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CC Help Michell

.......idle jottings continued

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Jim, it's been a while since you were last on SD and Hum won't be there to help you this time, so make sure you board the right boat: it's the one on the left you want.

 

Please tell the Captain to drive slowly and carefully (Hum doesn't want you being ill again. Yes it was quite choppy when we were tied up in St.Thomas: never seen anyone so ill prior to "sail away").

And honestly there is no need to wear your life belt during breakfast, lunch and dinner: it makes other guests uncomfortable and eating was rather messy (you won't find any other passengers feeding you the beef consommé).

 

Hum has told all the guests you will be onboard and how ruddy marvellous you are.

It created a heck of a lot of interest and you might as well now.

Well for a small fee ($50 per head) Hum has collected quite a few bookings for you to host tables: don't worry it is restricted to 16 (each night).

Hum has assured them that you will give a little speech (15 minutes should do it) and gave personalised gifts (those pralines of yours would swing it).

The "Zoom" boys are particularly excited: they told Hum it would be like meeting John Wayne !

 

Hum has arranged a 7% discount for a full body wax for you at the spa.

They have a new incentive on SD whereby they encourage crew to swop jobs, so the spa ladies are shopping with a few of the deck hands and the deck hands are taking over the spa activities: it will be the first time they are let loose on the guests (hence the discount).

 

Hum has told the Activities Director that you would also be happy to dress in the "Pirates" costume and walk the plank for the kiddies (each day before lunch).

 

No, there is no need to thank Hum.

 

 

IMG_1454_zpsz1ivfinn.jpg

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Now Jim, I don't think you can mail assault rifles to England. Perhaps a couple of boxes of ammo for ho-hum's Boer War era Webley revolver would do, as stocking stuffers. Goodness knows, he can surely use the target practice, seeing how often he is off the mark...

 

Haha......oh the wit, the friendly banter.

 

Nay Hum is never "off the mark".

Hum is a mere channel from "on high" delivering unfiltered honesty.

Though tis true, for those beset in their "evil ways" it seems Hum utters such nonsense.

 

Dearest mis-guided Raggy, in the grounds of Hum House there is a pond: many years ago the good people of the nearby village believed in witches.

They viewed witches (and warlocks) as the cause of ill.

And how were there suspicions first aroused ?

They (witches and warlocks) were petrified of CATS (today we call it allergies) !

Well they were then whisked away and sat on the "ducking stool" which lowered them into the pond and below the surface until they were cured (drowned).

There are several in the village that still harbour these primitive ways to this day.

Don't worry Hum will vouch for you should you ever visit (hope you do, one day: Hum's sure there is a tank museum nearby and oh, you will love our roundabouts !) .

 

Thank you for your kind Xmas present suggestions but seeing as Britain has law and order throughout, there is little need of weaponry to defend ourselves: even our police are mostly un-armed and scrupulously trained (ahem, ahem).

Though the Brits do use (the merest fraction of the 300 million weapons circulating America) for the glorious seasonal country pursuits.

It is just not the done thing to take a rapid firing assault rifle or pump action shotgun to Hum's seasonal pheasant shoot !!

 

You would have to mention the Boers !

Those ragamuffins dressed in grubby garbs whilst the British Army regaled in red uniforms and looked so "priddy".

No contest, except and unfortunately, militarily !

But the world remembers the Brits !

 

[YOUTUBE]1csr0dxalpI [/YOUTUBE]

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Wow, Jim. 54-16. Roll Tide. Did you get to see the game?

Happy sailing!

 

Saw parts. Lots of "Roll Tiders" on board and a few LSU grouches. Seems to be an excellent mix and. No urchins. On pool deck waiting on an Bloody Mary. Already had eggs Bennie.😎🍸🍺

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Saw parts. Lots of "Roll Tiders" on board and a few LSU grouches. Seems to be an excellent mix and. No urchins. On pool deck waiting on an Bloody Mary. Already had eggs Bennie.😎🍸🍺

 

What are the beers like ?

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Saw parts. Lots of "Roll Tiders" on board and a few LSU grouches. Seems to be an excellent mix and. No urchins. On pool deck waiting on an Bloody Mary. Already had eggs Bennie.😎🍸🍺

 

There's beer? Martinis got in the way. I will have to research that for you.😎🍺

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Jim, which terminal did you depart in St Thomas - Crown or Havensight?

 

Enjoy the cocktails and sunshine, nasty weather here in the States - we are all jealous haha.

 

Mark

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Pier 1 Old San Juan. Get off in STT

 

Okey Doke, sorry, I thought you were starting in STT. Maybe I should stay away from the Martini's

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Haha......oh the wit, the friendly banter.

 

Nay Hum is never "off the mark".

