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To add some humour...


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Hmmmm

 

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER:
    Is this Pizza Hut?
 
GOOGLE:    
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
 
CALLER:  
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
 
GOOGLE:  
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
 
CALLER:  
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
 
GOOGLE:  
Do you want your usual, sir?
 
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
 
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
 
CALLER:  
Super! That’s what I’ll have.
 
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
 
CALLER:  
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
 
GOOGLE:  
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
 
CALLER:  
How the hell do you know that?
 
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
 
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.
 
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
 
CALLER:  
I bought more from another Pharmacy.
 
GOOGLE:  
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
 
CALLER: 
I paid in cash.
 
GOOGLE:  
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
 
CALLER:  
I have other sources of cash.
 
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
 
CALLER:    
WHAT THE HELL!
 
GOOGLE:  
I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
 
CALLER:  
Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
 
GOOGLE:      
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

Welcome to the future 🤖

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.  He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

 

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday"

 

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.  "My name is Kermit Jagger, my dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay, I know the bank manager"

 

Patty explains that the frog will need to secure the loan with some form of collateral.

 

"Sure, I have this"  - and the frog produces a tine porcelain elephant, about an inch tall bright pink and perfectly formed.

 

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

 

She finds the manager and explains:  "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral"  She holds up the tiny pink elephant.  "I mean, what in the world is this?"

 

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack.  Give the frog a loan.  His old man's a Rolling Stone"

 

(If you didn't sing that, you probably don't get it!)

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A man walks into his backyard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree.

He called the gorilla removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuff, and a shotgun.

”Now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner. “I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his crouch, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on”

”Got it,” the homeowner replied. “But what’s the shotgun for?”

”If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said, “shoot the Chihuahua.”

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  • read2learn changed the title to To add some Humour

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