” program.”

 

:D

 

First, I want to say how much I enjoyed your review! Like everyone else, I expected complaints.

We really could relate to the "NO RUSH TO FLUSH" program, as we had a similar "situation" 4 or 5 years ago. I look forward to more reviews from you...maybe you could write a book and deduct the cost of the cruises as a "Business Expense". :D

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superoma

superoma

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Thanks Sailor Jack for the funniest, most well written review I have read in a long long time. I will go trolling for some of your other reviews.

 

I certainly hope to run into you and SailorJill on one of our DAM cruises. Any chance you might do the Auckland to Singapore in Feb 2011?

 

Thanks for lots of laughs,

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SailorJack

SailorJack

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Thanks Sailor Jack for the funniest, most well written review I have read in a long long time. I will go trolling for some of your other reviews.

 

I certainly hope to run into you and SailorJill on one of our DAM cruises. Any chance you might do the Auckland to Singapore in Feb 2011?

 

Thanks for lots of laughs,

 

You are welcome!:D We are actually looking at a cruise that goes to Singapore - but not till later in the year. We have visited Auckland before and I know you will enjoy it.

 

Omg, i certainly will need a depends to reread this marvelous tome of yours. You must turn your very witty review into a book.

Thank you for all the laughs!

Maureen

 

No book in the works.:) Hopefully, however, another review coming in October after our cruise on the Star Princess.

 

First, I want to say how much I enjoyed your review! Like everyone else, I expected complaints.

 

We really could relate to the "NO RUSH TO FLUSH" program, as we had a similar "situation" 4 or 5 years ago. I look forward to more reviews from you...maybe you could write a book and deduct the cost of the cruises as a "Business Expense". :D

 

Thanks for your comments. I really never write about complaints as they always seem so small when compared with the overall enjoyment of a cruise. I like the idea of writing off my cruise expense - I will have to talk to my tax man about that. :D:D

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santanna

santanna

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Thanks, but no book.:) However, someone on another board is trying to compile the reviews into a book-like format for a Nook. Probably the closest I will come to having a book.

 

A rose by any other name. Well done, sir. Kudos! :D

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  • 1 month later...
SailorJack

SailorJack

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Good thing I wasn't drinking a beer while reading your review! I would have snorted it all over the keyboard! This should be included in the "Reviews Hall of Fame". :cool::)

 

I'm glad that you didn't waste good beer!:D Thanks for your comment. I don't know if my reviews are good enough for a hall of fame (but thanks for the thought) but my review of our cruise on NCL's Dream (link in my signature) did earn a Cruise Critic "Review of the Week" award - which got my a free T-shirt.:D:D

 

Another priceless review. I will be laughing all week about this.

 

Good to hear from you again. Have a good week.:)

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Ontario Cruiser

Ontario Cruiser

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Hi Sailor Jack

Delightful review. We will be on the Noordam Nov 13th. I met you on the Star Princess March 2010 repositioning cruise sitting in the baby pool on the top deck. Had a long conversation with you and one thing you said which I took you up on it was to wait until after final payment date to book a cruise. Well we got back April 3rd and saw a fantastic deal to Alaska on the Millie from San Diego for 14 days April 30th. Not much time to unpack & pack again.

Maybe we will meet again sometime

Ontario Cruiser

Noordam Nov 13

Summit Feb 25, Mar 5 B2B

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Sulo

Sulo

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I'm so glad this was brought to the first CC screen again or I would probably have missed it.

I've loved your reviews Sailor Jack, and didn't realize there were actually three I hadn't read. I've printed them off, and now have the wonderful anticipation of reading through them at my leisure.

 

These reviews are so amazingly funny and as you know there are so many of us waiting for the next one to appear. I'm sure it wouldn't take much to take up a collection on the CC board and send you and Sailor Jill off for cruises just to keep us all amused, nay, belly laughing!!!!!

 

Keep them coming Sailor Jack, love them!

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SailorJack

SailorJack

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Hi Sailor Jack

Delightful review. We will be on the Noordam Nov 13th. I met you on the Star Princess March 2010 repositioning cruise sitting in the baby pool on the top deck. Had a long conversation with you and one thing you said which I took you up on it was to wait until after final payment date to book a cruise. Well we got back April 3rd and saw a fantastic deal to Alaska on the Millie from San Diego for 14 days April 30th. Not much time to unpack & pack again.

