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Kids roaming alone?

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[quote name='alprice']When I was on the Oasis I saw so many kids alone and they were so disrespectful. I was just beside myself with how these kids were acting. I don't have kids, but I would hope if I did they would be more polite ans respectful of others and the ship.[/QUOTE]

Not sure what this has to do with my question, but thanks for the info. Also, was it a big shocker to you that there were a lot of kids on Oasis?? There is a merry-go-round in the middle of the ship. That might be a good indicator that there may be a some children on the ship...

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[quote name='nremtb90']Simply because if charges. There is no one she needs to keep in contact with except us. We have decided to leave notes and meeting in person at designated times.


Sent using the Cruise Critic forums app[/QUOTE]

Okay, I agree but my kids are teens and know not to use the phone when we are not in the regular service area. We actually put all of our phones on airplane mode when we were at sea. They were only allowed to use them on the ship the day we left the port and the night before we returned. We also used them at the ports because there was free Wifi where we would eat lunch. What can I say, we are all addicted to social media! ;)


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The kids in our family are (now) DS:20 + DD:17 + DD:14. The first time the 2 younger girls were permitted to roam the ship as they wished was when they were 15 and 12 (DS:18 at the time was allowed to by himself). The rules were basically, at ALL TIMES they must stay together and ~15-20 minutes before dinner, meet in the stateroom. Though we read a lot of horror stories about bad things happening to children, it does help that all 3 children are trained in the arts of taekwondo :D. Now DS:20 has a 2nd Dan black belt (training for 13 years), DD:17 and DD:14 have a black stripe (training for 8 years), I can be more relaxed about having them wander on their own. (:

It also helps that my 3 teens are quite well trained and we never get complaints from strangers about them :D Edited by lovely_serenity

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We recently cruised on the breakaway. I let my ds11 "roam" with friends from the kids club to the arcade, buffet or osheehans. They actually ate lunch one day in the main dining rooms. They also were allowed to go to the sports decks unattended. I made him keep him cell on him and text me his location using the ncl concierge service.

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I am taking off my paranoid, over protective, the world has gotten so much worse since I was a kid hat. Not not speaking of young children who could get lost or any unattended child late at night, what's the big deal about letting a child roam around someplace as magical as a ship. Unlike our own neighborhood, there are security cameras and paid employees around every corner. I am sure there is at least one parent who would step in if a child was in trouble. There are so many unique and different things of interest on a ship, from paintings to art work. They are seen differently through the eyes of a child but never be discovered if kept on a leash. For me a ship is the mother of all roaming or wandering ground, why not a youngster?

My daughter is getting her wish to walk from school tomorrow. There haven't been a kidnapping my town in the last month (j/K) :D Edited by Blk_Amish

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[quote name='Blk_Amish']I am taking off my paranoid, over protective, the world has gotten so much worse since I was a kid hat. Not not speaking of young children who could get lost or any unattended child late at night, what's the big deal about letting a child roam around someplace as magical as a ship. Unlike our own neighborhood, there are security cameras and paid employees around every corner. I am sure there is at least one parent who would step in if a child was in trouble. There are so many unique and different things of interest on a ship, from paintings to art work. They are seen differently through the eyes of a child but never be discovered if kept on a leash. For me a ship is the mother of all roaming or wandering ground, why not a youngster?

My daughter is getting her wish to walk from school tomorrow. There haven't been a kidnapping my town in the last month (j/K) :D[/quote]

What's the big deal? Here's one example from just this past May.....

[URL]http://www.clickorlando.com/news/disney-cruise-line-fails-to-promptly-report-molestation-of-11yearold-girl-in-port/-/1637132/20227248/-/1hsdp6z/-/index.html[/URL]

I know this doesn't happen all the time but I'm not taking any chances with my kids.

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[quote name='The Sunset Glow']What's the big deal? Here's one example from just this past May.....

