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Shelling From Royal Caribbean’s M.S. ‘Allure’ Sinks Carnival Cruise Vessel That Crossed Into Disputed Waters

 

 

 

1920.jpgThe bombardment of the Carnival <i>Magic</i> was so swift and ferocious that it was already sinking before the artillery mounted on its open-air jogging track could return fire.NEWS IN BRIEF 7.20.17 July 20, 2017 VOL 53 ISSUE 28

 

COCO CAY, BAHAMAS—In the latest clash between rivals that have long vied for control of highly prized cruise routes, a barrage of cannon fire from Royal Caribbean’s M.S. Allure of the Seas sank a Carnival Cruise Line ship that crossed into disputed waters off the coast of the Bahamas, sources said Thursday.

The Allure, an Oasis-class recreational vessel with a standing crew of around 2,300, opened fire on Carnival’s M.S. Magic after it allegedly ignored repeated warnings not to approach Coco Cay, a private island owned by Royal Caribbean. After sustaining several direct hits, the enemy ship’s hull reportedly ruptured, immediately flooding its bingo hall and spa with seawater, collapsing several theme restaurants, and ultimately killing all 3,675 guests on board.

“By approaching within three nautical miles of Coco Cay, the M.S. Magic was in direct violation of the terms of the 2011 Caribbean Nights cease-fire agreement,” said Captain David Beeman of the Allure, stating that the attack was necessary to safeguard the recreational interests of the customers he is sworn to serve. “Per standard procedure, our limbo emcee first alerted the Magic that it had entered our territorial waters by issuing a verbal warning and blasting conga music over our PA system. When the ship refused to change course, we proceeded to launch a broadside from our starboard cannons, delivering a direct hit to their most crucial facilities, including the engine room, water slide, and Red Frog rum bar.”

“We suffered just one casualty ourselves, losing a tango instructor to friendly fire,” he added.

Pulling up alongside the smaller enemy vessel, the 1,187-foot Allure reportedly extended its powerful battery of guns from the portholes of a lower-deck theater currently staging Mamma Mia! Witnesses said Magic patrons standing in line for the 24-hour seafood buffet had little time to take cover before the Allure opened fire, scattering body parts and shrimp scampi all over the ship’s pool deck and mini-golf course.

“When the first shells hit, you could see blasted sections of the hull, bloody scraps of cargo shorts, and flaming flip-flops raining down into the ocean all around,” said Allure passenger Nicole Rice, adding that a few Magic guests tried to run for safety behind overturned massage tables, but were set upon by a Royal Caribbean boarding party that had crossed over with the assistance of their ship’s zip-line and ropes-course operators. “Once the second round of fire took out the piano bar and Guy Fieri’s Burger Joint, it was pretty much all over. The Magichad just dropped anchor for the Dune Buggy Heritage Adventure Tour, so it really had no chance of escape.”

Maritime historians are calling the attack upon the Magic the deadliest encounter between rival ocean liners since the so-called Cruise Wars of the 1990s, when the wrecks of sunken pleasure vessels littered the waters from Fort Lauderdale to St. Kitts. During that era, the upstart Disney Cruise Line came to rule the waves, and marauders dressed as Pinocchio, Goofy, Tinker Bell, and other company-owned mascots were known to slit the throats of their competitors’ guests and plunder everything from bar supplies to blackjack tables to karaoke equipment.

Despite official explanations, Thursday’s attack is actually believed to be in retaliation for a 2013 incident in which a Royal Caribbean vessel on a nine-day Best of the Bahamas cruise was captured off the coast of Paradise Island. According to deck logs, its entire passenger list was impressed into service as caterers aboard Carnival’s Breeze flagship.

“I’ll never forget the sight of the Magic’s crew and guests desperately trying to bail out the Club O2 teen zone as the ship started to tilt, causing all the deck furniture, the ice cream sundae station, and those seniors on their church group trip to go sliding off into the sea,” Allure passenger Jason Heidt said. “Then I guess they lost power, because suddenly all the party lights shut off and everyone in the Punchliner comedy club went silent as the ship capsized.”

“Everyone except Joe Rogan,” Heidt continued. “He kept on telling jokes until he was completely underwater.”