Hum is a mere channel from "on high" delivering unfiltered honesty.

Though tis true, for those beset in their "evil ways" it seems Hum utters such nonsense.

 

Dearest mis-guided Raggy, in the grounds of Hum House there is a pond: many years ago the good people of the nearby village believed in witches.

They viewed witches (and warlocks) as the cause of ill.

And how were there suspicions first aroused ?

They (witches and warlocks) were petrified of CATS (today we call it allergies) !

Well they were then whisked away and sat on the "ducking stool" which lowered them into the pond and below the surface until they were cured (drowned).

There are several in the village that still harbour these primitive ways to this day.

Don't worry Hum will vouch for you should you ever visit (hope you do, one day: Hum's sure there is a tank museum nearby and oh, you will love our roundabouts !) .

 

Thank you for your kind Xmas present suggestions but seeing as Britain has law and order throughout, there is little need of weaponry to defend ourselves: even our police are mostly un-armed and scrupulously trained (ahem, ahem).

Though the Brits do use (the merest fraction of the 300 million weapons circulating America) for the glorious seasonal country pursuits.

It is just not the done thing to take a rapid firing assault rifle or pump action shotgun to Hum's seasonal pheasant shoot !!

 

You would have to mention the Boers !

Those ragamuffins dressed in grubby garbs whilst the British Army regaled in red uniforms and looked so "priddy".

No contest, except and unfortunately, militarily !

But the world remembers the Brits !

 

[YOUTUBE]1csr0dxalpI [/YOUTUBE]

 

Most honorable ho-hum, you ARE the "on high" from which we lowly slubberdegullions receive our only infusions of true wisdom. We other posters are but a "cargo cult", laying out wooden simulacrums, to attract your silver-winged eminence, in hopes of receiving literary mana.

 

And as usual, your timing is impeccable, we are currently planning our 2017 travel. We generally only do one major trip a year, as that is all we are permitted by our 90 lb, un-neutered (remember those days ho-hum?) male Doberman, "Warlock". Speaking of Warlock, if you pay us a visit, bring a large medium-rare steak as an offering to him, otherwise he may focus his toothy maw on your tender bits....

 

We are down to three options for our long trip in 2017: a leisurely 10-day visit to London and it's environs (including, of course, the Bovington tank museum), a 10-day western Med cruise hosted by MrsD's favorite winery (including many wine-oriented events/excursions), or a 10-14 day Seadream caribbean cruise (a week on SD is never enough).

 

However, we won't be deciding for a couple of weeks as we are fully occupied preparing for a Christmas party, at our palazzo, for 50+ guests :eek:

 

So there is a chance we may darken your door, or meet up in the TOTY bar this year! And if you visit us in California, I sure I can convince Jim to pop over so we can take you to a right proper shoot, while the ladies go shopping in Newport Beach or on Rodeo Drive.

 

Speaking of high fashion, the UK not only gave us bright red uniforms it also gave us the ghillie suit!

 

bullseye-kids-ghillie-suit-woodland.jpg

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There's beer? Martinis got in the way. I will have to research that for you.😎🍺

 

Hum has gone to sooooo much trouble ....... called in BIG favours too !

 

Ask for your favourite brew dearest chum.

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Reports are surfacing from "sources" in and around Poshland that a lot of activity has been witnessed lately involving limos coming and going with their blacked out windows and shadowy occupants.

 

Old Mrs Goggins in the Post Office says demand for "choooin' guumm" and Firearms Weekly have rocketed. All proof it seems that after Sir Nigel Farage turned down the opportunity to be UK Ambassador to the good ol' USofA, as promoted by The Donald, a certain other man of the world, a discrete, suave, sophisticated, diplomatic and wordly aware doyen of Poshland is being sounded out...No, not his gardener or butler or sommelier...Sir Ho himself!

 

It appears negotiations of terms is becoming a lengthy . Blondie is all for it...imagine Fifth Avenue on the doorstep...she can add glamour and show the New York "broads" what being a real lady is all about.

 

Sir Ho's suggestion that he be provided with an ambassadorial yacht has caused a few splutters in the gin at Whitehall. The grand plan would be to create a roving role, including visiting many Caribbean islands to drum up business for post Brexit Blighty plus an annual return to the Capital by sailing up the Thames welcomed by a full flotilla of the military fleet.

 

"It's not very large, smaller and cheaper to run than Britannia you know, will save a fortune on my first class air travel and she can be moored in the QM2 dock when she herself is not in town..."

 

What's not to like?

 

 

Well you're sauces are very good........(especially the whisky flavoured ones) but Hum can also confirm that your other sources are indeed correct, the new President Elect is looking for a person with all the qualities you list and although Hum can neither confirm or deny your "scoop", as soon as Hum has anything definitive to say he will notify the Taiwanese first, as seems to be the new protocol (love peeing off the Chinese. Leave Tibet).

