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To add some humour...


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CLASSIC GROANERS: 
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
 I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
 'You don't?' I replied.
 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
 'That's right.'
 So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
 (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
 (Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
 and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
 
TWO
 I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. 
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
 Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
 I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
 She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
 She had no clue to what had just happened.
 
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
 
THREE
 A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
 When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
 
(Keep shuddering!!)
 
FOUR
 I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
 handing it and the car keys to me. As I
 took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
 replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
 check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
 
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
 
FIVE
 Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
 
Brunette, by the way!!
 
SIX
 A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
 Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
 
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're Stupid!!!! 
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
 Don't laugh....it is all true...

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2 hours ago, CSHS1979 said:

CLASSIC GROANERS: 
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
 I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
 'You don't?' I replied.
 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
 'That's right.'
 So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
 (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
 (Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
 and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
 
TWO
 I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. 
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
 Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
 I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
 She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
 She had no clue to what had just happened.
 
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
 
THREE
 A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
 When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
 
(Keep shuddering!!)
 
FOUR
 I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
 handing it and the car keys to me. As I
 took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
 replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
 check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
 
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
 
FIVE
 Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
 
Brunette, by the way!!
 
SIX
 A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
 Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
 
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're Stupid!!!! 
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
 Don't laugh....it is all true...

 

This reminds of a call I heard on the radio years ago. A caller was talking about how she travels to the island of Bali every year and the radio host made a comment about Indonesia's weather and the caller says:

 

"I wouldn't know I've never been to Indonesia" 

Radio host "but you just told us you visit Bali every year"

Caller "yes I do but I have never been to Indonesia"

There was a long pause and the radio host said "Bali is in Indonesia" 

I can't 't remember the caller's response as I couldn't stop laughing😂

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished...Naturally, (since he was her husband.)
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
"Did you dance much ?"
"You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."
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