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1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?

 

2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do.

 

3. When this virus thing is over, I still want some of you to stay away from me.

 

4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet.

 

5. Just wait a second – so what you're telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right?

 

6. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.

 

7. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.

 

8. Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.

 

9. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.

 

10. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is.

 

11. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?

 

12. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.

 

13. Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.

 

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