My dad just died, advice needed.

[missy1122]

I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is always and will always be rough.

 

I think you need to do what your heart tells you. Me personally, I would go with my family and try to have a good time. I would try to celebrate his life instead of mourning his passing. I know it's easier to write and say than live it.

[Cruise life]

I'm so sorry, but know there must be peace finally after the accident. We added my FIL to a cruise at the last minute less than two months after my MIL passed. She had alzheimer's and was in a home the last two years, but dad still needed alone time and spent much of the cruise reading on the balcony. They had just had their 50th and dad never socialized much after that, but he enjoyed his children and grands until his passing two years ago. It was solemn for us at times, but it was a good change being out of the home visit routine and enjoying new opportunities.

My mom has terminal cancer and we found out two weeks after taking my parents on a cruise over their 55th. She has already told me not to cancel our upcoming two cruises, but I know it will be hard for me either way...wondering how she is as she fights this relentless disease, or dealing with my mixed feelings if she passes beforehand. My dad is 83 so we just never know when life will change. My parents enjoy life and taught me to do the same.

Like others have said, go and take time to remember the great life your dad had before the accident. Hugs and peace to all of you.

 

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[Paul65]

If you are needed to help take care of things at home or comfort other family members, then you can cancel and plan a cruise for another time. If not, and you want to go ahead with your cruise, you should be able to do so without feeling bad about it. You won't be missing the memorial service, and you'll be back before you know it, if there are any non-urgent items with which you can help.

[KeywestK]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I extend my sympathies to you and your family. Everyone grieves their own way, but I truly believe that your Dad would have wanted you to go on with your life and enjoy this cruise. True, it will have a very different tone, but I cannot think of a calmer or more peaceful place to reflect and have some quiet time with your loved ones than on at ship while at sea. I hope that you will continue on with your plans, and I hope that in years to come you will look back at that cruise as a very special and meaningful time in your life--the cruise that celebrated your beloved Dad.

[starfish216]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

 

What I want to say is difficult to write out, but I will try. When an illness or tragedy strikes a loved one we will be there visiting, talking to doctors, making arrangements for care and making tough decisions. Maybe some of us will have to take care of their loved ones home and finances. It is very stressful. We do it all with no complaints because we love them but eventually it takes a toll on those who are immediately involved and their families. Our daily routine is turned upside down, spouses and children are sometimes placed on the back burner so to say. It's understandable.

 

So in the end it may do your immediate family good to spend some time together, reconnecting....giving each other attention. This breathe of fresh air may be what you will need to revive yourself, especially if there other affairs of your dad's that need to be taken care of when you get home.

 

Yes, there may be moments of sadness but you have to be thankful for the current time you have with your immediate family. As you already sadly know.... you never know what tomorrow will bring.

[cruisingcanadian]

 

Maybe this helps?

[Hozhoni]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost both of my parents already. I cruised soon after my mother died at a young age, a few years ago. She was cremated and a small part of her is in the Bahamas. I worked for a local hospice which made it even worse at the time. It is rough, but it may help for you to have some peace and quiet. You could do a small private memorial where you each say something special or place a rose in the ocean or something...I am a clinical social worker and just remember it is ok to cry and it is ok to go and have fun and laugh as well...self care is very important.

 

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[emeraldcity]

I am so sorry for your loss. In a way, you really lost him in the accident, just as I lost my mother 4 years before she died. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle to live a life where she couldn't care for her own needs.

 

When she passed, we billed it as a memorial service, but we strove to make it an upbeat celebration of her life. I've attended several similar services in recent years that are clearly billed as a celebration of the life of the one who has just passed. Those who are truly loved are missed when they are gone, but that final ceremony should be more about what is positive about their impact on people, and less about our pain at having lost them.

 

Only you can decide if you want to go forward with the cruise. I went forward with mine, which was about a month after the memorial. When you make your decision, make the one that is best for you ... not for your kids, or for what the neighbors will think ... make it for you.

