i dont want you to go with me

[Crystalbast]

Shae Boogie - If your SIL really insists on going offer to be the planner for the group and make sure she ends up with a cabin on the other side of the ship on aother deck. :p:D

 

I also wouldn't let her know in advance what your plans are for the ports. Just tell her you haven't made a final decision.

 

I also don't know how big your group is but you could think about Your Time Dining which does not lock you into any specific table and gives you flexible to adjust your dining time as needed. ;)

 

It is all about strategy and staying one step ahead of her. :D:p

 

I tend to travel solo and hate it when someone tries to talk their way into my vacation. I just move the topic along to another topic and just don't let the person(s) go in that direction. :D

[friedshrimp]

I don't know if this is posted somewhere but......Ok....has anyone ever had a group of people going on a cruise, but there is one person that wants to go but you REALLY DON'T want that person to go??? What do you tell that person without saying no..I'm blunt out with saying stuff but this situation I cant make up something. LOL!!! Please help!!!

 

 

You really need to be honest with this person. There should be no need to lie to someone or make up half truths and you don't need to get deep as to why you don't want to travel with someone, just tell them politely that you would prefer to not cruise with them and leave it at that. If they ask why just tell them you are not a liberty to discuss that with them.

[Crystalbast]

This is a great thread. I'm crusing with relatives & their friends & am a little nervous about it. We'll be the only couple without children, and one of my relatives is famous for trying to get others to babysit their 2 kids (age 3 & 9 or 10) so they don't have to pay for a sitter. Normally we'd probably do it for one night cuz we get all parents need a break, but my hubby & I haven't been on a real vacation since our 2 week honeymoon back in 2003 & are really looking forward to not only spending some time with the group but also with each other. We won't let a kid go overboard, but we're not babysitting either :)

 

Already told this relative that we aren't babysitting at all & if we just want to do our own thing when we say "Have fun! See you at dinner" you'll know that means see ya later. She's already labeled us selfish so that tells you something right there, and promised to keep up with us. With 2 little kids, I doubt they'll be able to but she can have fun trying.

 

Although we don't travel in groups much, we'll see how this plays out if it doesn't go well this will be our first & last vacation together. Hopefully that won't be the case. Hope it all works for the OP & have a great cruise!

 

wannago35 -

 

I would never let a relative try to guilt me into babysitting while on a cruise. The relative signed up for a lifetime commitment you didn't. :D

 

I don't know how big your group will be but you if you offered to be the organizer you might be able to organize the dining groups to your best advantage (i.e. have problem relative at a different table). :p

[Tbay-eh]

You really need to be honest with this person. There should be no need to lie to someone or make up half truths and you don't need to get deep as to why you don't want to travel with someone, just tell them politely that you would prefer to not cruise with them and leave it at that. If they ask why just tell them you are not a liberty to discuss that with them.

 

I agree with you on most points but if you are telling them you don't want to cruise with them I think they deserve to know why - why on earth would you say you are not at the liberty to discuss it with them when you are saying this to them. IF you are going to be forth right then be honest

[Beth]

We had that problem on one cruise with another couple. WE call it our cruise from hell, yes we had fun, but NEVER again. She wanted everyone to follow her around and got mad whenb you didn't. Make sure now I only cruise with people I want to spend time with.

[truchattycathy]

OP, I have been on five all girls trips and we ended up with someone like this ONCE. She complained, griped, and tried to make us miserable. We ignored her. At dinner I would squeeze the leg of the girl next to me when she got on my nerves. We just made a game of it and laughed about everything she complained about as tho she made a joke, and I'll be darned it we didn't find a ton of things to do without her. She never got invited to go on a cruise with us again. And when she asks, we just tell her our room is full, but you are welcome to get another one. Good luck and have fun with or w/o your sil.

[pizzaprncss]

I went on 1 vacation with family........only 1. Don't get me wrong......I love my family dearly. We went with the best attitude ready to have fun. But, it was the vacation from h$$$.

 

My SIL wanted us to babysit for her while she went out to a club. I refused and she was so angry she wouldn't speak to me. Then my parents wanted to shadow me and got very upset if we did anything on our own. The first couple of days were wasted waiting on them because they won't get up early while on vacation, whereas we are up at the crack of dawn....so many fun things to do! Long story short.........I do not vacation with my family. Period. Our vacation styles are completely opposite.

[ferfoodle]

Don't know if you have kids yet or planning on having them - but please try and remember if you do and she remains married to your husband's brother that your child(ren) will be calling her Aunt. For their sake - play nice - because she will be more than likely (at least somewhat) involved in their lives. Don't burn bridges...

[junmatno]

@Tapi...its my sister n law, I don't like hanging out with her, I can't be my fun self, neither can my friends, she is like a party pooper lol. If I wasn't married to her husbands twin brother, lol she would definetly be a person I would NEVER hang out with.

 

@ ShelbyNTX...I wouldn't care because I do everything by myself, party, cruising,driving out of state u name it. I'm not scared to be alone and still have fun.

