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              My DH has been washing his

                   hands like never before. 

              Every time I look at him, he’s

                  at the sink scrubbing them. 

              Today he told me he just uncovered       

               the answers from an 8th grade

                                   Math quiz!!

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If you marry an Irish girl:

The first man married a woman from Italy. 
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland. 
He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. 
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees! 🤣🤣

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On 6/22/2020 at 9:51 PM, Yorkvillain said:

I know this probably doesn’t belong in a humour thread but cruise ships are starting to be taken away by flatbed trucks.

d88f5bed1cbf69405f54c937acee3d54.jpg

 

Oh, so that is why transporting stuff by lorry is called "shipping".  🙂  Nicely set up photo though.

 

Let's hope it doesn't drop off on a main road! :

940f1a4517f4cd8b804f344672a6d43364d62dba

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On 6/26/2020 at 4:22 AM, John&LaLa said:

FB_IMG_1593127465165.thumb.jpg.cf432f4587137f967995bae92c789840.jpg

 

 

 

My mate Dave is a copper.  He is proud of this story.

 

One day in the police car a car pulled up alongside him at the lights where the driver was on their mobile phone.  (The way the law works in the UK it is near impossible to charge someone for that.)  He beeped the horn, she looked round, saw the police car and threw the phone in the passenger footwell.  When the lights changed he pulled her over.

 

Him: "You were on the phone when driving."

Her: "No I wasn't!"

Him: "You were.  You threw it down when I beeped my horn."

Her: "Well, I didn't see you there."

Him: "You did not see my marked police car?  Thank you for the confession to driving without due care and attention.  Can I see your licence please..."

 

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On 6/30/2020 at 4:44 PM, jagsfan said:

I think the British ignore spelling. The surname Cholmondely is pronounced Chumley. 

 

The correct pronunciation of the surname 'Cholmondely' is an under-the-breath 'pretentious twat'.

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14 hours ago, CSHS1979 said:

If you marry an Irish girl:

The first man married a woman from Italy. 
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Ireland. 
He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. 
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees! 🤣🤣

Your stories are hilarious.

Graham.😂

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