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Silversea Water Cooler: Welcome! Part Five


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This year's Lexophile Submissions

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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WIFE: honey let's play a game?
HUSBAND: OK, sure! what is the game all about?
WIFE: If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month. 
HUSBAND: OK. And if you fail, I will have your salary too right?
WIFE: (smile) Yes darling. 
HUSBAND: OK. (stands up and is ready to run to any direction)
WIFE: Are you ready? 
HUSBAND: Yes, ready. 
WIFE: Turkey. 
It has been four hours, and the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird. 
MORAL LESSON: Women are smart!!! 

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We are currently taking our first break away from home in 18 months when we went to Scotland. Now we are in Wales, touring some of the major sights.  It's all very busy with vacationers and not a foreign accent to be heard anywhere.  Yesterday we visited one of the UK's finest gardens, Bodnant, and I thought you might like to see a photo:

 

IMG_1538.jpg

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5 minutes ago, Fletcher said:

We are currently taking our first break away from home in 18 months when we went to Scotland. Now we are in Wales, touring some of the major sights.  It's all very busy with vacationers and not a foreign accent to be heard anywhere.  Yesterday we visited one of the UK's finest gardens, Bodnant, and I thought you might like to see a photo:

 

IMG_1538.jpg

and not a foreign accent to be heard anywhere. 

 

"Is that good or  bad"?

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1 hour ago, Fletcher said:

We are currently taking our first break away from home in 18 months when we went to Scotland. Now we are in Wales, touring some of the major sights.  It's all very busy with vacationers and not a foreign accent to be heard anywhere.  Yesterday we visited one of the UK's finest gardens, Bodnant, and I thought you might like to see a photo:

 

IMG_1538.jpg

Scottish always sound foreign  to me😏

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10 minutes ago, Reef Knot said:

Scottish always sound foreign  to me😏

 

It is! It's not just the accent.

 

We were riding the train once from Edinburgh to Greenock. Could not understand 75% of what our fellow pax were saying. We wondered if there was something wrong with our ears.

 

Now I understand why.

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scots_language

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1 hour ago, jpalbny said:

 

It is! It's not just the accent.

 

We were riding the train once from Edinburgh to Greenock. Could not understand 75% of what our fellow pax were saying. We wondered if there was something wrong with our ears.

 

Now I understand why.

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scots_language

And they say that the Edinburgh acent is a little softer than those from Glasgow.

But I'm with you JP it's all foreign  to me.

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13 minutes ago, Elginjock said:

As a Scot I speak English and it is very condescending to say Scottish sounds foreign.

Some regional accents in all home nations can be difficult to pick up.

 

Very true!  The folks from some parts of Newfoundland have accents that challenge the ear at first.  They most definitely are speaking English with some very local expressions thrown in for good measure.  I don't think any comments here were meant to offend.  This is a very respectful group!  Thank you for your perspective!

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2 hours ago, Elginjock said:

As a Scot I speak English and it is very condescending to say Scottish sounds foreign.

Some regional accents in all home nations can be difficult to pick up.

Y'all just be 

  • Grinnin' like a possum eatin' a sweet tater.
  • Agree ;-))
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