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Can you invite (and pay for) a cruise staffer to join you in an excursion


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Why do people make it so awkward when it comes to cruise line employees?  I guarantee they aren't taking their Applebees bartender out on a day trip.

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3 hours ago, Love my butler said:

Having said that, the best gift a crew member can receive is cold, hard cash.

 

Not always.  The kids club counselor who took care of our daughter on a fall foliage cruise to Quebec was Canadian but was not able to disembark at any of the Canadian ports.  I believe she appreciated the box of Tim Hortons donuts we brought back more than she would have the cash.

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2 hours ago, havenfan said:

 

Not always.  The kids club counselor who took care of our daughter on a fall foliage cruise to Quebec was Canadian but was not able to disembark at any of the Canadian ports.  I believe she appreciated the box of Tim Hortons donuts we brought back more than she would have the cash.

Always.

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Doughnuts  vs cash?

 

Ask them.

 

I’m betting they’ll try to be nice in their answer, but cash will trump doughnuts, or. Excursions, or any regional “treats”, or anything “home made”, etc!!!!!

Edited by graphicguy
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5 hours ago, graphicguy said:

Doughnuts  vs cash?

 

Doughnuts on the ship when she couldn't easily have gotten them for the same amount of cash.

 

5 hours ago, graphicguy said:

Ask them.

 

This was a 19 year old girl on her first contract who had previously told me that Tim Hortons was one of the things she missed most from home.

 

5 hours ago, Love my butler said:

Always.

 

Not always.

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20 hours ago, ray98 said:

Why do people make it so awkward when it comes to cruise line employees?  I guarantee they aren't taking their Applebees bartender out on a day trip.

That's an excellent point.

I've seen some awkward stuff.  Once a guy had no problems actually posting photos of restaurant staff cutting meat of their children at the table. The children were clearly old enough to use eating utensils.  The staff are not your servants to actually feed you from the fork like you are a king and your family is royalty.  Unless someone needed assistance or handicapped, I just don't see asking this at any land restaurant.  It was a photo op to portray something that made me physically ill.  But to his family, they got their jollies using workers to stand around their table and carry out these extremely personal requests.

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1 hour ago, david_sobe said:

That's an excellent point.

I've seen some awkward stuff.  Once a guy had no problems actually posting photos of restaurant staff cutting meat of their children at the table. The children were clearly old enough to use eating utensils.  The staff are not your servants to actually feed you from the fork like you are a king and your family is royalty.  Unless someone needed assistance or handicapped, I just don't see asking this at any land restaurant.  It was a photo op to portray something that made me physically ill.  But to his family, they got their jollies using workers to stand around their table and carry out these extremely personal requests.

I agree with you about how some people think cruise staff are their servants. One cruise I never saw my butler

which I thought was odd. He serviced our room but never stopped by which I later found out the reason for.

A woman was traveling alone with  small children. She had trouble keeping track of them once she left the

room. She would call the butler to push her stroller for her around the ship. I know this because once I saw him doing exactly that and at the end of the cruise he apologized to

us and cited this as a reason.She either had tipped him well or was a huge complainer and he was afraid to say no

but bottom line this was not right.

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18 hours ago, havenfan said:

 

Not always.  The kids club counselor who took care of our daughter on a fall foliage cruise to Quebec was Canadian but was not able to disembark at any of the Canadian ports.  I believe she appreciated the box of Tim Hortons donuts we brought back more than she would have the cash.

"donuts?", i believe they get room and board they dont need donuts, cash cash cash, and if you cant give cash then give cash!

Edited by Newleno
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2 minutes ago, Newleno said:

donuts, i believe they get room and board, cash cash cash, and if you cant give cash then give cash!

Agreed.  

 

If I put myself in their shoes, and was asked to choose between cash or doughnuts (unless the doughnuts were made of gold),  cash wins, every time.

 

I would think....”you’re offering me a doughnut as a tip?  Are you serious?”

 

Anyone who abuses their Butler by having then push a stroller around, I don’t care what the tip is/was, I would decline to do it.  That tells me the parents aren’t willing to attend to their own child on the cruise, which probably happens more than we know.

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7 hours ago, david_sobe said:

That's an excellent point.

I've seen some awkward stuff.  Once a guy had no problems actually posting photos of restaurant staff cutting meat of their children at the table. The children were clearly old enough to use eating utensils.  The staff are not your servants to actually feed you from the fork like you are a king and your family is royalty.  Unless someone needed assistance or handicapped, I just don't see asking this at any land restaurant.  It was a photo op to portray something that made me physically ill.  But to his family, they got their jollies using workers to stand around their table and carry out these extremely personal requests.

