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We're Only Here For The Boos: Our Halloween '18 Cruise Aboard The Carnival Magic!

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15 hours ago, watermelonqueen99 said:

Ok, so while I continue to upload pics, I will do a little preface to my review for those who are new to my writing. Actually, I think disclaimer is a better word than preface. But anyway, as always, I will just copy/paste my intro from my other reviews and modify as necessary and then continue from there:


Ladies and gentlemen, just as promised, Watermelonqueen99 is back with another review! This time, it's a picture review of our Western Caribbean cruise aboard the Carnival Magic that left Miami on 10/28/18. I have written reviews of our last couple of cruises on the Freedom and the Dream and I really enjoyed doing them. I won't link to them, because I'm not into contributing to delinquency (that's a lie, it's actually a hobby of mine), but they're on here if you wanna search for them. (Disclaimer: If you're easily offended, your last name is Duggar, or you're currently on medication, I don't recommend it.) Because Photoshop now wants to charge me to host my pictures, and that money could go toward alcohol, Botox, or scratch-off tickets at the gas station, only the text remains on the Freedom review. And like most of my life choices, the Dream one is sketchy thanks to the jankiness that is/was Flickr.  But they're worth a read if you're planning on sailing on the Freedom or Dream, or if you want to lower your IQ by a few points. To begin, I will give you a little overview of who we are, my writing style, and what we do and don't do when we cruise, then I'll get started with the actual review. So, allow me to introduce ourselves:


Hey, girl, hey! We are T (me) and C (him). We met in 1998 in college, and married the next year. We just turned 40 this year, and we own our own business that allows us a lot of flexibility. We first started cruising in April 2014 for our 15th wedding anniversary, got completely hooked, and this cruise on the Magic was #9 for us. We try to cruise 2-3 times a year. We are currently Gold (actually, it's more of a mustard yellow color ), and looking forward to that Platinum card, mostly so that we can get our draws washed for free and we don't have to keep going to the Deck 2 laundry room like mere pheasants. We'll only be lowly Gold card members for 1 more cruise, thankfully. We are loyal to Carnival, and are very laid-back and easy to please. We have a 16 year old son and a 12 year old daughter, but we do not cruise with them. On the ship, we are very social, very friendly, and love to make new friends. During the day, you'll find us around the ship playing cards, people watching, day drinking, wasting money at the casino, or getting wind blown on one the lower, quieter decks. At night, you'll find us at our favorite bar, hanging out with our favorite bartenders and new friends we've met. We don't go to any of the shows, comedy or otherwise. We don't go to dinner in the MDR. (We prefer the classy ambiance of Guy's Burger Joint and/or the Lido buffet.) We do not cruise without the Cheers package, and we make full use of it, no shame. (15 drinks? Honey, that's not a limit, that's a goal.)


So, now that my plagiarized (Is plagiarizing yourself a sin? Asking for a friend.) intro is complete, let me give you a little background on this cruise. A lot of great things came out of 1978. 8 track players, 63 cent per gallon gas, the movie Grease, hot floral pattern couches with matching drapes. But most importantly, C and I. That's right, we both turned 40 this year. I have always looked forward to my 40's and rocking the whole older woman thing. Most young women look up to the likes of Rosa Parks, Susan B. Anthony, Michelle Obama, Amelia Earhart. My idol was Stifler's mom from America Pie. But anyway, we knew we wanted to do something significant to celebrate. Should we donate blood? Volunteer somewhere? Visit the Bunny Ranch in Nevada? (That was my idea.) Nah, we wanted to go on a cruise. Because of work commitments, we wouldn't be able to go until the fall. That would mean we would be going longer between cruises than we have gone in a long time, so I threw myself into planning around March. We were originally sailing on the Glory. As time went on, I realized I am a size queen, and really wanted to sail on a Dream class. Mainly because by the time Muster rolls around, I'm 4 FunShips in and standing outside in the heat, crammed in like sardines for 30 minutes just isn't my jam. We decided somewhat last minute to switch to our favorite ship, the one where it all began: the Carnival Magic. It would be our 4th time on her, but our first since she was dry-docked and moved to Miami from Galveston. All of the ports would be repeats for us, so we were really just looking forward to enjoying the ship, relaxing and meeting some new people.


