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At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled, volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you! said a fourth.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully, "thankfully, we can all still drive."

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Medical experts in London today were asked if is time to ease the COVID lockdown.
 
Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought that the government had a lot of nerve.
 
Obstetricians felt certain that everyone was labouring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh grow up!”
 
Psychiatrists thought that the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and Pharmacists claimed that it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
 
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter”.
Podiatrists thought that it was a step forward, but Urologists were pi$$ed off at the whole idea.
 
Anaesthetists thought that the whole idea was a gas, and Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
 
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a$$holes in politics
 
 
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14 hours ago, TeaBag said:
Medical experts in London today were asked if is time to ease the COVID lockdown.
 
Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought that the government had a lot of nerve.
 
Obstetricians felt certain that everyone was labouring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh grow up!”
 
Psychiatrists thought that the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and Pharmacists claimed that it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
 
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter”.
Podiatrists thought that it was a step forward, but Urologists were pi$$ed off at the whole idea.
 
Anaesthetists thought that the whole idea was a gas, and Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
 
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a$$holes in politics
 
 

 

 

I shared this with my son in medical research. He has these additions:

 

Oncologists thought the whole idea was rather malignant, while the surgeons wanted everyone to cut it out. (yes, I know surgeons are already on the list)

 

 

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2 hours ago, bobndee said:

 

 

I shared this with my son in medical research. He has these additions:

 

Oncologists thought the whole idea was rather malignant, while the surgeons wanted everyone to cut it out. (yes, I know surgeons are already on the list)

 

 

In honor of my niece's first day on the job as a DPT, I'll add that physical thereapists encouraged flexibility.

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How do you know if a politician is lying? 

 

A politician was visiting a remote little rural town in Australia and asked the locals what the government could do for them.
"We have two big problems,” said the townspeople.
“First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his iPhone, spoke for a while and then said,“I have sorted that out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow."
The politician then asked “What is your other problem?”

The townspeople replied, “We have no mobile phone reception in our town…...”

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Years ago NY enacted a law that said anytime you are using your wipers (aka it's raining) you need to put your headlights on for visibility. Pretty common law now. Well some old codger calls into this small town AM station (where I was home visiting the folks) and gives them a piece of his mind. He goes on about how ridiculous it is to have to put his wipers on when his headlights are on and how he has gone through 3 pairs of wipers already since the new law came into effect and is about fed up and ready to stop driving at night! And the host didn't catch it either... I think both should be taken off the road! I was on the floor laughing.

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