“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[Denny01]

The Car: (this described my wife except neither of our cars have ignitions)!

 

Den

 

Several days ago, as i left a meeting at our church, I desparately gave myself a personal SWAT pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing, Suddenly i realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, i headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is that the ignition is the best place not to lose them.Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As i burst through the doors of the church, I cam to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.  The car had been stolen! I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed i had left the keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “ Honey, “ I stammered. I always call her ‘honey’ at times like these. “ I left my keys in the car and it has been stolen!”

There was a period of silence. I though the call had been dropped, but then i heard Dianne’s voice, “Ken, “ she barked, “ I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “ Well, come and get me.”

Long silence, “ I will as soon as I convince the policeman i have not stolen your car!"

 

[centurycruiser]

[centurycruiser]

[Safety Squirrel]

[Safety Squirrel]

[Von & John]

[centurycruiser]

[goofysmom99]

Where did Captain Hook get his hook from?

The second hand store.

 

"Watch out for that crocodile, captain," he said off-handedly.

[centurycruiser]

[centurycruiser]

[Safety Squirrel]

[centurycruiser]

[Denny01]

A teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire himself out as a handy man and started canvassing near by well to do neighborhoods. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that needed doing. 

“ Well", said the homeowner, “ I guess i could use some body to paint the porch, how much will you charge me?” Delighted, the young man replied, “ How about $100? ‘

The man agreed and told him that the paint and paintbrushes, and everything he would need were in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, “ Does he realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?”

 

The husband just chuckled. 

Later that day, the teen came to the door to collect his money. “ You finished already?” The startled husband asked.“ Yes”, the young man replied, “ And i even had paint left over so I gave it two coats!” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $100.00, and handed it over along with a  $20 tip.

“And by the way,” the young man said, “It’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus!"

 

Den!!

[centurycruiser]

A hole was found in the fence at the nudist camp. Police are looking into it.

[goofysmom99]

[pumpkin 11]

15 minutes ago, goofysmom99 said:

Haha love it

 

[centurycruiser]

[WrittenOnYourHeart]

3 hours ago, goofysmom99 said:

 

Also a lesson to not dress as twinsies with your kid when they're getting a shot!

[Safety Squirrel]

[centurycruiser]

[goofysmom99]

[Safety Squirrel]

[Safety Squirrel]

On 6/16/2020 at 6:53 PM, Denny01 said:

A teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire himself out as a handy man and started canvassing near by well to do neighborhoods. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that needed doing. 
.....Later that day, the teen came to the door to collect his money. “ You finished already?” The startled husband asked.“ Yes”, the young man replied, “ And i even had paint left over so I gave it two coats!” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $100.00, and handed it over along with a  $20 tip.

“And by the way,” the young man said, “It’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus!"

I have passed this chuckle on to several friends who have also passed it on.  Thanks for the laugh.!!

[Safety Squirrel]

[centurycruiser]