Now that I've gone over some background on this cruise and I'm ready to get started, I will say this one more time. If you are easily offended, this review is NOT FOR YOU, so please don't bother reading it. Back in September I triggered someone with a JOKE I made, and a response to their comment that I thought was my usual eloquent self. (Sarcasm) They flagged my post and I was put in CC jail for a few days. It didn't bother me to go back to the naughty chair, I'd been there before for using the word "d*ck to describe someone who was being, well, a d*ck. So to pass the time in the CC naughty chair, I grabbed some TV dinners, a martini shaker, and some reading material so that maybe I could learn to use my words more wisely:




Anyways, all I'm going to say is that I'm thankful for my sense of humor. I got it from my late father, who even in the face of stage 4 cancer, was still cracking jokes, usually at the expense of himself and/or his illness. If you can't laugh in life no matter the situation you face, well, that's a pretty sad life in my opinion. But anyway, enough negativity. Please join me as I relive our week aboard the Carnival Magic!

I am reading along as I prepare for my first cruise in Jan! Your review is starting off great so I am very excited to read more! I am laughing so hard at the Stiflers mom comment, because I too see her as a role model! LOL! Be yourself and don’t worry about what others think, sarcasm and all! Cheers!

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14 hours ago, watermelonqueen99 said:


Oh no! I can see them just fine, which surprised me, since I usually have trouble. Anybody reading have any ideas? I'm using Smugmug.


Hi! I am also having trouble seeing your pictures. I tried from my cell and computer, ohh no! 

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Saturday, October 27th, 2018

Now that my picture issue is resolved, time to crack on. When I left off we had just checked the monitor and learned that our flight to FLL was on time. Eventually it was time to board and we were on our way. The plane we were on was not equipped with Wi-Fi, so basically we rode a flying covered wagon to Florida. I wanted to ask the flight attendant for a bonnet, apron, and butter churner so that I could at least be productive on the flight, but C wouldn't let me. He can be such a Debbie Downer. We got excited as we said "bye, Felicia" to Houston:




We had some beautiful skies on our way to Ft. Lauderdale:




At one point, the clouds looked like a blanket of snow:




Pretty soon we began our descent into FLL almost 30 minutes early. Hellllloooo, Florida!




We landed, grabbed our bags and our rental car, and headed to Wal-Mart. We needed some essentials like Pringles, super glue, and wine. We made our way to our hotel, tired and hungry. Our hotel was near MIA, and it was in a weird almost industrial area. There were no restaurants close by, so I searched on my phone for options. As if they were listening to our conversations about food, someone kept slipping menus under our door every few minutes:




We had never had this happen before, and thought it was weird. We ended up just munching on the snacks we had. I had a nutritious meal consisting of the cookies and pretzels the FA's handed out on the plane. Eat your heart out, Food Network:




After we had some food in us, we went out and partied it up in the 305. We hit every hot-spot on South Beach and rubbed elbows with the Miami elite. (Reality: We were exhausted from our early flight and we showered, got into bed and watched Halloween Wars reruns.) Despite the constant plane noise, we eventually fell asleep, and I dreamed that John Heald sent 2 complimentary yaks to our hotel room, and we rode them to Port Miami the next morning.


To be continued......



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On 11/5/2018 at 3:00 PM, watermelonqueen99 said:

Watermelonqueen99 is back with another review! Right now we're sitting at the airport, and yet again the female TSA agent got to second base with me, I got tested for explosives residue AGAIN, and all I've had to eat today is half a dry, burned Auntie Ann's pretzel dipped in some plastic fake cheese because FLL has a serious lack of eating establishments and the few decent ones are packed. There's a baby crying and a lady who won't stop cackle-laughing. So, for right now, I'm just holding this spot! I'll be back tomorrow evening with my first installment!

My daughter was tested for explosives, also, when boarding a plane in Orlando. Apparently they just came from one of the theme parks where there was some kind of explosions part of a show, and they were carrying the residue (??) from it. And as for FLL airport, it is the WORST airport I’ve ever been in. Absolutely no choice of food venues, limited seating, and people having to sit all over on the floors! Crazy airport! Following along on your review! Can’t wait to read it!

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Sunday, October 28th, 2018

Embarkation day had arrived! I am an early morning person, so I got up at 4, did some yoga, read some inspirational quotes, and took the time to do my hair and makeup. (Just kidding, this was me.....):




We dropped our rental car off at MIA and took the free Alamo shuttle to Port Miami. What ensued next was pure chaos. We were sent an email a few days before the cruise to show up one hour later than our assigned check-in time. When we arrived around 12:30, there were just masses and masses of people. Something that was new to us was that we were given a zone number card when they checked our boarding passes/passports:




We got into the waiting area and again, chaos and masses of people. A Carnival employee directed us to go have a seat and wait till our zone was called, which we thought was weird because usually we have to get in line to finish checking in. There were no seats available, so we just kinda stood off to the side. Once they started boarding, it actually went pretty quickly. Finally our zone was called. The not so nice employee checking boarding passes basically rolled her eyes and told us we needed to go see an agent to get our boarding passes stamped. So we were right, we did need to see an agent when we got into the terminal, the guy directing us just didn't know what he was doing. We didn't get onboard until 1:30, the latest we've ever boarded in 9 cruises. On the positive side, our room was ready, so we went to check it out after grabbing a FunShip. We had an "L-shaped" interior room this time, and we ended up really liking the layout. It felt roomier than a regular interior. We've decided this is the room type we're gonna book from now on. Here's where the Magic happens: (See what I did there?):