 

Blondie, meanwhile is away.

Last minute Xmas shopping in New York and staying with a girl chum whom she met in Slovenia many years ago and has been best chums ever since. She is begging Blondie to rent the apartment above hers and her husband's hers (something "Towers") as he has a new part time job on the other side of the country and would like some company and a chum to do "girlie things" with as well as give her a few hints on protocol.

 

Hum is a "man of the people" (provided they are kept a safe distance away and he doesn't have to interact with any of the "oils") even if there were the merest truth in speculation of a yacht, Hum can advise that negotiations are in advance stages to create a new yacht which Hum is sub-letting to SD to earn a few quid on the side (in typical Trump style).

Currently Prince "H" is on a Royal visit of various Caribbean islands and he says the British naval ship he is on is "pants": the food is awful and it has broken down and needed a tow !

His papa gave Hum the nod to stick to Hum's plan.

 

The yacht in question is almost new. He is getting it at a good deal from a chum who has fallen on hard times (something about paying his former employees pension fund shortfall). Of course it will require some re-modelling and completely internally refurbishing (too much bling) but it will do for humble Hum.

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A little birdie told Bout the beer. Much appreciated. Mine.... All mine.!🍺😎🍺

 

 

Finally, all's well with our Jim !

Hum knows another chum who loves this brew too; hi Charlie.

 

IMG_1465_zpsa9h5rhy6.jpg

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Finally, all's well with our Jim !

Hum knows another chum who loves this brew too; hi Charlie.

 

 

Now you're talking, boys! Cheers, Jim. And thanks for the late afternoon pick me up, h-h.

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Most honorable ho-hum, you ARE the "on high" from which we lowly slubberdegullions receive our only infusions of true wisdom. We other posters are but a "cargo cult", laying out wooden simulacrums, to attract your silver-winged eminence, in hopes of receiving literary mana.

 

And as usual, your timing is impeccable, we are currently planning our 2017 travel. We generally only do one major trip a year, as that is all we are permitted by our 90 lb, un-neutered (remember those days ho-hum?) male Doberman, "Warlock". Speaking of Warlock, if you pay us a visit, bring a large medium-rare steak as an offering to him, otherwise he may focus his toothy maw on your tender bits....

 

We are down to three options for our long trip in 2017: a leisurely 10-day visit to London and it's environs (including, of course, the Bovington tank museum), a 10-day western Med cruise hosted by MrsD's favorite winery (including many wine-oriented events/excursions), or a 10-14 day Seadream caribbean cruise (a week on SD is never enough).

 

However, we won't be deciding for a couple of weeks as we are fully occupied preparing for a Christmas party, at our palazzo, for 50+ guests :eek:

 

So there is a chance we may darken your door, or meet up in the TOTY bar this year! And if you visit us in California, I sure I can convince Jim to pop over so we can take you to a right proper shoot, while the ladies go shopping in Newport Beach or on Rodeo Drive.

 

Speaking of high fashion, the UK not only gave us bright red uniforms it also gave us the ghillie suit!

 

"Slumberdegullions" !

How fabulously creative !

Simply love it.

Genius, Raggy.

 

Oh and "simulacrums" too !

What treats !

 

Yes Hum remembers "those" days (a little longer than days though !).

Hum is top dog in the canine world. Your hound will know who's Master (but thanks for tip. Fillet or Hanger cut ?).

 

So many things to consider for your "Grand Tour" 2017.

A 10 day western Med cruise by your lady's favourite winery !

Sounds fascinating, do tell.

Well, remember the dollar is strong right now, so you will get great value but London is expensive !

What time of year ? Summer, Hum presumes.

 

50+ guests !

Mr.Popular !

Almost the same number that attended Hum's creditors meeting.

 

Hum will be visiting Trumpland but will Hum's well known enjoyment of Islamic poetry (Ruminate etc..) prevent him from entering the States ? Hum will keep that quiet.

And if you decide the UK is for you or even if you travel via London, please remember we would love to see you both.

 

"May meet up at the TOYB this year ?"

You don't mean ?

Are you on SDII whilst we are on (week before Xmas to week after New Year) ?

Say it is so !

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Now you're talking, boys! Cheers, Jim. And thanks for the late afternoon pick me up, h-h.

 

Hahahahaha

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Are you on SDII whilst we are on (week before Xmas to week after New Year) ?

 

I hear that the most distinguished medical scientists and boffins in the land are aghast, amazed and quite incredulous that such a simple homosapien can elevate himself to such levels of endurance...

