To add some humour...

[fredflint]

4 minutes ago, jagsfan said:

I drove my mother’s new Beetle,  when they were first marketed, to visit my brother in college. Stopped for lunch, came back to the car, and there was no reverse gear!

I tried and tried, and no reverse. 

Luckily for me, some men came  out of the restaurant, and I was not too proud to ask for help. 

They all tried and finally agreed with me there was no reverse. Finally, they picked it up and set it into the street so I could drive off. I was careful to  parkwhere I could just drive away the whole weekend, and when I got home told my mother about the fatal design flaw. 

That’s when I found out how to get into reverse gear. German engineering sometimes works in mysterious ways. 

funny all you had to do was put it in neutral and push?

[jagsfan]

1 hour ago, fredflint said:

funny all you had to do was put it in neutral and push?

Not with the emergency brake on. It wouldn’t budge. I was only 16 and taught to drive by my mother, who used the emergency brake Eve time she parked. 

[sandebeach]

[Bailey & Sophie]

7 hours ago, janetjulie said:

If you google "will remove for wine flamingo face mask" you will get several options.

 

Read reviews before ordering. Just saying.

[centurycruiser]

[centurycruiser]

[Coralc]

1 hour ago, Bailey & Sophie said:

 

Read reviews before ordering. Just saying.

 

You're right. The company gets terrible reviews. 

[sandebeach]

[A&L_Ont]

[A&L_Ont]

If the one above was bad, just wait for this one to drop.  
 

[CSHS1979]

The love story of Ralph and Edna...
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

[sandebeach]

[puppycanducruise]

Thanks to everyone for this wonderful thread. 

Keep up the good work!

[CSHS1979]

Husband finishes reading the book 'Be The Man Of Your House' and says to his wife, 'From now on my word is Law. YOU will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight with a sumptuous dessert. Afterwards we will have the kind of sex that I want. YOU will bathe me as I relax, towel me dry then massage my feet and back. Then tomorrow guess who will dress me and comb my hair?' His wife responds, 'My first guess would be the funeral director.'

[centurycruiser]

A man was walking past a mental hospital and heard chanting "thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen...."  He became curios and there was a hole in the fence so he looked in. He was immediately poked in the eye with a stick. The chant became "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fourteen....."

[Safety Squirrel]

[FireOpal_1960]

On 7/25/2020 at 2:40 PM, sandebeach said:

 

Edited July 27, 2020 by FireOpal_1960
OMG, money & vacation - couldn't be more true!

[sandebeach]

[Safety Squirrel]

I was away a couple of days.  Loved reading all the humour when I got back.  Keep it coming - we all need a little laughter these days.  Also - remember there is beauty in this world.  Bottom picture from Manitoba Gardens - new petunia. Vista Snowdrift from Proven Winners. No deadheading needed. —

[centurycruiser]

[island lady]

Just don't spill it.  😉  

 

[grapau27]

4 hours ago, CSHS1979 said:

The love story of Ralph and Edna...
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

Brilliant.

[Itchy&Scratchy]

On 7/24/2020 at 9:42 AM, bobndee said:

Two men, one older and one young, were nailing siding onto a house. The older man watched the young man take a nail from his pouch, look at it, shake his head and throw the nail away. He pulled out another nail, looked at it, nodded and pounded it in. He did that several times, throwing away several nails. The older man finally asked "Why did you throw those nails away?"

 

The young man replied "They were defective. The heads were on the wrong end!"

 

The older man replied "Doh! You idiot! Those nails are for the OTHER side of the house!"

 

 Work related.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 27, 2020 by Itchy&Scratchy

[centurycruiser]

[molly361]