**Tip: Carnival's "king" beds aren't really king beds. They're 2 twin size bed pushed together. This can definitely put a damper on said "Magic" goings on on this bed. C brings ratchet straps and secures the 2 mattresses together under the sheets. Keeps the bed from shifting, and you don't really even know they're there. **


Vanity, mirror, dresser, safe, fridge all along one wall:





Looking toward the closet/bathroom, where the door would normally be in a "regular" interior:




To be continued.....



Edited by watermelonqueen99
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24 minutes ago, grandmarnnurse said:

My daughter was tested for explosives, also, when boarding a plane in Orlando. Apparently they just came from one of the theme parks where there was some kind of explosions part of a show, and they were carrying the residue (??) from it. And as for FLL airport, it is the WORST airport I’ve ever been in. Absolutely no choice of food venues, limited seating, and people having to sit all over on the floors! Crazy airport! Following along on your review! Can’t wait to read it!

 Wow, that's scary! I get tested pretty much every time. 😕 This was our first time flying into/out of FLL, and I agree, it's awful!

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Sunday, October 28th, 2018 Con't:

After dropping our carry on bags and checking out our room, we headed to Lido for a Guy's burger and another FunShip. C is gluttonous and had 2 burgers and also sucked his drink down way faster than me. (Translation: that's bitter me saying that he's a guy and can eat/drink way more than me without gaining weight. Yes, I'm that petty.):




The Miami skyline is about as good a view as you can get while eating lunch:




After we were done eating, we went out to take some pictures:




The Miracle was in port with us:




Miami really is beautiful:




After we took some pics, we found a dark corner to sit in. We were crying, rocking back and forth and holding onto each other, because we knew it was near. That dreaded announcement. The one that makes grown men fall to their knees. Muster drill was coming.


They eventually made said dreaded announcement and we made our way to the MDR. There were lots and lots of people missing. I have no idea where these people manage to hide or why they think they're above the rules. Just like I've said in my previous reviews, I think the d-bags who skip Muster and make the rest of us wait while they call for them should be made to walk the plank. Or at the very least should be forced to sail on a chartered cruise full of Taylor Swift fans.


Eventually, Muster was over and everyone headed to the bar. Or at least that's where we headed. It was again chaos as everyone made their way out. It was all but impossible to get an elevator. We found this to be the case for the rest of the cruise unfortunately.


To be continued.......

Edited by watermelonqueen99
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Saturday, October 28th, 2018, Con't:

We headed to the Alchemy Bar and had a Quick Fix and a Sidecar. We could tell right off, just reading the bartenders, that this wouldn't be "our bar" this cruise. After our drinks, we went to one of the upper decks to watch sail-away:


The "Mein Schiff" was in port with us. Never seen/heard of this line before:




Also, the MSC Divina was with us. We've been in many ports before with this particular ship:




Also, the Carnival Horizon. We had an epic horn battle with her as we sailed away:




We came back in and took a couple pics in the lobby. This guy was very popular for pics/selfies all week:




They had these in the lobby. Looked like something fun to do with kiddos. Or adults if you're overgrown children like C and I. We didn't participate because there wasn't alcohol involved:




We made our way back up to our room (Deck 7 aft) and our luggage had arrived We unpacked, and decorated our door. Since I must remain anonymous per my agreement with the witness protection program after what happened in the piano bar last year, I can't show you our door. But it turned out really cute. We headed down to the casino bar and I had a Tiramisu martini and C had a Crown on the rocks. We bar hopped back and forth between the lobby, casino, etc. I know a lot of people like it, but the fact that Carnival has switched to strings as their main musical entertainment is so disappointing to us. We miss the high energy bands. If I wanted to feel like I was on the Titanic while it was sinking, I would sail on Princess or Celebrity. You would think that on night one on a ship going out of Miami, the music would be rocking. Instead, it felt like we were at my grandmother's holiday party at her nursing home.


We ended up in the piano bar. The PBE, Zack Daniels, was absolutely amazing We closed the PB bar down, then closed down the casino bar. We fell 2 drinks short of that goal of 15. We felt defeated, like mere amateurs. We vowed to try harder the next day. We eventually made our way to our room. I fell asleep, and dreamed that we had missed Muster. Our punishment was that we had to spend the whole cruise in the library, with no bar service, with the string band playing 24/7.


To be continued......

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