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How do I get DH past the worry?


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I have been trying to put together a family trip with our 2 kids (18 and 21) for the last 2 years but the timing has never worked for us as a family. A couple months ago I finally got a time next May that may work for all of us again and I started researching which cruise we would like to take. Our family loves cruising we've taken 10 as a family and DH and I have taken 3 more as a couple.

 

6 weeks ago I was sent by my doctor to ER with stroke symptoms. I am only 49. They found out I had a Dissected Carotid Artery causing a 90% blockage and 2 mini-strokes. I was in the hospital for a week and put on blood thinners. I had a lot of dizziness once home so they have been busy adjusting blood pressure meds and monitoring my heart rate since I had a peripartum cardiomyopathy when DD was born 18 years ago and they don't want to put extra stress on my heart. I am feeling good now and am hoping the doctor will allow me to go back to work at least part time when I see her tomorrow. They are hoping my Artery will heal itself and I will need to go back for more CT scans in a couple of months. My doctor hopes to have me off the blood thinners within 6 months.

 

DH has been a wonderful support for me. This is the second time I put him through a life threatening scare and I know he worries. I started doing more researching on our May cruise since I will hopefully be well by then....plus we always purchase insurance with pre-existing condition clauses. The problem is DH has expressed concern about me getting sick while we are at sea and he is starting to have second thoughts about cruising at all. I just can't see giving cruising up since we all love it and I don't want to live our lives base on what could happen. I'm hoping I can get the doctor to give him some reassurances. Does anyone else have any suggestions in helping him get over this fear?

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Make sure you book it more than 6 months in advance and purchase insurance. Make sure that the insurance covers preexisting conditions. Schedule a doctor's appointment for a few weeks prior to the cruise and get an all clear for your husband.

 

I have cancer, these are things I often have to think about. My doctor always sees me the week before we leave to make sure I'm as healthy as can be expected for my condition.

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The day you purchase travel insurance, you must be fit and well for travel. If you buy insurance when still not given doctor's clearance to travel, they will not pay if there is a claim.

 

Wishing you good health and a great cruise.

None of us can tell your DH to worry or not. That is for you and your medical team to address. :)

 

Best wishes.

 

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The day you purchase travel insurance, you must be fit and well for travel. If you buy insurance when still not given doctor's clearance to travel, they will not pay if there is a claim.

 

Wishing you good health and a great cruise.

None of us can tell your DH to worry or not. That is for you and your medical team to address. :)

 

Best wishes.

 

That is a very good point as well. Just make sure you read the fine print on what is covered before you do anything.

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Talk all of this through with your medical physician to get his take on this.

 

It's not just about the money, but it's about the odds of a recurrence and if it would be life threatening if you are not given treatment quick enough.

 

Again start with the doctor and as you posted be sure to get insurance.

 

And then talk this all through with your husband.

 

Keith

Edited by Keith1010
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I think if this was me I'd probably leave it a year for peace of mind. I think you will struggle to get travel insurance that will cover an ongoing condition. I know that when I was suffering from ongoing problems, the pre-existing condition paperwork stated if I had seen a specialist within 12 months I was not eligible, even though it stated my condition on the paperwork. So read very very carefully.

 

But this isn't just about money, this is about your health and your happiness and your husbands happiness too. If he isn't going to relax because he's going to be worried about you then it's not much of a vacation. I know if this was my husband I would probably want to skip a cruise for a year, not even because of the insurance issue - but because it would worry me that we did not have immediate access to a hospital. Right now the worries are probably very fresh for him so the thought of booking a cruise is scary. In 6 months time if there are no problems I'm sure he'll have relaxed and let go of some of his immediate concerns.

 

I would err on the side of caution, book a land based vacation that's got good hospital facilities within reasonable distance, and then once it's been 12 months and the doctor is happy think about cruising again.

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I think I would either push this trip out a year - for peace of mind for your dh and for your own safety sake. Or I would be looking to book a trip within the country and emergency medical care - there are so many places in the U.S. that would be awesome.

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Certainly don't mean to be flippant but you may want to consider getting a second opinion. DW had a similar condition, 95% carotid artery blockage. Just two weeks ago she underwent an operation whereby the blockage was removed by surgery. The operation only required one overnight hospital stay and she is now totally back to normal. Plus, since the surgery we can now concentrate on looking forward to our upcoming cruise without fear. Of course I'm no doctor and everyone's situation is different but this has been our experience. Best of luck to you.

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Your doctor is really the one to make this call....but I do understand your husband's concerns.

 

We had a cruise scheduled when hubby needed an emergency pacemaker....the doctor gave the go ahead, as hubby had physically healed, but he did NOT have the good time on that cruise that he'd had in the past....I think he was worried about the "what ifs".....

So, keep your hubby's concerns in mind....a vacation shouldn't be a time of worry!

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Personally, I have to agree with your husband on this one - at least for the foreseeable future (at least 2 years). You're still recovering and not 100% back from death's door. Heck, you're not even back at work part-time yet - Slow down! You just had 2 mini-strokes and artery blockage at a extremely young age- of course, your husband is concern and not wanting to cruise anytime soon; your condition is an automatic Coast Guard Medivac airlift if your health turns for worse out there!