[URL]http://www.clickorlando.com/news/disney-cruise-line-fails-to-promptly-report-molestation-of-11yearold-girl-in-port/-/1637132/20227248/-/1hsdp6z/-/index.html[/URL]

I know this doesn't happen all the time but I'm not taking any chances with my kids.[/QUOTE]
OMG I was thinking of that article too! I would never allow my daughter to go anywhere by herself even on a cruise ship. Like, on errands sure, but not full-on on her own roaming. I mean, staterooms are pretty hidden away :/ I'd only permit it if her age is 14< years old, ONLY IF she is accompanied by someone else.

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[quote name='The Sunset Glow']What's the big deal? Here's one example from just this past May.....

[URL]http://www.clickorlando.com/news/disney-cruise-line-fails-to-promptly-report-molestation-of-11yearold-girl-in-port/-/1637132/20227248/-/1hsdp6z/-/index.html[/URL]

I know this doesn't happen all the time but I'm not taking any chances with my kids.[/QUOTE]

As bad as this was, it was caught on camera, unlike the countless other incidents ranging with priests to coaches. These seem to happen all the time but our kids are still allowed to go to school, church, and play sports. Three female teachers, including an assistant principal was arrested last year in my school district. Putting back my paraniod, over protective hat, I never used a childcare until my kids were able to communicate fully. If this is a true concern why would anyone use or recommend the childcare service. How easy it would be to take advantage of a young child?

So the concern is the kids will be molested, unlike when we send them to friends house, school, church, malls, parks, or leave them in the childcare? Edited by Blk_Amish

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[quote name='The Sunset Glow']What's the big deal? Here's one example from just this past May.....

[URL]http://www.clickorlando.com/news/disney-cruise-line-fails-to-promptly-report-molestation-of-11yearold-girl-in-port/-/1637132/20227248/-/1hsdp6z/-/index.html[/URL]

I know this doesn't happen all the time but I'm not taking any chances with my kids.[/quote]
It's a matter of assessing the right balance. Yes, if your children are never out of your sight until their 18th birthday, they're less likely to be molested. But on the other hand, if the first time they leave your sight is when they wave goodbye on their way to college, will they be well prepared for adult life? Somewhere you've got to cross that line, it's a matter of when. Edited by dsrdsrdsr

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[quote name='dsrdsrdsr']It's a matter of assessing the right balance. Yes, if your children are never out of your sight until their 18th birthday, they're less likely to be molested. But on the other hand, if the first time they leave your sight is when they wave goodbye on their way to college, will they be well prepared for adult life? Somewhere you've got to cross that line, it's a matter of when.[/QUOTE]

Yes, and doing it in small, semi controlled bits is a good way to start. And I like the "no elevators" rule!

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I think each parent can assess the "feel" of the shipboard community and the ability / maturity level of their child and make a judgement about what is appropriate. Not every child will fit into a "schedule of readiness".

I allowed my 15YO DS complete freedom on a Carnival cruise. He was told to be back at the cabin in enough time to prep for dinner - I expected to see him seated in the chair when dinner began. On sea days, that might be my only sighting of him awake! He would be out an about with other teens until all hours and sleep till noon. He was with us on all port excursions, of course. I must admit, he did have more freedom on board than would be allowed at home - definitely he would have a curfew at home, for one thing. We got to know some of the other teens - and their parents, and the flock of kids would make sure to cruise by the parents at least once or twice a day, just to let us know they were ok.

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I put myself in the category between a helicopter parent and totally hands off parent, with the exception that I talk to my kids about EVERYTHING. I've observed throughout my years of parenting other parents who make assumptions about who their kids are and what they're doing without really knowing their kid because they don't effectively communicate with him/her. Those are the kids that my kids come home and tell me are doing drugs, drinking, having sexual relations with more than one partner, failing at school, etc. But their parents seem utterly clueless! How hard is it to just casually talk to your kid and slip in a warning or admonishment about right/wrong without seeming overly preachy?

