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"Taking my husband’s last name doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist; it means I don’t want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again." —Unknown

. "I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months…. I don’t like to interrupt her". —Ken Dodd


. "Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin?" — Monica Hesse



Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?" 

Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her." —Reddit

Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner — just so they can have the last word." — Janet Periat

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfi


Wife: "Omg, now I get it!"

Husband: "You get what?"

Wife: "You know, when things heat up, they expand."

Husband: "And?"

Wife: "I’m not Fat, I’m hot!" —Unknown



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