 

For now, just put your cruise booking on hold til your doctor gives you a complete clean bill of health - Don't put yourself and by extension, your husband, in a much worse situation than you already are, which is already bad to begin with. Not what you want hear from another poster but if the roles were reversed and it was him with your medical conditions and work situation - would you want him to go on a cruise while still not even 75% back, health-wise?

 

No offense, this is a situation where you have to compromise by not going for his piece of mind, at least for a year or 2, because the situation is that serious - he's the one that has to claim your body if you croak on the ship due to your health condition, not you. Harsh and rude, but that's exactly how he's seeing the situation right now if you were to cruise so soon after coming out the hospital.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-T399 using Tapatalk

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I refuse to let an illness bring me down. We simply do not know or have any control over what will happen next. Travel while you can do that you don't regret it later if something else happens to either of you. Just make sure the doctor thinks it is okay.

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I can completely understand your husband's concerns. In April my husband had a major seizure and we had no idea what caused it. He underwent more tests than I could imagine possible, saw several doctors and specialists and there's still no root cause of the seizure. Although he is on medication to prevent seizures and has been seizure free since then it took me a really long time to "relax". You see, this seizure happened in the middle of the night while we were sleeping and woke me up. It traumatized me for quite some time and I had to be put on medication to help me sleep for months after that. Every little noise would cause me to wake up in a panic. I still worry, but I've gotten better.

Our cruise is in January and we are very much looking forward to it. But we also have our Physician's blessing to go. That helps me and makes me feel better. We have also made a few small road trips since his seizure to help us prepare since then.

Is there anything you can do to help him past the worry? No, there's really not. Time is the best thing. Maybe a note from the Physician overseeing your case saying you are safe to not only travel but travel on a cruise ship. When your loved one goes through a major medical event, and yours is much more serious than my husband's is it affects not only you, but the whole family. Often the caregiver of the patient feels the biggest impact and the most worry because ultimately they will be the very first responder when/if something goes array. Your husband, like me will take time to adjust.

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Refusing to let illness get you down is one thing, but when you're talking strokes and blood thinners it's another thing. Depending on what kind of thinners you're on, you can bleed out in a very short time, and ships don't carry blood supplies. I know more about strokes and blood thinners than I care to because my 87 year old dad suffers from mini strokes and he's had to be on blood thinners and the side effects for those meds can be a problem. His doctor gave us all the info on the possible drugs, and the problems they can cause are tough. And, some of the newer blood thinners don't have a clotting agent that can stop any bleeding, unlike the older thinners like warfarin. So, OP, if you're not off the blood thinners, I would think twice about cruising until you're off those meds.

 

I know from first hand experience that many medical centers on ships aren't the best care you can get, and they can, and do make big mistakes. Seriously, I KNOW this about mistakes first hand.

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If the doctor gives you the OK to travel so you would be able to get insurance, you could promise your husband you will go back to the doctor a month before the cruise to make sure you are still fit for travel.

 

Everything depends on what the doctor says.

 

LuLu

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My initial reaction is to go. If it were me, I would go.

 

Having said that, I remember Jiri Fischer collapsing on the Detroit Red Wings bench. His heart stopped. They saved him with very prompt attention starting with the trainer and the team physician and a heart doctor who was attending the game. This was years ago. Even though doctors have never found out what caused his heart to stop, they cannot issue a medical clearance for him to play again.

 

If you and/or your husband are not certain that the cruise is the best thing for you, then I would suggest some alternate vacation and cruise next year.

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Refusing to let illness get you down is one thing, but when you're talking strokes and blood thinners it's another thing. Depending on what kind of thinners you're on, you can bleed out.

I'm always at risk for that. I only have 50k platelets on the average day because of my cancer. Average adult should be above 100k. You just learn to be careful and you know the signs of what to watch for. I will probably never make enough platelets again. I went for two years low on hemoglobin as well, which required monthly blood transfusions, we simply made sure I was at full up before leaving town. If they have the medication under control then a week's vacation is not much risk unless you're planning on doing some crazy adventure like jumping off of cliffs.

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Certainly don't mean to be flippant but you may want to consider getting a second opinion. DW had a similar condition, 95% carotid artery blockage. Just two weeks ago she underwent an operation whereby the blockage was removed by surgery. The operation only required one overnight hospital stay and she is now totally back to normal. Plus, since the surgery we can now concentrate on looking forward to our upcoming cruise without fear. Of course I'm no doctor and everyone's situation is different but this has been our experience. Best of luck to you.

 

They debated putting a stent in when I first went to the ER. My blockage comes from a tear in the interior of my Carotid Artery not from any build up. They decided that surgery would be too risky on me and the best treatment option in my case was to put me on heparin and see how I reacted. I did not have anymore stroke symptoms or mini-strokes so they put me on warfarin in the hopes that the tear will heal itself within the next 6 months. I just saw the doctor again today. She is scheduling another CT Scan for me next week and wants to see if I am healing before allowing me to go back to work part time.