 

Shae for us it's our cousins wife...they were talking about a cruise in 2009, and so we got it all set up and went Spring Break 2010. Me and hubby had a great time, hung out with new people at the adult pool (i'm now an honorary member of a sorority at SDSU) Met new people on excursions, and had a great time saying yes to every activity we checked out.

Now as for HER...She always looked pissed off, then got mad on an excursion cause her hubby got drunk and was flirting with a 60 year old woman, and then he spilled his drink (a little bit) on her...On our last day on the ship she was sick and tired from the dramamine (AGAIN) and our cousin told us she didn't like being on a schedule and that she was acting like a b*tch.....HELLO, if you want to participate in anything it's ummmm, SCHEDULED?...

 

Go and if she (they) go, just make a pact with your hubby and friends that you guys are going to do what you want, if they wanna come along for the ride then fine, if she's not having fun, oh well, not your problem. BTW, we're fun, can we come along ;)

[okwriter]

OP, I have been on five all girls trips and we ended up with someone like this ONCE. She complained, griped, and tried to make us miserable. We ignored her. At dinner I would squeeze the leg of the girl next to me when she got on my nerves. We just made a game of it and laughed about everything she complained about as tho she made a joke, and I'll be darned it we didn't find a ton of things to do without her. She never got invited to go on a cruise with us again. And when she asks, we just tell her our room is full, but you are welcome to get another one. Good luck and have fun with or w/o your sil.

 

Just added to bucket list: someday cruise with truchattycathy. :D

[Trailhed1]

just added to bucket list: Someday cruise with truchattycathy. :d

 

lmao :)

[MissRabbit]

Since it's your SIL, it's family. Family has to be treated with a completely different set of rules than friends, neighbours or co-workers. Family is always going to be there after the dust settles.

 

If I were you, i wouldn't tell the SIL you don't want to cruise with her. Absolutely no good can possibly come of it and the hurt feelings could have an irreparable impact. Like others have said, go on the cruise and try to make the best of it. There's nothing saying you have to stick by her side if she starts being a debbie downer.

 

I am going on my next cruise with my sister. We don't see each other much but we get along great when we visit. She'll be sharing our cabin with us. I hope i don't want to throw her overboard by the time the trip is done.

 

That said, she is the ONLY family member i would even consider sailing with. My family are all fairly religious, don't drink, smoke, curse or party. My husband's side of the family are the other side of the spectrum. They consist of chimney smokers, major partiers/drinkers and one stick in the mud.

 

My sister and i fall somewhere in the middle of it all. We wouldn't be able to drink/swear without getting guilt trips/glares from my side of the family and there's no way i could be around the smokers and fall down drunks of my DH's side of the family. There's no way we could sail with any of them and still be ourselves. Sure, it's a big ship, but we're bound to stumble on them at some point.

 

I really do feel for you and your worry of her ruining your cruise. I think, though, that just going and making the best of it is really your only option (other than not going). A cruise is one week, family is forever.

[friedshrimp]

I agree with you on most points but if you are telling them you don't want to cruise with them I think they deserve to know why - why on earth would you say you are not at the liberty to discuss it with them when you are saying this to them. IF you are going to be forth right then be honest

 

How is not telling them why you don't want to be with them dishonest? Lying is saying your cabin is full when it isn't or that you've decided not to go on a cruise when you still are. Say "I don't want to go on vacation with you, we aren't compatible" and call it a day. It's true and honest without getting into details that the other person really has no right to have if you don't want them to have them. Or would you suggest adding "because I don't want to watch your snot-nose kids, your husband keeps looking at me, and you need to wear some deodorant".......yeah, that would make it a much better explanation, wouldn't it??

[hoop4321]

for goodness sake....do NOT be honest and tell her you don't want to go. Grin and bear it. As someone posted previously....your kids someday will be calling her aunt. If you think that adults don't play mind games with kids then you have not met my sil. Being "busy" is the best thing you can do. Plus, you have the best excuse......"in this economy i'm taking a vacation that has cost thousands.....i'm going to get the most bang for my buck that i can....you should too.....well i'm off for........" Usually i don't encourage this but lie....lie to your inlaws.....you will be much happier.

[wannago35]

wannago35 -

 

I would never let a relative try to guilt me into babysitting while on a cruise. The relative signed up for a lifetime commitment you didn't. :D

 

I don't know how big your group will be but you if you offered to be the organizer you might be able to organize the dining groups to your best advantage (i.e. have problem relative at a different table). :p

 

Exactly re: your first sentence. She's the trip organizer cuz it's her bday celebration. I think the group would be considered small: 8 adults, 2 youngest children are hers, all other kids are teens. We've been on vacation together before - a girls trip no kids. Def. won't be guilted into anything. We'll see how it plays out, my hubby likes to say everyone gets one chance, & if we don't like vacationing with them it'll be the first & last.

[tulsacubfan]

Something that I frequently have to remind myself-never give someone so much power over you that you feel that they can ruin your day. You let them ruin your day, they do not purposely try to do so. Cruise happy, it's a big ship!:o:)

 

Have to disagree somewhat here! You are correct that you let them ruin your day....but I will guarantee you my SIL DOES purposly try to do so!