Maybe we will meet again sometime

Ontario Cruiser

Noordam Nov 13

Summit Feb 25, Mar 5 B2B

 

I remember you well..we had a delightful conversation sitting in that little pool on an extremely hot afternoon.:) Enjoy your upcoming trip on the Noordam, it is a delightful ship and we look forward to sailing on her again some time. By the way, we are back on the Star next month. I would consider it a pleasure to sail with you again!

 

I'm so glad this was brought to the first CC screen again or I would probably have missed it.

I've loved your reviews Sailor Jack, and didn't realize there were actually three I hadn't read. I've printed them off, and now have the wonderful anticipation of reading through them at my leisure.

 

These reviews are so amazingly funny and as you know there are so many of us waiting for the next one to appear. I'm sure it wouldn't take much to take up a collection on the CC board and send you and Sailor Jill off for cruises just to keep us all amused, nay, belly laughing!!!!!

 

Keep them coming Sailor Jack, love them!

 

Thank you for your kind words! Our next cruise is in about three weeks - sailing on the Star Princess for two weeks in the Eastern Mediterranean. Assuming that enough happens on the cruise to warrent a review, the next one should be coming early in November.:)

 

That is the funniest review of a cruise that I have ever read, lol. Please cruise more often so I can read some more! :D

 

Glad you enjoyed it. Links to my other 7 reviews can be found (if you haven't already) in my signature below.

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MardiGras316

MardiGras316

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So glad this popped up on the front page. My family and I are taking our first HAL cruise on the Noordam for Christmas so I was interested in reading your review. At first I was put off, then I couldn't stop laughing. The "no rush to flush" part had me CRYING! And then you hit us with Parliment coming from the disco to coverup the elevator noise. PRICELESS!

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SailorJack

SailorJack

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We're sailing on HAL in January for the first time so I started reading this to see what you didn't like. What a hoot! We visited St Martin/Marrten last year and wish we'd found that bar with the $.99 beers. You have a future as a comedy writer unless, of course, you already are one.

 

If you ever visit St.Marrten again, it is located right on the boardwalk just across from the pier where the water taxi stops.

 

I too want to heap some more praise on to you for your review. I had tears running down my face at several great moments - including you asking for a free spanking at the spa! I can only imagine the faces of the girls who worked there - I love it.

 

Just goes to demonstrate how educational travel can be. Up until the moment the masseuse explained it to me I had never even heard of a spankie. Nor do I ever want to hear of it again.:D

 

So glad this popped up on the front page. My family and I are taking our first HAL cruise on the Noordam for Christmas so I was interested in reading your review. At first I was put off, then I couldn't stop laughing. The "no rush to flush" part had me CRYING! And then you hit us with Parliment coming from the disco to coverup the elevator noise. PRICELESS!

 

In retrospect our plumbing problem was quite funny, but there was a tense moment there when Jill realized that the toilet was not going to flush!:D

 

Despite our toilet and elevator experiences we enjoyed the Noordam and I know you will too. Have a great cruise.

 

A 'classic'... LOL.

 

Glad you enjoyed it, Bill.:)

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Ontario Cruiser

Ontario Cruiser

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Sailor Jack

Maybe we will meet again. This is our 2nd cruise on the Noordam. I thought the Star was in best condition of any ship we have been on even though she is over 10 years old. Next fall I am going to wait until just a month before cruising to book. There are a lot of deals out there this year so hopefully there will be next fall.

Have a wonderful cruise.

Ontari Cruiser

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  • 3 months later...
fountain08

fountain08

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SailorJack,

 

As soon as I dry my eyes, I'm sending this to my cruise friends going with me on our first Dam cruise (Noor) in Jan., 2011.

 

Just the LLuveme and the Checken tenders would have been enough, but you added an entire short story, to my great delight.

 

This is prize-winning material. Whatever happens in the Cabana (mine is Baby Blue) or on the vessel itself, I will bring with me the joy of reading this post.

 

Please keep up the good work; any advice you may have is appreciated.

 

:D:D:D:cool::cool::cool:

Marcia

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