[jakenashleysmom]

Sorry for your loss.....we absolutely had to think these thoughts when my husbands father unexpectedly died in his sleep and we had a cruise booked. We decided to go after the memorial service, and it was the best decision we ever made. My husband had some very much needed time to reflect and rest after a very traumatic time in his life. The cruise was the best medicine ever.

[SPacificbound]

I am so sorry for your loss. You have been living with the loss for a long time.

 

I believe you should say your last goodbye at your dad's memorial, and then go with your family for some peace at sea. Hugs to you.

[Familygoboston]

So sorry for your loss. As others have said, if you feel up to it, and aren't needed at home (most of the post death arrangements, like insurance, bills and bank accounts aren't started till a few weeks after death anyway, when the death certificate is officially issued) you should go. It sounds like you will have your family with you, and there will be lots of times to remember together, vs everyone getting back to their busy lives and when you have a "moment" no one is there to share it.

 

I wish you and your family all the best, whatever you decide!

[stephanievrubio]

Only you have the answer to that question darling. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your loved ones.

[G85 SS]

OP. First and formost, sincere apologies for your loss.

 

A short back story with me that is relevent to the question. Back in 2011 my grandfather had a severe stroke. Fast forward 2 weeks and my grandmother and I were at his bedside when he took his last breath.

 

Tears of sadness were shed. And several days later his service was held.

 

Once all the medical bills and insurance claims were taken care of, a cruise was booked to hopefully bring some happiness back into my grandmother's life. Which, it did. We waited a few months because of everything else we had to take care of.

 

But I do think a cruise will be good medicine for you guys. Some fresh air and time to reflect on the good times you all had.

[LisaAtlCruiser]

I agree with what everyone has said on here. I have lost both my father and mother. My dad was sudden (plane crash) and it took a year before the shock wore off and the grief started. For my mom, I had already grieved her while she was still alive so found her death actually ended my grief.

 

Don't feel guilty for how you feel. We all grieve very differently and so much depends on the circumstances, if you were able to say good-bye, what your relationship was etc.

 

I would do whatever you feel comfortable doing and if you have a great time - then have a great time. It does not make you any less of a daughter. Trust me, you have to learn to live again and enjoy life after losing someone you love. Grieve what you need to grieve, feel what you need to feel. There is no right or wrong way.

[SeaTeach]

I am deeply sorry for your loss.

 

Dealing with the loss of a family member is a very difficult and private matter. I was in a similar situation less than 2 months ago. As the sole decision maker / DPOA holder for my entire family I found it not feasible for us to cruise (Oct 3rd and 9th). There was and is too much to do. However, with different circumstances the cruise would be on. With all of that being said....only you and your loved ones can make the decision. Please, whatever you decide.... DO NOT SECOND GUESS, your decision.

[Chase101]

So sorry for your loss. I have lost both parents, and what they had taught me, was to live life to it's fullest. They were avid cruisers, and would want me to go. Whatever you decide, will be the best for you.

[billylen]

I agree with what many others have posted in that you will have to search inside for the answer that suits your family and you.

 

With that said, I have had two incidents where a close loved on was lost right before a big vacation was planned. In both instances I traveled anyway. In all candor on one I had a moment where I was filled with overwhelming grief but I was glad that I was where I was when it occurred (Disneyworld).

 

A more recent event occurred a few months ago while cruising on the Enchantment. I looked out over the sea and looked up and thought of the loss and it just came to me that although there was suffering, now there was peace and that was a good (profound) moment.

 

May you find the those good moments.

[Fifi Larue]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard.

 

The same thing happened to me four years ago. My mom died five days before our cruise. Even though she was 88 it was still unexpected. The cruise left on a Monday, and we were supposed to fly out the Saturday before, the day my mom was buried.

 

I, too, was torn about whether or not to go on the cruise. The cruise was actually to celebrate my daughter's high school graduation, and a friend of hers was also coming along. My sister and brothers all insisted that we still go, and that they would still be home for support for my dad. I knew that that would be what my mom would have wanted, too. So, we decided to go and were able to change our flight to 5am on Sunday morning. I packed on Saturday night, exhausted and in a daze.

