kalos #1 Posted March 24 Hi I was posting a few jokes to lighten the mood in these covid virus worrying times. Just a bit of harmless fun until we get back to cruising again . Lets laugh at ourselves and each other together ... Thank you 😊 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #2 Posted March 24 A Yorkshireman and his wife were walking past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It's absolutely incredible!" Being a kind-hearted feller he thought, "What the hell, I'll treat her!" So they walked past it again.😊 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #3 Posted March 24 Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam" ! 😉 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #4 Posted March 24 Eddie99 Cool Cruiser Non PC joke - but it’s the pub, so I guess it’s alright? A blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre So the barman gave her one 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #5 Posted March 24 I went to see a faith healer today and he was rubbish, even the bloke in the wheelchair got up and walked out ! 😑😉 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #6 Posted March 24 URGENT NOTICE ! Nail salons are now closed .......... 😒 Eye Lash salons are now closed...... 😒 Hair salons are now closed ............. 😒 Tanning salons are now closed ..........😒 waxing salons are now closed ............💔 IT'S ABOUT TO GET UGLY OUT THERE LADS, STAY SAFE ! 😁 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #7 Posted March 24 Walking around the supermarket last night I was shocked at how bare the shelveswere being left . I must admit it really made me feel mad.In the next aisle was a guy and I could not believe my eyes what he had on his cart.Eggs,beans ,butter,soap you name it, loads of it .So I told him what I thought of greedy ,disgusting, selfish panic buyers.He totally agreed with me and said...... "sorry mate I must carry on stocking these shelves ". 😏 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #8 Posted March 24 I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I think he was trying to pull a fast one. Also Man walks into another Zoo - but the only thing he sees is a small dog - it was a S.hitzu but next cage there was a Hovis loaf. The sign on the cage said "Bread in Captivity" 😉 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #9 Posted March 24 Some people are getting worried about the virus but I tell my friends I'm here for them 24/7 because it sounds a lot better than saying I'm only here for them on 24 July.😉 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #10 Posted March 24 One of those romantic chats we have 😏......... Me.."Do you remember that row we had twenty years ago when we sat down and wrote down each others faults?" Wife. "Oh God yes, I still have mine somewhere, " she said with a giggle. Me.."Well I've now finished mine , " 😀 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #11 Posted March 24 wowzz 3,000+ Club At least with this self isolation I get to talk to my wife a lot more. Turns out she doesn't work at Woolworths now! 😊 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #12 Posted March 24 So, how long is this social distancing going to last? It's causing me a bit of an issue... The wife keeps banging on the door wanting to come in... 😊 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #13 Posted March 24 Cruising Nomads Cool Cruiser I've been told to work from home tomorrow, so tarmacing the front room it is then.😊 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #14 Posted March 24 A west ham fan and a saints fan are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other.so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.😑😏 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #15 Posted March 24 An American man goes on a cruise around the orient .discovering how cheap the brothels were , he had his fair share of time in them . A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his ****covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.” The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.” The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your *****.” The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!” The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option.” The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his ***** and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.” The guy says to the doctor: “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my *****!” The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, “Stupid American doctors, they always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate” “Oh, Thank God!,” the man replies. “Yes,” says the Chinese doctor, “You no worry! Wait two weeks... it fall off by itself."😟😟 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #16 Posted March 24 I got a package in the post today, and on it it said, ‘Please don’t bend.’ So how was I supposed to pick it up?😕 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #17 Posted March 24 Good deed done today. I Was at Lidl supermarket earlier, and at the check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £36.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £30. I thought she was probably someone’s Gran and I’d like to think someone would have helped my Gran out. So I thought “Come on in these Covid worrying times, help the woman ”... She didn’t want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time at all we had all her shopping back on the shelves.😏 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #18 Posted March 24 Did you hear about the bloke who was asked by his wife to pass her the lip balm but he gave her some superglue instead... She’s still not talking to him.😕 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #19 Posted March 24 Police were called to our Tesco supermarket today after a fight broke out over loo roll. They calmed things down and one person was left with soft tissue damage. 😉 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #20 Posted March 24 My grandma was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus and not sure if she had to pay a fare for it . She whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead pussy" The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, .. ......"OK sit down with my wife, you two have a lot in common."😊😉 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #21 Posted March 24 I got thrown out a Strip club the other night for using monopoly money........ I don’t see why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.😕☺️ 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #22 Posted March 24 An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night.😀☺️😏 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #23 Posted March 24 I'm working on my new Corona virus joke,everyone could get it .😕 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #24 Posted March 24 Now we are in lock down, I just hope next week Boris Johnson does not come on TV and shouts "APRIL FOOL" 😀 I for one will hit the roof ! 😒😏 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kalos #25 Posted March 24 😊 THIS WEEK ONLY ... PSYCHIC KALOS ! 😊 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