Granted, I'm a younger parent (had them in my early 20s) but I just make it a point to know what my kids are doing at school, who they're friends with and what their interests are. I'm amazed that more people don't know they CAN be friends with their kids and be a disciplinarian. Works for me and I'm a a divorced, single mom. You just have to have consistent and clear boundaries for them and don't waver. I've read countless parenting books and that's usually the overall message I get from them.

Implementing those same rules on cruise ships, there shouldn't be problems. Thats why I like idea of a contract, even for teens. But I do worry about drinking when we're cruising, especially if they are gone from me all day with no check ins other than dinner. Good kids like to experiment, too. I know because I was one of them! ;) So I made DS meet me for lunch on our last cruise even if it interfered with a planned activity at Circle C. DD didn't make an effort to join Club O2 activities after the first night and hung out with me. I needed to see him more than just at dinner, especially because he didn't have a phone to text me his whereabouts.


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Our kids will be 21,20,18,16,13,10,8 and 7 when we cruise this time.
The 21,20,18 are permitted to go places on their own but adhere to the family rules for safety purposes. The two oldest are freshman and juniors in college and live away from home, so they make their own decisions and limitations already.

The 18yo works a part time job and does many volunteer activities on his own and has also flown out of state (alone) for various activities, so all of the rules apply to him except " always have a buddy". I don't imagine that he will go anywhere alone because he enjoys the company of his sibs and others that will be in our group.

The 16yo and 13yo are held to all of the rules, including not going anyplace alone, but if they were with us and needed to go someplace and back, we would allow that no problem.

The 10yo is a bright child who could actually run the house if I needed her to. She is also a responsible supervisor for her younger brothers. On a ship however, she is vulnerable and she falls under the strictest of rules as do the two little boys. They are either at camp or with the adults ( mom, dad, 21,20 or 18yo). I won't make any exceptions for these 3. My 10yo is a little girl and there is no way I would have her traveling alone through a city of strangers in a strange land.

I recreated my rules this year because they have grown a lot since their last cruise. I compiled some rules found here at the forum with my own specifics. You are welcome to use any part of it.

Our "check in" system is used to update or amend the tear off activity sheet that they give us in the morning. We will expect to find them at the activities they have marked unless they leave a message on our cabin phone to update. We check on our children. You don't see a curfew mentioned in our rules, because that will differ depending on the plans we have the next morning. Our kids need to come to our cabin every morning and leave their tear off sheets and we talk about the plan of the day (including curfew). My children know that in general, I feel that after 10pm there isn't much good going on


[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]1. Always be with another member of our family or group, unless you are at camp. No roaming alone. NO traveling through “cabin only” hallways. Travel through public areas and meet up in public spaces such as the pool or a lounge.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]2. Do not let anyone else into your cabin, and do not go into anyone else's cabin, ever. Leaving the door opened doesn’t make this acceptable. Anytime that you are in your cabin, hang the “Snoozin” sign on your door. This should keep the room steward out of your room while you are there. Be sure to remove it when you leave. Do not “hang out” in a private place with strangers, including crew members.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]3. No rough playing anywhere on the ship. [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]No playing in stairwells, hallways or elevators.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana] Don’t push multiple elevator buttons! Don’t run anyplace or shout unless it’s part of an organized activity. NO climbing. Be careful not to drop or toss anything over a railing.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]4. Use common sense and courtesies. Hold doors open for people behind you. Allow elevators to empty before getting on them. If it says “No kids allowed, then stay out! Sanitize Hands before eating. Don’t serve food with your fingers. Be nice to people around you and try not to be in a hurry.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]5. If you hear the emergency horn blasts, [I]proceed immediately to your assigned muster station (check your card). Do not return to your cabin for ANYTHING! Do not look for us. We will find you.[/I][/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]6. Do not accept a drink unless handed to you by family or bar tender. Do not drink anything that has been out of your sight.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana] People have been known to sneak drugs into people’s drinks and then harm them.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]

