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Jan, Sue, and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft. co-op on Fifth Avenue, where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix.

Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples, Florida.

Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his p**is.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

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A Washington Senator (and lawyer) parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the Senate office building, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver’s door.

Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But, before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the politician started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the honorable Senator finally wound down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

“I can’t believe how materialistic you politicians are”, he said. “You’re so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.”

“How can you say such a thing?” asked the Senator.

The officer replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!”

“OH, MY GOD!”‘ screamed the Senator.
“MY ROLEX!!!”

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