Funny Cruise Stories

[Pale Gail Sails]

I had posted this on the 55+ topic but it might get a little more reader traffic in this location.  Loads of funny things happen on a cruise and I am interested in hearing some of the stories that people have and are willing to share. On the ship or on the shore, if it is amusing, I hope we can read about it.  I will start the discussion off with a story that happened on the May sailing of the Celebrity Edge:

 

On a recent cruise, a friend of ours woke up during the night and tried to find his way to the bathroom. He did not want to wake his wife so he did not turn on a light. The blackout blinds were quite effective so the cabin was pitch black. Our friend felt his way to towards the bathroom, trying desperately not to bang into anything. Knowing that there was a night light on in the bathroom, he was looking for a door outline that was slightly illuminated.

 

Unfortunately the cabin and bathroom doors were close together and he was a bit disoriented. When he saw a door frame with a hint of light showing, he quickly opened it and stepped out. As soon as he did so, he suddenly realized his mistake. He was in the hallway. At the exact time he recognized his error, he heard the unmistakable sound of the door clicking shut behind him. He was now naked and trapped in the hallway.

 

At that moment he heard the unmistakable sound of a door opening just down the hallway and the voices of two women speaking: "Thank you for inviting me for a drink. See you tomorrow." said one of the women.

 

Fearing imminent discovery, our friend pressed himself up against the door and started whispering "Claire, Claire, open the door." He was met with silence. He knocked louder, trying not to draw attention to himself. "Clair, Clair, open the door NOW".

 

No response.

He then started knocking loudly and calling for his wife.

 

His wife woke up and could hear her husband but turning on the light, she could not see him anywhere in the cabin. She could hear knocking and the desperation in his voice. She checked the bathroom. No Dave.  "Where are you?" she shouted.

 

"In the hallway, open the door NOW." he cried.

 

Claire opened the door and Dave rushed in past her.  "What are you doing naked in the hallway?" she asked.

Dave was just relieved to be safely back in the room.

 

The next morning while recounting the story over breakfast Dave confessed that words can not describe the relief he felt when the lady he had heard exiting her friend's cabin, had proceeded to walk in the other direction.

[c-boy]

wonderful !  Cruising the low seas of the Caribbean the countess (d w) and I received an engraved invitation to dine with the Master of the ship. ( those of you from  Oklahoma and points west to the Rockies that's  the captain )The event time was 1900 hrs  hosted cocktails in Micheal's lounge, formal wear only.  Six couples in attendance our hostess's was the cruise director and hotel manager.  Thirty minutes had passed when the captain appeared. Out fitted in a class A white dinner coat no rank insignia just faint sleeve bands. He stood all of 5' 8" , timid looking at first glance with dark thinning hair, strong jaw line, eyes that could piece a target at 100 meters. I took note of his soft toned voice, as he made his rounds introducing himself and accompanied by one of our hostess's. "good evening Mr. Wattle, I am Capitaaaaan  Emarldo Vincente Gregio (in a heavily laden Greek accent) I hope your stay with us has been pleasant so far and this evening brings you great joy" . And with that our hostess's gave the announcement that we will be proceeding to the dining room.  " one Moment Mr. Wattle. " The hotel director said.  "We wish for you to wear this, please allow me." Huh a red rose on my white dinner coat ..... looked good. I thought nothing  more of it.  By this time I was a good two minutes behind the rest of the guest, so I made a hasty foot path to the 6th deck dinning entrance. 