[4THELOVEOFBOO]

I wouldn't worry about it so much. I will be cruising with my DH's family and my mom and stepdad.19 of us. We all have different personalities and probaly differ in vacation styles also .We will do our own thing onboard and in port and just meet up for dinner. If someone likes the excursions I plan to go on they can join us .

My In-laws may see a side of me that they have never seen before.....Vacation me:D. If they don't like it that is their problem not mine.

 

Go, enjoy yourself, Don't worry be happy, and maybe you and SIL will be friends in the end.

 

Could not have said it better myself!!! I am going on a cruise with DH's family in November and I think they are going to have a surprise on their hands from this VERY casual drinker and stay at home mom! lol CAN"T WAIT!!

[lillian marie]

I'd go with the group and try to not spend one on one time with the person who annoys. But I also bet that person may find the OP annoying too. If she makes a big deal out of this she may create a family issue that can never be solved.

[MzShelle2U]

Okay - so my question is - why are you going. It sounds like a no go right from the beginning. When we cruise we just book and don't tell anyone. I love our family and friends and will have dinners, bbqs, martini nights,movie nights etc. With a cruise you are locked into 7? days with people you may or may not like, may or may not get along with, may or may not want to spend that much time with, put up with stupid behaviour, babysit, etc etc. A cruise is my time away from all the hassle, fights, idiosyncrasies, electronics etc. If you choose to do this then you have suck it up and put up.

 

 

With the 1st cruise this August, my DH's best friend wanted to get group rates so she invited us. She said that she'd be inviting her family and close friends. We weren't against this because she's the planner. Who are we to tell her who she can/can't invite. When she came up and we met for lunch, we found out about the people that she will be inviting on the trip. By this time, we have already paid off the cruise in full, have flights and a hotel booked. My DH(28) and I(30) are adults that know how to have all kinds of fun without getting the authorities involved. Apparently, these adults take their idea of fun to a whole other level. We just agreed amongst ourselves that if we see something that looks like it's going to cause a problem, we will excuse ourselves from the situation...quickly!

 

Now with my aunt, we get along great. We have family nights and she's a blast. With new and unfamiliar things, she becomes different. She will ask me the same question over and over again. After a while it just becomes frustrating. For instance, we went to Atlantic City a couple of months back and she kept going on about spending no more than $30 at the casino. Then she kept asking how to use the machine and how to put the voucher in. We were playing the penny slots and if she would hit (for 100 pennies) she would get excited and tug at my arm and tell me to "look". This was every single time. It becomes too much. I just don't want her to become my whole focus on this cruise. I still have a husband and kids to tend to. Hopefully by then I can find a way to express this to her. I want to hang out with her on the cruise, just not all day and all night.

[mrmrs2]

Shae Boogie, I'm sorry that you are in this predictament. Its hard to be polite to others especially when you don't want to be around them. I was in a similar predictament with a family member that was cruising with me. I ended up doing whatever I wanted to do, I did not include all of my plans with the person, and I had an ok time. Not excellent, but ok. After that cruise, I didn't plan another cruise with that person again. I learned the first time.

[BeachChik]

Our husbands will not be joining us. My hubby don't like cruising, so I go by myself or with friends. She just complains a lot, she is a debby downer sometimes.. but like others have said just do my own thing, maybe get her a couple drinks in her she'll be fine. Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

Ill give you the opposite side just for a different view. About 12 family members, siblings, spouses, children, grandchildren, went on a cruise on january. I was not on this cruise thankfully. There were a few that invited themselves last minute. Some were not happy about this, due to previous conflicts. They decided it wouldn't be that big a deal, as others said the ships are big and make it easy to avoid people. Unfortunatly there were a few group things going on. Needless to say, several fought and still aren't speaking 6 months later.

 

IMO moral of the story, vacation time is precious and expensive, I won't spend it with people I don't care for. Just my two cents worth..

[friedshrimp]

I am kind of having the same issue with my next two cruises. On my cruise this year, me(30) and the DH(27) are going on a group cruise thrown by his best friend. She invited us along and when we met up with her for lunch last month she told us about the other guests that might come. What she told us shocked us. The behavior that some of these guests displayed on the last cruise was something that I am not used to. Being that they are adults I was rather digusted. Especially when customs have to get involved. I am choosing to keep myself separate. I picked a room away from everyone else and we will probably only see them at dinner.

 

As for the 2nd cruise, next year I am cruising with my family. Everyone except for my family of 4 will be new to cruising. Therefore, I know that there will be a lot of questions that will have to be answered. I am explaining things to my mother as we go but my aunt. OMG...I love my aunt but she will drive you up the wall. The same questions over and over. Then she gets overly excited about the smallest thing and she won't stop going on about it. I plan on telling her to get a small book, write it down because I refuse to babysit on my vacation. Then I'll add that I love her.

 

So if these 2 cruises bother you so much, politely decline the invitation, just state you are unavailable. Then set up your own cruise by yourself or with people you get along with. There is no way I'd spend one more minute of time with people who think messing with customs is a good idea! Family is family. Just because you love them doesn't mean you have to vacation with them.