7. Say hello to the person that takes care of your cabin. Introduce yourself and call them by name when you see them. Keep your room neat so that they don’t have to pick up after you before they can vacuum, make the bed and wipe down the bathroom. If you order room service, you MUST tip the delivery person $1 for each person who is in your room. This comes out of your own money. Never take or order more food than you can eat.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#31849b][FONT=Verdana]8. Always use the “check in” system you have been taught. Failure to do so will result in 4-12 daytime hours by our side or in your cabin, depending on the particulars and how much you’ve inconvenienced the rest of your family.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#0033cc][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]
[CENTER][CENTER][B][COLOR=indigo][FONT=Verdana]Be honest, caring, respectful, responsible [/FONT][/COLOR][/B][/CENTER][/CENTER]

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[quote name='dsrdsrdsr']It's a matter of assessing the right balance. Yes, if your children are never out of your sight until their 18th birthday, they're less likely to be molested. But on the other hand, if the first time they leave your sight is when they wave goodbye on their way to college, will they be well prepared for adult life? Somewhere you've got to cross that line, it's a matter of when.[/quote]

I agree with that. My girls are only 9 and 10 and we do not allow them to roam or wander on their own. They are too young yet and could easily get taken advantage of in an elevator, a corridor or corner somewhere just as this girl did. They can take small trips by themselves to the washroom when we are at the pool or to get more food at the buffet but we never let them go off and meet up with us somewehre else. However, this will not always be the case. They will get older and things will change.

Our next cruise with them they will be 10 and 11 and we will give them a little more freedom but this will be limited to small trips with a purpose - still no roaming and only if they are together. When they are 12 and 13 we may start to give them opportunities to wander for very short periods during the day but this will be determined based on their maturity level at that time.

I don't think you can just say "at 12 kids should be able to do (fill in the blank) on thier own". Each kid is different and needs to be assessed on an idividual basis.

My kids also have to sign a contract for vacations as well. For the last cuise it was merely a behaviour based contract as they were never alone. I will be modifying it again for our next cruise to suit the situation.

There are bad people everywhere - you don't have to bubble wrap your kids but you do have to be vigilant and have some common sense in order to keep them safe no matter where they are, be it at home, school, a friend's house or on vacation. Educating and monitoring them is the key.

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[quote name='dsrdsrdsr']It's a matter of assessing the right balance. Yes, if your children are never out of your sight until their 18th birthday, they're less likely to be molested. But on the other hand, if the first time they leave your sight is when they wave goodbye on their way to college, will they be well prepared for adult life? Somewhere you've got to cross that line, it's a matter of when.[/QUOTE]

For me is not only finding the balance for them but myself. This year my son went away to college, in some areas not as prepared for 'life' as I was even at a younger age. One day he had a 11 pm curfew, next day living in a party dorm on my $$$.


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I'm not sure if I would always be all that comfortable "roaming" the ship alone (and I'm 53YO) :D. DD is nearly 18YO and we've spent her lifetime working with her to make good decisions in respect to her personal safety. For example when she was 8YO we let her friend and her go to the restroom "alone" at a small town fast food resturant - could see them the whole way from our table. You just keep building - little things like that and then bigger and bitter things. If they handle a situation well, try it again until you feel comfortable.

For shipboard freedom, set some limits (use the contracts if that works for you) and spend the time up-front walking through different scenarios -- "what if".

Set check in times and places.

Make certain everyone knows the family secret code. That way if someone says I was talking to your mom and she said you should come with me . . . well if mom said that, then she would have told you the code.

Start out with smaller steps. "You and your brother can go to the buffet for a piece of pizza, but you will stay together at ALL times and you'll get the pizza and come right back to the cabin and eat it here". Remind them that together means never more than two regular sized steps apart. (or whatever)

Insist upon the buddy system -- when DD was 12YO there was a group of six 12YO girls who were inseperable for the 12-day cruise, but they could never ever be in groups of <2 at any time.

This is not a black-and-white issue.