        Upon arriving I introduced myself to maitre d'  whom had a smirk on his face. " Right this way Mr. Wattle" I walked a short distance behind as the Maitre d' stepped aside I notice I was standing at the top of the grand stair case in the main dining room ALONE.  Looking out over the vast dining area it seemed all eye's were on me. Trapped! I felt Trapped !  I spied the captains table three quarters of the dining area away. No where to go but down.  With an erect posture I proceeded down the center of the stair case.  I kept repeating to myself  " Bond, ... James Bond ."  Now on level ground I began looking around and  acknowledging fellow diners.   Smiling and saying, " good evening ... good evening, hello,... nice to see you... "  I was almost to my destination when a lovely lady dressed in a silver gown my eye contact with me.  I don't know why or what possessed me but, as she arose from her chair and smiling I changed course and headed toward her.  " good evening madam, you look absolutely stunning this evening". I took her hand and gently kissed the top, turn to proceed to my table as I did, I heard the lovely lady say " that's the captain, oh my the captain kissed me" .  Arriving at my destination I took a quick look to see there was only one seat available and the Maitre d' standing by it smiling. So I took my seat at the head of the table with my darling wife seated next to me. " Saluuuuute' "   rang thru the air from the center of the table where the "captain " was seated with a raised glass looking at me smiling. 
 

Edited July 14, 2019 by c-boy

[jwattle]

8 minutes ago, c-boy said:

wonderful !  Cruising the low seas of the Caribbean the countess (d w) and I received an engraved invitation to dine with the Master of the ship. ( those of you from  Oklahoma and points west to the Rockies that's  the captain )The event time was 1900 hrs  hosted cocktails in Micheal's lounge, formal wear only.  Six couples in attendance our hostess's was the cruise director and hotel manager.  Thirty minutes had passed when the captain appeared. Out fitted in a class A white dinner coat no rank insignia just faint sleeve bands. He stood all of 5' 8" , timid looking at first glance with dark thinning hair, strong jaw line, eyes that could piece a target at 100 meters. I took note of his soft toned voice, as he made his rounds introducing himself and accompanied by one of our hostess's. "good evening Mr. Wattle, I am Capitaaaaan  Emarldo Vincente Gregio (in a heavily laden Greek accent) I hope your stay with us has been pleasant so far and this evening brings you great joy" . And with that our hostess's gave the announcement that we will be proceeding to the dining room.  " one Moment Mr. Wattle. " The hotel director said.  "We wish for you to wear this, please allow me." Huh a red rose on my white dinner coat ..... looked good. I thought nothing  more of it.  By this time I was a good two minutes behind the rest of the guest, so I made a hasty foot path to the 6th deck dinning entrance. 

        Upon arriving I introduced myself to maitre d'  whom had a smirk on his face. " Right this way Mr. Wattle" I walked a short distance behind as the Maitre d' stepped aside I notice I was standing at the top of the grand stair case in the main dining room ALONE.  Looking out over the vast dining area it seemed all eye's were on me. Trapped! I felt Trapped !  I spied the captains table three quarters of the dining area away. No where to go but down.  With an erect posture I proceeded down the center of the stair case.  I kept repeating to myself  " Bond, ... James Bond ."  Now on level ground I began looking around and  acknowledging fellow diners.   Smiling and saying, " good evening ... good evening, hello,... nice to see you... "  I was almost to my destination when a lovely lady dressed in a silver gown my eye contact with me.  I don't know why or what possessed me but, as she arose from her chair and smiling I changed course and headed toward her.  " good evening madam, you look absolutely stunning this evening". I took her hand and gently kissed the top, turn to proceed to my table as I did, I heard the lovely lady say " that's the captain, oh my the captain kissed me" .  Arriving at my destination I took a quick look to see there was only one seat available and the Maitre d' standing by it smiling. So I took my seat at the head of the table with my darling wife seated next to me. " Saluuuuute' "   rang thru the air from the center of the table where the "captain " was seated with a raised glass looking at me smiling. 
 

And to finish his story (Yes, I'm the DW) we found the reason, or at least the reason we were told, stems from the old days:  the Captain sits at the middle of the table, not the head, is in case of assassination attempts; assassins would shoot for the head of the table, thus missing the true Captain...didn't make my husband feel terribly well.🤣

[Kartgv]

We also had a 'naked man' experience, so they DO happen.   Ours was one night coming back to our room after dinner.   As we turned the corner into our hallway, saw a naked man sort of pacing up and down in the hall.    Since he was between where we were standing and our own door, we would have had to pass him to get there.    We elected to backtrack and call security from the phone by the elevator.    We went back to the bar, had another drink, and when we returned the coast was clear.

