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To add some humour...


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On 7/15/2022 at 8:53 AM, HOBE SOUND CRUISER said:

Where's the caption?....I don't get it.

OOOPS!!!!    Sorry. Here it is

 

image.png.f9c1403abb9d357780c0a27a480d44f3.png

Edited by 2chiefs
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Government Investigates Rancher

 

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOV’T AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.

He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

GOV’T AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.”

RANCHER: “That would be me.”

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I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

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When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" I just say, "No, it's for company!"

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Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."

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The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

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Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

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Some people try to turn back their 'odometers'.  Not me.  I want people to know why I look this way.

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I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.

 

 

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AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S ACCIDENT REPORT

 

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of our Workers' Compensation board.

 

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.…

 

 

 

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient:

 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

 

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of myright hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

 

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

 

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were

cracked.

 

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

 

 

          NOTE:  I make no claim as to the validity of a story 😁

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