 

Am I glad I went? Absolutely. It was our first cruise, so there was a lot to take my mind off of my mom's death, if only briefly. I actually found comfort in finding a secluded part of the ship in the evening, watching the ocean and thinking about mom. I had a couple of meltdowns, which my husband helped me through. Many times at the ports I would see something and think "I should buy this for mom", tear up a bit, but then smile at her memory.

 

It wasn't always easy, but it wasn't always horrible, either. I actually felt closer to my mom while on the ship, since it wasn't as distracting as going right back to work.

 

My advice is to go for it, let the tears flow, but also let yourself enjoy some well-needed and deserved down time.

[barb in ga]

Melanie, I am on the same cruise leaving Sunday, and have seen your posts on the 10/6 FOS roll call. I want to offer condolences on your loss.

 

Like most of the others, I believe that you should go forward with your plans. Your grief will go through stages, and the best thing you can do after your service Saturday is to honor his memory and pull your family close together.

 

During our cruise, I will be having a memorial to my brother, to scatter his ashes at sea. He and I cruised on Freedom together with our sister in 2006. He had been confined to a wheelchair for many years after being injured in an auto accident. The gracious crew and the accessibility of the ship truly gave him a sense of "freedom", so I can think of no better way to have this closure.

 

I have arranged this with RCI, and I will be happy to give you information, should you decide to do this in the future.

 

I hope that we have an opportunity to meet on the cruise. God bless you and your family during this time.

Barb

[cruzin lady]

 

I thought one of the other posters was going to suggest a tribute that can be arranged onboard if you desire. Some of the officers will accompany you

at an appointed time to a private area. You can throw out a flower, etc.

 

I'm not sure of the details, but the Hotel Director can help you, and you will be given a certificate showing the exact location. You could do nothing but say a prayer; it's a very personal thing.

 

Whatever you decide to do will be right for you. Sorry for your loss.

[pmkejk]

I am sorry for your loss. I hope that you will be at peace with whatever you decide.

 

My husband and I love to cruise. We have talked about funeral plans for each of us and decided that we will not have a funeral, but instead we will take our daughter on a cruise and spend the week together remembering her parent. When that time comes, I would like to think of them laughing over all of the silly things I have done and said over the years.

 

May God bless you and your family.

[mattmom]

As a girl who has lost her Daddy after a long and difficult illness, I send you my deepest sympathy. No one else will ever completely understand this journey you have been on, as well as the difficult path your dad has traveled. Thankfully, now he is at rest. There are a few ways to look at this: are you going to be up for it or will you need it after Saturday or will your family have a better trip if you postpone it. I would say follow your heart. Because at this time, it's what you need to trust. May you have the strength to get thru these difficult days and come to the decision that is right for you and your family.

[hawlcruiser]

My thoughts are much like those you have heard from others. I personally want some new horizons when I grieve. Have lost both parents several years ago and a few weeks after my mom died I wanted to be somewhere completely new and different. It was good for me. We all seem to handle losing someone we love in a different manor so there is no right or wrong way. Just be very kind to yourself and do what feels best for you.

[libramitch]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

 

I am familiar with the natural tears of sadness which accompany the loss of a parent. They will come and go whenever you least expect them. But don't let sadness be the victor. We owe it to our deceased loved ones to not only continue to live but that we live our lives even fuller. Not wasting one precious moment. I can think of no greater honor to a deceased loved one than to celebrate life and in the process celebrate their lives.

 

Go on the cruise. Take a moment to do something on the cruise that you know he would have enjoyed. It will make him smile. Let that smile bring you comfort.

[mattmom]

As a girl who has lost her Daddy after a long and difficult illness, I send you my deepest sympathy. No one else will ever completely understand this journey you have been on, as well as the difficult path your dad has traveled. Thankfully, now he is at rest. I would say follow your heart. Because at this time, it's what you need to trust. May you have the strength to get thru these difficult days and come to the decision that is right for you and your family.