  

The next morning, our room steward was only too happy to tell us what supposedly happened.    Seems the man had room service dinner in his room alone and after dinner decided to place his tray of empty dishes in the hall.   The door slammed shut behind him, leaving him stranded in the hallway.    I say 'supposedly' because we did not see any tray of dishes in the hallway when we saw him - guess we'll never know!    

[julie3fan]

Kartgv, your story is funny, and while other posters might not believe it, I do!

[TNcruising02]

It obviously doesn't take much to entertain me because I think this thread is very funny.🤣

[Velvetwater]

 

Nothing too crazy and it did not happen on my cruise but my friend put on her facebook this past year:

 

'What do you do when you are sat next to a  couple at the buffet who are using the chocolate buffet to spread and lick off each other's limbs?'

 

She was on a Carnival cruise at the time.

 

I don't know her too well as it's been years so I didn't ask. I have often wondered at it.

[dkjretired]

1 hour ago, Velvetwater said:

 

Nothing too crazy and it did not happen on my cruise but my friend put on her facebook this past year:

 

'What do you do when you are sat next to a  couple at the buffet who are using the chocolate buffet to spread and lick off each other's limbs?'

 

She was on a Carnival cruise at the time.

 

I don't know her too well as it's been years so I didn't ask. I have often wondered at it.

 

Join in!!!!!

[julie3fan]

2 hours ago, TxCityKat said:

 

Dug out some of my old cards. The cabin numbers are printed on Carnival 04/04/98 Sensation, 10/04/01 Celebration & 10/14/02 Jubilee but none of the rest.

 

Thank you!  I started cruising maybe 15 years ago, and had never seen that.

[ldubs]

8 hours ago, jwattle said:

And to finish his story (Yes, I'm the DW) 

 

Uh, C-Boy, you better like her posts. Just sayin. . . .  😀😀😀

[Essiesmom]

3 hours ago, TxCityKat said:

 

Dug out some of my old cards. The cabin numbers are printed on Carnival 04/04/98 Sensation, 10/04/01 Celebration & 10/14/02 Jubilee but none of the rest.

Back then, there were separate cards that opened the cabin door...smaller and with big holes in them.  EM

[lenquixote66]

On 7/14/2019 at 7:57 AM, Pale Gail Sails said:

I had posted this on the 55+ topic but it might get a little more reader traffic in this location.  Loads of funny things happen on a cruise and I am interested in hearing some of the stories that people have and are willing to share. On the ship or on the shore, if it is amusing, I hope we can read about it.  I will start the discussion off with a story that happened on the May sailing of the Celebrity Edge:

 

On a recent cruise, a friend of ours woke up during the night and tried to find his way to the bathroom. He did not want to wake his wife so he did not turn on a light. The blackout blinds were quite effective so the cabin was pitch black. Our friend felt his way to towards the bathroom, trying desperately not to bang into anything. Knowing that there was a night light on in the bathroom, he was looking for a door outline that was slightly illuminated.

 

Unfortunately the cabin and bathroom doors were close together and he was a bit disoriented. When he saw a door frame with a hint of light showing, he quickly opened it and stepped out. As soon as he did so, he suddenly realized his mistake. He was in the hallway. At the exact time he recognized his error, he heard the unmistakable sound of the door clicking shut behind him. He was now naked and trapped in the hallway.

 

At that moment he heard the unmistakable sound of a door opening just down the hallway and the voices of two women speaking: "Thank you for inviting me for a drink. See you tomorrow." said one of the women.

 

Fearing imminent discovery, our friend pressed himself up against the door and started whispering "Claire, Claire, open the door." He was met with silence. He knocked louder, trying not to draw attention to himself. "Clair, Clair, open the door NOW".

 

No response.

He then started knocking loudly and calling for his wife.

 

His wife woke up and could hear her husband but turning on the light, she could not see him anywhere in the cabin. She could hear knocking and the desperation in his voice. She checked the bathroom. No Dave.  "Where are you?" she shouted.

 

"In the hallway, open the door NOW." he cried.