 

Mr Hum, just what specialist training do you undertake for such a mammoth endeavour?

 

I think we should all be told...

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"Slumberdegullions" !

How fabulously creative !

Simply love it.

Genius, Raggy.

 

Oh and "simulacrums" too !

What treats !

 

Had to look up "Slubberdegullions", as had seen it years ago but long ago forgot the spelling... But "simulcrum" popped right out of the old noggin.

 

Yes Hum remembers "those" days (a little longer than days though !).

Hum is top dog in the canine world. Your hound will know who's Master (but thanks for tip. Fillet or Hanger cut ?)

 

Definitely the hanger, as he would gulp a filet straight down. You'll want to keep him distracted long enough to find a "safe space":rolleyes:

 

So many things to consider for your "Grand Tour" 2017.

A 10 day western Med cruise by your lady's favourite winery !

Sounds fascinating, do tell.

Well, remember the dollar is strong right now, so you will get great value but London is expensive !

What time of year ? Summer, Hum presumes.

 

Would be in September, in and out of Barcelona. On Oceania, Riviera I believe.

 

If we pick London, would stay in two or three places, depending on the sites we want to visit. We'll try to stay for under 400 quid/night. Hear broom closets aren't too dear...

 

 

50+ guests !

Mr.Popular !

Almost the same number that attended Hum's creditors meeting.

 

Spoke too soon, it's up to 60 now :eek::eek: And as you can imagine, it's only the losers that don't get better party invites that will be coming to old Ragnar's party. We will be down-scaling our wine selections accordingly...

 

Hum will be visiting Trumpland but will Hum's well known enjoyment of Islamic poetry (Ruminate etc..) prevent him from entering the States ? Hum will keep that quiet.

 

No comment, other than when/where?

 

 

And if you decide the UK is for you or even if you travel via London, please remember we would love to see you both.

 

Be careful for what you wish ....

 

 

"May meet up at the TOYB this year ?"

You don't mean ?

Are you on SDII whilst we are on (week before Xmas to week after New Year) ?

Say it is so !

 

Meant to say "this coming year", 2017. Sorry.

Edited by Ragnar Danneskjold

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I hear that the most distinguished medical scientists and boffins in the land are aghast, amazed and quite incredulous that such a simple homosapien can elevate himself to such levels of endurance...

 

Mr Hum, just what specialist training do you undertake for such a mammoth endeavour?

 

I think we should all be told...

 

A lifetime dedicated to rigorous training of drinking, eating and smoking (cigars: now no longer) ........and self-abuse dear chum, self abuse ....... in the best possible taste, of course.

Hum's sacrifice to humanity.

Seeking out the finest foods and wines and gorging himself.

And thus supporting many, many small artisan food and winemakers t'boot.

Hum has made sacrifices to preserve existence.

Stopped smoking Cuban cigars a few years back.

Uses sweeteners instead of sugar.

Exercise ........ occasionally (OK, very occasionally).

No Hum may not "feel the burn" but as soon as there is the slightest discomfort, Hum stops and takes a rest and re-hydrates with a bottle of champagne and smoke salmon parcels......mmmmm.

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Had to look up "Slubberdegullions", as had seen it years ago but long ago forgot the spelling... But "simulcrum" popped right out of the old noggin.

 

Definitely the hanger, as he would gulp a filet straight down. You'll want to keep him distracted long enough to find a "safe space":rolleyes:

 

Would be in September, in and out of Barcelona. On Oceania, Riviera I believe.

 

If we pick London, would stay in two or three places, depending on the sites we want to visit. We'll try to stay for under 400 quid/night. Hear broom closets aren't too dear...

 

Spoke too soon, it's up to 60 now :eek::eek: And as you can imagine, it's only the losers that don't get better party invites that will be coming to old Ragnar's party. We will be down-scaling our wine selections accordingly...

 

No comment, other than when/where?

 

Be careful for what you wish ....

 

Meant to say "this coming year", 2017. Sorry.

 

Duly noted.

All sounds good old chum.

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Just a quick check in as I only have my phone to type. Wonderful group. Ohmiss is a doll. Took a cab to Shoal Bay East. Our driver got into an altercation with another driver and pulled a gun! Yee Haw, good thing I am from Arizona! More (much) later. 😜🔫😱🍺

 

Heck it can only happen to Jim !

Hum dreads what has happened next !

Today chums he will probably walk into a drug deal gone wrong involving a shoot out like a Quentin Tarantino film !

And Jim wanted Hum to join him !!!!

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You have no idea what you have missed.��

 

Certain death probably !!!

 

No doubt you will tell all: YOU MUST !

 

Safe travels back to Arizona.

 

Drink up all the Presidente's before you go !

Edited by ho-hum

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