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Appears that they need a little more education on which Carnival ships are which. The Carnival ship used in this fake picture is NOT the Magic...I can tell by the funnel. Magic has a shorter, thicker funnel. :')

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Leave it to the Onion. Lol. I thought their Home Depot bluetooth garden hose was pretty funny too.

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Appears that they need a little more education on which Carnival ships are which. The Carnival ship used in this fake picture is NOT the Magic...I can tell by the funnel. Magic has a shorter, thicker funnel. :')

 

That's okay...It's not the Allure in the picture either! :')

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Onion is too stupid to even use the right ship, or research the name of the RCL ship used in the photo.

 

A true bunch of idiots!!!

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I was on this cruise. Once the bombardment started, the line at guest services quickly swelled and was all the way around the atrium of people wanting to remove tips. That is, until seawater swamped us.... but I was lucky. I held my Iphone above the water.

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I was on this cruise. Once the bombardment started, the line at guest services quickly swelled and was all the way around the atrium of people wanting to remove tips. That is, until seawater swamped us.... but I was lucky. I held my Iphone above the water.

 

 

You were one of the lucky ones!

R.I.P. Joe Rogan!!!

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Forums

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Onion is too stupid to even use the right ship, or research the name of the RCL ship used in the photo.

 

A true bunch of idiots!!!

 

Apparently you don't enjoy satire.

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I'm impressed at how Carnival's poolside TV is still working. I guess its the modern day version of Titanic's band playing on. :D

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Okay, I'm gonna have to call shenanigans on this one. Here's why:

 

 

  • "24-hour seafood buffet" on the Magic? Nope. Since when?
  • The Punchliner comedy club is no longer branded the Punchliner
  • No-one offers a 9-day "Best of the Bahamas" cruise...that could be done in 6 days, tops.
  • What's a "bingo hall"?
  • Allure would never make port at CocoCay; she's too big and ports at Labadee instead...unless she was garrisoned there by Royal to protect the island with her heavier broadsides.
  • No mention of any action from Norwegian, who would have had a ship stationed just a few miles away at Great Stirrup Cay...unless they declared neutrality, the traitorous dogs!

Yeah, I'm not convinced.

 

:D :D

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Wow, I did know these ships had canons!

Yes, and for an added fee you can fire them; like shooting skeet off the bow.

 

Rumor has it that is how this whole war got started: while moored in Nassau Bahamas, Carnival Liberty passenger, 87 year old Gladys McKenzie from Santa Fe New Mexico, lost control of a 50 mm Howitzer and blew a hole clean through both sides of RCL ship Brilliance of the Seas. Causing the Brilliance of the Sea's captain Giuseppe Zanotti to swear revenge on the "Whale Tail S.O.B.'s!"

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Total lame. Who uses cannon in sea battle these days? Even a 3rd world banana republic navy uses anti ship missles in 21st century.

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this is one of the funniest thread's I've seen on Cruise Critic!! great work folks!:cool::cool:

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Total lame. Who uses cannon in sea battle these days? Even a 3rd world banana republic navy uses anti ship missles in 21st century.

Technically this is considered a trade war.

Since it has not officially been sanctioned by the "World Warfare Authorization Committee" they must rely on conventional armaments.

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Total lame. Who uses cannon in sea battle these days? Even a 3rd world banana republic navy uses anti ship missles in 21st century.

 

Well, luxury cruise lines' ships have upgraded electronic countermeasures and much more effective countermissile point-defenses, and their bomb-pumped laser-head shipkiller missiles really pack a punch, but we're talkin' Royal and Carnival here, and neither is a luxury line. :halo:

 

 

(With apologies to author David Weber and his "Honorverse" books :) )

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If there is a silver lining to this atrocity it's that prices may finally come down a little. It's going to be tough filling cabins in wartime.

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This is another great example of how the Carnival Vista is better than the rest of the Carnival fleet. Passengers who book one of the exclusive Havana cabins at the back of the ship have guaranteed use of their own private lifeboat if hostilities break out before 5 PM. After 5 PM, however, the folks in the Havana cabins have to fight for lifeboat space with all the other passengers from the rest of the ship.

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