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[quote name='Blk_Amish']One day he had a 11 pm curfew, next day living in a party dorm on my $$$.
[/QUOTE]

THIS. You made me literally laugh out loud! I'm one year away from that. Did he go to parties at all in high school? My DD has never been or had the desire to go to any of those typical unsupervised HS parties even though she is popular. I've been encouraging her to go to at least one because I'm terrified she'll be a fish out of water in college. She's such a good girl, teacher's pet just like a little Miss Congeniality and I love that about her but wonder how that translates to college in that kind of party atmosphere. I don't want her to be too naive.

She avoided the HS on the ship even though I kept telling her to try and make friends. The MTV party crowd is just not her thing.


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[quote name='trixiegal']THIS. You made me literally laugh out loud! I'm one year away from that. Did he go to parties at all in high school? My DD has never been or had the desire to go to any of those typical unsupervised HS parties even though she is popular. I've been encouraging her to go to at least one because I'm terrified she'll be a fish out of water in college. She's such a good girl, teacher's pet just like a little Miss Congeniality and I love that about her but wonder how that translates to college in that kind of party atmosphere. I don't want her to be too naive.

She avoided the HS on the ship even though I kept telling her to try and make friends. The MTV party crowd is just not her thing.


Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app[/QUOTE]

He is cute, charming, popular and had the entire HS experience. He also had the grades and test scores. My sister is in Child Protective Services and it drives her nuts that I won't let my daughter (15) walk home from school but let her have sleep over or go to a camp. Feeling that it's saver doesn't really mean it is so worry most about the person you hand your child to. It's about all around balance for everyone.

[url]http://www.flickr.com/photos/99954563@N05/9668703040/[/url] Edited by Blk_Amish

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[quote name='Blk_Amish']He is cute, charming, popular and had the entire HS experience. He also had the grades and test scores. My sister is in Child Protective Services and it drives her nuts that I won't let my daughter (15) walk home from school but let her have sleep over or go to a camp. Feeling that it's saver doesn't really mean it is so worry most about the person you hand your child to. It's about all around balance for everyone.

[url]http://www.flickr.com/photos/99954563@N05/9668703040/[/url][/QUOTE]

He is cute!

My oldest just started his Junior year of college. In HS, the parties he went to revolved mainly around video games and Mt. Dew. He ended up in a pretty rowdy dorm his freshman year and hated it, and now lives off campus with a friend. I did my best to teach him responsibility and give him appropriate freedoms as he got older. Dropping him off at college across the state (5 hours away) was hard, but he did fine and in the past 2 years has grown to be so much more mature and responsible.

I'm sure your son will do fine with the adjustment to college too!

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I think this is a good cautionary story for parents. Just remember, there are good and bad people everywhere. Just because you are on a ship doesn't mean its a total safe enviornment.

[URL]http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1877003[/URL]

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For parents of teenage boys, know that there are girls that will do whatever is necessary to get to your son. Little Susie ain't as sweet as she used to be. I saw the pics posted on Fb after our last cruise ship We need to redefine predators. I am a paranoid mom of a teenage son.

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[quote name='Blk_Amish']For parents of teenage boys, know that there are girls that will do whatever is necessary to get to your son. Little Susie ain't as sweet as she used to be. I saw the pics posted on Fb after our last cruise ship We need to redefine predators. I am a paranoid mom of a teenage son.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Forums mobile app[/quote]Yup, generalizing one way or the other is always dangerous.

DD and her friends (male and female) are all good kids. One of the boys (then a Sr) was "stalked" by a girl outside their group-- and against the group's advice, the boy asked the stalker to prom. The group had their own little post-prom party at one of their houses and 15 minutes after they got there, their friend showed up, alone. Stalker girl insisted they go to a party where EVERYONE knew there would be drinking -- so they reached a compromise, he dropped stalker girl home and he came [I]stag[/I] to the group's post prom.

Stalker girl went to the drinking party without him. Party was busted and she sat out the remainder of the soccer season (among other things).