 

That does sound incredibly awkward.  But we have cruised on DCL and the waitstaff must have been instructed to do this without asking because our servers came and cut up my kids' food before I could even fathom what was going on!  

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21 hours ago, graphicguy said:

I would think....”you’re offering me a doughnut as a tip?  Are you serious?”

 

Where did I say that was the only thing we gave her?  We also gave her $50 on the day before disembarkation (10-day cruise).  So the comparison is between $50 plus a half-dozen of her favorite donuts, and $55.

 

21 hours ago, graphicguy said:

If I put myself in their shoes, and was asked to choose between cash or doughnuts (unless the doughnuts were made of gold),  cash wins, every time.

 

I'm surprised you think you can channel so accurately a 19 year old girl you've never met.  But, apparently, you have perfect insight into the values and preferences of every one of the hundreds of thousands of cruise ship employees around the world at all times, regardless of their situations.

Edited by havenfan
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12 minutes ago, havenfan said:

 

Where did I say that was the only thing we gave her?  We also gave her $50 on the day before disembarkation (10-day cruise).  So the comparison is between $50 plus a half-dozen of her favorite donuts, and $55.

 

 

I'm surprised you think you can channel so accurately a 19 year old girl you've never met.  But, apparently, you have perfect insight into the values and preferences of every one of the hundreds of thousands of cruise ship employees around the world at all times, regardless of their situations.

I think the doughnuts and tip were very good and I know as a childcare provider myself I always appreciate the little things from the families I work for.  I love getting a little gift along with my tip and imo the girl did also.

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32 minutes ago, havenfan said:

 

Where did I say that was the only thing we gave her?  We also gave her $50 on the day before disembarkation (10-day cruise).  So the comparison is between $50 plus a half-dozen of her favorite donuts, and $55.

 

 

I'm surprised you think you can channel so accurately a 19 year old girl you've never met.  But, apparently, you have perfect insight into the values and preferences of every one of the hundreds of thousands of cruise ship employees around the world at all times, regardless of their situations.

Lord knows I’ve “lived through” parenting 19 year olds, male and female.  Yeah, I think I’ve got a fair handle on their likes.  What’s likely to be day old doughnuts (by the time you get them to a crew member), regardless of where they’re from, wouldn’t be one of their likes.

 

I know mine took cash, wherever, whenever offered (and most times, when not offered, but whiningly requested).  Good luck trying to predict their dietary wants/needs at 19.  Again, speaking from experience.

 

You mentioned you thought the crew member probably preferred doughnuts to cash.  I disagreed with you, that’s all.

 

I’ve cruised quite a bit. Obviously, I’ve not seen every cruise employee, but I have encountered probably hundreds of them.  Cash has ALWAYS been King.  Not sure what the rules would be for crew to receive food or dink from outside.  

 

Never saw you gave cash.  That’s probably way more appreciated.

Edited by graphicguy
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49 minutes ago, graphicguy said:

Lord knows I’ve “lived through” parenting 19 year olds, male and female.  Yeah, I think I’ve got a fair handle on their likes.

 

Have your 19 year olds spent time working in a job where they were allowed to leave their workplace only for a few hours a month?

 

49 minutes ago, graphicguy said:

What’s likely to be day old doughnuts (by the time you get them to a crew member), regardless of where they’re from, wouldn’t be one of their likes.

 

My daughter delivered the donuts to the counselor within an hour of our re-boarding the ship.  We knew where she worked.

 

49 minutes ago, graphicguy said:

You mentioned you thought the crew member probably preferred doughnuts to cash.  I disagreed with you, that’s all.

 

You didn't just disagree.  Your phrasing indicated that I couldn't possibly be right.  That your opinion was always right, "every time".  That there could never be any nuance in the situation.

 

You may be right.  She might have preferred the extra $5 to the "taste of home".  But your opinion is founded on considerably less evidence and a whole lot more assumptions than mine.  And just because you keep SHOUTING it out doesn't make it true.

 

49 minutes ago, graphicguy said:

Cash has ALWAYS been King.

 

There you go again....

Edited by havenfan
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OP....My 19 year olds worked jobs ranging from bailing hay (try that for 12 hours/day in 90º heat), to carrying lumber, to working in a slaughter house (which my late Father owned).   They all understand the value of making money.  They all graduated from college.  They all worked hard....physically hard....when not in school. They worked mentally hard while in school.  I’m immensely proud of them all.

 

You’re flat wrong about crew only getting off the ship a few hours/month.  Their time off is their own.  They can get off at port during their off hours.  They can choose to hang out in their rooms, or the casual areas on the ship.  When they’re off, their time is their own.

 

But, you’re bound and determined to deem doughnut giving as a tremendous gesture on your part.

