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Church ladies from around the township held a luncheon at the restaurant where a group of wholesale liquor dealers was eating.  At the end of the dealers’ lunch, the men ordered a special desert – watermelon soaked with brandy and rum.

To his horror, the restaurant manager discovered there had been a mix-up, and the spiked melons had been served by mistake to the church ladies.

“Did the women chew you out after they ate the wrong desert?” he asked the head waiter.

“No, they didn’t say a word,” the waiter replied.  “They was too busy throwing’ them watermelon seeds in theirs purses.”

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Ellie Mae isn't any bigger than a cornstalk in June and has a face as sweet as a moon pie, but oh Lordy, does that girl have a mouth on her.

She was down at the 5 & dime and was all out of sorts because her momma wouldn't buy her a new pair of shoes.  She was sitting on a bench outside the fitting rooms while her momma tried on a new dress.

While she waited and pouted, she began making not-so-nice faces in the mirror when a refined woman said to her, "You're such a pretty girl, you shouldn't make those terrible faces.  Why, when I was a girl my mother told me that if I made an ugly face it would stick that way."

Quick as a whip, Ellie Mae replied, "Well, you can't say you weren't warned."

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33 minutes ago, jagsfan said:

So you’re a fan of the Oxford comma, too?


One of the few punctuation marks I use


Didn't notice it missing when I posted


Edited by John&LaLa
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Husband’s phone call to wife:

Sweetheart, do not want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the Office. Paula took me to the hospital. The doctors say that although I hit my head on the road, there should be no permanent damage. They did further tests and examinations as well as x-rays. I have a compound fracture of my left arm, my right leg is broken in two places and in addition to bruises and concussions I may need further surgery to repair the damage to my right foot.


Wife’s response:

Who is Paula?

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5 hours ago, cublet said:



And how to split infinitives.





Capitalised A on And?


Starting a sentence with And (but would need a full stop (period) after Hello.


Your choice...

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