“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[goofysmom99]

[Denny01]

Does everyone realize how many of these posts we copy and send out via email, and all our family and friends thinks we are soooooo cool!! Keep it up!!

 

Den

[babylene]

Would you kindly explain how to copy and send via email? Thanks

[Denny01]

10 minutes ago, babylene said:

Would you kindly explain how to copy and send via email? Thanks

I just tap into the post and then drag the highlight around it and select ‘Copy’ and then add it to a word file or into an email.

 

Den

[C-Dragons]

[C-Dragons]

[Prost Seattle]

47 minutes ago, C-Dragons said:

Just eat a salad for lunch, that’ll help.   Err...maybe not. 

[Spif Barwunkel]

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

[Spif Barwunkel]

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.

“That’s true,” says God.

“So what happened?” she asks.

God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”

[Spif Barwunkel]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

[Spif Barwunkel]

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

[bob278]

A moment of seriousness, if I may.

 

Dedicated to the wonderful people in our health care industry.

 

[hcat]

AMEN!

[alibaba1]

[C-Dragons]

[C-Dragons]

[C-Dragons]

[Spif Barwunkel]

You're not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.

[Spif Barwunkel]

Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that.

[Spif Barwunkel]

My wife told me I was being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

[Spif Barwunkel]

And the Lord said unto John, "come forth and you will receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.

[C-Dragons]

State Farms new motto:
 

 

"Like a good neighbor, stay over there."

[MamaFej]

Please do NOT click on this is you are bothered by profanity. Really. 

I know that most of the songs posted here and in other humor threads on CC contain profanity, but it's pervasive in this one. 

You have been warned. 

 

https://www.facebook.com/100007070011177/posts/2608726419373000/
 

[C-Dragons]

10 minutes ago, MamaFej said:

Please do NOT click on this is you are bothered by profanity. Really. 

I know that most of the songs posted here and in other humor threads on CC contain profanity, but it's pervasive in this one. 

You have been warned. 

 

https://www.facebook.com/100007070011177/posts/2608726419373000/
 

I have not clicked on your post, but from your description perhaps it is not appropriate for this thread?

And I was not aware that profanity was acceptable on CC.

[bob278]

I have to admit, I didn't see this coming.

 

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides