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How do an 87 and 89 year old get home from Freemantle?


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10 minutes ago, Kindergirl said:

Good morning everyone. Thanks for all the messages and great shopping ideas. We have The Visiting Angels coming for a visit today to discuss options. Even if they only do the shopping and errands now, I’m hoping they will find someone they like in case more help is needed on a regular basis. Plus there will be someone to have eyes on them a couple of times a week. My mom’s “I’m fine” is sometimes hard to believe, especially from a distance.

If that doesn’t pan out I will call the store she shops at or look into the other great ideas. Thanks so much. 

Besides doing the errands I pretty much have no purpose here.  My mom once again has everything in control. Tough +++

@rjbean4 thank you for the link. I have shared the captains blog with them as well and they are enjoying it. 

If all goes well today I’m hoping to head home next week (assuming they can start that quickly). I’m hoping my drive and border crossing will be okay. 
@sotiris I appreciate the info about the plan. I do have one but I’m very glad to know I’ll need to share it with them. I’ll check the NWT link. Cheers. Fortunately, my partner is at home and she has the groceries under control, but I too would have wondered about fruit and veggies. I often get asked that and didn’t know they would okay it if you were a regular cross border shopper. She will either quarantine with me if she feels she can work only from home for those two weeks, or we will divide the house and she can bring me meals. 😁

Rest assured I will strictly observe the self isolation. I’m coming from a hotspot and don’t want to get ANYONE sick!

Ill let you know how the visit goes. 
Please stay safe everyone! We need good people like you all to stay healthy!

 

I'm sure your partner misses you like crazy! Hopefully you two can just quarantine together. I hope all goes smoothly for you and you're able to get home soon. We'll all be thinking of you! 

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@KindergirlIt sounds like you have some good plans in the work! I hope the Visiting Angels can work for now and in the future. They can be a big help for them and peace of mind for you.

 

I got some help for my grandfather when he was in his mid-90's. He gladly allowed this lady, a RN he knew, to come over and help with cooking, laundry and driving him to church and appointments. She was to come over after breakfast and stay until she cooked his dinner. Shortly after she started,  I was visiting from out of state and she was sitting at the kitchen table while he made their lunch! He didn't like her cooking!! Sadly, he just kept shortening her hours until he was almost home alone again. Those wily, stubborn, self-sufficient seniors!

 

Eventually his health (at age 100) took a turn where he needed someone to stay with him 24/7. We discussed all his options (his mind was better than mine is now) and he decided on assisted living where he happily lived for 2 more years.

 

I, too, always got the "I'm fine" when I would call the members of my family I cared for. There is nothing better than having someone put their eyes on them! I especially think during this virus, that would be even be more important. 

 

Thanks for keeping us updated and I hope things progress so you can begin your trip home soon. I'm sure your partner misses you. 

 

 

 

 

 

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    Kindergirl

         I am writing this with all due respect and from a background of taking care of elderly parents. My father passed away at age 73 from early onset Alzheimer’s disease and my mother passed at 93 after living eighteen years with me and my DH.

         I may be flamed for this and I understand that many of us want our independence and the ability to continue activities that we enjoy. But, in my opinion, there comes a time where we must decide if we are truly able to continue those activities, adjust them somewhat to fit our health and abilities or decide that we can no longer continue the activities.

        Given your Mother’s age and health concerns, was it realistically feasible for her to undertake a cruise so far from home?

 Being on the cruise was one thing,but the travel that she had to endure to return home would have been exceedingly trying for a person half her age.

         I do wish your mother a return to good health and many good days of contentment in the years ahead.

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Kindergirl, try to respect your elders' wishes.  It is their lives.  Their choices.

You have given them lifesaving help that they deeply appreciate.

Now, try to listen to them and move forward with your lives.  Hopefully they will welcome the Visiting Angels, while preserving their dignity.

Hugs and prayers for you all.

Barbara

 

Edited by bcummin
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37 minutes ago, MJSailors said:

    Kindergirl

         I am writing this with all due respect and from a background of taking care of elderly parents. My father passed away at age 73 from early onset Alzheimer’s disease and my mother passed at 93 after living eighteen years with me and my DH.

         I may be flamed for this and I understand that many of us want our independence and the ability to continue activities that we enjoy. But, in my opinion, there comes a time where we must decide if we are truly able to continue those activities, adjust them somewhat to fit our health and abilities or decide that we can no longer continue the activities.

        Given your Mother’s age and health concerns, was it realistically feasible for her to undertake a cruise so far from home?

 Being on the cruise was one thing,but the travel that she had to endure to return home would have been exceedingly trying for a person half her age.

         I do wish your mother a return to good health and many good days of contentment in the years ahead.

 

With all due respect, this isn't really your business. I come from a background of caring for elderly parents and grandparents too. One lived to be 78, one died at 88 and one died at 102.

 

@Kindergirl, nor her parents, owe any of us answers to your questions, no explanations of what they did before this last cruise or what they will do in the future. They will make the best decision for themselves, whether you or I agree with it.  

 

From what I understand,  @Kindergirl's parents would have gotten home by themselves, if they hadn't had her help. She was worried about them and wanted to help them in any way that she could. She reached out, we gave her advice and suggestions and she talked plans through with her parents and they accepted the help of strangers. Was it required to get them home? I don't think so. I think she was doing what most daughters would do, help their parents when she was in a better position than they were to work out the details.

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10 minutes ago, seaoma said:

 

With all due respect, this isn't really your business. I come from a background of caring for elderly parents and grandparents too. One lived to be 78, one died at 88 and one died at 102.

 

@Kindergirl, nor her parents, owe any of us answers to your questions, no explanations of what they did before this last cruise or what they will do in the future. They will make the best decision for themselves, whether you or I agree with it.  

 

From what I understand,  @Kindergirl's parents would have gotten home by themselves, if they hadn't had her help. She was worried about them and wanted to help them in any way that she could. She reached out, we gave her advice and suggestions and she talked plans through with her parents and they accepted the help of strangers. Was it required to get them home? I don't think so. I think she was doing what most daughters would do, help their parents when she was in a better position than they were to work out the details.

 

Agreed. What's done is done. Nobody can go back in time and change it, so what's the point of bringing it up like that? I'm most definitely sure it's something all three of them have thought about during this whole fiasco and they've likely even discussed it. 

 

I think whatever decisions they make about their life are theirs only. But IMHO, are you really living life if you're not doing things you love and actually LIVING? Many people don't see value in life if all you do is sit at home. Perhaps some will live longer if they just hole themselves up at home for the rest of their days, but then they miss out on all the world has to offer - they miss out on life. 

Edited by PiperHolliday
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1 hour ago, MJSailors said:

         I may be flamed for this and I understand that many of us want our independence and the ability to continue activities that we enjoy. But, in my opinion, there comes a time where we must decide if we are truly able to continue those activities, adjust them somewhat to fit our health and abilities or decide that we can no longer continue the activities.

      

MJSailors,

I agree that there comes a time that we must decide. That is a personal decision.

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7 hours ago, Kindergirl said:

Good morning everyone. Thanks for all the messages and great shopping ideas. We have The Visiting Angels coming for a visit today to discuss options. Even if they only do the shopping and errands now, I’m hoping they will find someone they like in case more help is needed on a regular basis. Plus there will be someone to have eyes on them a couple of times a week. My mom’s “I’m fine” is sometimes hard to believe, especially from a distance.

If that doesn’t pan out I will call the store she shops at or look into the other great ideas. Thanks so much. 

Besides doing the errands I pretty much have no purpose here.  My mom once again has everything in control. Tough +++

@rjbean4 thank you for the link. I have shared the captains blog with them as well and they are enjoying it. 

If all goes well today I’m hoping to head home next week (assuming they can start that quickly). I’m hoping my drive and border crossing will be okay. 
@sotiris I appreciate the info about the plan. I do have one but I’m very glad to know I’ll need to share it with them. I’ll check the NWT link. Cheers. Fortunately, my partner is at home and she has the groceries under control, but I too would have wondered about fruit and veggies. I often get asked that and didn’t know they would okay it if you were a regular cross border shopper. She will either quarantine with me if she feels she can work only from home for those two weeks, or we will divide the house and she can bring me meals. 😁

Rest assured I will strictly observe the self isolation. I’m coming from a hotspot and don’t want to get ANYONE sick!

Ill let you know how the visit goes. 
Please stay safe everyone! We need good people like you all to stay healthy!

 

We had Visiting Angels for my aunt when the basic assisted living arrangement wasn't sufficient, and they recommended Visiting Angels as supplementary aides. Every one I met was great. I hope your mother will accept help. My aunt was great about understanding her needs and accepting help. My MIL, on the other hand... 🙄

 

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@seaoma if I’m ever in a fight I want you at my back! Thank you for your words. 
@MJSailors I think hindsight is 20/20. They went on the world cruise two years ago with no difficulty. When they left we had no idea of how the world was about to change. Never having cruised myself, I was naive.  I didn’t know past cruises have had to end early.  The Love Boat (my only cruising experience lol) always made it back to port!

I think this was a wake up call for many older folks, or those who don’t fly. But I will also say that it is far easier to think of people our parents age giving things up.  When we put the same question to ourselves we too might think we can manage even as we age. I know I still think of myself as young although I can feel the signs of aging. When will I feel I can’t manage and how easy will it be to make that decision? It truly is a personal one. 
Cheers
 

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9 minutes ago, Kindergirl said:

if I’m ever in a fight I want you at my back! Thank you for your words. 

I'll be there!!!  :classic_biggrin: 

 

Monday morning quarterbacking rubs me the wrong way and I felt like I had to speak to that.

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On 4/17/2020 at 7:54 AM, Kindergirl said:

@seaoma if I’m ever in a fight I want you at my back! Thank you for your words. 
@MJSailors I think hindsight is 20/20. They went on the world cruise two years ago with no difficulty. When they left we had no idea of how the world was about to change. Never having cruised myself, I was naive.  I didn’t know past cruises have had to end early.  The Love Boat (my only cruising experience lol) always made it back to port!

I think this was a wake up call for many older folks, or those who don’t fly. But I will also say that it is far easier to think of people our parents age giving things up.  When we put the same question to ourselves we too might think we can manage even as we age. I know I still think of myself as young although I can feel the signs of aging. When will I feel I can’t manage and how easy will it be to make that decision? It truly is a personal one. 
Cheers
 

No-one could have planned for this world cruise.  There was an unexpected pandemic, with ports closing left, right and centre.  (It is even worse now, with flight cancellations as well.)  I understand your feelings.  I was brought up by a grandmother, with lots of elderly relatives.  That era of country stock did everything themselves from changing lightbulbs in the middle of the room (I don't do that anymore Meniere's Disease) to changing washers in taps (turning off water on the footpath first, tossing out any frogs).  Washing clothes in a big boiler of hot water, using a big stick to get clothes out, hand wringing clothes before hanging on big clothes lines held up by a big stick.  I was in awe of these strong outspoken women.  I understood what it meant to them to loose their independence.  Whilst I don't possess the same level of skills (soft city hands), I know I'll want to hold on to my independence as long as possible, living in my own home, with help, if necessary.  (I don't mind dying young, as I've had a good life, but I dread the thought of just existing, as I've seen more than my share.)

Edited by MMDown Under
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Hello Kindergirl, glad your folks made it back okay.

 

Regarding the comments on senior care may I suggest that there are two things to do:

1 -leave them entirely in charge of their life.

2 -invisibly ignore point one.

Point 1 is important for morale, for self-esteem, for purpose, for the pride and sense of accomplishment in enjoying each day.

Point 2 is important to ensure that there is a physical and medical safety net around them. Falls are a big hazard, stoves are a hazard, underplaying medical symptoms are a hazard. Watch for them not mentioning "incidents".

It's a subtle game of duplicity, been there done that three times. Try structuring advice to be their idea and their decision. As a couple concerned for each other and still able to travel they are probably doing okay.

 

A minor point about groceries at the border, haven't done it for a while but I think the principle is that sensitive foods must be inspected while the practice is that if they visibly came from a US inspected source then they're fine. What they're trying to catch are those steaks your buddy cut at his farm, pretty rare for most of us. The same concept seems to apply going south too.

 

Bill

PS: a big thanks to all your helpers here!

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10 hours ago, Two4Sea said:

Hello Kindergirl, glad your folks made it back okay.

 

 

 

Regarding the comments on senior care may I suggest that there are two things to do:

 

1 -leave them entirely in charge of their life.

 

2 -invisibly ignore point one.

 

Point 1 is important for morale, for self-esteem, for purpose, for the pride and sense of accomplishment in enjoying each day.

 

Point 2 is important to ensure that there is a physical and medical safety net around them. Falls are a big hazard, stoves are a hazard, underplaying medical symptoms are a hazard. Watch for them not mentioning "incidents".

 

It's a subtle game of duplicity, been there done that three times. Try structuring advice to be their idea and their decision. As a couple concerned for each other and still able to travel they are probably doing okay.

 

 

 

A minor point about groceries at the border, haven't done it for a while but I think the principle is that sensitive foods must be inspected while the practice is that if they visibly came from a US inspected source then they're fine. What they're trying to catch are those steaks your buddy cut at his farm, pretty rare for most of us. The same concept seems to apply going south too.

 

 

 

Bill

 

PS: a big thanks to all your helpers here!

Some good advice here.  I have learnt that if you treat an older stubborn person the same way as you'd treat a younger stubborn two year old, you can't go wrong.  The unconditional love and understanding is the same!

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It is possible that Kindergirl's parents are keeping track of this thread.  They seem to be incredibly capable of understanding their situation, whether across the globe or in Florida.  Personally, if my children treated me like a two year old I would go absolutely non-linear.  (Some might say "as a two year old)  Treat them like the senior, inteligent adults that they are.  Understanding their situation does not mean that they are not appreciative of suggestions but to suggest that they should be treated as children might be offensive.  Having help lined up is so important, but I'm sure that they are also trying the best they can to continue enjoying their lives.  For me, helping them do this as a senior, not as a child, would be important.   In fact, there are some great benefits of being a senior, people are soooooo nice. JMO  Cherie    

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Deb; have a nice and relaxing (when possible) ride up north when you're ready to go. Give your parents my regards and best wishes, put that bad boy in cruise control, mind the speed limit and the smokeys along the way (five over the posted is OK), take it easy, and have an awesome reunion with your partner upon return to the homestead across the frontier! Be safe, eh! 😉

 

Image result for US state line welcome sign maine  images

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4 hours ago, Copper10-8 said:

Deb; have a nice and relaxing (when possible) ride up north when you're ready to go. Give your parents my regards and best wishes, put that bad boy in cruise control, mind the speed limit and the smokeys along the way (five over the posted is OK), take it easy, and have an awesome reunion with your partner upon return to the homestead across the frontier! Be safe, eh! 😉

 

Image result for US state line welcome sign maine  images

Sad that Cruise Critic only allows one response.  Couldn't decide between the like for the message or the ha-ha for the graphic.

 

Roy

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22 hours ago, MMDown Under said:

Some good advice here.  I have learnt that if you treat an older stubborn person the same way as you'd treat a younger stubborn two year old, you can't go wrong.  The unconditional love and understanding is the same!

 

That is one of the worst pieces of advice I have ever read. Such arrogance!  And, speaking as a stubborn, older person, I would not only be highly insulted but would make it clear to that person  that not only is the advice not welcome, but his/her presence anywhere near me me is no longer welcome  should any further attempts at such advice be attempted.   

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41 minutes ago, Tampa Girl said:

 

That is one of the worst pieces of advice I have ever read. Such arrogance!  And, speaking as a stubborn, older person, I would not only be highly insulted but would make it clear to that person  that not only is the advice not welcome, but his/her presence anywhere near me me is no longer welcome  should any further attempts at such advice be attempted.   

Sorry if I offended you.  That was not my intention.  Just my life experience of getting on well with older people. 

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6 minutes ago, MMDown Under said:

Sorry if I offended you.  That was not my intention.  Just my life experience of getting on well with older people. 

People who have never lived with adult 2yrolds will not understand your advice.  It happens to be very good advice.  But if you don't have any of these older little kids in your world, you don't understand it and see it as arrogance.  You were not arrogant, just realistic.

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