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2 hours ago, Diver2014 said:

please, please, everyone......don't ever let this thread end!  Well, unless cruising resumes pretty soon....

Agree entirely. There are a number of contributors who have done an especially good job. No names as do not want to omit anyone. Even the one-sies and       two-sies are great. Keep up the good work everyone and keep posting even when cruising resumes. Stay well...

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A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan Desert when he saw something far-off. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little Jewish man standing at a small, makeshift display rack, selling neckties. 
 
The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
 
The old man replied, "I have no water.  
Would you like to buy a tie? They are only five dollars."
 
The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel!  I do not need such an overpriced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!"
 
"Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only five dollars." 
 
"Pahh!  A curse on your ties!  I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!"
 
"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie  from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me  Infidel.  I will show you that I am bigger than any of  that.
 
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two kilometres, you will find a restaurant.
It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in peace”.
 
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill. 
 
Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped,
"They won't let  me in without a tie
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An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

 The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
 As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything.
 The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
 Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
 This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
 As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"
 The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."

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2 hours ago, John&LaLa said:

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

 The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
 As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything.
 The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
 Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
 This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
 As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"
 The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."

I was just about to take a bite of my BLT. 
I think I’ll wait a while. 

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