 

Thank you all for your advice. I am just going to wait and see how it goes over the next couple months. The hope is that I will be healed and off the warfarin by March. That is still a 3 months before the cruise we are looking at and since it is an off-season time hopefully we could get a good deal if the doctor gives me the all clear to go. If I am still on the warfarin we will for sure not be going. We always get the insurance with the pre-existing condition due to the peripardum cardiomyopathy, even though my heart is currently healthy per the cardiologist. We have actually cruised 13 times (all of our cruises) since that scare. If they give us the all clear for the dissected carotid artery before the cruise, then I will see how DH is feeling about it. I don't know if I will ever get rid of the fear for him after seeing me come down with these life threatening illnesses twice now, but there is nothing I can do but listen to the doctors, heal the best I can, and pray. Adding to that fear for him was my brother passing away last year at 39 from a cardiomyopathy.

 

I don't want us to live the rest of our lives fearing something might happen all the time. If I am healthy enough per the doctors then I what to live it doing stuff we enjoy...and cruising as a family is one of them. With my kids now 18 and 21 and both going to a local university I don't know how much longer I will be able to get them to go with us and I am going to miss that...

Edited by Warm Breezes
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Good luck with the planning and I hope our can happen. :) I hope you heal quickly and get off the blood thinners soon. If you do need to stay on them perhaps they can discuss luvonox which does not require monitoring.

 

I completely understand the fear, my husband feels the same way often knowing that I am terminally ill. He constantly worries. But he was able to realize the value in continuing our lives and doing the things we can before it gets to late. I'm thankful we never did the we'll do that when we retire mentality.

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Medical advice you get here is not only worthless, some of it borders on dangerous. Depend upon the medical professionals to guide you through this health situation.

 

Wishing you all the best.

 

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Good luck with the planning and I hope our can happen. :) I hope you heal quickly and get off the blood thinners soon. If you do need to stay on them perhaps they can discuss luvonox which does not require monitoring.

 

I completely understand the fear, my husband feels the same way often knowing that I am terminally ill. He constantly worries. But he was able to realize the value in continuing our lives and doing the things we can before it gets to late. I'm thankful we never did the we'll do that when we retire mentality.

 

Thanks. They did have me on the luvonox the week after I was out of the hospital as a bridge to the warfarin. Right now that is the drug they all want me on but my regular doctor told me she refuses to have me on it for longer than 6 months so if I'm not healed by then I think she will be pushing for a different drug.

 

I never adhered to the we'll do that when we retire mentality either. We try to take a week long + family vacation (land or sea) every year. When the kids were younger we would also get in adult long week-end...now that they are older that turned into a week long+ adult vacation (land or sea). We have done that since we were married 27 years ago this month. I cherish each and every memory from these trips and that first scare we had when DD was born made it even more of a priority for us to vacation together when we could and spend that special time together. I pray you will have many more travels with your husband while you can still enjoy life together.

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Medical advice you get here is not only worthless, some of it borders on dangerous. Depend upon the medical professionals to guide you through this health situation.

 

Wishing you all the best.

 

 

Oh I do rely on my doctor...she saved my life by discovering my cardiomyopathy when another doctor diagnosed me as having allergies. I trust her to do what is right. My purpose for coming on here was to get advise on how to relieve DH of his fear of cruising and having something happen at sea....when and if the doctor gives me the good to go cruising.

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Oh I do rely on my doctor...she saved my life by discovering my cardiomyopathy when another doctor diagnosed me as having allergies. I trust her to do what is right. My purpose for coming on here was to get advise on how to relieve DH of his fear of cruising and having something happen at sea....when and if the doctor gives me the good to go cruising.

 

There are also medical professionals/doctors who can give you sound advice as to the best way to approach that issue. :)

 

 

 

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There are also medical professionals/doctors who can give you sound advice as to the best way to approach that issue. :)

 

 

 

Yes, this is another excellent suggestion. My husband and I went to a therapist that specialized in both couples and chronic illness and helped him realize he can't be there for every moment and that even though I am sick I can still manage on my own for a few hours. :)

 

By the way sail, I was happy to see that you cruised again. I cannot get my father to ever consider it again even though it's something he enjoyed doing.

Edited by sherilyn70
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Thank you, Sherilyn.

 

I still have been unable to find my way back to HAL. After 80+ cruises on all the HAL ships with my DH, I can't sail them yet without him. I am blessed to have wonderful friends who worked hard at getting me back to sea. I am grateful to them.

Edited by sail7seas
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I'm always at risk for that. I only have 50k platelets on the average day because of my cancer. Average adult should be above 100k. You just learn to be careful and you know the signs of what to watch for. I will probably never make enough platelets again. I went for two years low on hemoglobin as well, which required monthly blood transfusions, we simply made sure I was at full up before leaving town. If they have the medication under control then a week's vacation is not much risk unless you're planning on doing some crazy adventure like jumping off of cliffs.

 

Boy, I can sure understand your situation. My mom was like you and needed monthly transfusions. It's not a fun time, but it kept her alive.

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