 

Claire opened the door and Dave rushed in past her.  "What are you doing naked in the hallway?" she asked.

Dave was just relieved to be safely back in the room.

 

The next morning while recounting the story over breakfast Dave confessed that words can not describe the relief he felt when the lady he had heard exiting her friend's cabin, had proceeded to walk in the other direction.

We met a couple on a cruise from NY to Fla/Bahamas.They came on with no luggage.They said the go shopping in the first port ,buy everything they expect to need for every day of the cruise and either buy a suitcase and carry everything home or just get rid of the clothes and accessories on the last day of the cruise.

They were Fred and Marge from the Bronx,NY.

[Sancho_proudfoot]

Queueing at the airport for a flight to Orlando, prior to joining Freedom of the Seas for a B2B Caribbean cruise, we saw the archetypal "little old lady" and her husband, standing totally bewildered. They had never flown anywhere previously. We helped them to check in (turned out they were on the same flight as us).

 

Arrival in the US, same total bemusement, and, again we helped them through US immigration.

 

Once at baggage reclaim, we then learnt that they were going on the same B2B as us - mid 80's, never been out of the UK, never flown, and taking their first cruise!

 

During the first week of the cruise, although we were all over the ship, we never once saw them, and DW was fretting that they had, somehow, missed the boat. On turnround day, at the start of the second leg, we took a trip to Kennedy Space Center. On reboarding, all of a sudden, DW squealed as she spotted the elderly couple in the line. 

 

We chatted to them,  (turned out they had been to Disney !) and were amused that they were 'totally tropical' - colourful shirts, jaunty sunhats and so on. We chuckled to ourselves as the old lady started chivvying her DH along, saying "hurry up, l want to get the drink of the day before that muster drill " - for all the world like highly-experienced cruisers.

 

Once again, we went a week- long cruise without ever seeing them again - except once, when they entered - and won! - the 'Love & Marriage" show.

 

Back to Orlando Airport, we saw them again, but this time, no confusion or "what do we do next?"- they checked in like the seasoned travellers they now were, the old gentleman even gently flirting with the check in lady.

 

Turned out it was their 65th wedding anniversary on the cruise and their two children had bought the trip for them.

 

Not really a 'funny' tale, but we still smile at the memory of the transformation from timid, bewildered pensioners to cruising party people.

 

Edited July 15, 2019 by Sancho_proudfoot

[Pale Gail Sails]

5 hours ago, Sancho_proudfoot said:

...

Not really a 'funny' tale, but we still smile at the memory of the transformation from timid, bewildered pensioners to cruising party people.

...

I love this story and yes it made me smile.

[Pale Gail Sails]

Thank you to those who have posted funny and interesting stories.  It is nice to laugh with you. I found the story about the couple who buy all new clothing for a sailing to be a laugh. I wish I had that kind of money. LOL.

 

I did go check my sea pass from our recent Celebrity Edge sailing and it had our cabin number on it minus the deck number.  Our cabin was 11274 and the pass has 274 on it.

 

I received some e-mails from people who said naked or scantily clothed people (most often in underwear), have from time to time, been seen in hallways. Victims of, as some of you have pointed out, stepping into the hallway for one reason or another and having the door slam shut. So I will have to mention to Dave that he has not been the only naked person to be trapped in a hallway. Thank you all for sharing those stories. 

 

I found to my surprise that melted chocolate on the bed sheets is also common. A women named Gerry wrote an amusing story about that happening to her and her husband on their last sailing. I will ask her to copy and paste her story into this thread as she gave the details of her husband waking up and finding the brown stain on the sheets. 

 

If anyone else has any funny or cute stories, I would love to hear them.

 

 

 

 

[SRF]

15 hours ago, Sancho_proudfoot said:

 

 

I have a number of old RCL seapass cards. They all show a room number (but they miss out the first digit which designates the deck - so Room 7254 just shows 254)

 

Of course that is really not much of a loss on some ships.  On Grandeur, all the suites are deck 8.  And Suite cards are gold.........

 

😄
 

 

[ontheweb]

my funny cruise story:

 

We were on the NCL Epic. It had a Nickelodeon feature.