There are lots of great kids out there (male and female) who have been taught how to make good decisions. One of the best ways of teaching your kids is to give them opportunities to make decisions (opportunities that are appropropriate to your kid's age and maturity level)

There are lots of kids (and adults) who don't have good decision making skills. One way of raising that kind of a kid is to set them loose without any preparation.

One thing to teach your kid, is to think on his/her own and not just do something because someone else is.

I'm thinking we are all "preaching to the choir" here though -- most of us who care enough about parenting and about kids to post on this board are the kind of people who care enough to work on these skills with our kids. Edited by Onessa

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[QUOTE=Onessa;39836601

I'm thinking we are all "preaching to the choir" here though -- most of us who care enough about parenting and about kids to post on this board are the kind of people who care enough to work on these skills with our kids.[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing you are right about that!

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[quote name='Onessa']Yup, generalizing one way or the other is always dangerous.

DD and her friends (male and female) are all good kids. One of the boys (then a Sr) was "stalked" by a girl outside their group-- and against the group's advice, the boy asked the stalker to prom. The group had their own little post-prom party at one of their houses and 15 minutes after they got there, their friend showed up, alone. Stalker girl insisted they go to a party where EVERYONE knew there would be drinking -- so they reached a compromise, he dropped stalker girl home and he came [I]stag[/I] to the group's post prom.

Stalker girl went to the drinking party without him. Party was busted and she sat out the remainder of the soccer season (among other things).

There are lots of great kids out there (male and female) who have been taught how to make good decisions. One of the best ways of teaching your kids is to give them opportunities to make decisions (opportunities that are appropropriate to your kid's age and maturity level)

There are lots of kids (and adults) who don't have good decision making skills. One way of raising that kind of a kid is to set them loose without any preparation.

One thing to teach your kid, is to think on his/her own and not just do something because someone else is.

I'm thinking we are all "preaching to the choir" here though -- most of us who care enough about parenting and about kids to post on this board are the kind of people who care enough to work on these skills with our kids.[/QUOTE]

The face of the predator has changed but our perception of them remain the same. Maybe that is the biggest change since I was allowed to run up hill both ways by myself. If you are roaming at least you re moving but in some schools, camps, and even church, your kids are sitting ducks. I am a bit more concern about FB pics and having my kids tagged by their friends.

The teacher who had 'relations' with the 16 years old student was given house arrest and was NOT required to registered as a predator. Her defense was he looked like Taylor Laytner, so I guess the judge agreed she couldn't help it. The out rage was not there as one would expect if this was a female student. To some it was a badge of honor. Boys are at risk but no one talks of my baby boy, cougars and cougarlitas stay away!

As for the ship scene, I know there are workers from countries where if a female acts, dresses, or speak a certain way, it means she is after ONE thing. I probably would not cruise a line that 3 workers were accused of having 'relations' with minors but my kids are in a district and even one of the high schools where this happened 3 times in one year. Edited by Blk_Amish

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On our Norwegian EPIC cruise in 2010, my dad had to scold somebody else's kids because they were being disrespectful. These kids were 13 or 14, and said, when my father asked, that they had killed their parents. Why was he scolding them? Well, first they snatched this elderly lady's tube to go down the toilet bowl and cut in front of her. My father witnessed. Then he caught them jacking around at the kids pool, almost knocking over some young'ns. He pulled them to the side, and scolded them. He then went, made them follow him I believe, to guest services where they found their mom and dad. He didn't see those kids again.

Now, I personally have been roaming since my cruise in 2009. 12 years of age then. Junior in HS now. Anyway, I am not the type who goes looking for trouble. Most of the time, I am by myself. But on the EPIC cruise, my cousin was with me. My next cruise, my sis and another friend are coming as well. IMO, I would say 14 years would be good. If the kid (and mom or dad) is smart... The kid should be in the appropriate kids club, or whatever the ship calls it. Edited by JeweloftheStorm

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