 

So be it.  You win!

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28 minutes ago, graphicguy said:

You’re flat wrong about crew only getting off the ship a few hours/month.  Their time off is their own.  They can get off at port during their off hours.  They can choose to hang out in their rooms, or the casual areas on the ship.  When they’re off, their time is their own.

 

The crew I've spoken with have claimed that they usually only get off the ship every couple of weeks.  That they can rarely get more than a couple of hours off at a time during a port call and it's not worth getting off the ship for less than that.  There are exceptions such as the headline entertainers and the concierge, but my understanding is that the room stewards, waiters and, yes, kids club counselors don't usually manage a half day off in port every week.  What's your understanding and where did you get it from?

 

28 minutes ago, graphicguy said:

But, you’re bound and determined to deem doughnut giving as a tremendous gesture on your part.

 

I think it was a reasonable gesture in that particular situation.  And possibly preferable to giving $5, which is the actual point of our dialogue.

Edited by havenfan
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34 minutes ago, ColeThornton said:

And yet another thread gets derailed.  

Let me understand this....Somebody did something thoughtful for someone, and somebody else is criticizing them for it. Do I have that right ? 

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15 minutes ago, cruiser1955a said:

Let me understand this....Somebody did something thoughtful for someone, and somebody else is criticizing them for it. Do I have that right ? 

no someone said they gave donuts as a tip but now they stated that they gave 50 bucks plus donuts, so we dont know what to bellieve

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38 minutes ago, Newleno said:

no someone said they gave donuts as a tip but now they stated that they gave 50 bucks plus donuts, so we dont know what to bellieve


The question is whether a non-cash gift can ever be better than the equivalent amount of cash.

 

I maintain that, in this particular set of circumstances, a 19 year old Canadian kids counselor on her first contract who had previously told me that a) she couldn't leave the ship in the Canadian ports because of her schedule and b) one of the things she missed most from home was Tim Hortons, might have appreciated our bringing her a box of Tim Hortons donuts (costing around $5) more than an additional $5 cash tip.

 

Several people (including yourself previously) asserted unequivocally that the cash would always be preferred in every situation without exception.

 

The fact that the donuts or potential extra $5 was in addition to the $50 we also gave her shouldn't change either the question or the answer.

Edited by havenfan
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The most disgusting thing is actually seeing young filipino women getting hugged and touched by old obese western guests. How many young female crew member do you think actually dream of getting touched in such a way by a random stranger?

 

To many guests actually see friendliness and politeness of service staff as an invitation for crossing all borders of acceptable behaviour. 

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I’m sure you mean nothing but kindness with the offer but how would the crew member be able to say no if they didn’t want to go. I think you are putting them in an awkward position. 

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This is really a weird and interesting topic.  I am uncomfortable with both ends of the spectrum here.

 

On one end, it seems some people might cross a line that makes the workers uncomfortable or put them in a place of being pressured to continue a relationship outside of a working relationship.  I can see where it might be very condescending to assume a worker would just be in awe of your presence and attention.  They are autonomous beings and not our performing pets or charitable projects.

 

On the other end, it seems as if people think that a worker and a passenger couldn't possibly forge an authentic bond over time and even more alarming to me is to claim that workers and passengers are so culturally different that they could never associate with each other outside of this unequal relationship.  Not all passengers are middle class/upper middle class, retired/middle aged white people.  Yup, a lot are, but we aren't all borg and neither are the workers.

I am a teacher.  I teach older students, so I love getting ANY gift from a student, even a card (because, unlike elementary teachers, we rarely get gifts).  Of course, I really like gift cards, and if I HAD to choose, obviously I would pick the $$$ option over, say, brownies, but I would also love it if a kid knew I liked a certain Starbucks drink and brought me a drink instead of the $5 gift card.

 

Yes, money is good, and giving stupid crap to people because you think they "should just be grateful to get anything" is culturally insensitive and possibly racist/elitist, but yes, a thought or a fun gesture "can" be appreciated as well.   

 

Also, someone mentioned Applebees.  I thought this was funny because, back when I was in my early/mid twenties, my DH, friends and I befriended a middle aged waitress at a local Ground Round (she went on to Applebees after that).  Yes, we brought her flowers on her birthday, bought her dinner and drinks after her shift and ended up  doing some things with her outside of her job.  Of course, we didn't think of ourselves as her "betters."  We weren't condescending or thinking we were doing her a favor by gracing her with our magnanimity.  We just liked her and she liked us.  

I don't think most of us will have this happen on a seven day cruise; however, every situation is different, and I can imagine with frequency over years, or in a very unusual situation, it could certainly occur in an authentic manner.  

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