 

Anyway, I entered an elevator that had a young couple with their two small children as the other occupants. The mother said to the father they he should be prepared to be slimed. He said no way. The mother than asked the kids who they would rather slime, and they both yelled "DAD".

 

I was the last one off the elevator; he was next to last. I wished him good luck, and he thanked me.

[Mike981]

Back to the original topic:

Very first cruise, it was our honeymoon delayed by ten years. I was sitting on the bed taking everything in and noticed a camera velcrowed on top of the TV. I got up and turned it so it was facing the wall. We had a local hotel just get busted for doing this.

You probably know where this is going. I complained to our room steward (Tony if your out there, I still love ya') that our TV did not work. Later on our way from our room to the MDR Tony out of the blue calls my name and loudly says, "Mr. Mike, we not spying or taking pictures of you. That is so you can control the TV." The three of us got a big laugh. 

[MicCanberra]

2 hours ago, Mike981 said:

Back to the original topic:

Very first cruise, it was our honeymoon delayed by ten years. I was sitting on the bed taking everything in and noticed a camera velcrowed on top of the TV. I got up and turned it so it was facing the wall. We had a local hotel just get busted for doing this.

You probably know where this is going. I complained to our room steward (Tony if your out there, I still love ya') that our TV did not work. Later on our way from our room to the MDR Tony out of the blue calls my name and loudly says, "Mr. Mike, we not spying or taking pictures of you. That is so you can control the TV." The three of us got a big laugh. 

LOL, I would be checking behind the mirrors as well.😋

[Pale Gail Sails]

Back to the topic. 

 

Many years ago when I was going on my first cruise with a group of friends, my great Aunt (who was 11 when the Titanic sank), was worried about our cruise ship sinking. She was a retired school teacher and a great researcher. She put together a ten page letter of tips to save myself when/if the boat started sinking. Number 1 was to immediately don a life jacket and stand by a life boat if we spotted an iceberg.  We were going on a Hawaiian cruise. 

I still have the list.

[MicCanberra]

18 minutes ago, Pale Gail Sails said:

Back to the topic. 

 

Many years ago when I was going on my first cruise with a group of friends, my great Aunt (who was 11 when the Titanic sank), was worried about our cruise ship sinking. She was a retired school teacher and a great researcher. She put together a ten page letter of tips to save myself when/if the boat started sinking. Number 1 was to immediately don a life jacket and stand by a life boat if we spotted an iceberg.  We were going on a Hawaiian cruise. 

I still have the list.

I have been on numerous cruises in warm weather regions and still seen icebergs, mostly in the salad bowl. Now Lettuce forgive my punning transgressions.😋

[ontheweb]

28 minutes ago, Pale Gail Sails said:

Back to the topic. 

 

Many years ago when I was going on my first cruise with a group of friends, my great Aunt (who was 11 when the Titanic sank), was worried about our cruise ship sinking. She was a retired school teacher and a great researcher. She put together a ten page letter of tips to save myself when/if the boat started sinking. Number 1 was to immediately don a life jacket and stand by a life boat if we spotted an iceberg.  We were going on a Hawaiian cruise. 

I still have the list.

Just another example of global cooling.

[MadWoofter]

Scenario:

Day one of the cruise when everyone is getting their bearings & exploring.  I got into a lift with two excitable young lads of about 14-15.

Lad #1 - Wow, does this lift go sideways?

Lad #2 - Dude, that's the door close button

 

Every time I get in the lifts now I remember that conversation

 

 

[babs135]

7 hours ago, MicCanberra said:

I have been on numerous cruises in warm weather regions and still seen icebergs, mostly in the salad bowl. Now Lettuce forgive my punning transgressions.😋

I swear your jokes are getting worse!!!  I'm beginning to think that we need a 'groan' button adding to the site 😉

[DirtyDawg]

1 hour ago, babs135 said:

I swear your jokes are getting worse!!!  I'm beginning to think that we need a 'groan' button adding to the site 😉

 

 

Edited July 18, 2019 by DirtyDawg